Interviews with the Kenshingumi On the Set
By Daimyo Shi
Disclaimer: All rights and privileges to Rurouni Kenshin belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shuiesha, Sony Music Entertainment, and associated parties. The characters of this series are used without his permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit.
Author's notes: yes everyone out of Character I know this. All of them are talking in Japanese so think about the Japanese voice not the dubbed voices.
On what looks to be a sound stage there is a White Guy dressed in a black kimono, hakama, tabi, and sandals with both a Katana and Wakazashi. A Japanese man dressed in dressed in utility clothes is trying to get his Katana saya lower.
"Fucken' leave my Katana alone or I going to cut your fucken' hand off!" says the angry white samurai.
"What the fuck you mean we are on the air?" he snaps at the Cameraman. "Oh well, we are on fucken cable! Konnichiwa anime fans, I am Daimyo Shi and we are on the set of Rurounin Kenshin for our Kenshin Interview special! So without further delay lets get going and find out cast."
Daimyo Shi walks along until he finds the door for Kenshin's dressing room., Daimyo Shi knocks on the door.
"Hai, who there?" says a voice
"it is Daimyo Shi, I am here for an interview with you." says Daimyo Shi
"Oh . . . I See . . . well come in then.
Daimyo Shi opens the door and you seek Kenshin Wrapped in a plaid quilt clutching a large Teddy bear with Bobo on his collar. Kenshin is sitting on a chesterfield.
"Hello" says Kenshin then hides his face into the back of Bobo's head.
"Hi, Kenshin, so what is it like being an anime sex symbol?" asks Daimyo Shi
Kenshin Blushes until his face become the same colour as his hair. " Ah . . .I . . . That . . . Not true." Kenshin tries to hide completely behind Bobo.
I think I understand why RK is filmed on a close set. So Kenshin I can tell you are a really good actor. You have such a good command of your role." comments Daimyo Shi
"Ano . . It much easier to do with people you know and you have a script to follow." says Kenshin meekly.
"True real life is seldom so simple or kind. It a short show so I only have time for one last question. Do you have a Girlfriend?"
"A . . . Eii . . . I sure Like one thought." says Kenshin.
"Hear that girls he is single! Best be gentle thought. Domo arigato Himura-sama.' says Daimyo Shi as he closes the door a faint "oro" can be hear through the door.
Daimyo Shi walks ab it to the next door, "Here is Kamiya Kaoru's dressing room." Daimyo Shi knocks on the door.
A very seductive "come in." come from inside the room.
Daimyo Shi opens the door and inside the room is willed with racks of weapons both Japanese and European. On one set of shelves is a display of the Dragon Lord, the Jackal, the Scorpion, the Griffyn and the Tiger Shark Knives form the Hibben Custom design series. In the centre of this display of weapons sitting in director chair is Kaoru dressed in a Black leather buster/corset, Black PVC panties-thong, black garter belt, black fish net stockings and black knee high stiletto heeled boots. Kaoru was holding a riding crop in her hand."what can I do for you?" purrs Kaoru suggestively.
Daimyo Shi is bug eyed and has drool dripping from his mouth. "I . . . WOW. . ." exclaims Daimyo Shi. He turns towards the camera "What are you talking about?" snaps Daimyo Shi. "Oh?" Daimyo Shi wipes the drool from his mouth. "Ah Hai Mistr . . Miss Kamiya I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions." asks Daimyo Shi meekly.
Certainly." Purrs Kaoru.
Daimyo Shi comes and sit next to Kaoru in a spare director's chair. He sits and gawks at Kaoru for a minute.
"You wanted to ask me questions?" asks Kaoru in a saucy seductive voice.
"Uh . . . Hai!" Daimyo Shi regains some composure. "So what do you like best about the show."
"Love beating on Kenshin and Yahiko. They are such characters on the set." replies Kaoru.
"I see." Daimyo Shi fights for composer, "Well what are your favourite episode ?"
"The First One because I such a strong character in that one. Oh and the Fight against Kamatari I love kicking his gay ass!" remarks Kaoru.
"Really?" responds Daimyo Shi, his eyes wander lower. Kaoru strokes his chin with her riding crop.
"now, now you not being a good role model. Keep you eyes up."
"Ah . . . Hai Well . . . So Kamiya-sama do you . . .Uh . . .doyouhaveaboyfriend?"
