A/N: Warning: mention of assault, Kurt's hospitalization, and 'Bash' episode spoilers.
Sebastian walks quickly down the hallway, not making eye contact with the nurses he passes, trying to look like he belongs there. This is the third time he's been there and he still hasn't gotten to see Kurt. He doesn't want much. Just a glimpse; a peek to make sure that Kurt is okay, so that he doesn't have to rely on second-hand eavesdropped information to calm his frayed nerves.
It was a fluke that he found out about the attack at all. Blaine sent out a mass text to mutual friends, asking for messages of love and support on Kurt's Facebook wall. Sebastian assumed that Blaine was so shaken up that he forgot to take him off his contact list. He didn't ask questions. He decided to do the small-minded thing and chalk Blaine's little faux pas up to fate.
The first time Sebastian showed up, the whole Scooby crew was there, holding vigil in the lobby, waiting for any word. The second time, as luck would have it, Kurt's father had just arrived. That's how Sebastian happened to find out what room Kurt was in.
Now he hopes he can slip in during the changing of the guard and get a second alone with Kurt. He has no idea what he will actually say. He kind of hopes that Kurt will be asleep and he can just stand by his side for a moment…maybe hold his hand. For once, he doesn't want to be an intrusion; he wants to be an addition. He wants to add his strength to the tower of support that surrounds Kurt Hummel.
Sebastian sees the room up ahead. He hears the blood rushing in his ears as he tries to stay as inconspicuous as possible. The door is propped open and from the direction he approaches it appears to be dark inside except for the soft blue glow of equipment lights scattered around the room. Sebastian creeps slowly to the doorway and peeks inside. His heart falls. He won't get his moment. Kurt's father sits asleep in a chair beside his son; and lying in the bed alongside Kurt is Blaine, wrapped around him partially like a vine.
Sebastian takes a step inside the room so as not to arouse suspicion from the night shift nurses bustling by. He blinks a few times to let his eyes adjust to the dim light, then takes his first good look at Kurt's face – the cut on his lip, the gash on his cheek, his black eye. He focuses on the injuries - the marks on his beautiful face, the cuts on his knuckles. Kurt fought back, and he has the scars to prove it.
Sebastian's fingers flex in the air, balling into fists, his whole body shaking with rage.
Rage at the men who beat him up; who dared lay a hand on Kurt.
Rage at Blaine for not being there when Kurt needed him. Where the fuck was he? What was so important that he would leave Kurt to walk around the city alone at night?
Rage at the frightened fuck-face who took off without even a thank you; who left Kurt to fight his battle alone.
Rage at Kurt for being so selfless, so brave, that he would put himself in danger for someone he didn't even know.
But most of all, rage at himself for being such a fucking coward. Sebastian Smythe, the big man on campus. All this time at NYU, he stalked Kurt's Facebook page, followed his posts on the NYADA blogs, always made a point to go out of his way and 'bump' into him unexpectedly, acting like a jerk or an asshole when he passed him on the street to get a rise out of him.
Never once did Sebastian tell Kurt the truth. Never once did he tell him how he really felt.
How he feels that Kurt is making a mistake marrying Blaine.
How it probably doesn't matter because he feels there is no way Kurt would fall for him now.
How he wants Kurt to give him a chance, just one chance.
He doesn't need to burden Kurt with any of this, not while he is lying unconscious in a hospital bed, but what if there was no tomorrow? What if those bastards had beaten Kurt to death?
Sebastian lets his hands fall open and the rage bleeds away.
Today is a gift. For now he has time. Whether he deserves it or not, Sebastian has another day to figure out his next move.
Why did it take having Kurt's face bashed in for him to see just how much of an ass he has been? So much time wasted. If he had played things differently, if he had changed the game, that might be him wrapped around Kurt right now…or even better. They wouldn't be in the hospital, because there's no way anyone would have touched Kurt with him around.
Sebastian sighs. It is a nice daydream, but the reality lies before him, morbidly bruised and broken, and he can't take it anymore.
There is nothing in that room that he can change. Not his charm or his sass or his money can make anything different. He backs out of the doorway, unable to look away even though he knows he has to go.
He'll try again later…and again…and again. He will find a way to make Kurt hear the confessions he keeps locked away. He knows that he isn't above doing anything now. He has no dignity. He needs Kurt, and he can't wait until another act of violence takes Kurt away from him for good.
It takes all his strength to turn away from Kurt's room and start back down the hall, but he does, the floor creaking beneath his feet along the way.
He looks away just as a pair of tired, wary eyes open for a moment and follow his slouched body walk past the door as he leaves.