Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the bowl. Yep the bowl is mine. Naruto's Kishimoto's and Phones are society's.

This is a real life alternate universe. Enjoy my pure stupidity.


Sasuke kept staring at the bowl in front of him, on his kitchen table. What the hell was he doing anyway? He feared that, if he answered himself, his pride would be severed. And, he wasn't very queen to mess with his own pride. Guess what? The ramen smell wasn't as disgusting as he thought it would be. It was weird, but he blamed that on his cooking skills. He didn't know what flavor it was, he just… He didn't even remember how he got it, actually. Had he been possessed by some kind of demon?

That would actually explain a lot.

His phone vibrated, startling him. Though if you asked, he wouldn't say he was startled. He would stare at you, for he wouldn't know who this weird stranger was. But I'm deviating from the point. Sasuke took a look at his phone, and relaxed as he read "The Idiot", for there was only one person who truly deserved that name in this world, if you asked him… Oh well, no, don't ask him anything.

The black haired man took a look at the message.

"Hey! You didn't text me first. That makes me a bit worried y'know. Just a tiny tiny little bit. I'm sure you're smiling." Sasuke bit his lip. Noo, of course not. "So yeah, how are you?"

I'm just sitting in front of a bowl and having an existential crisis. He thought, looking at his ramen bowl. The serving had grown. It was as if it was alive, and actually going to eat him all up. Was ramen this dangerous?

He sighted. Of course not, he just let it too long in that bowl. But could he just… go on? And eat… that thing?

The fact is that the almighty Sasuke, already 20 years old, had never, ever, eaten ramen.

It was a random day, he was in the middle of class – well, the teacher was telling them some information little cared about, and Sasuke already knew – when his … umm… Friend? Well, they didn't ever meet, but he was going to call him a "friend" for now. His friend, whose name was Naruto, sent him a text, telling him how his lunch was the best thing ever to exist. Sasuke just kind of wondered what that thing would be. Pizza? Lasagna, maybe? Sushi? He asked anyway, because he wouldn't bother taking notes he wouldn't even need to read.

"And what would this oh so good thing be?" "RAMEN"

Short and to the point had Naruto been.

"Is it that good?" "Of course it is!" "Never actually tried." "…You kidding me? Are you even human? What has your life been like?! OH MY GOD RAMEN IS LIKE SO GOOD DUDE"

And then he just decided he wouldn't reply that day, because when his penpal started using big letters, there was no other way to stop him.

Sasuke had met Naruto on a role playing forum. Ironically, the two of them just wanted to disconnect from their "reality", and just role play persons they weren't. No one would have thought Naruto actually liked to (could) write more than two sentences in a row, but no one would either think Sasuke would role play a silly girl – he looked rather like he hated girls (um well human beings if you asked some).

They knew each other for months, and then it occurred to them that, maybe, it would be good to actually exchange phone numbers and just talk whenever they wanted. And so they did, getting to know each other more and more each day.

… Whatever. Sasuke was in a dilemma, so why think about the past? He just wanted to try this thing and get over with it. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't going to eat his insides.

You'd wonder why he was so scared of ramen. Well, you may not have to know. It was just linked with a traumatic event. Including ramen (obviously), his older (jerk of a) brother, toothpaste and pandas.

No, you shouldn't know. No one should. That door was locked. Okay? Okay.

Why would Sasuke approach such THING? Well… His curiosity was as big as his … planet. Gigantic. If Naruto said ramen was okay, so it should be. But was cold ramen okay? After all, he sat there for more than an hour, so that thing must actually be upset. And it would fight with his oh so sensitive stomach. He looked at his phone again. Oh yeah, might as well answer to his.. umm… frrriend?

"Am fine. Why should I be the one to text first? I wouldn't bite you, you know, whenever you'd text me. I couldn't even if I wanted. Say, is cold ramen good?"

He didn't have to wait. His id-… THAT idiot – Sasuke corrects me – was the fastest person ever to reply. It looked as if he didn't have anything else to do whenever Sasuke contacted him. He liked to think Naruto just didn't care more about others than he cared about him. Well, he wouldn't tell you that. … You know he wouldn't tell you anything, god.

"What's up with cold ramen? It's better if you heat it up, y'know, but it's okay. Oh and I'm fine, thank you very much for asking!"

Sasuke glared at his phone. Yes, he forgot to ask if Naruto was okay too, but now he just deliberately made him feel guilty. He didn't want to look as if he didn't care. Well, Sasuke didn't care about lots of things, but he cared about Naruto. This ramen thing just made him forget. Told you it was evil. HA! … …. Uhm.

He hesitated for a bit. How was he supposed to answer to this..? Well Naruto just looked teasing… so yeah… being honest would hurt no one.

"I care, you know. But how do I heat it?"

His gaze returned to the bowl, and he just realized he didn't even prepare a fork. He stood up, taking one and placing it on the table. His phone vibrated again.

"that's emb"

Sasuke just looked at the text, frowning. What did EMB mean? Enter My Butt…?

… GOD NO HE DIDN'T THINK THAT.

He didn't have the time to slam his head on the wall, because Naruto sent him another message.

"Maybe try and strip? It'll make it hot I'm sure HAHA"

Okay, maybe a head was going to be slammed on the wall. But not actually his. He glared at his phone.

"Seriously thought. And what's EMB?"

"I meant embarrassing, god Sass' you're dumb. Microwave it, or I don't know!"

"You are just influencing me, and what's with Sass', it's ugly. Thanks anyway, moron"

"FROM TODAY ON YOU ARE SASS' HAHA, you are welcome my grumpy bastard"

"I'm not yours to be"

"ugh stop taking all my words against me!'

"Okay, but tell me, if the ramen turns green, is it still okay?"

"… Sass', no ramen turns green."

"… Should I flee?"