Old Cartoon Network vs New Cartoon Network featuring Steven Universe

By Technomaru

Chapter 1: The War Begins.

Note: I DEFINATELY do not own any of these characters from Cartoon Network, past, present, and future!

Let me be honest here, the reason why I haven't been doing much fanfiction besides work, my Playstation 3 addiction, my Nintendo 3DS addiction, the heartbreak from ending my relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years because she moved away and I'm very depressed because of it. It's even worse when my former friend 8ClockworkPurple8 decides to stop talking to me and refuses to tell me why.

I thought about retiring from fanfics because of all these reasons but after I discovered the movie "Showa Kamen Rider vs Heisei Kamen Rider featuring Super Sentai" and asking myself what if these two sides would win in a battle, and because of Old vs New... I just had to write this story!

Note that this story has absolutely nothing to do with "Courage and the Cowardly Dog Jr.", "CN Laff-A-Lympics", nor my Ed, Edd, n Eddy stories.

This fanfic was originally going to have Clarence as a main protagonist but this chapter got altered due to the events involving the Skyler Page controversy, thank you for understanding!

This fanfic is dedicated to the memory of one of the greatest Cartoon VAs of all time...

Casey Kasem


We see a map to all the shows in Cartoon Network history that is divided by a timeline and then a narrarator who happens to sound exactly like Morgan Freeman narrates the Prologue... admit it, you're imagining the voice in your head aren't you?

"Hello fans of Cartoon Network, young and old. What you are seeing is this wondrous universe created by imagination and animation. On the left this universe existed from 1996 to 2004 where characters like Dexter and the Eds have their misadventures and remain in the heart of fans of old. On the left this universe existed from 2007 and exists to this very day where characters like Gumball and Darwin and Mordechai and Rigby spend their days and are very admired by young fans.

These universes co-exist in harmony which explains why Ms. Sara Bellum had a cameo in the Chowder episode "The Hot Date"... But what if one day something horrible happens that not only upsets the balance but makes the two sides hate eachother so much that they wish that one would cease to exist... and the young boy who bands together with others like himself to stop this war before things get out of hand... and this boy happens to be...

Well it ain't gonna be Clarence but let's check on him anyway!

Clarence and his friends Sumo and Jeff happen to be watching their favorite show... "Ed, Edd, n Eddy". Sumo then shows up with toast stuck in his mouth and shouts "BUTTERED TOAST!" Then Clarence and Jeff laugh at the sight.

But then suddenly as they watch the show they notice what appears to be a giant gumball guardian from the Candy Kingdom shows up and starts attacking the Cul-De-Sac, stomping on the playground, picking up the Kankers' trailer and then tossing it into the junkyard, and picking up Jimmy and using him as deodorant.

Sumo watches then and asks, "Umm Clarence? Is this a rerun?" Clarence replies, "Umm Yes Sumo, the sewies ended with the movie Wemember? why do you ask?" Sumo then replies, "Well I sure don't remember the giant gumball machine that attacked the Cul-De-Sac!"

[Peach Creek]

The Gumball Guardian is continuing his rampage and thrashes more of the Cul-De-Sac. Eddy wets himself and says, "Double D! Ed! I swear I will never ever suck a jawbreaker ever again!" Double D then replies, "But Eddy! That's a gumball machine, not a Jawbreaker machine!" Eddy then sheepishly replies, "Oh nevermind then! I just need a new pair of pants before the world ends!

[Dexter's Laboratory]

One Day, Dexter is working on his latest experiment while Dee Dee dances around which causes random destruction as usual but...

Dexter then sees a giant green man wrecking the Laboratory. Dee Dee asks, "Umm Dexter? Do you have anything to do with that not-so jolly green giant?" Dexter shakes his head and Dee Dee adds, "Well he's destroying the lab... before I could! We have to stop him! Plus he smells like barf"

As the two try to stop the creature it punches a wall and as he looks through it he sees Dexter's parents literally playing twister in their bedroom. As the two look horrified of the creature as well as the laboratory he destroyed, the creature then says to Dexter's parents, "You know who else has a secret Laboratory? MY MOM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Then the creature that resembles a giant Muscle Man vanishes.

