the big wedding
It felt strange to back in Bowman. It wasn't that she didn't want to be there, it was more that it had just been so long since she had been home. Clarke's life was in Boston now, and she was so busy with medical school that she didn't have the chance to come home anymore.
It was nearly Christmas, and there was lights strung up around the town, giving the whole place a wonderfully Christmassy atmosphere. It was cold, but a crisp dry sort of cold that Clarke enjoyed.
"I can't believe Octavia is getting married tomorrow." Clarke said, flicking her indicator on.
"Me neither." Finn said. "Its strange, she was always the wild child of the group. I figured that she'd be the last to get married. God, that sounds terrible, doesn't it?"
Clarke laughed. "I know what you mean."
Clarke had gotten an insanely excited phone-call from Octavia four months previously, her friend screaming down the phone that she was getting married to Atom. She'd met Atom when she had been in Europe after she graduated with her masters, and she was head over heels for him almost instantly.
Clarke had been worried about how fast it all happened initially, but when Octavia had brought Atom out to Boston and she saw just how happy he made Octavia, she had happily agreed to be maid of honour and launched herself full force into helping O plan their wedding.
As Clarke pulled up outside Finn's parents house, she looking at him carefully. "Can I tell everyone in my own time?"
Finn raised an eyebrow, but nodded after a second's pause. "Its your choice."
"I just - I don't want to take away from Octavia's big day." Clarke said, fiddling with the ring on her finger. "You only get married once, right?"
"Right." Finn said, smiling softly. "I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner. Love you."
"Love you too." Clarke replied, watching as he grabbed his suitcase and headed up his parents driveway. Once he was inside the house, Clarke pulled back out onto the road, heading towards Octavia's house.
Before she headed into the house, Clarke twisted her engagement ring off her finger, slipping it onto her other hand. She grabbed her bags, and headed for the house, excited to see Octavia and Raven.
"Hey, bride to be." Clarke beamed as Octavia answered the door.
"Clarkey!" Octavia hugged her tightly. "I'm so glad you're here, Raven is not understanding what I want to do with my hair."
"Its not for lack of trying." Raven said, appearing in the doorway, a hairbrush and can of hairspray in hand. "Bridezilla is being a fusspot."
"I am not a bridezilla! I'm allowed to want my wedding weekend to be perfect - I'm only going to do this once." Octavia said, practically dragging Clarke up the stairs. "You know how you did your hair for your graduation? I want have it like that tonight."
Clarke laughed, following the two girls into the house. "Your wedding weekend is going to be perfect Tavia, don't worry. You're going to look beautiful."
"I'm so excited." Octavia admitted. "I know - I know it all seems to be happening so quickly, but I love him."
Clarke took the hair curler from where it was on the desk, brushing Octavia's hair through before she started to tease her long dark locks into soft curls. "Thats the most important thing."
Raven nodded her agreement, sitting across from on Octavia's bed. "Love is all you need." She singsonged, pulling her hair up in a ponytail.
"Speaking of love." Octavia said, glancing up at Clarke. "How are things with you and Finn?"
Clarke looked down at Octavia's hair, smiling to herself. "Things are good."
"Is that all we're getting?"
"I don't… I don't want it to be weird." Clarke admitted. 'Rae, you used to date Finn - and I used to date your brother Tavia. I don't want to make our friendship weird."
"The only thing that would make it weird for me is you describing, in painful detail, what having sex with my brother was like, and you guys broke up years ago anyway." Octavia said, the two girls looking at Raven.
"Its not weird for me." Raven said. "OK, it was strange at first, but Finn and I dated in high school. It was a long time ago, and theres nothing there anymore. He's family, nothing more."
Clarke couldn't help but break into a bright smile. "Finn and I are engaged." She admitted, her ears immediately bombarded with high pitched screams.
"How was that not the first thing you told us when you walked through the door? Show us the ring!" Octavia demanded.
