Kyuuketsuki Ultra (AU Fic)
by Julie Riley

This is an inspiration on the original Kyuuketsuki by Ly the Werewolf, except the story line is different, and the main characters are Nack, Rouge, Batula, & a mix of Sonic/Conker characters. These characters, except Necilia, are both copyrighted by Sega & Rare ware. And this story should prove that Rodent's not very useless. Another character I own is Leo the Bat (No Relations with Rouge though). I was going to make this Parody/Horror/Humor, but I couldn't do that. I also forgot to mention this story has language, brief nudity with Rouge, and violence. Now it is part of the Alternate Universe story: Nack the Weasel: Through Time & Space.


At night, Nack & Rouge were outside the newly built base in the border of Willow Woods & Windy. Nack had set a campfire so both he & Rouge could tell their ghost stories, plus the base wasn't finished yet. Their crew was busy building the base while the two took a little break around the campfire.

Nack: ...and that's when the deadly demons came and took the small boy, never to be seen again!

Rouge: (yawns) Interesting, but I think we should really get back to building the new Bounty Hunters 'R Us base since that, with the Rock Solid, was destroyed back in Windy.

Nack: Just a few more minutes. Besides, I'm freezing. (lays down) Mind if you get some more wood?

Rouge: (angrily) Nack, you need to show some decency! Besides, your laziness is gonna get you hurt one of these days!

She stomps off, not to just find firewood, but also get away from an annoying Nack. As she left, Nack jumps up as he heard a rustling in the bushes.

Nack: (takes out his gun) Who's there?

He then sees a familiar figure coming out of the bushes. It was the mob boss from Windy.

Nack: (sighs) Oh, it's you, Boss.

Boss: Nack, why aren't yous helping the others? (gets out his tommy-gun) Answer me!

Nack: (gulps) Cause I, uh, was cold?

Boss: You and your lame excuses! I oughta murder you right about-

Nack: (hears something) Shh! Something's out there!

The two turned to the rustling bush & saw a young weasel girl, about a year older than Nack, but about 3 years younger than the boss (at least, I think he's 4 years older than Nack).

Nack: (smiles) Well hello, doll face!

Boss: Move over, this one's mines!

He takes out his sunglasses & fixes his fur & jacket as the girl walks right up to them.

Weasel Girl: Well hello there. My name's Necilia, and I've been looking for you two.

Nack: By the way, nice color on the hair, redhead.

Necilia (Weasel Girl): What?

Boss: (elbows Nack) Nothing!

Nack: Ow!

Necilia: Hmmm...I'll take a look at you, the cute one with the suit on.

She takes the boss' hand as she lead him to the bush. Nack got curious as he saw more rustling in the bushes, probably cause he thought they were doing something he didn't want to know. But after a few more moments of rustling, Necilia came out & looked at Nack.

Nack: Hey, where's my boss?

Necilia: He just went out to get something for his throat.

Nack: (acts slyly) come to Willow Woods often?

Necilia: Oh, I do sometimes. Just let me have a good look at you, young weasel.

Nack: (thinking) This is great, I'm probably gonna have the best damn time of my life!

He then started to pucker up as he kissed her on the lips. But just then, Rouge came out of the trees with the wood.

Rouge: I got your stupid wood, Weasel Boy! Hope you- (sees the scene) Nack the Weasel!

Nack: Huh?

Rouge: (angrily) You jerk!

She punches Nack on the cheek.

Nack: Oof!

(to Necilia) And you, how dare you try kissing him without my permission!

Necilia: Ah, Rouge the Bat, my old friend was looking for you.

Rouge noticed the fangs on her teeth. Not only that, but also some blood.

Rouge: (gasps) Oh no, don't tell me...

Necilia: Who? The weasel that kissed me? No, I didn't do anything to him, (to herself) yet.

She then points to the bush she & the boss were in earlier.

Necilia: You better look at your own boss, cause he might not look so good. (smirks) And beware, my master seeks you, Rouge.

She quickly runs off as the boss comes crawling out of the bushes, without his jacket & shirt, and blood at the left side of his neck.

Nack: What the-? Boss, are you okay?

Boss: (angrily) Does it looks like I'm okay!?

Rouge: (gets a rag out) Here, let me help you with your wound.

Nack holds his boss as Rouge cleaned his neck up. As the blood was out of his neck, she noticed there were no marks or cuts on his neck.

Rouge: Boss? Where's your wound?

Nack: (gets his boss' shirt) What's wrong, Bat Girl? Something creepy come up to you?

Rouge: Nack, this isn't funny! It's just weird!

Boss: (puts his shirt on) I's just fine! She probably bit her tongue while I was about to make love to her.

Rouge: Oh, gross!

Boss: (puts his jacket on) Come on, back to work with the both of yous!

Nack: All right, don't get sentimental!

Nack & Rouge headed back to the base as the boss followed. Necilia watched from high above as a shadowed figure with yellow eyes was behind her.

Figure: So, has ze veasel fallen prey yet?

Necilia: Only his boss. (touches her lips) The purple one, however, kissed me on the lips. I've never been kissed before.

Figure: And you call yourself a vampire! Zat does not help anything at all! (sighs) Did you at least inform ze girl of my arrival.

Necilia: (bows) Yes, master.

Figure: Very good. Tomorrow night, I shall attend to ze vhite bat ze veasel calls Rouge. He-he-he!

The next morning, the Professor was instructing one of the bounty hunters working on how the place should look.

Professor: Zat one should go to ze left!

