Bakura's Guide to Fighting...Dirty

By: Neko-chan

A/N: The horror! THE HORROR!!!! *swoons*

Bakura: *raises an eyebrow* CJ still playing Britney Spears?


Bakura: And I'll take that as a "yes." *pokes dead Neko-chan with a toe* Anyway, it was ABOUT TIME that people realized that _I_ am writing this guide, not that stupid cat-girl. *pokes Neko-chan some more with his toe* So, everyone who complimented me: I will not kill you. And that is all.

...x.x;;... ~~~A _dead_ Neko-chan...

Disclaimer: Neko-chan does NOT own "Yu-Gi-Oh!" After all, who would want to own Bakura? He'd end up sending his 'owner' to the Shadow Realm within an hour. Oi...

Teachers, principals, and superintendents always say that our little jokes are 'pranks.' Why don't they _realize_ that they're more than just pranks--it's WAR. War against each other; but, more importantly, it's war against THEM.

If, by chance, you have a yami: Call HIM! He can easily send those stupid teachers to the Shadow Realm. Or, he can do my favorite: Call his Man-eater Bug. Not many realize the true affection that I have for my Man-eater Bug. I mean, he kills, he kills, and he KILLS. What more could you ask for? Not like a certain stupid Magician whose only attack is "Dark Magic Attack." Ooooo.... How _impressive_! *sarcastic sarcastic* (Neko-chan: And, before I'm killed by Yami fangirls--I LOVE YAMI! He's my favorite character! Buuuut...I love to make fun of my favorite characters. Hence...Kaiba, Bakura, and Yami bashing. ^_^)

I mentioned putting salt in the teacher's water last chapter. THAT IS NOT ENOUGH! If you don't have a Man-eater Bug--which would then make you LOSERS--then try my suggestions. Hopefully, you'll take them to heart and actually DO THEM. DON'T be like certain aibous that CAN'T EVEN CALL THEIR YAMI. Understand?! Good. I'm glad that we're seeing eye to eye on this.

Most high schools have a CHEMISTRY LAB. Most chemistry labs have CHEMICALS. Some chemicals are EXPLOSIVE. Do you see where I'm going with this? Explosive chemicals are usually combustible. (And, yes, I know what that word means.) And--how DO you make the chemicals combust? The answer is simple. See those Bunsen Burners over there? Use them. Use them wisely.

After all, if you follow my advice, you'll 1) Put the school into flames. 2) Hopefully blow up the school. 3) Take a few teachers down WITH the school. (After all, for most schools, it's required that they stay in the classroom until ALL of the students are out...) And 3) Remember that annoying boy or girl that just annoys the _hell_ outta ya? Well, maybe you'll kill her off, too.

PE is a great way to 'accidently' hurt the teachers. Sometimes, they even play the games with you! Can you just imagine play either hockey or football with a teacher? I've seen it happen before. It can get _nasty._ And this is coming from _me_, too! Blood (mmmm...blood...), gore (mmmm....gore...), and body parts (mmmm...body parts...) flew. Ambulances had to be called and the teachers that played officially retired.

Art is great! Substances that have warnings of "Do not get into eyes!" are all OVER the place. And it's even better if the chemistry lab is near the art room. Think about it: Do you know just HOW flammable turpentine is?! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha... It's VERY flammable.

And math! Don't even get me started on MATH! Sharp pointy objects...otherwise known as pencils. Do you have any idea just how sharp and pointy those little suckers can GET? AAAAAND--lead is poisonous. So stock up on your number two pencils, kiddes!

Another class that I love--computers. Do you have ANY idea just how many 'technological accidents' can occur? I have fun just thinking of them! The wrong plug in the wrong socket at the wrong time--deep fried teacher, anyone? Also, there's a reason why they say not to put liquids near electrical things. Liquids and technology DO NOT mix. *cackles*

But, when all else fails, your yami's Man-eater Bug will do the trick. Yes, yes it will... D

A/N: Soooo...should Bakura keep on coming up with ideas for the *mumble*damn*mumble* teachers or actually go back to the POINT of his guide...which is how to fight dirty? *Jeopardy music plays* C'mon, guys! It's your choice!

Bakura: *doesn't care either way* Anything I write about is eeeeeevil.

*rolls eyes* Yes, Bakura. We KNOW that. Anyway--for everyone that's been wanting me--

Bakura: ME!!

...*coughs*... US to write more guides, the next time I...him...WE...add another chapter to this guide, we'll put up the first chapter for another guide. Which guide, you may ask? You'll get to find out when I post it. D