"We decided to keep it quite for now." Clarke said, slipping her ring onto her actual ring finger, letting Octavia grab her hand. "I didn't want to take away from your big weekend."
"Oh, ssh." Octavia said. "As if finding out one of my best friends is getting married would ruin my wedding weekend, it makes it better!"
"Its a beautiful ring Clarkey." Raven said, admiring the simple ring. "Congratulations."
Clarke beamed at her two best friends. "Thanks guys. And you know you're my joint maids of honour, right?"
"Uh, duh." Octavia said. "Like we would accept anything less!"
"This is crazy, first Tavia, and now you're getting married." Raven said. "Since when we were grown ups?"
"Have you told anyone? Oh my god, can I announce it at the rehearsal dinner?" Octavia practically jumped out of her chair.
"Can I ask you a favour? Don't tell anyone. Not yet, anyway." Clarke said. "I'd uh - I'd like a chance to tell Bellamy myself, and then you can shout it from the rooftops. I just figured that he deserves that much, you know?"
Clarke pretended not to notice Raven's raised eyebrow, and gave a grateful nod when Octavia agreed not to say anything, for now.
"OK, lets get your hair sorted." Clarke said, brandishing the curling wand. "We've got a rehearsal dinner to make you even more beautiful for."
"You look amazing." Finn greeted, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of Clarke's head.
"Thank you." Clarke smiled at him, melting into his touch, her fingers knotted in the material of his dress shirt. "The whole place looks amazing."
The rehearsal dinner was happening in their town's one and only slightly high end restaurant, Clancy's Bistro, and the side room that was usually reserved for birthday parties had been transformed, decorated with flowers and candles, soft music playing in the background.
There was only a handful of people already there, milling around and drinking champagne, chatting quietly.
"This doesn't feel like Clancy's." Finn admitted, looking around. "They've really outdone themselves. You know - it might be worth looking into, for our big day."
"Yeah." Clarke nodded. "Yeah, definitely. Its really lovely."
"You've changed your mind about getting married in Boston then?"
"I think I have." Clarke said. "I mean, the places we looked at in Boston are alls spectacular, but its so far to ask all our families to come for one weekend. It might be nice, to get married at home. You're back here so often now anyway, it makes the most sense."
Finn had finished up his teaching qualification back in Boston, and he was splitting his time between Boston and Bowman, covering for one of the history teachers at their old high school. He wanted to move back permanently, Clarke knew that - he was waiting for her to finish medical school and make her own decision about coming back to Bowman.
She'd already applied to do her residency in a hospital in Richmond, but she was waiting to tell him. Clarke had it all planned out, her big surprise for the boy who'd done so much and loved her so much the past few years.
"We could get married in the chapel." Finn said. "My mom is always talking about how much she'd love to see me get married there."
"Lets look into dates when this weekend is over." Clarke beamed at him.
"Yeah." Clarke glanced across the room as Octavia called her name. "Maid of honour duties await. I'll talk to you in a bit."
Finn nodded, turning to the tray of champagne as Clarke made her way across the room.
"What can I do?" Clarke said, resting a hand on Octavia's waist.
"I just - I wanted to pre-warn you." Octavia said. "Atom's best friend - I told you about him, Sterling - his mom is really ill, and he wont make it out to the wedding. Atom asked Bellamy to step in as best man. He's trying to get Bell on side, you know how Bellamy is - I just wanted to tell you, in case it was strange for you. You'll be lumped together the whole time."
"Tavia, why would it be strange? Bellamy and I have moved past everything that happened."
"You haven't told him you're engaged." Octavia said in a stage whisper.
"Don't worry about that Octavia - or about anything. The next few days are going to be perfect, and all you need to do is sit back and enjoy them." Clarke said, fixing a stray piece of Octavia's hair. "OK?"
"OK." Octavia gave her a grateful smile. "You really are the best Clarkey."