The material starts going to the left.

Professor: Nein! Nein! I meant my left!

The Professor then sees one of the workers, thanks to Yellow, in a pile of metal material.

Professor: (sighs) Auc ta Levan, zat worker's not doing so vell. (to the worker) I'm afraid you shall be laid off for a while. Auf Wiedersehen vith you.

Nack: (off-view) Professor!

Professor: (sees Nack) Ah, Guten Morgen, Nack. And vhat brings you here zis morning?

Nack: It's about my boss, but I can't tell it to anyone else, (points to Green) especially blabber-mouth over there!

Professor: I understand, Nack. Come vith me to my new office.

Inside the Professor's office, Nack explained his encounter with Necilia, a weird redheaded weasel he met & what happened to his boss.

Nack:...and that's what happened, Professor. Now he hates daylight completely, and he doesn't want to eat or drink anything, especially things with garlic on it!

Professor: Hmm...I vill need a sample to see vhat ze problem vith him iz.

Nack: That's just it! I can't get anywhere near him without telling me,
(in Boss' voice) "Bring me back something with blood on it! I'm starving down here in the dark!"

Professor: Zis is not gut. He might be having a dilemma.

Nack: That's what I think. Maybe we could wait after dark.

Professor: Nein, he must be checked now.

Nack: Are you nuts!? He's gonna kill you with his stupid gun if you go near him during his private time!

Professor: I know, but he must be checked to make sure zat he iz all right. Othervise, terrible things might happen.

Inside the dark windowless office, the Boss was looking at a picture of Nack's sister, Nic.

Boss: Nicollete, I know we'll be able to tell each other of our secret somedays.

Voice: Veasel, hear me and obey!

Boss: (puts his hands on his head) Get outta my head! Who the hell do yous think you are!?

Voice: I am your master, zo listen to me! Ze only vay you vill survive iz by drinking ze blood out of ze mortals.

Boss: Shut up! Get aways! (grits his teeth) I'm not gonna kill anyone that ways! Especially not to Nicollete!

Voice: But you must! Obey me!

Boss: (in agony) AHHH!!!

As he screams in agony, his teeth got sharper & sharper until they were exactly like Rouge's teeth. At Windy, the newly General Rodent heard something & woke up.

Rodent: Ahh! (thinking) What was that? It sounded like someone's in agony.

Rodent went into the dressing quarters of his room & took out his clothes from when he was still in the army. He gets behind the curtain as he removed his gown & night cap. He puts on the uniform, armor, and helmet. He then stepped out of the dressing quarters to get his goggles, which appeared to be more of glasses with string attached.

Rodent: Where are those glasses of mine? (remembers) Oh, that's right.

He goes to the dresser & picks it up by feeling it. He then puts it on as he heads out the door as quick as he can to the king.

Rodent: (rushes to the throne room) Your majesty! (pants) I need to talk to you!

The throne room doors opened as General Rodent ran quickly inside while being exhausted.

Rodent: King Conker, I think there's something you should know.

Conker was just sitting on his throne while still moping about Berri's death (even though she was saved by Nack).

Conker: What do you want, Rodent?

Rodent: I think there's something going on at the border between Willow Woods & Windy.

Conker: (sighs) Like what?

Rodent: Well...from what I heard, both the weasel you're looking for and all the other bounty hunters are building some sort of new headquarters.

Conker: What!? That jerk that killed Berri? Now I'll make him pay for what he did to Berri!

Rodent: But I don't think you understand!

Conker: All right, have it your way, we'll meet at the Cock & Plunker tonight to plan on how to get revenge on that weasel.

Conker walks out of the throne room as Rodent watches him go.

Rodent: (thinking) That wasn't what I was going to say though.

Later that evening, at the Cock & Plunker, a wolf wearing a strange suit & cape was passing by a couple of teenagers.

Boy: What do you want to do tonight, Samantha?

Samantha: Don't know, Ed, but I think we should do something fun together.

The wolf just shrugs as he walks inside the bar. The two teens were continuing their romantic chat when they heard a voice.

Voice: Well, well, ain't yous the pretty one.

The two turned to see the boss smirking.

Samantha: You're the weasel boss everyone's talking about. You look more gentler in person.

Boss: I only dos what I have to, so, you know, I can get the peoples impressed.

He takes her hand & kisses it, which made Ed jealous.

Ed (Boy): Hey, lay off my gal! Get your own, you punk!

Boss: (smirks) Now now, young man, getting jealous only makes it worse in front of your gal.

Ed: Just who do you think you are, you bastard!

He starts to punch the boss, but the boss quickly blocks it. He then punches Ed in the stomach, making him lose consciousness.

Samantha: (gasps) Who...are you? Are you the guy...who killed my classmate's girlfriend?

She turns & starts to run, but somehow, the boss appears in front of her as he holds her.

Boss: Calm down, young one. It'll all be over soon.

The girl now looked hypnotized as the boss' fangs grew. He then bites down on her neck as she screamed.

Samantha: Ahh!!

Inside the bar, Conker was drinking his scotch while ignoring the noises outside.

Bar Attendant: What's the matter? Something bothering you?

Conker: No, just wondering how to get rid of that murderer.

Rodent: Are you sure drinking's gonna help you?

Conker: What else is there for me to do?

Then a wolf comes in & sits down at one of the stools.

Bar Attendant: A wolf? Never see any of those anymore. What'll it be?

Wolf: Some whisky if you would, Andrew.

