A/N: First fic ever! Whooo! (So please be soft on me!)
Yea, I'm writing an SSBB fanfic cuz I'm a crazy fan of that game! This first chapter I included all characters from Brawl. I may or may not include characters from the Brawl characters' games, but I will take requests!
COPYRIGHT (for the story, not characters): Under no circumstances shall any part of this story be plagiarized or copied unless under written and verified consent of the author.
Chapter One: Typical Day in the Smash Mansion
"Pika—CHU!" Pikachu lunged at King Dedede as he doubled back and swung his colossal hammer. Spiraling back in shock, Pikachu squealed and charged once again. King Dedede's prominent smirk was the last thing Pikachu saw on the stage before he was thundered off the podium. The crowd cheered. On the bleachers, Pit and Mario applauded violently.
"All right, pay up!" Mario decreed. Pit looked utterly devastated. "Dude, that's like the fourth time!" he whined.
"I know, I know. I'm just that great at predicting the future." Mario said. Pit unwillingly gave up more of his Smash coins with a pout for losing yet another bet against Mario. He was knocked out of his thoughts with a deafening cheer from Mario to Dedede: "WHOOOOO! YOU GO KING DEDEDE! YOU WERE ONLY WORTH MY CHEER FROM GETTING MONEY BECAUSE OF YOU!"
They paused abruptly to see Samus whip by them as she zipped to Pikachu's side (and giving a quick kick to Mario's shin as she passed).
"Are you alright?" they heard Samus inquire. Pikachu sent a withering glance at King Dedede, now battling Snake, and nodded. Mario and Pit stared at each other. They knew Samus had a soft spot for Pikachu.
Suddenly, a loud cheer shot out, and as Pikachu stood up to follow Samus, he was brutally knocked back down by the massively weighted King Dedede. Squeezing his head out under the king (whose eyes were rolling aimlessly from the dizziness), Pikachu peered up to see Snake's victorious grin. "Look at me! I am triumphant! The one that stan—OOF!"
Snake went flying over all of them as a "HOOMMMEEE RUUUNN!" came echoing around the stadium with the sudden appearance of Fox jetting on the stage. Samus attempted to wrench the yellow Pokemon from under the giant penguin as the self-proclaimed king continued to moan randomly in a different language.
Mario tried to ignore Pit's burning gaze. Finally, and without words, he gave up and surrendered to the angel's outstretched hand, returning the coins into his palms.
Despite the rather conspicuous commotion of the Brawl tournament outside, inside, an oblivious Zelda was having her usual "tea time" with "her girls." This apparent group was made up of Peach, occasionally Jigglypuff, and Samus, who had whizzed out the room to Pikachu's aid.
"So, then Link brought me a bright orange rupee for a present!" exclaimed Zelda in a hushed tone. Jigglypuff and Peach cooed and was about to comment when an earsplitting smack resonated around the room. The girls all sprang up in shock and whipped their heads over to the source of the offensive interruption; they found out it was Snake smashed against the window with a face that pleaded for help.
The girls frankly ignored him as he slowly peeled off like a sticker, succumbing to gravity. The girls barely had time to readjust in their seats and compose theirselves before they were interfered once more when Ike burst in followed by a fuming Marth.
"GIVE ME BACK MY EFFING TIARA!" Marth demanded. Ike had a mixed expression of fright and amusement with said crown clutched securely in his grasp. The three girls abruptly shut up and dived behind their chairs for protection as Marth stormed in throwing himself at Ike. Ike dodged and looked around frantically for an escape. Seeing no civilized exit, he brusquely rammed open the fireplace and proceeded to climb up.
Growling, (which did not happen often, implying a pretty lethal Marth) Marth rocketed after him like an enraged bull, an act which nobody could even imagine Marth could even pull, much more something that definitely didn't fit anyone's first impression of the prince.
Peering up at Ike's skittering body up the chimney, Marth yanked out a match out of literally nowhere, and struck a fire.
Ike was still hysterically clawing up the brick pipe when he smelled an ominous burning scent. "Dammit, Marth! You wouldn't," he mustered under his breath. Oh, but an incensed Marth could do anything universally possible. Marth bent down and threw the match into the hungry wood.
Zelda, Peach, and Jigglypuff cowered behind the chairs to cover their eyes, and they plugged their ears, blessing Ike a heartfelt farewell and promising him a proper funeral if they (ever) find his corpse.
Out by the legendary Rayquaza's lake, Red, the Pokemon Trainer, and three of his Pokemon were trying (unsuccessfully) to lure Rayquaza out into one of Red's Pokeballs. "Come on, now! There is a tasty, tasty snack up here!" Red coaxed with clucking noises which was rather degrading for the Trainer's dignity.
Ivysaur shuddered with repulsion while Charizard clamped his jaws shut to prevent a fiery laughter from bursting out.
Squirtle remained oblivious as he skimmed above and across the water of the lake. Completing a lap, he stopped in front of Red and questioned, "Squirt squirt squirtle squirt squirtle?" ("Why am I circling this lake when I don't even have any bait to lure out Rayquaza?")
