Oh, god! What have I done? How could I do that to him? I have to find a way to apologize. I just hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me. Why? Why did I do it? Hell, she's not even that good of a lay.

I can't get the look in his eyes when I walked out of her bedroom out of my head. He was pissed but it was more than that, he was hurt. Not because of her, but because of me. Me. His best friend. Why did I hurt him? Why did I even go over to her apartment after he told me that he loved her.

I know why. It was because I didn't believe him. I've seen him in love before and this time was different. It wasn't the same. And there's no way in hell that Kira could love him and still fuck me. Maybe that's what I was trying to show him in a round about way. That she was nothing but a slut and not worth his time. I never expected him to walk in on us and find me there.

My belly still hurts where he punched me and I've got some nice bruises. I didn't try to fight back. I knew I deserved it. Hell, I deserved more than that. I should have let him beat me to a pulp. How do I make him understand that she came on to me and I let her. I let her take me into her bedroom and I fucked her. And now I'll have to pay the price for that betrayal of our friendship and, most of all, the betrayal of his trust.

I can't lose him as a friend. I need him. I love him. He has to forgive me or I don't know what I'll do. I need to see him. I need to see him now before I lose my mind. I have to tell him that I'm sorry. I have to beg for his forgiveness and hope that he gives it to me. Without him, I am nothing and I have nothing to live for if I have destroyed the one thing that means more to me than anything else in my life.