Andrew (Bar Attendant): Ah, now I remember you, you're that Sleet fellow I met before.

Conker: Sleet?

Andrew: He claims to be one of those bounty/vampire/werewolf hunters.

Sleet (Wolf): That's right. I've heard rumors that there are still other vampires.

Conker: You're kidding. The only head vampire I knew, who's named Batula, was killed about over a week ago.

Sleet: That's not what I heard 3 days ago. He's still alive you know.

Conker: What!? How can he be?

Sleet: He's half-squirrel, he probably used one of his spare tails to get out of death's way.

Rodent gulped as the bar doors opened. The boss came in as Conker saw him.

Conker: (dashes to him) Murderer!

Conker jumps on top of the boss, takes out a dagger, and threatens him to the throat.

Conker: I'll kill you for what you did to Berri!

Boss: (chuckles) So you haven't heard. A purple weasel bounty hunter of mine saves her life.

Conker: You mean...Berri's alive?

Sleet: I knew it. It's Nack, isn't it?

Boss: (looks at Sleet) If it ain't the wolf boy, Sleet. Long time, no see.

Rodent: (confused) You know that wolf?

Conker shakes it off and was about to punch him, but he noticed that the boss wasn't there & his dagger was missing. He looked at the other direction, where the boss is now next to Sleet & Rodent.

Andrew: Sleet, General, look out!

Sleet & Rodent: Huh?

The boss grabs them both by the neck. His fangs grew just as he was about to bite Sleet's neck first. He then noticed a cross on his neck.

Boss: Gah! (drops Sleet) Keeps away from me!

As he waved his free hand over his mouth, he knocked away Rodent's helmet. Rodent, quickly seeing this, covers his ears as he looks scared.

Andrew: Huh? General, what's the matter with you?

Rodent: I don't want anyone knowing my secret since I've been in the army.

Andrew: Your ears can't be that bad, can they?

He glares at Andrew & lets down his hands, revealing bat ears, like Batula's. The people in the bar were surprised, especially Conker.

Conker: Bat ears? I don't believe it!

Rodent: (sniffs) Aren't you gonna laugh at me?

Andrew: What's there to laugh about? I didn't think they're weird.

Boss: Doesn't matters if you do have bat ears, I'm gonna drink you up!

Sleet: Drink him? (thinking) Then that means he's a...vampire.

Private 1: He's gonna kill the general, aim your guns quickly at the weasel!

Private 2: Yes sir!

The three privates then got ready to fire at him. But just as they were, the boss drops Rodent, smirked, & dashed through them with the dagger he stole from Conker. It was only seconds later that the three privates split apart & one of girls screamed.


Voice: You're under arrest!

Boss: Uh oh, gotta go. Looks like Rouge is gonna have a visitor tonight as of my night with Nicollete. (waves) Adios, suckers!

He then disappears from the bar before anyone could notice. The police came in as quick as they could & saw the scene of his shadow disappearing.

Officer 1: What was that?

Officer 2: Could it be the weasel we've been searching for?

Officer 1: Nack? Maybe...

Sleet: Conker, bring the general & bar attendant with us. Dingo's waiting for us outside the bar. (grabs their hands) Quickly before they notice us!

Rodent picked up his helmet & put it on as they were dragged to the ship Dingo was waiting on. Inside, a blonde headed jackal with green shorts was listening to the radio.

Sleet: (coming in) Dingo! Turn the radio off! We must go!

Dingo: Huh? (turns off the radio) Oh, right! To where, Sleet?

Sleet: Bounty Hunter R' Us!

Dingo turns on the ship's main computer. Then it powers up the computer & flies off to the Bounty Hunter Headquarters. What would lie over there? Only they would know. As they were heading toward the nearly finished Bounty Hunters R' Us building, Rodent looked down as he looked at a picture of a woman with a little squirrel (with bat ears & bat wings) with glasses.

Conker: Rodent? Is there something you're not telling us?

Rodent: (sighs) Conker, there's something you have to know besides me having bat ears.

He started to take off his helmet with armor & out came the back wings from his back. The four were really surprised about it.

Rodent: I'm a half-breed, like one of my old best friends.

Andrew: (looks at the picture) Is this you?

Rodent: Yeah, that's me and my mom. I really want to kill that dumb vampire for what he did.

Dingo: Really? What did he do?

Sleet: (elbows Dingo) Dingo, don't get sentimental! Besides, you're driving!

As Rodent narrates we see a shadow of a female squirrel being raped by a vampire bat.

Rodent: (narrating) For one thing, he raped my mom, so that vampire bat known only as Leo would have me.

As he continued, we see a 10-year-old Rodent seeing his own mom killed by Leo.

Rodent: (narrating) Years later, since my mom wouldn't let me be with him, he killed my mom & drank her blood out. And I was all alone.

Rodent gets down to his knees & starts to cry.

Rodent: I don't like going out in public like this! (cries) I'm a freak!

Conker: No, Rodent, you're just delusional. You're not a real freak, besides, just about everything else, including the talking money are far freakier. Too bad the money I have doesn't work like Mobliums do.

Sleet: General Rodent, I know how it is to lose a family member. (looks up) My father was a bounty/werewolf hunter. He was really good at doing them & be a father to me at the same time. That was until a girl by the name of Necilia killed him. I was all alone until I met Dingo.

Dingo: By the way, who are Rouge & Nicollete?

Sleet then realized the names were the girls he met once.

Sleet: Oh god! Dingo, go faster! If that vampire's there, then we'll be too late!

