TITLE : Partners in Crime

AUTHOR: Blue Topaz

EMAIL: blue-topaz@lycos.com


CATEGORY: Humor, Romance

SUMMARY: There was a big news in SGC and Major Carter was the last one to know.


SPOILERS: none, but it was set in Season 6.

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, WorldGekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission. Copyright by Blue Topaz, 2002


Part 1: The News

It was a big shock all over SGC. The grapevine hadn't stopped fussing about it, although it had been 2 days since the news was out. Anticipation was building gradually, everybody talking about it. Meanwhile, the man that they were talking about was as calm as a lazy cricket that hadn't realized what the winter had in store for him. Every time someone brave enough asked him about it, he just said 'no comment'. His plan was as secure as Scrooge McDuck's first dime; no one could even get close to it. That was why almost everybody stayed on the base the day Major Carter was planned to return after visiting her Dad, even though most of them were on their time-off.

"Receiving SG-1 IDC." The speaker echoed through the 28 floors of the SGC. Sgt. Davis had promised everybody to broadcast her arrival under severe threats from some of the SG team leaders. So, suddenly almost every single soul inside the base ran like crazy trying to reach the gateroom at the same time. There was traffic in the emergency stair well while the elevator was out of question.

30 seconds after that, Major Carter appeared through the event horizon, slightly amused by the fact that there were quite a lot of people inside the gateroom, and they still kept coming. She took off her pack and weapons and handed them to the nearest SF.

"Hi, Sir. Is there something that I need to know?" She asked her CO who was waiting patiently at the end of the ramp.

"Oh yeah. How's Dad?" He answered with the biggest grin.

She approached him, "He's fine. Thanks for asking. So... are you going to tell me?"

"If you ask nicely, I just might."

She was very tempted just to leave the matter alone, but her curiosity got the better of her, "Okay … if I promise not to tell anyone about what happened in P45 N78 will you tell me?"

"Hey, I said nicely." He looked indignant.

"I asked nicely."

She got her point across and he was conceded, "Hammond got the flu, I'm in charge of the SGC for a while."

"That's good for you Sir, but somehow I don't think that it was the reason why these people …" she gestured to all the audience, "are here."

"And you are correct."

Any one else, would be very frustrated by now, but she had worked with him for more than 5 years now, so lets just say that her patience was stronger than the normal human being, especially when it came to dealing with him.

"If you're not going to tell me, that's fine, I'll just have to find Teal'c.  He'll tell me." She just shrugged and started to walk away from him, however, the gateroom's door was crowded. She made a lot of 'excuse me' noise while trying to get pass it and she could hear a lot of murmurs along the way.

"If only I could do that to Colonel O'Neill."

"She's one brave soldier."

"That should teach him not to be so obnoxious next time."

"Got to wonder if she could teach us how to do that."

"Eat that, Colonel."

She almost made it to the elevator when, "PEOPLE, GET OUT OF MY WAY." the Colonel barked his order and the audience was actually wise enough to follow that order. They moved aside and opened a path for him.

"Carter, wait." He jogged to catch up with her. She had reached the elevator by then, she pushed the button first before she turned around, "Yes, Sir?"

"You're no fun, you know that?" he was mocking her.

"The Air Force didn't pay me to be fun."

"You could try."

"And why should I?"

"To make me happy."

"The Air Force didn't pay me to make you happy."

"Carterrrrr." He was whining like a little boy while she tried her best not to laugh.

The elevator door was opened, she stepped inside, and he followed behind her.  Some of the spectators tried to get inside it as well, but the Colonel just raised one hand to stop them. She pushed the button for level 20, where Teal'c's quarter was, the door then closed.

Outside the elevator, people were talking,

"Anyone knows where Teal'c's quarters are?"

"Level 20."

"We have got to get there."

"THE STAIRS." Someone shouted.

And then the mass of people was moving again, towards their new destination, Level 20. There were pushing and shoving once again on the emergency stairs from level 28 up to Level 20. Some people even pulled ranks to get there sooner, but fortunately, no one was hurt in this activity. Only a quarter of them made it to Level 20 before the elevator did.

So, when the elevator door was opened at Level 20, more than 2 dozens pair of eyes greeted the Colonel and the Major.

He stepped out from the elevator, "Wow, that was fast." He said to the people who made it on time.

"Colonel, did you tell her?" Colonel Hayes, the leader of SG-4 asked, still breathing heavily from climbing up 8 level worth of stairs in record time.

The elevator door was closed, but Major Carter was still inside.

"Did that answer your question?"

"How much did you tell her?" Major Briggs, the leader of SG-11 asked.