"I know." Clarke joked. "Now sit your butt down, and we can get this rehearsal dinner started."
Clinking the side of her glass, Clarke's voice carried through the room as it fell silent. "If everyone wants to sit down - we're going to get started."
Everyone took their seats, settling down in front of the carefully placed name cards.
"I just wanted to say thank you all so much for coming tonight." Atom stood up, looking around the room. "I know it means so much to Octavia to have so many of her friends here tonight to celebrate with her, and I'm really delighted to have an opportunity to get to know the people who love Tavia as much as I do. I'm obviously really delighted to have my own family here tonight, so thank you for travelling out here for the weekend. We're so happy to be celebrating the most important day of our lives with all the people we love most in the world, and we're so grateful for your love and support, this weekend and every day that follows."
He beamed at Octavia, Clarke's heart practically skipping a beat for her friend. Atom looked at her like she was the only person in the entire room - the entire world.
"For you Tavia, I have one last small present. I know you said that we weren't doing gifts, but I couldn't help myself." Atom said, handing her a small box. "I know how much Bellamy means to you, and that you hate not seeing him all the time, so.. This is a way to keep him close to you, tomorrow, and always."
Octavia unwrapped it eagerly, opening the box. Her eyes welled up with tears as she looked at what was contained within, giving Atom a watery smile. "Atom.. Its beautiful." She lifted a necklace out of the box, a beautifully ornate locket with the letters "O" and "B" inscribed on it.
Inside was two pictures of the siblings - one of them as children, Bellamy smiling gap toothily at the camera, a tiny Octavia wrapped around his shoulders. The other one was more recent, of the two of them at Octavia's graduation from college.
"Bell, will you do the honours?" Octavia said, holding the necklace out to her brother. Bellamy nodded, scraping back his chair and moving over to his sister, easing the clasp shut.
Octavia looked at the necklace for a second before she stood up, kissing Atom softly. "Well, thank you for showing me up completely the night before our wedding Atom, you'll live to regret that." She joked, allowing for the laughter to fade before she continued. "I love the necklace Atom, its incredible. Its incredible how you know me so well, considering we haven't been together as long as maybe other couples have. The moment I met you, I knew you were going to change my life - it was love at first sight, it was. So thank you for being so wonderful."
She turned to the room. "I have to say a massive thank you to my wonderful bridal party - to Clarke, who's been helping me plan a wedding completely via Skype, seeing as she is in Boston for medical school, and I'm all the way across the country in LA. If we thought keeping in touch when she was in Boston and I was at school in Washington was bad, organising a wedding when we're in different timezones has been an experience. Another huge thank you goes to Raven, who has been instrumental in keeping both myself and Clarke calm, and vetoing the horrendous pink bridesmaids dresses I was convinced were perfect. And thank you to Harper, and Amy - the final two puzzle pieces of our wonderful bridal party. I couldn't have done this without you."
"I don't have much family myself - biological, at least. Bellamy has been brother and dad rolled into one my whole life, and I am so grateful to you for not killing Atom where he stood when I told him we were getting married." Octavia said. "I am so thankful for the family I made for myself out of the greatest friends on the planet - Jasper, Monty, Raven, Clarke, Finn, you're all so wonderful and I can't describe the love I have for you all. And Atom's family - I know it wasn't easy to accept your baby boy marrying a girl he's known for less than a year, but I am so grateful for your acceptance of our relationship, and for accepting me. Thank you for taking me into your family, and treating me like another daughter from day one. I'm so glad you're out here celebrating with us, and experiencing the wonderful town I grew up in. If you're going to have a taste of small town Virginia, the place place to get it is Bowman."
"Hear hear.' Monty said, grinning as he raised a glass to Octavia's words.
"I hope - we hope you all have the most amazing weekend." Octavia said. "Now - lets eat!"
Clarke clapped loudly as the speeches wrapped up, excited for the meal. She was absolutely starving - all they'd had in Octavia's house was chocolate and wine, and she was in dire need of some real food.
