A/N: A thought I've had bouncing around my head for a while now. Just wondering what would happen if Hikaru ever tried to pursue a romantic endeavor with Sai stuck hanging around (Timeline? What timeline?).

Touya x Shindo. Angst and fluff and sex. You know you want it.



"Voyeur"



I feel guilty, watching this. Seeing Touya kissing you, and you almost too embarrassed to return it. Because you can see me, though he cannot. So he mistakes your hesitation for shyness and presses on a little slower, and you do all that you can to pretend that I'm not in the room.

Your eyes are wide open and nervous, though Touya's are closed and his expression utterly serene. You're so embarrassed that you can barely return his show of affections, but you don't stop trying- you love him, and you won't give up a chance at him. I'm proud of you; you're strong, and you aren't afraid to go after what it is that you desire.

Still, you no doubt wish that I wouldn't watch, but I cannot help it. You are my dearest companion, and I truly fear that I will disappear soon. I don't want to- it would mean that I could not see you any longer. And that would hurt so much . . . You are the only friend that I have, Hikaru, and I don't want to be alone.

So as he undresses you and both your face and mine turn redder and redder, you throw me a slightly desperate look. You want me to leave, to look away- to do anything but what I am, it seems. I snap my fan open and cover my eyes with it.

I think I'm crying, you see, and I don't want you to know.

You're growing up so quickly, and you don't really need me anymore . . . assuming that you ever did. At this rate, you'll forget about me as soon as I disappear. I don't want that to happen any more than I want to actually disappear at all.

You let out a small moan of pleasure and I try to concentrate on your goban as best I can. I don't want to be here for this, but I can't actually leave. At least, I don't think I can. I never tried before, and now I fear that if I walk away, I'll be unable to return.

A louder moan, and I automatically peek back over my fan; then wish I hadn't. You're in nothing but your boxers, and Touya is in less than that. Oh, but I'm afraid. Even if I don't disappear, I'm losing you. My only companion, and I am losing you.

Time to grow up, Hikaru.

No more imaginary friends; you're a big boy now.

And I ache, and I ache, and oh, how I ache . . .



* ende *



. : review the angstyness : .