"Oh, you're asking where this 'tasty snack' is that you need to drop in the water?" Red clarified. Squirtle nodded. "Well…you see…dear Squirtle…," Red sputtered, scratching his head. Ivysaur and Charizard recoiled in alarm, but Squirtle remained unaware of the disgrace that was being stammered out by his own Trainer.
The words came out like vomit. "IwasthinkingyoucouldlureRayquazaupandonceIcaputurehimIwouldmakehimspityouout."
The appalled expression of Squirtle was perfectly clear on what his cruel intentions were for Red.
However, nobody noticed an upcoming "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHH!". The scream grew louder and louder as the source got closer and closer. Upon further inspection, Red sent profuse thanks to Arceus for sending a crispy, fried Ike slamming into the advancing revenge-driven water Pokemon.
"HOT! HOT! PUT IT OUT! NOW BEFORE I ROAST TO PULP AND BRING DISHONOR TO ALL OF CRIMEA!" Ike wheezed. Ivysaur promptly slapped him into the lake with a flick of his vine.
"No, NO! SONIC, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?" Link felt like smashing his own head against the wall until he reached unconsciousness. A coma seemed much more tolerable than teaching the blue hedgehog how to use a sword.
Between his white gloves, Sonic the Hedgehog clutched onto the hilt of a wooden practice sword, swinging it aimlessly in all directions, imagining he looked just as good and skilled as his Hylian teacher. He merely ignored the facepalming Link and continued to whip the wooden "weapon" around the gym, squawking, "HIIII YAAAH!"s and other mortifying battle cries. Sonic finally stopped, pleased with himself, and broadcasted to the whole entire world, "I'm a professional swords-hog now!"
Link mumbled something incoherent under his breath somewhere between the lines of, "A professional swordsman just from rolling rotten wood around for ten minutes" before uttering sarcastically to Sonic, "Oh yeaaaaah, a professional swordsma—er—hog wouldn't be afraid to participate in the fencing match in an hour at the town square!"
Sonic looked amazed and with a challenging (possibly overconfident) grin, proclaimed, "It's on!" Link lost his composure for a second, and before he could clarify that his statement was one-hundred percent sarcasm, Sonic whizzed away in a blue blur, heading to the fencing competition in town.
A couple hours later, Link was plopped on the couch by the door, anxiously waiting for a battered and beat-up Sonic, grasping a bouquet of blue hydrangeas and a laundry basket overflowing with chili dogs. Just when Link thought he would never see the blue hedgehog again, therefore classifying himself as an indirect murderer, Sonic opened the door calmly like any other day and stepped in.
Link pounced on Sonic, showering him with the hydrangeas and stuffing a chili dog in his mouth so fast Sonic barely have time to react.
"WOAH WOAH! Hooooold uf! Waf the spefel occafion?" Sonic asked between forced bites of chili dog. Link paused and opened his mouth to pour out the most loving words he could come up with, but they froze in his open mouth.
"…You're not hurt?" he asked, bewildered. Sonic looked at Link as if Link was mocking him, then replied, "Of course not! Have a little more faith in me! I got…FIRST PLACE FTW!"
Link got his wish for a coma and fainted.
"I got it first."
"No I did."
Their faces were almost touching, gazes burning, with an innocent slice of cake sitting between them. Kirby and Popo glared at each other.
Kirby growled, "I asked Peach to bake me a cake, and she agreed, so that cake is MINE."
Popo didn't falter. "For all I know, Peach baked a cake and I got it first before you glutton got your grubby fing—," Popo paused, remembering Kirby had no fingers whatsoever. "—your grubby…paws."
"How DARE you call these paws!" Kirby lunged forward with his hammer clutched between his "paws" and attempted to smack that stupid grin off Popo's face. However, Nana came just in time and pulled out her own hammer and blocked Kirby's attack. "Thanks, sis," Popo said. Then the three charged, but they all suddenly were restrained by Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, and Yoshi.
"Hey, a friendly reminder: No Brawls allowed outside the arena!" reminded Donkey Kong, in a tone that was far from friendly.
"Now get it through your thick skulls!" added Diddy.
"CAKE!" Yoshi crooned. And with one swift move, his tongue lashed out, and the wonderful sweetness brought utter elation to the green dinosaur.
The Ice Climbers and Kirby's expressions were completely distraught. Patting his stomach, Yoshi followed the uncle and nephew already leaving.
Kirby turned to the Ice Climbers. "Well, with cake gone, I guess I'll just have to eat YOU guys!" Then Kirby used Inhale on the panic-stricken Ice Climbers. "NOOOO!"
"Don't you think it's a great day for a prank or two?" questioned Toon Link nonchalantly.
"Totally," agreed Ness. He turned to Lucas beside him. "Don't you think?" he asked the blonde. Ness knew Lucas was used to obeying rules, and it required a lot of pleading-slash-blackmail to get him to participate. But you know that peer pressure is a huge influence on kids, so of course Lucas complied.