Kaoru keeps stroking Daimyo Shi's Chin with her Riding crop.
"My, My aren't you bold!"purrs Kaoru. The camera shakes and almost seems to fall before it levels out and rights it self. Daimyo Shi melts in to a pool of black liquid before pulling himself together like the T-1000.
"Actually I am supposed to ask everyone that." Daimyo Shi shows Kaoru the card with the questions. Kaoru leans over and kisses him on the cheek and whispers in his ear "eii."
Daimyo Shi shouts "Hai, oh that too bad for them. I mean us. Well thank You Kamiya-sama, but it is a short show so I have to get moving to the next actor."
Kaoru hits Daimyo Shi's backside with her riding Crop. "Just remember to come back after I am letting you take me to dinner." says Kaoru Seductively.
"Right I remember!" says Daimyo Shi who is currently levitating two feet above the ground. He closes the door.
A Japanese man with a Clipboard goes in fount of the camera "Uh, Daimyo Shi time for a commercial."
"Sure . . ." replies Daimyo Shi firmly on cloud nine.
When the Camera returns Daimyo Shi is still floating two feet of the ground. He like very genki.
"Who is next?"says Daimyo Shi "Oh yeah Sano."
Daimyo Shi and knocks on a Door marked Sano.
"Hello, Who is it?" says a voice from beyond the door.
"It is Daimyo Shi and my behind the Scenes' crew."
"Kuso, that is today day? Ok come in."
Daimyo Shi opens the door and the camera looks into the room. A movie poster of the Japanese re-realise of The Empire Strikes Back graces the back of the room. There is a large Bookcase against the left wall and a computer Desk along the right wall. The computer monitor has a Lina inverse Screen saver flashing on it.. Sano sits in a computer chair with a desk in front of him. In his hand is a copy of 'A Brief History of Time' by Stephen Hawking. Also on the desk are 'Between Worlds ' by Victor Lazlo, 'The Physics of Star trek' By Lawrence M. Krauss, 'the Leviathan' by Thomas Hobbies, and the 'Art of War' by Sun Tzu.
"Hello Sanosuke." says Daimyo Shi as he looks around "You are the scholar of the group, I see."
"Yeah what the fuck of it?" replies Sano.
"Well then . . . Sanosuke what it like being a Bad ass anime sex symbol? Asks Daimyo Shi.
"I am?" replies Sano "I though everyone wanted that dumb, shy Rurounin.
"Eii I am Sure you have Fans lots of them. After all you have the best hair in the series. And second best body." said Daimyo Shi
"Where is that From." Sano leans over and snatches the paper from Daimyo Shi labelled 'College interview' By Cyam
"What? She Writes me like I am so stupid! Kenshin of course gets a faculty interview. Kuso I not a fan of her writing. I am glad we haven't taken scripts from her." remarks Sano.
"Well maybe more girls shall be beating down you door not that they know you are the complete package.. Sano do you have a Girl friend?" asks Daimyo Shi
"Sano hangs his head in shame "Eii."
Daimyo Shi put his hand on Sano's shoulder."Hey cheer up after my show airs you will be beating the girls of with a stick!"
"You really think So?"
"I know so." replies Daimyo Shi winking at Sano.
Daimyo Shi leaves sano to his books and moves own to Yahiko's dressing room. He finds the door open and there is Yahiko with his feet on a empty case of Sappuro Beer. Several Johnny Walker Red scotch bottle and sever empty Sake barrels are scattered along the floor of Yahiko's dressing room. Sitting in this middle of these empties is Yahiko sucking back on a Sapporo Bottle of Beer.
"Uh . . . Yahiko are you not a little young for that?" asks Daimyo Shi.
Yahiko throws a small red booklet at Daimyo Shi.
"Nani? A Japanese passport?" Daimyo Shi opens it "You're 33 YEARS OLD?" yells Daimyo Shi.
"Hey I just short and young looking ok? They keep getting these sidekick roles. Damn it I want the Lead role for once! No one is interested in acting some one so short as the lead character." Yahiko takes a swing of Beer. "So I get stuck with these Side kick roles."
"Ah . . Do you like working on the show? Asks Daimyo Shi
"huh? Oh Actually, yeah As sidekick roles this one isn't bad. I have a love interest even if real life it won't work. I have a couple of episodes that are devoted to me. It slacks of later but it still not bad. At least I have some character rather than being a cardboard cut out.." Yahiko cracked open a new beer.
