Disclaimer: This is my first fanfiction in like…ten years, so I might be a little rusty. Also, this is my first time writing romance. So this might suck…
Disclaimer Part deux: The Avengers and the various characters therein are all owned by Marvel Comics and Disney. The version of The Avengers existing herein will be something of a portmanteau of their Cinematic and Comic Book varieties. Frozen, and all the characters therein, are owned by Disney. I do not claim any ownership, nor any intent to make a profit, through this story.
It was a crisp Autumn afternoon in New York City, and Tony Stark was enjoying it from the comfort of Stark-er, Avengers Tower. A mug of Irish coffee in one hand and his smartphone in the other, Tony looked out over the shining New York skyline and was actually giving his best effort at relaxing in a way that didn't involve soldering irons or blowtorches. But that got boring after a little while, and with no sign of Crimson Dynamo or his other rogues to divert his attention, or even Stilt-Man, Tony decided to see what the rest of his team was up to.
"Jarvis," Tony said to the Artificial Intelligence hardwired into every building he lived in, "pull up the World Map and pick up the frequencies of everyone's Avengers badges." When Tony'd had new costumes made for everyone, he'd had a microchip implanted in the stylized 'A,' which could be synched up to any camera in the vicinity of the signal, or any satellite where there were no cameras. This let him keep an eye on his team at all times, though he doubted they would like very much if he knew. Bruce would probably like it least of all, since the chip was in the cell phone Tony gave him, which Tony swore was untraceable.
"Right away, sir." Replied Jarvis in a clipped alto, and in a matter of seconds, the New York skyline was replaced with a glowing blue map of the Earth, with a handful of yellow pings stretched across it. There were two in New York City that Tony could figure out pretty easily. Those would be himself, and Bruce, on the third floor, doing his yoga. Bruce had said something about how it calmed his aura and that how he hoped it would one day grant him complete control over The Hulk. Tony still subscribed to the idea that Bruce should just get a huge bag of weed.
There was a ping in Washington, DC, where Sam Wilson, aka The Falcon, was speaking to Congress on the treatment of US veterans. Wilson had figured that having helped play a role in saving the Earth once or twice, and being buddies with Captain America, would hold some sway.
In South America was the ping of Thor, who had taken his 'A' badge to clip onto his cape, taking it as a gesture of Tony's goodwill and friendship. Tony didn't want to think where Thor would try to put Mjolnir if he didn't like what the actual purpose of the badge was. Regardless, Thor was traipsing through the Brazilian rainforest with Darcy, Jane Foster's former intern, on some…cryptozoological expedition. Darcy had gotten into a big kick of looking for animals that supposedly didn't exist, which Tony couldn't really mock her for, given her present company. And as for Thor, Tony supposed there were worse ways to deal with getting dumped by your girlfriend than rebounding with her best friend. Not like it was something Tony hadn't done.
There were two blips in China for Natasha Rominov and Clint Barton, Black Widow and Hawkeye, respectively. Or maybe that was Natasha Barton now. Or maybe even Clint Rominov. Tony hadn't bothered to ask. Tony couldn't be sure if the two were in China on Honeymoon or were planning on another one of their Freedom Fighter routines that they'd been up to since SHIELD went belly-up, or if there was even a difference. Tony took a chug of Irish coffee and put it out of his mind.
And that just left the one other blip. Steve Rogers, Captain America, the greatest hero of them all (at least according to public opinion polls), was just sitting on a bench, overlooking the waterfront, staring out at Ellis island and sketching. God, that made Tony depressed. It wasn't that Steve was a gloomy guy, or even unsociable, he just…spent so much time in his own little bubble, either just trying to cope with and catch up on everything he'd missed out on, or lamenting the things he could never get back. Peggy Carter had passed away last month, which had been rough on Steve. Really rough. He'd never seen a man drink twelve beers to no effect, and then have the dexterity to walk downstairs to the Team Gym and total six punching bags before.
Thinking about Steve suddenly gave Tony another rather sad thought. He had Pepper, Bruce had Betty, when they weren't stalked by the government, anyway (though some fan circles believed that Tony and Bruce had each other, which Tony found preposterous), Clint and Natasha had each other, and Thor had Darcy. Sam was probably married, Tony could remember seeing a ring one time, but he'd never bothered to ask, and Sam had only been on the team three months, so he didn't think it was appropriate. But all Steve had were memories and gravestones. Tony finished off his Irish coffee and set it down on the coffee table, resolute in his idea.
"Jarvis, send out a call. Everyone but Steve. I'm gonna fix up my best friend."