As Dexter and Dee Dee are confused by the creature's disappearance they see Dexter's parents looking very angry. Mr. Dexter's Dad then says to Dexter, "For years we've been wondering about the high electricity bill, the earthquakes, the strange creatures in our neighborhood... but that giant green man who smells like barf just told us his mom has a secret Laboratory...U mean you have a secret Laboratory!" Mrs. Dexter's Mom then asks, "Just how are you able to fit all this in our house? Umm I mean do you have anything to say mister? And Dee Dee! You knew about this the whole time and didn't tell us?"

Dexter and Dee Dee both nod and then pull out sunglasses and neualizers and flash them at their parents and as they stare blankly at them, Dexter tells them, "You were at one of Rick Sanchez' wild parties... Rick is a scientist and he wanted to show you his Laboratory but you got bored and drank too much Apple Cider and now you are drowsy!" Then suddenly both his parents fall asleep. Dexter and Dee Dee then drag them back to their bedroom.

Dee Dee then asks Dexter, "If you had a device that would erase the memories of anyone who discovers your "Secret Laboratory" this whole time... why haven't you used it on me? It would keep me from mindlessly dancing in your Lab while unintentionally causing damage to it." Dexter was silent for a few minutes and then replies, "There's a reason why you're allowed to know the Lab's existence... I don't know what it is but it's best if you're the only person who knows about it." Dee Dee then adds, "But Mee Mee, Lee Lee, Mandark, Blue Falcon, Dynomutt, and Rick Sanchez knows about it too, why aren't you busting their chops?" Dexter just says to her, "Just shut up and help me take them to their bedroom while we repair the damages... I swear I'm going to find out who did this and it better not be Mandark this time!"

[The Park... from "Regular Show"]

Mordecai and Rigby are just slacking off as usual while Muscle Man and High Five Ghost are making donuts with the golf cart but then suddenly they see a giant robot that resembles Dexter and alongside with the robot is another one that resembles a giant rabbit. The two are causing destruction of the park while Benson runs to the four and shouts, "OK YOU SLACKERS! WHICH ONE OF YOU CHEESED OFF THE ROBOTS THIS TIME? THEY'RE DESTROYING EVERYTHING!" Rigby then says, "But we don't know these two? Plus this is the first time robots have wrecked the Park, we had geese, a giant head, a 8-bit devil, Susan, and a snow monster but never robots like these two!"

Skips then skips to the group and says to them, "I know who these two are... Mordecai and Rigby have nothing to do with them... you two find a way to stop them when I make some calls..." While Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson are attempting to fight them off with rakes and hoses, Skips just skips back to the House and uses the phone number as he calls a friend. Skips then dials and says to the phone, "Yes.. I'll hold... Hello, Mr. Gus? It looks like the day has happened, contact Uncle Gran...what's that? The RV accidentally crashed into Aron City? Where's that at?"

[Aron City]

Uncle Grandpa's RV somehow ends up totaled in the house of Johnny Bravo. Uncle Grandpa gets up and asks, "Hey is everybody ok?" Mr. Gus hangs up and says, "Umm yeah, I had a phone call to make!" Uncle Grandpa then sees Giant Realistic Flying Tiger licking her paws, and then says, "Oh good... now where's Pizza Steve...Pizza Steve? PIZZA STEVE!" And to his horror, Uncle Grandpa sees Pizza Steve getting eaten by Johnny Bravo who then says, "Ummm... Pizza-ey! Plus I get a free pair of sunglasses! Umm you can have the crust!"

Uncle Grandpa's face turns red with anger that his head morphs into a teapot and then he shouts as he puts Johnny in a choke-hold, "YOU ATE PIZZA STEVE! BAD MORNING! BAD MORNING!" Johnny then weakly says, "Muscles...not...doing...anything!"

[Westley School of Performing Arts, Atlanta Georgia]

Music Teacher Sunny Bridges and his students are shocked to see a giant creature that is half man, half anteater, and half dog and Sunny says to his students, "I don't know what's even more shocking, the fact that the author remembers me, or the fact that this is how the author snuck in a reference to "The Problem Solvers"?" Madison just waves to the readers who remembers them.


As Mike, Lu, and Og are doing their usual thing, they notice a whale sailing to their island and coming out of the whale is a strange blue skinned pirate and a young boy dressed as a sailor. The Pirate then says to the boy, "Flapjack me boy, time to strike this island for some booty and by booty I mean candy... Little girl! Got any candy?" Lu then looks at her bag of Juju Bombs and then says to Captain K'nuckles, "Oooh no! You can't have any of my juju Bombs!" And then the two get into a huge fight that it causes the island to sink and then pop up like a cork.