"So do you have a special woman in your Life?"
"Nah, not really build for it, and don't be linking me with Tsubame, Like some of those tabloids Do. I am Old enough to be her father. Personally I like to get in Megumi's pants but well . . . you Will find out soon enough!' says Yahiko.
"Well yeah Right, nice talking to you Yahiko." says Daimyo Shi leaving Yahiko's dressing room behind Daimyo Shi moves towards to Tsubame's dressing Room. Daimyo Shi knocks on the door.
"Hello Who Is it?" comes a beautiful voice like tiny silver bells.
"It is Daimyo Shi and the behind the scenes crew."
"That is today Oh dear! You ave to give me a minute." A minute passes. "Ok Come in."
Daimyo Shi opens the door and sees a normal dressing room other than a big S.E.S. poster and a Signed 8 X 10 picture of the group.
"Hello Tsubame, do you like S.E.S.?"
"Hai." Tsubame blushes slightly "you have heard of them Shi Sama?" asks Tsubame.
"Hai," Daimyo Shi closes his eyes and scratches the back of his head. "Uh I have heard a couple of their songs. 'When Dreams may come', 'I am your Girl', 'What a feeling' and 'I have been waiting for you.' They are pretty good."
"Shi-sama do you have a favourite?" asks Tsubame.
"Uh. . . Well if I must pic one . . . Uh. . . EUGENE."
"I have always wanted to be a singer but I don't have the rhythm need to be a good one. Says a dejected Tsubame.
"I am sure you can be a great singer Tsubame." says Daimyo Shi "You have a wonderful voice."
"Really?" replies Tsubame. She gets up and hugs Daimyo Shi very hard.
"Oh, Shi-sama you are the only one that believes in me." says Tsubame.
Daimyo Shi sweetdrops.
"Uh . . . eii problem, now Tsubame what do you think of your role on Rurounin Kenshin?" asks Daimyo Shi still in Tsubame's embrace.
"Oh. . ."Tsubame lets go of Daimyo Shi, "I really like it. It is a lot of fun. Not mention I get to work with so many handsome men." Tsubame gets very close to Daimyo Shi "don't tell anyone but I really think Kenshin is really KAWAII."
"I see Tsubame, Do you have a boyfriend?"
Tsubame blushes a deep red and shacks her head.
"Well it will come, now I must continue on Tsubame, It has been nice talking with you." says Daimyo Shi
Daimyo Shi movies one to Megumi's dressing room. Daimyo Shi tries to knock on the door but it not firmly latched so it slowly opens to and image of Misao and Megumi in a very passionate embrace on the couch. The camera drops to the ground and is very fuzz as a male voice screams "NOOOOOOOOO!" Daimyo Shi's feet are in the camera view. "Hanabe pick up the fucken camera!" shouts Daimyo Shi. The camera lifts up and refocused on Megumi and Misao both smoothing out there clothes.
"Ano . . .Well Megumi and Misao, I guess we can interview you both right now then."
Megumi is blushing very red "I guess so."
"Cat is out of the bag now Megumi, Isn't It" says Misao.
"Well Megumi, you are often comment on being the most beautiful female on Rurounin Kenshin, while other must satisfy themselves on being cute. How that make you feel?" asks Daimyo Shi
"Well I don't really like being the beautiful on, especially since it seems to mean I am evil or at least not good. My only competition is Yumi and she was evil. I almost rather be cute, there less baggage with it."
"I see you know it seems to work for the men too. Kenshin and Yahiko are cute. Saitou and Aoshi are handsome and at least partly evil. " says Daimyo Shi
"where that leave Shishio and Soujirou?" comments Misao.
"Hey I didn't say it was perfect." says Daimyo Shi. Daimyo Shi sulks for a bit. "Misao how you stay genki all the time? Asks Daimyo Shi.
"Easy chocolate Pocky, Pixie Stix and Jolt Cola!" says Misao smiling and flashing the victory sign.
"Do you prefer Cola or Cherry Bomb cola Jolt." asks Daimyo Shi.
"Oh Cherry Bomb, when I can get it! I am a big fan of nearly any cherry pop of any kind." says smiling Misao.
"I see do either of you have a special someone?" asks Daimyo Shi
"Well. . . Ah . . . You see . . ." stammers Megumi.
"Megumi Forget it. The jig is up. They know let us be honest. Megumi and I are lovers." says Misao
"MISAO!" Screams Megumi. Whiles she turns red as the Japanese flag's sun Disk.
