Garfield's Creed, or Nothing is Dieted and Everything is Eaten – The Final Wars

Author's Note: I got bored and decided to pay tribute to the greatest writer who ever lived, the one who inspired me to ruin my life by writing fanfiction!

It was sunny day as Garfield weightlifted 100 ton on rooftop with manly muscles of muscular strength as suddenly he heard panic coming from downstairs!

"Garfield!" screamed Jon Arbuckle with great panic. "The evil Templars have traveled in time using Device of Plot and they are stealing all the lasagna and babes in world for themselves in evil plan of evilness! Once they have all the lasagna and babes, they will have the power to destroy America (and the rest of world)!"

"Whaaaaa? Stealing all lasagna and babes for themselves?" Garfield cursed with anger as he heard of the great injustice being committed. He crumpled his 100 tons into balls with ease. "Only true evil do not know that sharing means caring! I must punish the Templars for wicked commitments of discretion made!"

"Garfield you must save America from their evil! And the rest of the world, if you have time." said Jon Arbuckle with great request of urgency. "It is task of great danger but if there is any man in the world who can do it, it is you, Garfield!"

"And you are not alone!" say new arrival as he used Device of Plot to travel in time and land on Garfield's roof. It was Ezio of the Assassin's Creed series! "Garfield, I know that I am but half the man that you are, but we must work together to stop the Templars!"

"You can tag along Ezio and maybe you can learn how to become real American hero like me on the way!" said Garfield with manly orders.

"You got it Garfield!" Said Ezio with smiling obedience.

Garfield and Ezio hopeded into Garfield's Lasagna Falcon fighter jet and with speeds of top flew off to save the world.

As Garfield flyed over the great cities of America, USA everyone in America came out to cheer on Garfield as he flew away to save America from evil forces of evilness yet again.

"Yay Garfield! He makes me proud to be an American!" said all the passerby as they saluted him with wish of luck.

"And I am proud to serve people of great valor of America!" said Garfield with gratitude.

Then after a smooth flight Garfield and Ezio reached Italy City, Italy where capitol of Lasagna and Babes are. The evil Templars were already there led by the Borgias and were getting ready to eat all lasagna and smooth groove all the babes without sharing.

"Oh no it is the legendary Garfield, heroic American lasagna cat! We are doomed!" screamed lesser Templar guard with worry of bedwetting direness.

"Do not be frighten!" sayed Cesare Borgia with military geniusness. "We greatly outnumber cretin cat and Assassinating past hero of Creed! We will overwhelm him with sheer numbers of strength!"

"Fool your numbers matter not for you follow evil and in the face of good evil is dust in a tsunami!" said Garfield with heroism.

Garfield then leapt from his fighter jet without parachuting while firing his Desert Eagles at the Templar guards killing them in the hundreds. As he landed, his manly inner strength dented ground that make shockwave killing more Templars.

"I will feast upon your cat corpse tonight with great ravishing!" screamed the Templar of Great Evil Charles Lee who ran at Garfield with firing rifle of assault.

"If you are so hungry…" said Garfield as he caught the bullets from rifle of assault with his macho teeth and spat them back with force of bullet train at Charles Lee.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" scream Charles Lee as bullet knocked him back right into Garfield's fighter jet as it exploded upon impact exploding Charles Lee into a million pieces!

"Have some BBQ!" Garfield quipped with cleverness as cooked pieces of Lee fall into Garfield's hands.

"Wow Garfield you are very good quipper!" Said admired Ezio. "If only I could quip as well as you!"

"Don't worry. Just learn from best and you'll get there in time. Now if you excuse me, we have Templars to defeat." Said Garfield with reassurances to Assassinating Past Hero Ezio.

"You will never triumph!" Said Rodrigo Borgia with sheer evil in his nasally voice. "For you cannot defeat the Pope!"

"Pope Alexander… I think it is time that you were exocummincated with a little help from my friends!" Said Garfield with voice of undeterred vengeance.

"Now I see the futility of thinking that we could have ever bested you, Garfield!" Said Rodrigo Borgia with fear and death cry as Odie arrived on Harley-Davidson motorcycle blaring Iron Maiden metal music with city of Vatican attached to his bumper!

As Odie hit the ramp and flew over Rodrigo Borgia, Garfield used his Desert Eagle to shoot the cable of binding to make it cable of nonbinding and the city of Vatican fell onto Rodrigo Borgia, killing him to death!

"Oh no the legends are true How can we defeat Garfield now?" Said Lucrezia Borgia with womanly fear.

"Like we always do when the Good Guys become winner – RETREAT!" Screamed Cesare Borgia commander with order of retreating. He turned and run from Garfield, but Garfield was faster with his reflexes of lightning. Garfield harnessed his inner chi and with knowledge of his training of the arts of martial he used the ancient technique of deadliness known as Lasagna Debone Palm.