Andrew: What's he talking about?

Conker: I have no idea, Andrew.

As Rodent puts his armor & helmet back on, the ship goes faster to the headquarters at top speed. Back at the base, the Professor & Nack were examining the boss' blood sample they took earlier.

Nack: Well, this is a complete waste!

Professor: Nack, you look tired. I'll take over vhile you get some rest upstairs.

He nods as the Professor took over. Nack sees the boss go into Nic's room & was about to go upstairs to the newly finished bedrooms until he felt someone tap his shoulder.

Nack: Not now, Nic, I'm going to bed and you should-

Nack turned around & saw an old Mobian with a heart-shaped hair & red robe.

Nack: You're not Nic!

Mobian: No, I'm not. I vant to see Rouge ze Bat, if you please.

Nack: Who the heck are you?

Mobian: I'm known only as Count Batula.

Nack: Whatever it is, you're gonna have to wait till tomorrow. It's our night off!

Batula (Mobian): You don't understand! I must speak to her now!

Before Nack could talk him out of it anymore, he passes Nack quickly & heads upstairs. Nack follows him closely behind, without Batula seeing him. Inside one of the rooms, Rouge was looking out the window as she was finished putting on her night clothes. She then hears the door open & turns around with fury on her face.

Rouge: All right, you stupid weasel! If this is about you wanting an apology-

She then looked at him & realized he wasn't Nack.

Rouge: Oh, I thought you were someone else. (sighs) Well, anyway, I'm afraid this place is closed off for the night. Besides, I need my beauty rest.

Batula: Prey, except my apologies, Rouge, if that's who you're called.

Rouge: It's all right. Come to think of it, you're alot more gentle than Nack, Mister-

Batula: (coming in) Ze name is Batula.

He kneels down & kisses her hand. Nack watched from outside & gets a jealous look on his face. Rouge looked into Batula's eyes & looked a little hypnotized.

Rouge: You look more handsome than the other boys, Batula.

She then kisses Batula, making Nack even more jealous.

Voice: (whispers) Well, well, looks like Weasel Boy's jealous!

Nack: Huh?

He looks at the left & sees Red smirking.

Nack: (whispers) Red!? I'm not jealous!

Red: (whispers) Really? (nudges him) I could've sworn you were!

Blue then came pass the others as he looked concerned.

Blue: What are you two-

Red & Nack: Shhh!!

Blue looks at the direction they're looking at & sees Rouge with Batula.

Blue: (to Nack) Who is that guy with Rouge?

Nack: He's some jerk who's trying to make Rouge love him!

Red: (covers Nack's mouth) Shh! (whispers) Do you want them to hear us!? Rouge will kill us if she sees us watching them!

Blue then noticed the door closed behind the two without anyone using it.

Blue: Hmmm...strange, the door moved on its own.

Nack: Probably cause of the wind.

Blue: What wind? They can't do that inside unless...(gasps) he's a vampire!

Red: (concerned) Now you're going off the wall. There's no such things as vampires.

Blue: I also noticed that he doesn't have a reflection on himself on the window mirror.

Red: Ha! And I suppose Rouge had the exact same syndrome too, huh?

Blue: She does have that syndrome, Red, she does!

Red: Oh really? You're saying that she's a vampire bat? I like to see it to believe it!

Nack: Will you both shut up!? I want to see what Rouge is doing!

Nack pounds on the door with jealousy on his eyes.

Nack: You better not be doing anything stupid with Bat Girl! I mean it!

Nack takes out his gun & blasts the doorknob away. He then kicks the door aside & barges in with a gun pointing to the two. Batula was about to remove his pants when Nack entered.

Nack: All right you two, enough with your stupid-

But then Nack was shocked at what he saw. Rouge's night clothes were on the floor, Rouge was in the covers of her bed, Batula's hair was down & was no longer wearing his robe, and they looked a little sweaty. Then Nack screamed as Rouge screamed.

Nack: AHHH!!

Rouge: AHHH!! (covers herself) Nack, you pervert!

Nack: What the hell is going on here!?

Batula: (angrily) You dare try to barge in vith my love!?

Nack: Excuse me, Bat Squirrel, but Rouge does not have a boyfriend, (to himself) yet.

Batula jumps from the bed & stares angrily at Nack as he gritted his teeth & his fangs started to grow.

Batula: Just for zat, you shall be my first victim of ze night! (dashes to Nack) Die!

Rouge: Victim? (gasps) Nack, look out!

Nack jumps from Batula with the help of his tail.

Nack: Red, Blue, get your weapons out & get rid of him!

Voice: Sorry, but those two won't be able to help you!

Nack looked at the direction where he entered. He saw not only Conker, Andrew, & Rodent, but also Sleet (the one calling to him) & Dingo with an unconscious Red & Blue. Batula's bat ears sorta twitch a little as he looked a little confused.

Nack: Sleet!? What are you doing here!?

Sleet: What do you think? We're here to get rid of that vampire you have over there!

He pointed to Batula as he said that.

Nack: What I'm doing is my own business!

Nack goes over to Sleet, but before he could reply, he gets knocked out by Batula. Batula then disappeared with Nack's body & reappeared behind Rouge.

Rouge: What do you think you'-

He karate chops Rouge by the neck, also making her unconscious. He picks up the night gown, dresses her, and picks up her body.

Rodent: Okay, what are you doing to those two?

Conker: And how did you survive that fall from the grinder?

Batula: Thanks to your squirrel tail, I survived and returned ze next night.