"Oh, just the background, I haven't told her about the one time deal yet."

"You haven't?" Now, it's Major Feretti, the leader of SG-2 who asked. Seemed like most of the SG team leaders were the only one who were brave enough to talk to him. The others were just there to watch, no one insane enough to ticked Colonel O'Neill.

He crossed his arms and leaned to the wall, facing the elevator door, "Nope."

The audience looked at each other. And then the elevator door was opened again, once again their eyes were drawn to it.

Major Carter stormed out and grabbed Colonel O'Neill collar straight away, almost causing him to lose his balance.

She pulled his face close to hers, "You have got to help me." Her eyes were full of panic.

"Jezz, I don't know Carter. The Air Force didn't pay me to help you." He grinned triumphantly.

"Fine, fine. I'll be fun, I'll make you happy, whatever you want. But YOU HAVE GOT to help me." She shook his collar and therefore his body. She was beyond the point of caring that almost half of the base was watching them.

He grabbed her wrist and made her released her grip on his collar, bringing it down to her side. "Don't worry about it Carter. I've already taken care of it."

"You have?" she wanted to believe, but sometimes when the matter is not life and death, she had a lot of doubt in him.

"Now, now. You know that I'm in command of this facility until Hammond's condition is improved." He said with a conspirator voice, "so… ", he let his explanation trail.

"But what about when the General is back?"

"Well, I told him it's only a one time deal. If he didn't make it on the trial tomorrow, there would be no second time."

"Actually Sir, if you read the manual, he could do it up to 3 times."

"Well, he doesn't know that, does he? And I'm sure no one would tell him OTHERWISE." He said while looking at the spectators.

"Yes, Colonel."

"No one would, Sir."

"You have my word."

"Don't worry about it Major."

"Not from me."

Suddenly, everybody started to talk at the same time. She looked at them and relaxed a bit, she knew that she could trust them, more than she could trust the Colonel concerning this matter.

"ENOUGH" Colonel O'Neill's bark once more; silence once more. Ahh, the privilege of being in command he thought as he let out a smile of satisfaction.

He looped one of his arms around her shoulder casually and pushed the button for the elevator, "I'll take care of it Carter, don't worry." The elevator door opened, he guided her inside and pushed the button for Level 25, where her quarters were, "I'll tell you exactly what we're going to do tomorrow. We're going to have fun."

"Don't follow us this time." The Colonel managed to say to the very well behaved spectators before the door was closed.

"What's happening?"

"What's the latest news?"

Some people were still coming from the emergency stairs and they missed all the good stuff. All of them were crowded in front of the elevator, people started to talk at the same time, almost resembling the buzzing of a battalion of bees. The one who were lucky enough to see the whole thing passed on the tale to the unlucky ones.

"She was stunned."

"No, she was freaked. Didn't you see how she grab O'Neill's collar?"

"She totally lost it."

"Well, if you were her, wouldn't you lose it as well?"


"I wouldn't want to be that man."

"He was so naïve, did he really think that the Colonel would let him join the SGC."

"Do you think that he'll get out of here alive?"

"With all the tricks that O'Neill has, I can say 'no'."

"O'Neill still silent about his plan for tomorrow."

"Can we get it out of Teal'c?"

"No way."

"Not a chance."

"Are you nuts?"

"Do you want to end up in the infirmary?"

"What about Jonas?"

"I doubt it."

"I'm not even sure that Jonas will be involved."


"I guess we have to wait until tomorrow."


"Noooo, the suspense is killing me."


"Why can't the Colonel made life easier for us."

"Because he is Colonel Jack O'Neill? Do'h?"

"Are you going to be here tomorrow?"

"Are you kidding? I have to be here."

"Yep, no question about that."

"Damn, we have a mission tomorrow."

"That's right. What a bummer."

"Don't worry, we'll let you guys know what happened."

"I'll bring my camera tomorrow."

"I'll bring my video camera."

"Okay guys, I think it's time for us to break up."

"See you tomorrow."

"What time is the trial?"

"10.00 hours."

"Don't be late."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

And so, the crowd started to break, some went back to their house, some went back to their quarters, some went back to their work, and some just disappeared. But one thing for sure, most of them would be back the day after.  Why?

Because it was Dr. Rodney McKay's trial day.

to be continue

AN: Dr. McKay was first features in '48 Hours' and made another appearance in 'Redemption part 1&2'. Just a background for those who haven't seen those eps., he was very obnoxious (at least for me he was), Teal'c had something against him and he had a big crush on Sam. Thanks for Minda who beta-read this one. Please do send reviews and feedbacks as always.