"Hungry?" Bellamy laughed as Clarke tucked into the bread basket in front of them.
"Starving. I love Tavia to bits, but she didn't have any food in your moms house." Clarke said, pausing in her attack of the bread for a second. Seeing him after their last conversation felt weird, and beyond words sort of strange.
She forced herself to be normal, and not think of all the things they'd said to each other back in that hospital room in Boston. "How are you? I haven't seen you since you were in Boston. How did rehab go?"
"It was as bad as I imagined." Bellamy grimaced. She could see he looked relieved at her attempt to act completely normal, and he mimicked her actions. "But, I'm getting used to having a this prosthetic leg. Its actually going to be my new party piece, whipping my leg off and using it as a flag."
Clarke couldn't help herself, snorting loudly at his joke. It was going OK so far, wasn't it? "Its good to know loosing your leg hasn't changed you in the slightest."
"Aside from my new plastic limb."
"Aside from that."
"I see you took my advice." Bellamy said, nodding toward Finn.
"What?" Clarke suddenly felt terrified. How did he know? Had Octavia told him she and Finn were engaged?
"You guys are dating, right? Octavia mentioned it to me."
"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Clarke said. "Yeah. we've been together nearly three years now."
"Thats fantastic Clarke, I'm really happy for you."
"Thanks Bellamy." Clarke said. "How are things with you? Are you back in the army?"
"Yeah, I am." Bellamy confirmed, knocking back a sip of his drink. "It was hell, trying to get back in shape to serve again, but I got there."
"The army is my life Clarke. Just like medicine is yours."
"I'm not trying to argue with you." Clarke said. "I'm tired of arguing with you. Tired of not being able to call you my friend."
"Tired." Bellamy repeated. "Yeah, thats a pretty accurate description of how I feel."
"I wish - I wish that we could just be friends, you know? I don't want us to end up fighting, or having these big emotional goodbyes every time we see each other. I wish we could just… I don't know."
"Yeah, no - I get that Clarke." Bellamy said. "I guess we'll just have to pretend like we're friends and someday we will be."
Clarke didn't say anything for a second. "So. See any good movies lately?"
Bellamy laughed. "I'm not really into movies."
"I forgot that you were absolutely insane." Clarke shook her head. "How do you not like movies? Movies are just.. They;re the best form of escapism."
"I've just always preferred books."
"I mean, I love books as much as anyone else, but movies are just something else entirely. Being able to sit back, and turn your brain off for a couple of hours and just enjoy an amazing story."
"Clarke, your favourite type of films are romantic comedies. Those are not what I'd call amazing films."
"And that is because you do not have a romantic bone in your body, Bellamy Blake." Clarke teased.
Bellamy knocked back the last of his drink. "Yeah, romance was always your thing, princess."
Clarke snorted. "I don't think what my eighteen year old self thought was romantic, was actually romance."
"Hey, it felt a lot like romance to me." Bellamy shrugged, turning to a waiter. "Can I have another whiskey please?"
"You're hitting the hard stuff." Clarke commented.
"I'm just back from deployment Clarke, I've really fucking missed alcohol."
Clarke couldn't help but laugh. "Fair enough."
"So. You and Finn." Bellamy returned to their earlier topic of conversation. "You happy?"
"Yeah. I am."
"Thats good. Moving on is good."
"Are you dating again then?" Clarke inquired. "Sorry. Thats a weird thing for me to ask, isn't it?"
"I am. Dating again I mean."
"That good." Clarke said, forcing a smile. "Thats good Bellamy, I'm happy for you. I'm happy life is working out for you."
"You too Clarke." Bellamy said. "You're nearly finished med school, right?"
"Yeah." Clarke nodded. "Eight years in education coming to an end."
"I can't believe its been eight years since you started at Harvard." Bellamy shook his head. "Crazy how fast time goes, right?"