Conker: Oh no!

Sleet: (holds up his cross) Let them go now!

(hisses) You von't be able to find zem again! And thanks to my new ally, ze don, I not only have my love, but also ze 2 purple veasels. Farevell, grandson and comrades!

He grabs his clothes, transforms into a bat, and flies right out the window with his prisoners. The moment he was gone, the Professor comes floating in with Berri in her nightclothes.

Professor: Eureka! I have found out! Nack, vhere are you? You have to come down-

He & Berri then saw Conker with his group, and also with the four unconscious robber weasels (aka Red, Blue, Green, and Yellow).

Berri: Conker?

Conker: Berri?

Both: (points at each other) What are you doing here?

Professor: Ze red squirrel, no doubt. (takes out a gun) One moment if you please.

He aims it out the window, where another bat was carrying an unconscious Nic. He shoots at the bat & it hits the weasel-faced bat's leg. The bat continues the flight with its victim.

Dingo: Huh? Who are you?

Professor: I'm known as ze Professor to Nack and everyone else.

Sleet: What's the matter with you? Guns can't kill a vampire like that!

Professor: I know, (smirks) but I have placed a tracking device on him. Ve follow zem, give zem ze antidote I have made vith ze garlic, and zey are normal again.

Conker: (angrily) Tell me, Professor, how did you and Berri survive?

Professor: It shall be explained while ve are flying to zeir hideout.*

*If you read Friend In Need (Nack's POV), you would understand.

Conker shrugged as he had no choice.

Conker: All right, but I want Berri back when we're done with this stupid escapade. (points to the unconscious bodies) But we're not taking them!

They agreed to do just that. Berri was a little curious about something.

Berri: Like how are we gonna get that stupid bat to drink it?

Professor: I have a plan!

He whispered carefully to the crew, carefully without accidentally waking up the four weasels. Meanwhile, in the sewer system, Nack started to awaken.

Nack: Ugh...what happened?

He then sees his boss smirking at him as Batula was about to put his robe back on.

Nack: What the hell? Boss, don't tell me you hired that sick-o to get me and Bat Girl!

Boss: Not just yous two, but also Nicollete.

Nack: What!?

Batula: (chuckles) Vell, Nack, I see you don't notice. You see, I do not vork for him.

He then gave an evil look to Nack.

Batula: He vorks for me.

Rouge then starts to awaken, but still has the hypnotized look on her face. Nic also awakens & gasps at what happened.

Nic: (angrily) What the hell just happened here? (to Boss) And you better have a good explanation for this!

She starts to get up, but then realizes both she & Nack were tied up.

Nack: (realizes) Crap! This is definitely not good!

Batula: (takes the dagger from the boss) I heard rumors zat you vere always ze one zat cheats ze grim reaper named Gregg by cheating your own death. (raises the dagger) Let's see if vhat zey said is true, shall we?

Rouge goes over to Batula's side & starts fixing his hair.

Batula: Oh, before I kill you, veasel, zer is something I vant you to know: Once you're dead, your bat friend vill be my queen of ze undead.

As Rouge finishes fixing his hair, Batula raises the dagger to Nack's heart. But then he's stopped by a voice.

Voice: (from Batula's head) No, you must bring her to me and zen I'll decide vhether she's yours or not!

Batula: (shouting) Vill you get out of my head!?

Boss: What's wrong there, master? You okay?

Batula: (glares) No, I'm not okay!

Rouge: (gasps) Batula!

A bottle was then thrown into the air, about to land on the boss & Rouge. Batula sees the bottle, drops his dagger, and jumps to catch it. As he dropped the dagger, Rouge started to snap out of it.

Rouge: What happened? (sees Nack & Nic) Nack & Nicollete, what happened to you?

Boss: Bat Girl, only I's get to call his sister "Nicollete"!

Rouge: And where were you when I was captured!?

Boss: Well I...

Nack: Bat Girl, will you just shut up for once and get us out of here!?

As they were both arguing, Batula looked at the contents & didn't like the smell of it.

Batula: Ze smell of my vorst hated food, garlic! (throws the bottle) I hate garlic!

Before the bottle was smashed, a hand caught it. It was none other than Conker's.

Conker: Well, well, if it ain't my grandfather working with the one who killed Berri & the weasel who manipulated Berri.

Nack: (overhears) I did not manipulate the girl!

Nack's ropes were cut by Rouge as of Nic's. The weasels were free as Nack stood & glared at Batula.

Nack: All right, Bat Squirrel, enough fooling around! Time to fight!

Batula just glares at Nack as he starts dashing toward him, with his fangs growing, ready to bite Nack. Nack sees this & steps away from where he was dashing, smirking, and lets out his foot. Batula jumps over his foot after seeing it.

Batula: You think I'm going to fall for zat stupid trick?

Nic comes behind him & knocks Batula unconscious. Sleet already forced the mob boss down when he started fighting Sleet.

Sleet: Dingo, Conker, give me the antidote quickly!

Dingo takes the bottle, but it was almost empty.

Dingo: Huh? Conker!

Professor: I'm afraid you're mistaken. I think ze bottle leaked vhen ze red squirrel caught ze bottle.

Berri: Oh brother! Let a lady like do the honors!

Nic: (coming towards Berri) That's where you're wrong. I've known Nack's boss more than you, so I deserve to help him.

Conker: Uh...girls?

Nic & Berri: What now, Conker?

Conker: I don't think it would work completely if it's empty.

