A/N: yeah, I know. I'm not dead… it's a shame really.

But…YEAH! I'M NOT DEAD! Look at me being all alive and stuff.

I think a Luigi and Bowser friendship has been done before… but that didn't stop me when I wrote this last year…yeah, I wrote this last year and never bothered to share this…until now!

…uh… right! I need a disclaimer here, I remember now.

I do not, and I repeat, do NOT own any of these characters, the setting and the story lines are a product of my own sick little imagination. But in the event that I did somehow own these characters do to some serious of unfortunate and marginally ironic events; Luigi… would need a good hiding spot. I am dead serious….

Thank you, and please, enjoy.


Koops' Ye Ole Pub

He was never the koopa that believed in fate, or destiny or whatever... That load of fairy tales was saved for the stupid heroes and the stupid princess's that run the world. He was the bad guy; he was the monster that is put into his place at the end of every single adventure. It's not like he minds though... well being the bad guy, not the fact that he gets his sorry ass kicked every other day. His highness gulped down a gallon sized swig of his glass of ale.

Bower enjoys going to these shady bars around the borders of the Mushroom Kingdom. This particular bar was his favorite this week, he enjoyed the musky and dangerous atmosphere that it presents to him, but most importantly it was one of the very few bars that provided his favorite kind of poison. Premium Koop-Ale.

But it wasn't the familiar burn of his drink or the sounds of billiards balls cracking in the background that stood out this night; it was the ringing of the bell at the front entrance, and the series of quiet gasps and growls that greeted the newest patron. Luigi...?

What the heck was he doing here?

Bowser turned his attention fully to the pint-sized green bean. It was quite obvious that he wasn't here for the drinks. He was dripping wet from the heavy storm outside. He was shivering and looking like a little lost puppy.

Luigi stood out like a sore thumb, he was too pampered to fit into a place like this...yet strangely he did. He didn't look very scared, mostly because he and his good-for-nothing brother fought off the best of his army without breaking a sweat, if that shadow-warmer of a brother could handle that, that he can handle this place. With that said, Bowser had to have some form of respect for him, though it wasn't enough for him to remember the name of the poor man's Mario.

Luigi casually strolled in, he didn't notice the koopa, but the king noticed him, keeping an eye on him, watching his every move. As Luigi gotten closer he realized how the younger Mario Brother acted so "calm" around all his own enemies, it was that he was too frustrated to notice anything, even the king of badness himself.

Luigi sat beside him, unafraid of the impending doom in doing so. The bartender, a red shell paratroopa with a dusty eye patch approached him.

"What you want?"

Luigi looked up, and shivered "anything warm, please..." he reached into his pocket and tossed a few coins on the bars table. The paratroopa took the coins without complaint and immediately went to work.

There was a tense silence between Bowser and Luigi. It felt unreal that the green hero was sitting next to him, and not doing anything.

After a moment Luigi looked up and gave a half-hearted smile "hello, Bowser..."

The koopa tensed, taking another massive swig from his drink, whose cup was bigger than the others head. He was tempted to snap at him, stating that it was KING Bowser to him and he shall bow to his might. The idea that his enemy was at a first name basis with him was a bit unnerving, but not entirely ridiculous.

After a moment, Bowser glanced back at the smaller man, still not believing that he was sitting so calmly next to him "hello, green bean..."

The bartender returned with a piping hot cup of coffee "'ere ya go..."

Luigi gave a small nod and a smile of thanks to the bartender, who gave no indication that he noticed. After a few minutes of tense silence, Bowser began to muster the courage to demand why the hero was in this dump. Though he felt sort of impressed that Luigi drank his coffee as is, none of that prissy sugar and cream could be traced in that inky blackness.

Bowser took another massive gulp of his drink "so...what brings such a pampered knight to this shady neighborhood..."

Luigi glanced back, giving him another half-hearted smile. Although in this dim lighting, it almost looked like a sneer "I'm not a knight, Mario is..."

That didn't make sense; the whole knighting ceremony was today, for months all this hype was built up for both brothers, the knighting that would make them official heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom. One of the many reasons why the king was here, drinking that particular memory away. Luigi shouldn't be here, something was off...