It was a bright, if chilly, fall morning in Arendelle. Kristoff and Anna were sitting on the roof of the castle, eating apples and looking at the sun reflecting on the fjord, Anna nuzzled into Kristoff's side. Kristoff held Anna in one arm and tugged at the collar of his fine silken tunic with the fingers of the other hand. Kristoff was still getting used to being a prince consort, with all the etiquette lessons and the people he had to know and the things he wasn't "supposed" to do. It was all a lot to take in for a guy raised by trolls. Still, living in a palace was pretty nice. And living in a palace with Anna was perfect.
"Hey, Kristoff?" Anna said suddenly, sitting up. But this caused her to lose her balance and let out a "Whoop!" as she started to slide down the roof. Kristoff went to grab at her, which caused him to lose his balance, too, and they slid down the roof together, screaming their heads off, until the roof wasn't there anymore, and the plummeted fifty feet to the ground.
Right into an enormous pile of red, brown, orange, and yellow leaves in the garden, cushioning their fall. They popped their heads out of the pile, laughing with that nervous exhilaration of having almost died. Kristoff reached over and started picking leaves out of Anna's auburn hair, smiling.
"So, what were you gonna say?" He asked, Anna giggling as his huge fingers tickled her scalp, until she shooed his hands away, shaking out her braids and letting the leaves fall freely.
"I was just going to say that I've been…thinking about Elsa." Kristoff sighed, rolling his eyes and flopping back under the pile of leaves. Anna scowled, pulling him up out of the leaves by his hair. "What was that for?" Kristoff winced, pushing Anna's hands away.
"Hey, ow, jeez! You're gonna pull out the roots or something!" He muttered, straightening his hair. "And it was because I know what you're going to say. It's the only thing you think about with Elsa. That even though she's being more outgoing and more of a people person, she's all alone." Anna threw up her hands, leaves flying everywhere.
"Well, she is!" Anna insisted. "She doesn't have anyone. Not like you and me have each other…" Anna scooted closer to Kristoff, drawing slow circles on his chest with the nail of her index finger, giving him a coy raised eyebrow. Kristoff blushed, and pushed her hand away.
"Are you trying to flirt with me to get me to listen to one of your plans again?" Anna put a hand to her mouth and made her huge eyes even wider, the picture of innocence, giving a small shrug that said "Maaaaaybe." Kristoff sighed again, running a hand through his hair. "Anna, it's just…we've tried already! We've tried like six times! But you won't let her date any foreign princes-"
"Do I not have a good reason to?!" Anna interjected. She'd had a hard time trusting any of the young men who came to court interested in Elsa's hand, after the whole Hans incident. Kristoff held up his hands defensively.
"I didn't say you didn't! But eliminating them really just leaves the people in Arendelle, most of whom are just ordinary people, or guards, and, more importantly, all of whom are Elsa's subjects. It would make dating kind of weird, and would mean breaking up could involve exile or execution." Anna punched Kristoff painfully on the arm, though he knew she didn't mean to. She just had no idea how strong she was.
"Elsa would never do that! She shouted, then gave a reigned sigh, flopping back into the leaves. "I just don't know what else to do, Kristoff! Nobody wants to be alone!" Kristoff smirked, leaning back on his palms.
"The last time you said that, Elsa had us thrown off a cliff by Marshmallow." Anna smirked back, remembering the wild adventure that had brought them together. She grabbed a handful of leaves and lobbed them playfully at Kristoff as she spoke.
"Yeah, but not forever!" Kristoff started talking, but his words quickly faded to the back of Anna's hearing as she looked up at the sky. And, more importantly, at the spire at the top of the palace. Where a woman with bright red hair in all black was hanging by some kind of wire and looking in the window of what had to be…Elsa's room!" Anna sat bolt upright, while Kristoff continued talking.
"And maybe, you know, Elsa's not into guys. Or girls. Maybe if she was really lonely, she could just make a snow-" Anna slapped a hand over Kristoff's mouth, shushing him curtly and pointing up. Kristoff's eyes followed, but before he could say anything, Anna burst from the pile of leaves and was running as fast as she could, pulling up her dress so she wouldn't trip. Kristoff groaned, starting after her. "But we just fell off the roof!" He whined to no one in particular.
Tony stared through the shimmering blue portal, looking at a world that looked like it came right out of one of those storybooks he never read as a kid, munching a handful of caramel popcorn. He turned to Thor on his right, who was also watching, and eating a twizzler, and Clint on his left, who was drinking a Slurpee. They were all sitting in appropriately colored bean bag chairs. Bruce had neglected to participate, and said "Even though Steve is my friend, I've got better things to do with my time than play matchmaker." Clearing his throat of salt and sticky sugar, Tony spoke, looking at Thor.