Nic: (ignoring) Gimmie that, Dingo!

She snatches the bottle & throws the remaining content on both the boss & Batula's unconscious body (Nack dragged him). The boss started coughing.

Boss: (coughs) What's just happened? (hacks) This is not my night!

Sleet noticed the fangs on the boss weren't shrunk back to normal size.

Sleet: Professor, I thought you said it would cure them!

Professor: I only meant if we have ze whole thing. If you pour some of it in, it vould only help zem realize vhat zey have done and resume zeir normal affairs.

Conker: Gah! Why didn't you say so in the first place?!

Rodent: I don't think you asked, your majesty, that's why.

Conker just sighs, ignoring Rodent's remark. The boss pushes Sleet off of him & gets up, dusting off his jacket.

Boss: Whatever you is planning to do, it ain't gonna work.

Batula: (starts to awaken) Vhy....vhy does he vant ze one I love?

He opens his eyes to see Conker and the gang, including a very angry Nack.

Nack: Who? (grabs him by the collar) Who wants Rouge besides you?!

Batula: Oh...(puts his hands on his head) shit! My head...

Boss: I's think I should explain (to Conker) if yous don't try to kill me first!

Conker just turned his back on the boss. Before he could explain, Sleet & Dingo tie them both up.

Sleet: There, now maybe you can explain why you're doing this!

Batula: Vhat it is, it's none of your damn business!

While they had both the boss & Batula tied up at the moment, Necilia was watching from the outside of the sewer.

Necilia: Batula's defeated. My 'former' master was defeated by a pathetic bounty hunter weasel. I'll inform the head master before they can find me!

She changes to a bat & flies up in the night sky. Inside the ship, Batula & the boss were both in cloaks so the sunlight wouldn't turn them to dust.

Boss: ...and that's what happened. One minute I get somethings stuck in my head to tell me that I need to bring Nicollete and the others, the next I'm back to my old selfs again.

Conker: (concerned) Are you sure you're not faking it?

Nic: Conk, calm down! Besides, you already gave us enough heart attacks threatening our boss.

Sleet: Hmmm...maybe if we use both the boss' and Batula's minds to see where their master's voice is coming from, then I think we will find out where the head vampire, as well as Necilia, live at.

As Sleet made the plan, Batula looked at a picture of a red haired squirrel with Rouge's face on it.

Nack: (looking over his shoulder) Your girl?

Batula: Actually, she's my vife. (sighs) She died long ago, and I miss her. She told me if any of us died, ve should find another, not to replace, but to move on.

Nack: Can't say the same about my parents.

Batula: Vhere's Rouge anyway?

Nack: B.C. got her clothes just in case we don't get back to the hideout. So Rouge's getting dressed and told me (in Rouge's voice) "Come inside the door without my permission and I'll knock your big fang out of your stupid face." (normal voice) My face isn't stupid, you know.

Rouge: (inside the other room) You can come in now if you feel like it, Weasel Boy!

Nack: (to Batula) Oh, and one more thing, I would really make sure you don't show that picture to everyone you meet if I were you.

Nack heads into the vacant room Rouge was in. He was then shocked to see Rouge near a mirror, without a reflection.

Nack: What the-? You never told me you were a vampire bat!

Rouge: I know that....and it scares me. I don't know how this happened! I had a reflection before!

Nack sees 2 bracelets next to her gloves & picks them up.

Nack: Hmmm...I think you better wear these. I think this is the only reason why you stay mortal.

Rouge looked a little confused, but put on one of the bracelets. She then turned back & saw her reflection again.

Rouge: (gasps) Oh god, I have my reflection back!

Nack: Maybe I could use it on my boss. That way he won't be complaining all the time. Besides, he usually complains around me!

Rouge: Ugh! That's just like you, Nack! You only care about yourself and no one else! (snatches the bracelet) Gimmie that!

Nack: Hey!

Rouge: I'm giving this bracelet to Batula. He's more of a gentleman than you, Weasel Boy!

Nack: What!? (shakes his head) Oh no, not Bat Squirrel! He's the guy who started this whole mess in the first place!

Rouge: Maybe he had a reason why he did it. I'm going over to him.

Nack: But...but...(sighs) Guess beggars can't be choosers.

The day was passing by as Sleet told his plan about finding the head vampire. The plan was that both the boss & Batula would tell them the location of their master by feeling where he was.

Boss: We're getting closer...he's near.

The sun set as he said that. Both Batula & the boss then removed their cloaks since the sun was gone.

Batula: Ve are nearer, but ve must valk in order to reach it.

Nack: So we're taking orders from a vampire? (sarcastically) I'm so scared, I could hardly wait to take another order before I get my blood drained. HA-HA-HA-HA!!

Then Nack got smacked on the face by not only Rouge, but also Batula.

Nack: Ow! Can't you guys take a joke?

Nic: (hands him his red jacket) Nack, just shut up and put your jacket on! Besides, your guns and your bulletproof vest are in there.

Nack: How come I can't wear the cloaks like you guys?

Sleet: Well, cause you and Rouge will be the baits.

Nack: (shocked) What!?

Rodent: Don't worry, he doesn't mean it on purpose.

Conker: Anyway, let's just get this whole stupid fiasco over with so I can go home with Berri.

Boss: Just do as wes planned it.

The ship lands near a mountain. They then all came out, except for Andrew.

Andrew: You go ahead, I'll contact anyone if you need backup.

Conker: Thanks, but I think we can handle it. (to himself) I know I did.