"Its absolutely insane." Clarke said. "And now Octavia is getting married."
Bellamy let out a shaky breath. "Yeah. I'm still wrapping my head around that."
"She's happy." Clarke said simply. "All you need is love, right?"
"Its just hard to accept theres someone in the world who loves Octavia more than I do now."
"Maybe not more." Clarke said thoughtfully. "Just, differently."
"So, so differently. So differently."
Clarke laughed. "I'm glad we're OK Bellamy. That we can still sit and talk, and be normal."
"Whatever happens Clarke, whatever has happened between us - we'll always be family." Bellamy said. "Thats how it is with us - all of us."
"Its good to know I'll always have family out there." Clarke said, smiling at him, before turning her attention to her food. The main course had arrived, and she still felt absolutely ravenous, even after the starter. "I'm going to demolish this." She announced.
"And while you do that, I'm going to get super drunk and pretend like my baby sister isn't getting married and leaving me forever tomorrow."
The wedding was beautiful, just like Clarke had expected it to be. The church had been full to bursting with flowers, and Octavia had made everyone gasp and hold their breath when she had walked down the aisle, Bellamy somehow managing to make a seamless transition from walking her down the aisle, to standing beside Atom as his best man.
Clarke couldn't do anything except smile as she watched the woman she had considered a sister for most of her life get married. Octavia was radiating happiness, and well - that was the most important thing, wasn't it?
She was happy.
Clarke could see in Bellamy's eyes how hard it was for him to watch his baby sister get married. She'd been his whole world for most of their lives, and now, in her own way, she was moving on - moving away from Bowman, and away from him.
She offered him an encouraging smile halfway through the ceremony in an attempt to ease his all too obvious jitters.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."
Clarke clapped along with everyone else in the church as Octavia and Atom kissed, rolling her eyes as Miller let out the most outrageous whoop from halfway down the church, making everyone laugh.
Her feet ached from standing around, taking pictures by time they made it to the reception, and Clarke was almost willing to sell her car for a sandwich, her stomach rumbling as the speeches began.
Atoms father gave a nice speech, praising his son and welcoming Octavia into their family, and Clarke's heart ached as she watched, knowing her own father could never do the same. It was selfish, to be thinking of herself and her own wedding while sitting at the top table of her best friends wedding, but Clarke knew she was at least a little selfish.
"I - I've never been too good with words." Bellamy admitted as he stood up, crumpled sheet of paper in hand. "I tried writing this speech pretty much every day since Octavia told me she was getting married, and it still doesn't feel right, so uh - bare with me on this one."
"Growing up, it was always me and Octavia. When she was born, my mom told me that she was going to be my responsibility. We don't have a dad, so five year old me took on the role of dad, and brother all at once, and its a role I've always been so proud to play." Bellamy said. "I am so proud of you O, and everything that you've achieved in your life. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy."
"I know I probably wasn't the most supportive when you told me that you were getting married, but thats only because the thought of having to let you go absolutely kills me. The idea of some boy coming into your life and taking you away always scared me, because I pretty much never trusted any boy around you except me - or Mr Griffin."
Bellamy paused. "But, you Skyped me once night during my deployment, and you dragged the most nervous looking guy I've ever seen on screen, and you demanded that I actually talk to your future husband, and just like that you told me what to do - again. Its a habit of yours I'd love you to break by the way."
Octavia stuck her tongue out at her brother.
"Since I've actually started getting to know Atom, and stopped planning ways to make him disappear, I've realised something - I've realised that he loves you as much as I do, and he'd do absolutely anything to protect you. So, O - I hope you and Atom have an incredible life together, and come back to Bowman every once and a while to see your idiot brother, yeah?"
Bellamy hugged Octavia tightly, Octavia's eyes filled with tears she hastily wiped away as Clarke stood up, ready to make her speech.
