I own nothing.
"Wow you are looking at me like you just woke up" Jasper said, his lips leaving her cheek, as he spun her around the dance floor.
Bella felt like she had just woken up. Her mind felt clear for the first time in months. How this had happened? She couldn't even begin to fathom. But the fact remained she had just "woken up" and found herself at her own wedding reception; married to a vampire she didn't love! She looked down at the dress she was wearing and knew she would never have chosen this. It was long, white and old fashioned. Perfect for Edward she reasoned but not to her taste. Then again getting married wasn't really to her taste. She looked at the huge diamond ring on her finger. It felt like she was seeing it for the first time. It was ostentatious and extravagant, everything Bella wasn't.
Gazing around at the throng of people and the myriad of fairy lights and flowers, cakes, champagne she felt dwarfed. Without a shadow of a doubt she knew Edward had manipulated her into this she just had no idea how. But this, it was the last thing on earth she would have chosen.
"Earth to Bella, you checked out again" Jasper said.
"Sorry Jasper it's just all so overwhelming." He looked her in the eye with a shrewd look.
"You've been doing that a lot lately" he said quietly. Bella smiled softly.
"When everything about your wedding is decided for you I guess that is your only other option."
"I was under the impression you wanted Alice and Edward to take the burden from you." Jasper whispered.
'No Jasper, I never wanted this in the first place.' She so desperately wanted to scream. Her mind felt suddenly free, she was confused and frightened. Who could she trust? Hell could she trust any of them? She just smiled "Yeh, of course"
He studied her intently for a while. She looked happy but he could feel her emotions were whirling with confusion, distrust, fear and hatred. Not the usual cocktail of a bride at her own wedding. But as he thought more he alarmingly realised it was actually refreshing to feel anything from her. For so long her emotions had been muted, stifled and almost imprisoned. Before they left they had been clean and vibrant, she was alive with feelings at times she was an oxymoron, emotions warring within her. But since they got back she seemed a shadow of herself. Always quiet, withdrawn and lost. Edward would never let her out of his sight his emotions more possessive that loving. The more Jasper thought about it the stranger it felt.
The song ended and Edward stalked in predatorily to steel her away. She gave Jasper one last sad smile and allowed Edward to steer her across the dance floor. Bella knew that she needed time and space to figure out what had happened to her and what if anything she was going to do about it. Her honeymoon, whilst the thought was distasteful to her, could be the perfect place to think. As Edward gracefully spun her around, Bella spotted a possible flaw in her hastily conceived plan. Alice! Alice was the only fly in the ointment. She would see any decisions and try to stop her. She continued to study Alice who was dancing with Carlisle. She looked oblivious to the thoughts and decisions whirling in Bella's head or so she hoped.
"I want to talk to my dad" she timidly requested as Edward tried to get her to dance to yet another song. He didn't seem to mind the fact they had barely spoken since she 'woke up'. Her instincts told her that was the norm these days.
"Of course my love" he simpered. Bella could not repress the shudder. Christ how did she let this happen? This really wasn't her, was it? When did she start asking permission? Whilst her thoughts felt free her body seemed to be on auto pilot.
As Edward passed her to her father he said, "Remember you will have to change soon so we can leave." She looked into his eyes. There was no love there, no adoration, no warmth, but she had the oddest woozy sensation. What was going on?
Suddenly, very afraid, Bella clung to her dad as they danced, her every instinct screaming at her to keep quiet, to not create a scene. It would be written off as an overwrought mind that needed the rest and several days relaxation to heal. She had absolutely no doubt that the Cullen's would unite to keep her quiet, whatever was happening to her they had to know, and they would support Edward completely.
Turning she glimpsed Jasper watching her with a worried expression, no-one else seemed to notice, including Edward who was dancing with Esme. Either Jasper was concealing his own thoughts from Edward or they deemed her panic as purely inconsequential. Both considerations left Bella with feelings of dread.
"I love you Dad. I wanted to thank you for everything. I have really enjoyed having the chance to get to know you." She whispered while trying not to break down and cling to her dad like a life line.
"You sound like I am never going to see you again. I will be seeing you when you get back from your honeymoon, right?" He moved his head to stare into her eyes. For a slight moment he thought he saw a frightened child almost pleading to her shining knight to rescue her. But then her smile returned.
"Yes why don't we have dinner once a week, just the two of us?" Bella hoped she didn't sound as desperate as she felt. Would Edward try to stop that?
As the music changed Alice bounced over, "Come on time to change" With a kiss on her father's cheek Bella allowed herself to be pulled away.
Once she was safely in her going away outfit, which included three inch heels she had no hope of staying upright in. How many times had she told Alice this? She could feel the panic overtaking her again. "Alice please can't I wear flats, they will be so much more comfortable for traveling in" she pleaded.
"Oh come on, you just need to get used to them" Alice put her hand on Bella's cheeks and looked into her eyes. "It will be fine, trust me" She felt woozy again. Her panic escalated.
"You have got to calm down" Alice said.
Seeing an opportunity to get some information Bella worded her answer carefully. "I guess I am just nervous about the honeymoon, what if I am no good at sex? Please can you give me a clue as to what will happen? Will it be ok? Please."
Alice thought for a while. "To be honest with you. I haven't been seeing your future clearly since Volterra, I just get glimpses and in them you are one of us and happy. So I guess everything will be as it should."
'As it should' wasn't quite the reassurance Bella had hoped for. "What do you mean not seeing clearly?"
"It's like a mist all the time but every now and again I get a flash of you happy and a vampire. But that's it no time, place or company. I didn't tell you because you would have worried and Edward doesn't want you worried." Alice held her gaze again and the woozy feeling came back. "You must forget that I have told you this, Everything is fine"
"Come on time to go"
They walked down the porch steps where everyone was gathered to wave them off. Bella hugged and kissed her parents, forcing herself not to cling to them. Her panic was rising to the point she felt sick and dizzy.
A wave of calm swept over her. Forcing air into her lungs she said goodbye to her 'in-laws'. The same woozy feeling came over her as Carlisle and Esme said goodbye and looked at her. Bella couldn't focus on what they said, she was concentrating totally on breathing. Emmett gave her a huge bear hug and made some comment about not sleeping. Rosalie just smiled as did Jasper, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, they looked worried.
Edward pulled her to the car and she got in forcing herself not to look panicked she waved goodbye. This felt so very, very wrong.
As they drove Bella looked through the bag Alice had handed her. It contained lipstick, mascara, a mirror and brush. No passport or tickets, no mobile, no books or i-pod and no money.
"Do we have a camera?"
"No need I never forget" her husband answered.
"But I do, I was hoping for pictures to bring back to show people"
"Oh. Of course, my phone has a camera you can use that"
"Great" she replied. "Do I not need a phone as well? I noticed there isn't any cash in here. I won't be able to buy anything in the way of memento's and gifts."
"You can use my phone whenever you need to, and as for money I will give you my card to buy things, just tell me when you want it." It sounded reasonable, but then again restrictive almost oppressive. Bella realised she would have to ask him for everything.
Feeling strangely courageous Bella decided to push it and gage his reaction. At least learn the new boundaries she seemed to have accepted. "That is very generous of you but I would prefer to not have to ask for things. I would feel a lot happier having some freedom, what if I want to buy you something and I have to ask for your card to do so, or you might not approve of what I want to buy and not hand it over"
"You could never buy anything I would not approve of" He meant it to sound loving but to Bella it sounded threatening. "I can give you cash if you prefer, but where we are going you won't need it"
A feeling of ice cold dread settled over her.