Inside the mountain, a dark bat & a cloaked figure had just finished listening to Necilia.

Necilia: ...and now they're on their way here, master. What is it that we should do?

Figure: Let them come. Batula thinks he's a more superior head vampire zan I vas, zo let them come, and zen vhen the time is right, kill them all, and let me deal vith Batula. (to the bat) Leo, your son might be vith zem, so go escort zem to me.

Leo: Right away, master. Just don't force me to hurt my only son.

Necilia: Just bring them, (to herself) stupid airhead.

Leo ignores Necilia's remark as he heads outside the cave. There he saw not only Rodent with Batula & the boss, but also Nack, Rouge, and a few cloaked figures.

Leo: (gasps) My...son?

Boss: (whispers) Steadys now.

Leo then starts shedding blood tears as he hugs Rodent.

Leo: My son, you returned to me! I knew you come back someday.

Rodent: (little embarrassed) Uh, dad? Not in front of everyone.

Leo sees the others, stops hugging Rodent, and wipes his blood tears off his eyes.

Leo: Ahem. And what brings you back to this dump? And with a weasel with a giant vampire tooth?

Nack: (angered) Grrr!! I'm not a vampire! I was just born with this tooth!

Nack then gets elbowed by a cloaked Sleet.

Nack: Ow!

Leo: (concerned) And who might they be?

Rodent: (points to a cloaked Conker) Oh them? They're here for...uh, their appointment. They want to be vampires like you and me.

Leo: Good work, son. (to Batula) And Batula, my master has been expecting you. Follow me. Oh, and I would watch out for the white bat if I were you.

The ten followed Leo as Nack looked angry at Sleet.

Nack: (whispers) What did you do that for? That hurts!

Sleet: (whispers) If you would've talked more, you might've revealed the plan.

Nack: (whispers) Oh shut up!

Berri: (whispers) Quiet. Like we're about to enter that room.

The other vampires stepped aside as the figure removed his hood. He looked like a vampire version of Nack as he smirked. The others gasped at what they saw.

Vampire Weasel: Velcome to my home, Veasel. My name iz Kitaru, and I hope you and zat girlfriend of yours vould enjoy being vampires.

Nack: (chuckles) You think Bat Girl's my girlfriend? You're joking!

Kitaru (Vampire Weasel): It looks as though I'm not, as vell as you and your Volf Boy's plan von't vork!

They gasped at what he said as Necilia walked into the room & Leo looked confused.

Leo: So Rodent didn't actually do what I told him in his dream? Like you ordered?

Conker: (removes his hood) How did you know all of this!?

Necilia: Simple, I told the master.

Nack: And I almost wanted a date from you, bitch!

Nack unties his ropes as he throws the dagger at Necilia. She gets stabbed in the leg, but then starts to spawn her teeth out.

Necilia: How dare you hurt me, you piece of shit!

She dashes towards Nack, but he jumps out of the way for Sleet to stab Necilia.

Necilia: Gah!!

Sleet: This is for my father!

The boss then goes up to Necilia & hits her head as she starts turning to dust.

Boss: This is for biting mes in the first place!

Nack: (smirks) And that's for everything else you did during this whole incident.

Nack takes out the dagger & slices her head off before she turns to dust completely. Nack sees Kitaru & Batula going to the other room as he followed them. Meanwhile, Conker & Rodent were busy fighting the other vampires as Conker took out his knives & stabs the first one in its heart. Rodent saw the other vampires going after him.

Vampire 1: You shall pay for your betrayal of the vampires, Squirrel Boy!

Vampire 2: Die!

The two vampires then headed towards Rodent with their fangs ready to drain the squirrel from his blood.


But then, Leo grabs Rodent & gets out of the way. The two vampires were shocked at what happened.

Rodent: Huh? Dad, you saved me?

Leo: Yeah...I got sick & tired of taking orders about a month ago. I just really want to be a normal guy like that squirrel friend of yours.

Rodent: Well...maybe if the head vampire was killed...

Leo: Just stay behind me! (to the other) Everyone else, make sure the vampires don't cause anymore innocents to get hurt or killed!

Nic: Nack was right, (sighs) guess taking orders from a vampire is really dumb.

Professor: (shoots at the vampires' heads) Just make sure zat all ze other vampires are dead.

She nods as they all continue. Meanwhile, inside the room, Nack & Batula find Kitaru now without the cloak & more muscular than Nack.

Kitaru: Don't be foolish. You and zat veasel make a great team. With me by your side, ve shall rule ze vampires together! (to Nack) You vant to be more superior zan your boss and have your girlfriend love you, don't you? Join me and I'll make your dreams come true.

Nack: Sorry, but I already learned long ago not to trust vampires, especially look-alikes!

Batula: I hate to zay zis, but Nack iz right. You are only thinking you are more superior zan me, but you aren't in reality. Zer can only be one head vampire, and zat is me!

Kitaru: (narrows) Fine, zen I shall take you both to your graves!

He turns into a bat & starts to fly towards Batula, but seeing this, Batula quickly changes to bat form as well. The two fly around in circles twice, trying to confuse each other before one could bite at the other. But then a dagger is thrown to Kitaru's foot.

Kitaru: Gah!

Nack: I'm getting impatient over here! Fight fair or I'll be force to cut off your foot!

Kitaru: How dare you-

Batula: Nack is right, (to himself) for once. (normal tone) It iz pointless to fight in bat form.

Kitaru: (takes out the dagger) Fine, have it your vay!