"Well, Bellamy - you say you're not good with words, but you just made my speech look like complete and utter crap, so thanks for that." Clarke joked. "In case you don't know me - which is incredibly unlikely seeing as pretty much everyone who has ever lived in Bowman is here tonight - my name is Clarke, and I am the maid of honour. I'm also the person about to give a completely terrible, soppy speech - so, you've been warned."
"Octavia - you have been my best friend for as long as I can remember. You have been there for me through everything - breakups, and boy troubles, and when I lost my dad. You are my rock, and just a complete star of a human being. You are so kind, and amazing - and a genuinely beautiful soul. You are one of the only people in this universe who can convince me to do just about anything, so thank you for mostly using that power for good for the past twenty seven or so years." Clarke teasing, making Octavia laugh. "I am so grateful to have you in my life, and I love you to pieces. Because of that, I would never accept anyone less than perfect for you, and seeing you with Atom - I know you've found that perfect person. Today, you look the happiest I have ever seen you, and I know you are about to embark on the most amazing life, with your lovely new husband."
"I wish you two nothing but happiness for the rest of your lives. God knows Tavia, you deserve a lot of happiness for putting up with my for your whole life." Clarke paused for a second, reaching the end of what she had prepared. "Finding the love of your life isn't easy, for anyone. It can be really hard, and it can be really lonely - but I know that you've finished that journey, and you couldn't have found anyone better than Atom. I know we don't know each other very well Atom, but Octavia has good taste, and I know that she wouldn't marry anyone who didn't love her as much as her family here in Bowman does - more, even. So Octavia and Atom - good luck with the next leg of your journey together, and I hope you have an amazing life together. You deserve it."
Clarke raised her glass. "To Octavia and Atom."
"To Octavia and Atom!"
Clarke sat back down, gulping down her champagne.
"That was beautiful Clarkey." Octavia said, squeezing her hand tightly. "I love you."
"I love you too Tavia." Clarke said, half breathing a sigh of relief as the food arrived.
The dinner passed without much event, Clarke spending most of it laughing and joking with Raven, the two women knocking back champagne and overindulging in the spectacular dinner Atom's parents had insisted they pay for.
"This dessert is so good." Raven said, stuffing another fork loaded with chocolate cake into her mouth. "I'm going to end up bursting out of this dress and I don't even give a fuck. This is better than sex."
"Well, chocolate releases the same endorphins.."
"Who the fuck needs a man, right?" Raven grinned.
"It'd make for a hassle free life." Clarke joked. "I'm going to go and get some fresh air before they make us dance."
"Roll Clarke." Raven corrected. "I will be rolling around the dance floor, not dancing."
Clarke laughed, grabbing her purse before she headed for the exit, grateful for the blast of cold air that hit her as she stepped outside. Checking her phone for messages before stuffing it back in her purse, Clarke leaned against the wall and willed the insane amount of food in her stomach to digest so she could move when they were called to the dance floor.
"Hey, Clarkey. Mind if i join you?"
Clarke looked up to see Jasper standing next to her, hands stuffed deep in his pockets. "Hey, Jas. You doing OK?"
"As well as you'd expect."
"I'm sorry." Clarke said. "This can't be an easy day for you."
Jasper shrugged. "Octavia loves him Clarke, more than she ever loved me. I want her to be happy, more than anything else."
"Still." Clarke said, wrapping an arm around him. "It can't be easy for you."
"She said I didn't have to come today. That she would understand if I didn't - but Octavia was my friend long before she was ever anything else to me, so… I'll get over it." Jasper offered her a weak smile.
"I'm proud of you." Clarke said. "Really, I am. Today has to suck for you, so I'm proud of you for getting through it without breaking someday."
"The nights not over yet." Jasper joked. "So you next then Clarke? Can we be expecting a Griffin-Collins wedding anytime soon?"
