Remus Lupin was suffering from internal screaming.
Though he had gotten the news only a minute ago, his head was already a bloody mess.
His ears were relaying him sounds that were definitely not happening, and certainly not in the cacophony in which they were arranged. Inside his mind, a symphony of horror was playing.
Cue the string section for the Psycho soundtrack. Over to the brass for the sound of an alarm. The woodwinds were providing an eerie tune. The chorus delivered a long, enduring, high-pitched scream. And the percussion- with the assistance of his brain's acoustics- provided him with an echo of the words-
"I'm pregnant, Remus."
"Say something, honey."
Remus was snapped out of it by his wife's voice.
She was smiling, and beautiful, and her hair was the most vibrant of pinks he had yet to see frame her face.
"I-I- What if it's like me?"
He was shaking. He felt like he would throw up. How could he do this? How could he endanger the woman he loved, let alone an innocent child?
She placed her hand on his to stop the shaking. "You don't know that he will. But if he is a werewolf, I will love him just the same. Will you?"
His breath was taken away by her question, mainly because it hit home so deeply. She was a smart woman.
"Because that would be my only fear, Remus. You hate yourself; you deprive yourself of happiness, because of some shitty affliction that you can't control. Will you do that to your son?"
Her hair was darkening and his anger was deepening, though he knew she was right.
He stood up and shook with anger, or fear, or agony, he didn't know.
"I have to go."
"Remus, I'm sorry, stay!"
His eyes filled with tears as his feelings softened. "Go to your mother's. Stay safe. All I have to give to this family is trouble, I'll be of use in the Order. Just stay safe. I love you Dora."
The door slammed behind him and he was gone before it opened again.
It had been two weeks and Lupin was still beyond furious.
How dare he call him a coward?
How dare he compare him to his friends?
How dare he be so utterly completely right?
How dare he reduce Lupin to a self-pity that no one could call noble?
The second was the kicker. He'd admit it when he was drunk.
One of his best friends was fiercely loyal.
The other was talented and brave.
He, Remus Lupin, was trapped in self-pity. At the bottom of an embarrassingly large serving of fire whiskey, he was made aware that self-pity was his life's work. For most of his life, he had feigned some sort of protective nobility to this, but now his mask was gone. There was nothing for him to do but be there for his amazing wife, and yet he chose to piss away the time.
Though he knew he wasn't as cowardly as Pettigrew, he felt a lot more similar to the rat at that moment.
Dammit, he was stupid. He needed to get home. He apparated to the familiar home where Andromeda Tonks lived. Breathing slowly, he knocked on the door, soaked to the skin by the rain. He heard steps from inside and his wife opened the door.
He sighed in relief. "Thank God you're here."
She nodded and let him in.
She whipped out her wand. "Expelliarmus!"
Lupin's wand landed on the floor and she held hers to his throat.
"What did Remus Lupin say to Nymphadora Tonks when they were first alone on their wedding night?"
Lupin smiled. "I never thought I could be this happy. How did I ever resist you?"
She nodded, but did not remove her wand. "I could kill you."
He nodded. "I would understand."
She put her wand away and took a deep breath. Lupin opened his mouth to speak but then he was struck and pain radiated through his cheek.
He probably should have expected that.
"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" She was sobbing, her hair changing colors madly.
He embraced her, though it was not entirely advisable, and held her tighter than ever before.
"I am the most idiotic arsehole in the world Dora."
He pulled away from her with his hands still on her shoulders and began to weep. He spoke through the tears:
"Being a werewolf doesn't make me a monster. Being a selfish, cowardly, pig does and I'm so sorry. I still maintain that you and our child deserve better, but you deserve whatever you want and I'm sick and tired of taking it from you. You are the love of my life, and the next, and I will never leave again, unless you want me to, in which case I will go kicking and screaming."
She stepped forward and sobbed into his chest. He could make out the words, "You are everything to our family" through the tears and though he didn't deserve to, he smiled.