"Megumi, it is ok. It not like we live in the Meiji era for real, come on out closet time for us." says Misao matter of fact.
"But what about our fans Misao? They will be so hurt." says Megumi
"Well you could always go both ways Megumi." suggests Daimyo Shi helpfully.
"WHAT!' Megumi Slaps Daimyo Shi's Left cheek and a demonic Misao punches Daimyo Shi's Right cheek. Daimyo Shi. Falls to the ground with big swirly eyes "OOROROOROOO!"
"He been watching Kenshin too much." remarks Misao.
A Japanese man with a headset on pops in front of the camera. "We will be back after these messages."
"and we are back now." remarks Daimyo Shi. He sports a big bruise on his right cheek and a ladylike hand print on his left cheek. "Well after that excitement we are off to see the last three characters for today's special. Ah here is Saitou Hajime's dressing room right now." Daimyo Shi knocks on the door.
Daimyo Shi opens the door to Saitou's Dressing room, A TV in the back ground is playing Denis Leary's HBO special during his coffee rant. A cup of black coffee sits on a table beside Saitou and he has a cigarette in his hand.
"Konnichiwa Saitou-sama. How are you?" says Daimyo Shi bowing deeply.
"I am not bad." replies Saitou as he takes a rag on his cigarette.
"I see you like Denis Leary, Saitou-sama."
"Please call me Hajime. I am just an actor not a Kami."
"Well then Hajime, how do you like your roles on Rurounin Kenshin?" asks Daimyo Shi.
"Well it is alright. I always wanted been good at kenjutsu. But my character is sometime way too serious. I wouldn't mind a little more craziness humour like Ranma ½. That Kuno* guy cracks me up all the time. I always like that kind of wacky ness. Even if I could be cynical humour of Leary-san in my character it be much better. Oh well it pays the bills."
"I see, well are you married in real life.?" ask Daimyo Shi.
"Hai In fact Tokio happens to be the name of my wife. There is a picture of her on the dresser there." remarks Hajime.
Daimyo Shi moves towards the Dresser and find the picture. In it is a very beautiful Japanese Woman with long flowing black hair and green eyedhai. She dressed in a Yumi style kimono and fills it out very nicely." the result is Daimyo Shi drools a bit.
"That is my Wife!" growls Hajime.
"Hai, Hai She is very beautiful, well then Saitou-saman. You will pardon me I have very little time left and I have other people to see." Daimyo Shi runs out of the dressing room. The mic on the camera picks up "Ahou!" from Hajime.
"Let's go find Aoshi!" says Daimyo Shi.
Daimyo Shi finds Aoshi's dressing room and knocks on the door. There is eii answer. A Japanese man dressed in a utility uniform says "If you are looking for Aoshi, he is in the studio kitchen."
"Nani?" replies Daimyo Shi "ok."
Daimyo Shi and Crew walk over the studio kitchen and find Aoshi making a several course Japanese meal.
"Aoshi? You can cook?" asks Daimyo Shi.
"Hai, why is everyone so surprised that I can cook?" remarks Aoshi in his normal flat tone.
"I don't know, I guess because we don't expect it. I mean you are the Cold ninja bad ass." responds Daimyo Shi
"I see and that prevents me from cooking how?" replies Aoshi in his dry tone.
"Well eii I suppose. So what do you think of your role on Rurounin Kenshin?"
"It is very challenging , it has some many levels to it. Evil, repentant it is quite interesting." says Aoshi with out any interest in his voice.
"I see, well do you have a girlfriend?" asks Daimyo Shi uneasily.
"Eii, I assume you have met Misao. It too bad she doesn't have any romantic interest in men." replies Aoshi in his still emotionless voice.
"Hai, well it too bad a genki woman isn't interested in men. She is a good actor. I sure however that there is a lot of Fan girls who would love to get to know you better Aoshi. Anyway I must get going I only have a little more time for my special. So I leave you to your cooking.
Daimyo Shi moves out of the kitchen towards the dressing rooms. The Director is pouring coffee into his cup. Well pouring is the wrong word as it oozes into his cup. "Tae! Tae!." shouts the director.
"Hai, director-sama?" says Tae coming from further on in the set area.
"Did you make this coffee?" screams the director.
"Hai" says a very sad looking Tae.