"Do I look like the marrying type, Jasper Jordan?" Clarke said, nudging him in the ribs. "I better get back inside before they make us all dance. Come talk to me if you need me tonight, alright?"
"You got it Clarkey."
Clarke nodded, and she headed back into the wedding reception, just in time for the DJ to call the rest of the wedding party to dance with Octavia and Atom. She set her purse down on the top table, laughing as Bellamy awkwardly held out a hand.
"It'll be over soon, right?" He grimaced.
"Good to see you still absolutely hate dancing." Clarke said, resting a hand on his shoulder. It felt strange beyond words to be dancing with him, and she tried to ignore the overwhelming surge of memories that came flooding back as they swayed to the music.
"I don't hate dancing. I hate dancing in front of other people." Bellamy took her other hand in his own, and suddenly froze.
"Try not to have a seizure Bellamy, its just dancing." Clarke laughed at his expression.
Bellamy didn't say anything, instead moving so that he was only one of her hands in both of his. Before she realised what he was doing, her engagement ring was twisted around the right way, and Bellamy was looking at her expectantly.
"I wanted to tell you." Clarke said shakily. "Just… I didn't want to take away from Octavia's wedding day."
"Well, congratulations Clarke." Bellamy said, dropping her hand as if it was burning hot. "I'm sure you're going to be very happy together."
"You told me to move on." Clarke said hoarsely.
"What makes you think I'm not being sincere?" Bellamy said, the song coming to an end. "Enjoy your night."
With that, he walked away, leaving Clarke standing in the middle of the dance floor, feeling completely overwhelmed. The world felt like it was spinning, and she was certain she hadn't had enough champagne for that to be happening.
Trying to keep calm, Clarke turned on her heel and left the dance floor, heading straight for the bathrooms. She had barely gotten inside the door before a sob escaped her lips, racking through her entire body as she leaned against the sinks.
Clarke whirled around to see Raven, who'd clearly seen something was wrong - like she always did. "I'm f-fine."
"You're not." Raven said, crossing the room in a few short steps, grabbing a handful of tissues as she did so. "So talk to me."
"Bellamy found out." Clarke said, halfheartedly waving her ring at Raven.
"He wasn't happy?"
"He pretended like he was." Clarke said, taking a shaky breath in an attempt to stop her tears.
"And you're crying about it?"
"I - what?"
"Real talk here Clarke." Raven said, gently wiping away her tears. "Telling Bellamy was never going to be easy, but you definitely shouldn't be sobbing your heart out about it. Finn told me you two were engaged."
"He knew it had to come from him." Raven said. "I'm not telling you this so you'll get pissed with him for going behind your back, I'm telling you this because Finn was the most excited I've seen him in years when he told me that you were getting married."
She paused to grab another tissue, wiping away the rivers of mascara from Clarke's cheeks. "You hid it from Bellamy, and pretty much had a meltdown when he found out. Does that feel normal to you Clarke?"
Clarke stayed silent.
"You should be shouting from the rooftops that you're getting married, not crying in the bathrooms because your ex-boyfriend didn't react so well to the news. That shouldn't even matter to you anymore, its been eight years since you broke up." Raven said, grabbing a compact from her purse, attempting to fix Clarke's makeup while she spoke. "I'm not trying to be an asshole here Clarke, but I don't want to see Finn - or you for that matter - get hurt. You have to really want this."
"I do want this. I want to marry Finn."
"Then stop crying about Bellamy Blake." Raven said. "Because honestly Clarke, I'm starting to think that you're still in love with him."
Clarke's heart stopped at Raven's words. "I'm not - I'm not in love with him anymore."
"You don't need to convince me." Raven said. "I just want to make sure you're making the right choice Clarke. Don't marry someone for the sake of marrying them. It wouldn't be fair on you, or Finn."
"I want to marry Finn." Clarke said, trying to sound as forceful as someone sitting on bathroom sink bawling their eyes out could.
"Then stop letting Bellamy Blake control how you feel."