K'nuckles is shocked by this sight and then asks the kids, "What kind of island is this?" Mike then replies, "Well on this island there ain't go burger stands." Og then adds, "Ain't go Disco bands..." then all three of them say at the same time, "On the island where nobody goes!" K'nuckles and Flapjack just stand there confused.

[Sector V's Treehouse]

Numbuhs 2, 3, 4, and 5 find the Treehouse being attacked by a giant rock monster who keeps shouting "Radda Radda Radda!" And then Numbuh 2 notices the giant rock monster moving from the Treehouse and wrecking Father's mansion. Numbuh 2 then says to Numbuh 4, "At least that thing wasn't sent by Father and the Delightfuls, if only Numbuh 1 was here? Numbuh 3 then adds, "Yeah, it feels like it's been months since we last saw him!" Numbuh 5 then tells them "Oh c'mon! I kept telling you! He went to the liquor store!"

Numbuh 1 shows up with a six-pack of "My Mom" brand Root Beer and tells the others, "I'm back from the Liquor store! Geez you guys act like I was sent to Space to join a intergalactic Kids Next Door organization or something!" Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 4 start drinking the Root Beer and then Numbuh 2 asks Numbuh 4, "You know who makes the best Root Beer?" Then they both shout at the same time, "MY MOM!"

Numbuh 1 then asks the other operatives, "Umm can anyone tell me what happened to the Treehouse and why is Father's Mansion in ruins?"

[Marzipan City]

Chowder, Mung Daal, Truffles, and Schnitzel witness what appears to be a giant Robot Jones attacking the city. Mung then says to the others, "A giant robot attacking the city... now that's something you don't see everyday..."


Gumball and Darwin are just going to Elmore Junior High as usual while being stalked by Sarah G. Lato but then Sarah gets licked by what appears to be a horned furry purple monster wearing a skull belt, then the creature decides to eat Anton the toast and squish Banana Joe. Gumball and Darwin look horrified and then Gumball asks Darwin, "Umm isn't Hector a only child?" Darwin just shrugs then asks, "Say where is Hector anyway?"

[Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends]

The house is in chaos as it gets attacked by what appears to be Hector but in a darkish colored hue in his fur. Mr. Herriman then looks at Goo and says to her, "Miss Goo Goo Ga Ga, did you think up this thing?" Goo then looks at Hector and says, "No I haven't, I never saw this thing before in my entire life?"

Mac and Bloo couldn't believe that thing is attacking the home but then suddenly Mac looks behind him and sees his Mother who despite we don't see her face, has a angry look on it and she says, "Mac! So this is where you've been taking Bloo to this whole time! You have alot of nerve to hide him from me, why I oughta..." Then Hector kicks Mac's mom like a football as she is seen flying to Townsville. Mac and Bloo looked shocked as they remain speechless.

[Beach City]

Steven Universe and the Crystal Gems just returned from a mission but to their horror they see Beach City being destroyed by what appears to be the Powerpuff Girls' robot DYNAMO. Amethyst, Garnet, and Pearl try to fight it off while Steven asks himself, "But why would those three do such a thing? I thought they were the good guys?



Sure enough, Opal is attacking Townsville, she kicks the Pokey Oaks Kindergarden, she smashes City Hall, but it's most vile deed was... she vaporizes the pickle factory!

"Oh the humanity!" Cries the Mayor as he is holding the towns very last jar of pickles.

Flying to the center of Townsville, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup fight the fusioned giant woman trying to keep her away from the City. Bubbles then tears up and asks, "why would Pearl and Amethyst do such a thing? I thought they were the good guys?" Buttercup then replies, "After seeing this and other reports all over our world of these new guys destroying our homes... I say we wage war against them! They should pay for their destruction!" Blossom sadly looks on and says to her sisters, "Buttercup for once is right, we have no choice but to wage war on them, they are going too far!

NEXT TIME: Now that the damages are made, the war between the two worlds will escalate... will Steven do something about this or will this war get even worse? Oh and every chapter after this one will have a short story about the cartoon network show that isn't referenced in this chapter like "Time Squad", "Sheep in the Big City", and "Camp Lazlo"

Also remember to vote which side you want to see win this war. The Cartoon Network of old or the Cartoon Network of new.