Destiny: Invisible Man By Kate O'Riley

Time: The night after the end of "Caretaker" Rating: PG Codes: J/C

Personal log, supplemental. I can't believe it. I haven't seen her in so many years. And now she's my captain. She's.beautiful. More beautiful than ever. She's so beautiful it takes my breath away.

If she knew I said that, even in my logs.

Ever since that trip in the wilderness, when we were both cadets.I came back from that trip with a new sense of leadership, and knowing what they mean by "Love at first sight".

Even the grubs we were forced to eat as part of our training tasted like candy, knowing she had touched them, that she was sitting right next to me, just a couple feet over.

It was incredibly hard to keep her from knowing what I was thinking. But she wasn't even noticing me. She was talking with another cadet the whole meal.

Afterwards, we'd gone into the shelter for some sleep. It was a small shelter, hastily built and close quarters. Sleep was our goal. Everyone got it but me.

Again, she was next to me. Hearing her slow, deep breathing as she slept. Seeing how sweet she looked while sleeping. I stayed up all night, just watching her. At least, it felt that way. Eventually I fell asleep, from sheer exhaustion. When I woke up, she was still asleep. She'd been moving in her sleep though, because one arm was across my chest and she'd rolled over next to me. I was trapped by a sleeping Kathryn Janeway, and I couldn't have been happier.

When she woke up, I pretended to be asleep so she wouldn't be embarrassed. I knew already how prideful she was.

We kept meeting each other on the campus, accidentally-on-purpose, at least for me. There was the time when what seemed like the entire Academy was in the courtyard. And who should trip but Kathryn Janeway. She fell right into me. I grabbed her and held her, perhaps a couple seconds too long. Then I helped her pick up her padds. She gave me her sweet smile, said thanks, and was off. Seemed like she couldn't get away fast enough.

And now, she's my captain. We're in the Delta Quadrant. With virtually no hope of getting home anytime soon.

I'll be sitting beside her on the bridge. I'll walk into her ready room to take care of business. Ship's business, of course. I have quarters right next to her.

I would love to see her hair down again, like she had it in the Academy. It was beautiful.

I've followed her career ever since she graduated from the Academy, with honors of course. I never expected anything less. I kept a picture of her in my quarters for years, through my Starfleet career and throughout my Maquis career. It was destroyed when I crashed the ship, I'm sure. Probably a good thing. If she were to find that out.

But now I have her to see. I'll see her every day. But it's like Pygmalion's statue. She's stiff. Professional. That's as it should be, I suppose.

I'll have to be the same way. If only Kathryn knew.

No. It's no good wishing. I'll always love Kathryn, even if she doesn't love me. I guess that's why I've never married anyone. Came close a few times, but didn't. Because I love her.

End log.