He throws the dagger to Nack as both he & Batula change back to Mobian forms.

Kitaru: I vill ask you one last time, join me or die!

Nack: And I'll say it again! Not in your life, even if you were the last real vampire on Mobius!

Kitaru: If zat's ze vay you vant it, zen I shall kill you both!

He jumps up & slashes Batula at his chest.

Batula: Gah!

Kitaru then goes over to try & slash Nack, but Nack ends up using Batula as a Squirrel shield as Batula gets slashed more & more until his robes were destroyed.

Batula: Nack! (sees Nack behind himself) Vhat are you doing now?

Nack: (takes out Batula's pins) I'll give them back when you're done healing!

Batula's hair falls down as Nack starts throwing the pins at Kitaru.

Nack: You don't even look a single bit like me with all that muscle!

Kitaru: (dodging the pins) How dare you compare yourself to me!

Batula sees that he is about to run past him. Batula then grabs Kitaru before he could go even an inch towards Nack.

Nack: (smirks) Looks like I have the upperhand after all. And you know what?

Kitaru: Let go! You vill suffer ze consequences, even if you and your family are stupid!

Batula: (angered) Who are you to criticize me and my ancestors, (punches Kitaru's face) who's blood runs in zese veins! You are no true noble birth of anything, and never vill be!

Nack: I'm not done yet!

Nack then dashes towards Kitaru & stabs him in the heart.

Nack: (takes out the dagger) I win!

He then slashes Kitaru's head off. Leo then comes in & sees Kitaru's body turning into dust.

Leo: All right, you guys did it! Nack, Batula, I'm forever grateful to both of you!

Leo then felt pain as he starts shrieking.

Nack: Huh? What's wrong, Leo?

Rodent, without his armor & helmet, comes in, looking like he's in pain too.

Rodent: Nack...I think...we're turning...mortal. (feels more pain) AHHH!!

Rodent's bat ears were starting to shrink as his wings were starting to disappear. Leo's vampire fangs turned back into normal bat fangs as the other vampires that were bitten by Kitaru, including the boss, were changing back to their original form as they fell unconscious. Nack looks at Batula & wonders something.

Nack: Hey, Bat Squirrel, how come you haven't changed back to a normal squirrel?

Batula: Because I have been a more dominant vampire zan Kitaru ever vas.

Nack then sees something. He saw that the whole cavern was going to collapse with everyone in it.

Nack: Shit! We gotta get out now!

Batula then starts chanting a spell, trying to hold the cave up.

Batula: Nack, get ze others out. And please, take care of Rouge for me. Go before you're trapped too!

Nack: What!? Are you nuts? We aren't going without you!

Batula: You have to. Do it for my grandson, Conker. Do it for your boss. Do it for Rouge.

Nack looked a little surprised about this. Nack only gave a sad smile & started to run with both Rodent's & Leo's bodies with a tear dropping onto the floor.

Batula: (sheds a tear) Farevell, Rouge. I hope zat someday ve vill meet again.

The tear didn't look like blood, but of a normal pure tear. It drops onto the floor as the cave, with Batula in it, collapses. Rouge goes over to Nack as he brings out the two bodies.

Rouge: Nack...please tell me...where's Batula?

Nack looked down & handed over the bracelet Batula wore. Rouge then started to cry.

Rouge: Noooo!! Batula!

She cried on the floor as the others were starting to feel sorry for a vampire they knew so little about.

Dingo: Is he really gone, Sleet?

Sleet: I don't know, Dingo, I just don't know.

They, with the victims, all just stood there all morning, mourning about the vampire that saved them.


As we hear the Professor's narration from his diary, we see images of what he is saying about the outcome of it all.

Professor's Diary: And zo ze vampire known as Batula lived a vampire, but died a hero. He has saved Nack and ze others from being crushed from ze caverns. Sleet & Dingo left for a while to forget about ze hard times, while General Rodent's father, Leo, decided to be partners vith Sleet & Dingo as he bid his own son farewell. Ze bar tender already started a homeless shelter since he knew zese people had no homes. Conker and Rodent resumed zeir duties and Conker lost his memory of Berri being alive, thanks to my memory lapse potion (zere vas no garlic juice, just zat to make him forget ze whole thing once he goes back to ze castle) cause Conker really did drink ze potion. Our boss awakened and have lost his memory of being a vampire also. Nic had to make sure everyone, especially me, kept ze secret about him being a vampire. I just wondered one thing though, why did Batula cared so much for both Nack & Rouge? I vill probably never know. Auf Wiedersehen, Ze Professor.

At the site where the now ruined caverns once were, there was not only a drawing of Batula with Rouge, drawn by Rouge, but also writing like a gravestone. It said, "Count Batula, grandfather of Conker, 2906-3236, Here lies a great hero. He may have been cold-hearted, but he does care for the ones he love. Sayonara, Count Batula. Love Nack the Weasel and Rouge the Bat".

The End...

Voices that should've been in the story:

Tony Sampson-Nack

Lani Millena-Rouge

Maurice La Marche-Sleet

Peter Wilds-Dingo

Jennifer Hale-Nic

Nancy Cahtwright-Rodent

Chris Seavor-Batula, Conker, Boss, Professor, Andrew, Others

Louise Ridgeway-Berri, Others

Jeff Bennet-Blue

Tom Kenny-Red

Tara Strong-Necilia

Johnny Yong Bosch-Leo

Jeff Nemoy-Kitaru

Hope you have enjoyed my revamped and newer edition of my story.