"All right, so how's this thing work again?" Thor spoke with the twizzler dangling from his lip like the entrail of a wild boar. Vikings ate that sort of stuff, right, Tony thought to himself.
"Though it is true that there are only nine realms," he began, and gestured at the portal, "Darcy and I have discovered that there are subrealms, sharing certain qualities with two or more of the larger realms. This Arendelle resides as part of a realm between Midgard and Asgard." He slurped the twizzler into his mouth noisily as Tony nodded, then asked
"And how did you figure out how to make these portals?" Thor just shrugged, and that was good enough for Tony. Thor wasn't much of a science guy, and for that matter neither was Darcy. They probably stumbled into it on blind luck.
Hawkeye sat up in his bean bag chair, trying to keep his Slurpee from spilling all over his shirt.
"So why this Elsa chick? Is she somebody special?" Thor nodded, pulling another twizzler out of the bag, and Tony decided to take his life into his own hands and put one of those hands between Thor's mouth and the twizzler.
"Thor, please. Don't talk with your mouth full. It's easier to understand you that way." Thor scowled momentarily, then shrugged, resting the twizzlers atop Mjolnir.
"This was the first of the subrealms that Darcy and I discovered, and so we have watched it for some time. This Elsa is an interesting young woman. She has strange powers, not unlike us. She is a kind individual, compassionate, and very beautiful. But she is shy, and does not trust easily, afraid of her own power." Clint raised an eyebrow.
"So why try to set her up with Steve?" Thor gave a small shrug and grinned that grin of his, as if the whole world were some big joke he hadn't decided to let anyone in on yet."
"If we were seeking a companion exclusively for Captain Rogers' benefit, I am sure Stark knows of many women who would accept payment for such companionship." That comment nearly made Tony snort caramel popcorn as he tried to choke down a laugh. Obliviously, Thor continued. "I believe that Rogers has as much to offer Elsa in helping her as she would in helping him." Then, he leaned forward in his bean bag chair, watching as someone was walking up behind Black Widow.
Natasha pushed a hand through her hair, the light Fall wind blowing through it gently as she spoke into the portal. "Yeah, I got a good look at her. She's definitely pretty, and she seems nice enough, as far as royalties go." She looked at her watch, and saw that it was close to six. Steve would probably be heading back to the tower soon, so they'd need to wrap this up. "So, how are we going to set this up, do I talk to one of her staff, or-" And then decades of military training made Natasha acutely aware of two people sneaking up behind her. Flicking a thumb across her stun bracelets, Natasha spun around, expecting guards, or maybe even bandits. What she couldn't have expected was a brunette in pigtails and a green dress followed by a blonde…lumberjack in a white tunic and black trousers. They both had pointed boots. Why Natasha had noticed that, and not the fact that they were each holding a pickaxe, Natasha had no idea. The brunette spoke first, angry fire in her green eyes.
"Why were you spying on my sister?" She asked, glowering, squeezing the pickaxe in her hands. Blondie didn't seem like he really wanted to be there, but he looked willing to fight if the brunette was in trouble. Natasha didn't move her hand away from her stun bracelet, trained on the big one.
"My name's Natasha. Who are you?" She asked coolly, trying to keep things calm. She didn't think it would do wonders for Steve's attempted romance if she started an interdimensional incident. The brunette took a step forward, and it took all of Natasha's energy to fight the reflex to shoot her right there.
"I'm Princess Anna of Arendelle." She looked back at Blondie, no longer angry for just a moment, "And that's my husband, Kristoff." Kristoff waved awkwardly, and Natasha bit her lip to keep from laughing, before Anna spun back on her again. "Now, why were you spying on my sister?!" Natasha sighed, taking a deep breath.
"Would you believe…I'm trying to set her up on a date?" Anna's eyes narrowed, and she raised the pickaxe high overhead. "No." She said bluntly, and charged, Kristoff following behind her at a slight delay. What would have happened next, no one was sure, as everything went white with the sound of thunder and the smell of burning air. When it cleared, Thor, Tony, and Clint were standing between the two parties, Clint's arrow already drawn and tapping Kristoff on the nose, who stared at the arrow, bug eyed.
These were certainly the strangest people Anna had ever seen. The big one looked normal enough, and the guy with brown hair was some kind of archer, but she was completely thrown off by the older gentleman, from his clothes, to his posture, to the weird light coming from under his tunic, which had a mural painted on it dedicated to something called "Metallica." He held out a hand and smiled amicably.
"Hi," he said with an easy confidence. "Tony Stark. I think we all got off on the wrong foot."