"Hey, we gotta get Nana and Popo to join, too, or else they'd get mad," reasoned Lucas, obviously trying to buy time. However, Ness and Toon realized his logic and agreed to find the Ice Climbers.
To say the least, they had flipped the mansion upside down looking for the brother and sister only to come up with nothing (Lucas mentally threw confetti around and celebrated). They met everyone several times, including Kirby wearing a thick, purple parka.
Meta Knight and Lucario stared deep into each other's eyes, ferocity burning between them, trying to read what was going on in the other's head. They narrowed their eyes at each other, and it was a tense atmosphere, so tense it almost matched a Brawl's atmosphere. Their serious gazes clashed, none of them backing down, unwavering stares that grew more intense as the seconds ticked by. Glares deepened and fists clenched. Both of them were sweating, the environment around them dead silent except for their hollow breaths. And then Lucario glanced down and said, "Go fish."
"Bulls-eye," Bowser drawled, his dart hitting the center red circle on the target square on. He took another gulp of his drink lazily.
"Pfft. I can do better," sneered Ganondorf.
Bowser looked up. "Since when can you do better than the center?" he questioned.
"Uh…." Ganondorf lost his tough veneer for a moment before recovering and replied, "I can hit the center-center. I see your dart is a little off to the left."
Bowser bit back a laugh. He turned his face away from the Gerudo just in case it showed his unquenchable expression.
Bowser ordered, "More beer, please." Wolf beside him popped open another can of (root) beer open and poured it into Bowser's empty glass. Bowser watched the fizz settle, almost mesmerizing him, when he was knocked out of his trance with a, "Hey, it's that good-for-nothin' friend of Fox" from Wolf. The Koopa king followed the direction the clawed paw pointed to: a bird silhouette passing the basement corridor. "Let's get 'im," chuckled Wario, cracking his knuckles.
Falco was serenely trudging down the hallway in the basement to where the soft drinks were kept, humming a tune that sounded identical to the Star Fox Theme. He was craving a bubbly, fizzy root beer….
He stopped in front of the box of root beer cans. It was empty. Before he erupted into an immature tantrum, someone seized him from behind.
"HOLY SHIT!" Falco squealed.
On impulse, he kicked his captor in the place where the sun doesn't shine, and he whipped around as he recognized that the agonized wail belonged to Wario. He smirked in satisfaction, but then saw Ganon, Bowser, and Wolf behind the Mario-nemesis.
"Hey, Lombardi," Wolf snarled.
Falco reached for his communicator.
"Dare call for McCloud to save your ass?" Wolf continued to taunt.
Falco gritted his teeth and replied coolly with a witty question of his own. "You guys are so pathetic that it has to take four of you—actually three since I think one of you needs to get their nuts checked—to take down one of me? Don't try me," Falco sniffed.
"Boys, on the count of three," Wolf growled to Ganon and Bowser. Wario was still thrashing on the floor.
"FALCOOOON PAWNCH!" came out of nowhere.
The three villains plus a helpless Wario was flung back with smoke, each emitting a girly yelp before crashing through a window and out into the garden.
Captain Falcon emerged from the ashes, chortling, "Show me your moves! Now how awesome was that epic save? Did I look cool?"
Falco merely nodded and said, "Well, thanks for the help, but next time, hands off my prey!"
The two drivers exited the basement snorting and hooting.
Olimar looked back contently at his garden. He patted each of his hardworking Pikmin and dispersed them into their respective Onions. Even though Smashville was safer than that unknown planet he explored a lengthy time ago, there were still lurking predators hungering for his treasured Pikmin. Because of his love for his Pikmin, Olimar built the habit on taking care of the Smash Mansion's garden, supplying fresh veggies and fruit and herbs for everyone.
He glanced back one last time to admire the picky artichokes that took so much effort and time for them to finally poke out from the soil. Olimar realized with artichokes, he could finally taste new things instead of the same broccoli soup and mashed pota—BOOOOOOOM!
The Hocotatian recoiled in shock (as well as the red antenna on his head snapped straight in surprise) as he witnessed four soot-covered figures hurtling straight into his precious artichokes. Olimar stood as still as stone, then hung his head, and he ignored the cries for help as he plodded away, vowing for revenge soon.
'Twas the end of day, and Master Hand in his studio called up for his reporters.
Luigi, R.O.B., and Mr. Game and Watch stumbled into the right hand's office. "Today's report, please," Master Hand requested.
Luigi cleared his throat and read off the day's bizarre occurrences. R.O.B. continued the list of mishaps and accidents, and G&W concluded with a note from Olimar which stated that artichoke soup was canceled due to some "ash aliens abducting his garden."
As Master Hand took in each misfortune, the hand seemed to grow more and more wrinkles. Shaking his head(?), Master Hand forlornly dismissed the three. He knew that tomorrow could only be the same level of calamity or worse.
It was time to teach these Smashers a lesson.