The F-Word

Bella, Rosalie, and Alice sat on the couch in their front room. Esme in the kitchen. All four were home alone; they boys had gone off with Carlisle on a weeklong hunting trip. The three sisters were trying to keep occupied and thinking of something to do. All of a sudden Rosalie grinned. She wrote down her idea on a piece of paper because being as vampires have excellent hearing, whispering would be of no use. 'Let's get Esme to swear. Let's see if we can get her to say fuck.' The note said. Bella muffled her mouth trying not to giggle. Alice buried her face in her hands knowing full well if she looked at either sister, she'd break up laughing. Rosalie stared straight ahead looking at neither of them.

Bella wrote down the word 'fuck' backwards. She went to the kitchen where Esme was seated. Her other two sisters went outside to wait and hear what was going on. Esme saw Bella come in and smiled warmly. "hello dear." She said kindly.

Bella barely kept a straight face. "Can you read this? Im not sure what is says and I came to you because you're good at deciperhing these things.

Esme smiled and read the paper. 'kcuF' it read. Bella bit her lip. If she smiled now….Esme looked at Bella slightly amused raising one eyebrow. "No. you know what is says. Did your sisters put you up to this?" she asked. Bella stifled a giggle and ran outside leaving an Esme wondering about Bella's sanity.

"Did it work?" Alice asked. Bella shook her head. "No. she thinks one of you put me up to this."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Here let me. I can write the word in a foreign language and have her say it. Then when she reads the English translation, she'll know what she said." She grabbed another piece of paper and wrote down the foul word. 'Chingar.*' Alice broke into hysterical laughter. Rosalie grinned and went in to find Esme.

"Hey Esme? Can you pronounce this? Pleeeease?" Rosalie whined. Esme looked at Rosalie.

"You shouldn't whine Rosalie. Really." Esme sighed. She took the paper and looked it over. "Nice try. Im not saying that word." She said handing the paper back. She waited for Rosalie's next move. "You don't even know what is means." She protested stomping her foot. Esme looked at her. "Yes I do. And you know what it means too young lady. And stomping your foot doesn't get you your way. You're what…85 now?" she asked.

Hysterical laughter filtered in from outside. Rosalie glared at the direction of the sound and stomped outside to join her sisters. 'Its not working.' She wrote on more paper. Finally Alice got to her feet without saying a word. She had grabbed a small frog and carried the creature inside. Both girls went to listen in.

"Yes Alice…?" Esme asked cautiously. "Oh, nothing. We were trying to get you to say that word….but it didn't…OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Alice screamed tossing the frog at Esme. The animal landed harmlessly on her lap.

"AHHHHHHH! FUCK!" Esme screamed jumping to her feet. Alice screamed with laughter grabbing the frog and running outside to set it free. Rosalie and Bella stared in shock at Alice then dissolved into hysterical laughter. Esme glanced out the window and saw her three daughters laughing uncontrollably. They had gotten her to say the word.

One week later the boys returned home. Alice told them what had transpired and all boys, save for Carlisle laughed hysterically. Carlisle looked at his mate.

"I am concerned about their mentality right now. I don't even want to know how this even started." He sighed as he and his mate stared at their 6 hysterical children.