With cry of battle, Garfield shot forward an invisible field of force from his powerful palms. Instantly it hit Cesare Borgia and removed his bones from exisence! Cesare Borgia collapsed forward in heap of dead skin.

"In life you should've drunk milk for stronger bones. Now you'll only be drinking hellfire." Said Garfield as he turned his attention to Lucrezia Borgia.

"Oh Garfield please spare me!" Said Lucrezia Borgia with pleading. "I will give you the sexy if you do!"

"I am sorry babe but your love is tainted with the love of evil. While I would run from you I shall run to you… with fist of justice!" With charge of water-buffalo strength and fist of great fury, Garfield uppercutted Lucrezia Borgia who screamed as she fly out of atmosphere into orbit.

"You did it Garfield you defeated the Templars for good!" Said Odie with congratulations.

"And I couldn't have done it without you, my wingpup." Said Garfield with thankings of you as he and Odie made a manly buddy high-five that sent jolts of tsunami earthquake inducing manliness through all of the world. As their homes were devastated by the manly disasters created by Garfield and friends the people of Europe came out and applauded Garfield with applause of gratitude!

"Thank you all I couldn't have done this without you." Said Garfield with appreciation to the appreciative Italian people. "Now we shall have great lasagna feast with babes and you are all invited."

"Not so fast. Don't touch that lasagna!" Said Ezio with vice in his voice.

"What do you mean?" Asked Garfield with questioning.

"You see Garfield the only reason I helped you defeat the Templars is because we the Assassins wanted them out of the way so we could have all delicious lasagna and babes to ourselves WITHOUT SHARING!" Said Ezio with laugh of betrayal.

"Ezio I thought you were a man but it turns out you are merely just another turncoat waiting for a coat-hanger of punishment." Said Garfield with disappointment as he readyed his Desert Eagles. "I have no choice but to put you down!"

"I cannot live with fact of knowing that there are manlier people than I! I am the greatest, I have no superiorrs!" Said Ezio with hatred of revelation. "But even if you slay me Garfield you will never be able to defeat my master the Grandmaster Assassin of Evil!"

At that moment dark portal that emanated filthy anti-American and anti-manly evil values opened up in the sky. Then descending from the portal came a man made of evilness that radiated nega-manliness. Garfield and Odie braced themselves for tough fight ahead.

"Prepare to hear the Great Silence Garfield!" The Grandmaster Assassin of Evil said with voice of metallic darkness as he floated with other evil Assassins following from portal behind him, electricity bolts cackling from his spiked gauntlets.

"You are wrong for the only person that die today shall be you and the Assassins." Garfield and Odie proclaimed as they launched themselves through the air at Grandmaster with fists of fury. But the Grandmaster then took out new Device of Plot, the Sapper of Manliness. Powered by collaborative forces of Music of the Backstreet Boys and Taylor Swift it zapped Garfield and Odie weakening their inherent manly powers.

"You cannot keep a good man down." Said Garfield with indomitable will as he stood his ground.

"I know! But I know that without America you hae nothing to fight for!" Said Grandmaster with nefarious twinkle in his eyes. Then he took out an equally nefarious super bomb. "That is why I have invented this super bomb that will destroy America (plus the rest of the continent) for good! With America out of way, all world shall be for taking of Assassins!"

"I will stop your evil plot, dead or alive!" Said Garfield as he charged his inner strength.

"But with your manliness sapped you will not be able to catch up to the bomb and stop it in time before it destroys America!" Said the Grandmaster with vile-freedom hating evil as he and the other Assassins flew off in misguided perceivement of their triumph with all the lasagna and babes in tow!

"Oh no Garfield!" Said Odie with worry. "What will we do?"

"I may not be strong enough to catch up to the bomb myself, but that is not worry for I have you by my side, Good Friend Odie. With strength of mighty whirlwind, hurl me into sky after bomb and I will detonate it in orbit!"

"Garfield no the risk is too good you may not return from this!" Said Odie with sadness in his voice.

"I must do what has to be done to stop these vile enemies of freedom and lasagna." Said Garfield with heroic sacrifice. "After all a true man knows when he must sacrifice his own life for the lives of others."

Garfield then handed Odie tape of inspirational message with inspiring orders. "If I do not return within 24 hours, you must play this on the radio to all of the world in its entireness. We must not lose our hope!"

Then Odie grab bedGarfield with his paws of steel and swung him around with powerful force of mighty whirlwind and then Garfield went flying with speed of rocketship. Garfield was soaring across ocean when he came across the bomb, streaking across the ocean set to destroy the unsuspecting America! With pinpoint accuracy, Garfield grabbed the bomb and knocked it off course. Garfield fearlessly prepared himself for possibility of martyrdom, then with final clever quip so clever it cannot be replicated without insult to cleverness, Garfield created a sonic boom with concentration of his regenerating manliness and flew off into orbit with bomb in tow.

To be continued…