"I told you NEVER make coffee! Look at it. It is like Tar!" yells the director.
"I am sorry" replies Tae with tears in her eyedhai.
"Hey there don't cry." says Daimyo Shi as he puts his arm around Tae's shoulders. "He didn't mean it." Daimyo Shi's Eyes go blood red and narrow as he looks at the director.
[another one ] thinks the director "eii, it fine." he says weakly as he drinks the coffee down. He smiles weakly.
"Thank you." says Tae to Daimyo Shi "I ..." Tae hugs Daimyo Shi really hard.
"ORO?" says Daimyo Shi
"You must have lunch with me" says Tae to Daimyo Shi as she drags Daimyo Shi to the Kitchen. She cooks like a manic for several minutes and lays out a dinner for the two of them.
The camera turns left to look Kenshin in the face "Ano . . . is he really going to eat that?"
"Why?" asks the cameraman.
"Because her food is toxic, worse than Tendo-dono and C-ko-dono's put together." says Kenshin
At this The man that announced the commercial breaks says"It is ok Daimyo Shi can eat anything as long as a woman makes it for him. I seen him take Akane's cooking and wolf it down like it was the greatest cooking ever. I doubt Tae's could faze him."
"Ano, are you sure grip-dono, I mean we have had people nearly die from just her miso soup."
"He will be fine." replies the Grip "I hope."
Just to confirm the grip's comments Daimyo Shi speaks up about his meal that Tae have served him "Tae that was a simply delightful meal."
Kenshin goes over and feels Daimyo Shi's forehead and takes his pulse. "Ano are you really alright Shi-dono?" asks Kenshin
"Hai, Hai I am Fine, Kenshin." says Daimyo Shi.
Tae gets down on her knees "marry Me Daimyo Shi."
Daimyo Shi's eyes bug out to twice there normal size. "NANI!!!!"
"Hey Tae, he is mine you can have him if he fails to satisfy me!" shoats Kaoru dressed in her Training clothes.
"That is not fair! He will be in no condition to marry me once you are through with him!" replies Tae.
Tough luck Sister!" yells Kaoru.
"Ano. . . I mean . . . Uh . . . Can't we all just get along?" asks Daimyo Shi
"No!" shout Tae and Kaoru.
"Are you related to Ranma-dono, Daimyo Shi?" asks Kenshin
No, not to my knowledge." replies Daimyo Shi.
"Tenchi?" asks Kenshin
"no." replies Daimyo Shi
Kaoru readies her boken and Tae readies her Huge wok. Kaoru attacks first. Tae manages to parries Kaoru's boken with her wok and counterattacks with a sideways spin kick that of course flashes her pure white panties at the camera. Kaoru leaps over the kick and double somersaults over tae and does a quick turn slash. Tae parries with her wok and then launches a bashing attack at Kaoru's head. Kaoru dodges it and slashes at Tae's legs. Tae manages to dive an role out of the way. She double kicks at Kaoru who blocks one but the second lands on her chest knocking her back. Kaoru quickly counter attacks slashing at Tae how wok manages to parries all of Kaoru's attacks. Tae lashes out with another hard attack with her walk Kaoru parries the blow but can hear a crack in her boken. Kaoru tries to sweeps tae's legs out from under her. Tae does a standing back flip out of the way landing in a ready crouch.
"Please stop fighting!" says Daimyo Shi. Standing between them.
"Well, Pick one of us!"
"Uh Well . . . I mean . . I have a doctors appointment!" Daimyo Shi runs as fast as possible.
"Hey!" both Tae and Kaoru give pursute.
Kenshin faces the camera. "That is all for now thank you for watching this evening. Kenshin bows deeply and then everything fades to black.
* Takawaki Kuno and Saitou Hajime have the same Japanese Voice actor if you listen carefully to Kuno you can hear times when he sounds a lot like Saitou.
Author's Notes: I really hope you like it. I have seen this kin of fan fiction be for I hope everyone will find my to be interesting.
Chesterfield is a Sofa.
Katana is the kind of sword that Saitou uses in his fight with Kenshin.
Wakazashi is a Samurai's matching sword the same length as a kodachi Kenshin and Saitou as well as everyone else in the OVA has this sword the normally match the Katana.
Saya are the sheaths for Japanese sword
Kuso = swear word often translated as shit.
Domo arigato is thank you very much
-Sama a suffix usual meaning respect for some one
Hai = yes
eii = no