"I thought both the goody-two shoe Mario bros were to be knighted tonight..." Bowser stated, news had reached to all parts of all the other kingdoms, he knew that the information couldn't be wrong. He never really liked Luigi, and he especially despised that fat meatball that is his brother. But you can't just not bestow knighthood on one and forget about the other. Luigi did as much work as Mario, maybe even more. He just didn't receive much credit for it; and if that's the case...that's just plain WRONG on all sorts of levels. He watched Luigi for any indication that those horrible accusations were right, but Luigi didn't indulge him on his path of loathing, instead he chose to douse him in even more confusion.

"I…I declined the offer…"

The normal array of sounds that was contained in the pub seem to all had came to a halt; though the few who might have listened in on their conversation hadn't given away that they are there. The bartender had long since disappeared down to his back room.

"Why...?" Bowser asked, he usually doesn't care about the lives of his most hated enemies, but the idea of Luigi, of all people, declining such a high and well-received honor had the king's head reeling. Thankfully Luigi decided that it was worth continuing his story:

"I had always claimed that I wanted to be just like my brother..." Luigi began "but recently I began to think...about things..." he stared into his coffee "I'm no hero, I never was, and I never will be...but oddly that conclusion made me feel better, I'm not a fighter. I never liked going on adventures with Mario. I only went because I felt like I had to ...becoming a knight was always a dream of mine, all I wanted to do was to become something, something that my brother could be proud of… but now, I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm destined for something else...who knows..." Luigi swirled the little bit of coffee that was left in his mug, an indication that time had passed, which came as such a surprise to the king, because it surely didn't feel like it had.

Bowser was silent, but now he knew why nobody really paid much attention to Luigi, maybe… he didn't want the attention. He could respect that, it made it easier to slip into this shady place without bringing any of those dumb fungus-headed freaks with him.

Luigi finally made eye contact with Bowser for the first time, without any hint of foul play; Luigi continued "now it's my turn...out of curiosity, why do you always kidnap the princess?"

It caught him off guard, Luigi was so blunt and straight forward; he just had to answer. After all, he does have to right to know. After all, he's the one who forced himself to follow the walking fat deposit that was his brother into certain danger.

"Because that dumb bimbo wouldn't come to me" yeah, he said it. But oddly enough Luigi cracked up in a small fit of laughter, not getting angry or offended that he is calling his princess such horrible names.

"Seriously Bowser..." at least Luigi is more relaxed, which made him relax. No sudden boss fights here.

"Well, it's the truth" he continued "there's too much tension between my kingdom and hers, what I'm trying to purpose is that we combine the kingdoms together. She can still be their princess and all that glittery bull-koopa, but any important decisions would be discussed with me and any other alliance. It'll also make crossing between kingdoms a whole lot easier...safer" he took a breath "but that sheltered, pampered little brat won't listen. She's scared of anything that resides outside of her little pink bubble...so I kidnap the girl, hoping to get her to listen, but nope...she cries and waits for her hero to come save her...so does everybody else outside of my kingdom...the nerve...after that it just became a mindless hobby, you know, to kill some time"

Luigi sighs "sounds to me like you need to find somebody to represent you...like an ambassador or something" Bowser snorted "would you do it?" Luigi does have the intelligence for something like that. He fights with words, not the sword. So Luigi does fit the bill.

"Nah...I'm not everybody's favorite go to guy...not even Mario likes me very much right now. I pissed off a lot of people by turning down the highest honor that they could give..." Luigi gave Bowser a true smile, which suits him better than that frown. "It's better if you look for an intelligent nobody..."

There was a shuffling and a soft gaggle of familiar cackling at the entrance, Luigi turned his attention to the door "that's my ride; I got to get going…Wario can get very impatient..."

"Wait, I thought nobody likes you right now..." Bowser finished off his mug, Luigi shrugged "despite what happened, they are still family...also I think I got off their 'spit' list for the way I angered everybody else, which is good news for me. Since I can't return home for awhile..." Luigi gave the king a friendly wave "goodbye Bowser and, good luck..."

With that Luigi disappears out the door. Leaving an empty coffee mug, a generous tip and useful words of advice… Although, Bowser doesn't have to look hard for an 'intelligent nobody'...Since he had already found him.

End of Chapter