The Lament of Table-kun

Hello, I am Table-kun.

Before you turn away and scoff at the notion of beholding a plain, lowly, ever so common table such as myself, please hear me out.

I play no important part in the wonderfully grand and complex scheme of Code Geass. Certainly I do not compare to the likes of Lelouch Lamperouge or Suzaku Kururugi: the stars of the show. I don't pilot a Knightmare Frame, nor can I pride myself in participating in either Lelouch's order of Black Knights or the Holy Britannia empire. I don't even have any lines. I say absolutely nothing. The most unimportant human character, like an Eleven (excuse me, Japanese) who cries out a second before he dies from being shot, is arguably more important than me. I was given no script nor voice in Code Geass. Only the humble role of being as I've always been: a table.

I do, however, have the extreme misfortune of gaining infamy from being landed a last-minute part: serving as erotic gratification for Nina Einstein.

I blame the script writers for suggesting the obscene idea in the first place, and I blame the director for letting it fly. I still burn with mixed humiliation and indignation at the thought.

The brief scene was filmed in secret. Nunnally is blind; only Nina and I truly knew what had transpired. Could you imagine my shock and horror had the team decided we do multiple takes? Thankfully we did not have to go through that. Nina's...business with me was only seconds long, but a few seconds was more than enough. I had bravely endured; I said nothing and suffered in silence as I took it like a man. Or rather, a table. In the end I felt thoroughly violated and utterly disturbed. I can only pray and hope that Nina has good hygeine.

Other than that, I enjoy being a passive part of the Lamperouge mansion set. The cast of Code Geass, for the most part, are wonderful and we get along quite well. Like Lelouch and Suzaku, Gawain and Lancelot are inseparable. (It may come as a surprise to you that the two Knightmares are not CG.) It pains the four of them to act out every scene of adversity and conflict. C.C. is quiet yet friendly, and tries her best to hide her guilty pleasure for pizza. Guilford and Tohdoh are steady sparring partners. They meet with Kallen often at a nearby dojo; sometimes they like to just sit and talk about robots. Cornelia is actually quite the incorrigible prankster, and takes fiendish delight in finding everyone's ticklish spots. Jeremiah likes being designated as Orange, and makes it a tradition to serve sliced oranges to everyone when we take breaks from filming. Viletta is happily going out with Ohgi, and she gives Shirley advice on hooking in a potential date. Everyone adores Arthur the cat and spoils him rotten. Mao is a bit quirky, but not psychotic.

Nina Einstein, however, is the real thing. She does not act. Don't let the shy studious girl act fool you, because I assure you that she is truly insane. Poor Euphemia better watch out. I must urge her to start dating Suzaku in the most showy and discrete way possible.

Now, I'm not writing this to beseech for a need to fire Nina. Code Geass still needs her for plot purposes. However, I write this as a word of warning and a safe outlet to express my complaints.

Thank you for listening to me, and if you have pity on my poor wooden soul, I thank you all the more.

Don't forget to send Table-kun your sympathy and condolences. ;)