Okay, so! A little author's note before we begin: THIS CHAPTER CAN BE TRIGGERING, so read with caution, okay? V sad. V sad chappy. Also, I will be doing a switcheroo chapter of this with the roles reverse, but there will most likely be a cushion of fluff between the two, so don't hate me! As always, thanks for reading, and I hope you guys enjoy! Comments are welcome~ feed the author~
I love you, I love you, I love you.
I will always, always stand by you.
No matter what, no matter what.
I will always be with you.
Kise Ryouta wakes up crying.
It's not an uncommon occurrence by now; opening his eyes to find tears staining his cheeks and the taste of salt hanging on his lips. Why does he cry in his sleep? He has no idea. There's no reason for the tears- everything in his world is perfect and beautiful. So, why is he crying in his sleep? It's quite a mystery. His boyfriend seems just as confused when he rolls over, blue eyes wide and innocent, to find Kise rubbing at his eyes. "Kise-kun, is something wrong? Are you injured?" Comes the question- the same question as every morning. The genuine concern in his Kurokocchi's voice melts his heart, and Kise lunges across the bed, flinging his arms around the smaller boy.
"Don't worry, Kurokocchi! It was just a dream. I'm fine." The reassurance feels hollow on his tongue and Kise's brow furrows because he has the strangest feeling that he's not okay. But, why would he not be okay? Everything is perfect and happy. What reason would he have to be sad?
"Ah. Alright. Would you let go of me, Kise-kun? I need to go make breakfast."
Kise's arms tighten around his boyfriend and a whine bubbles up in his throat. "Do you really have to? It's a day off, can't we just stay in bed? Please, Kurokocchi~" He flashes Kuroko his most heartbreaking pout and puppy dog eyes. Kuroko raises an eyebrow, looking both annoyed and amused. "Does Kise-kun really want to waste his day off lazing around in bed?"
And, like everything is going according to a script, Nigou bursts through the bedroom door at that exact moment, tongue lolling out of his mouth, eyes sparkling with excitement. Even though the dog looks like his master, he certainly doesn't take after him personality-wise. Nigou is energetic and expressive and constantly excited, while Kuroko is more subdued and conceals his expressions. But it's no contest who the cutest one is~ Kise thinks as Kuroko hops out of bed with Nigou wriggling in his arms. With his usual blank face, he turns to Kise. "I need to walk Nigou. I'll be right back."
"Ehhh? Wait, Kurokocchi! I'll come with youuuu~" Kise rolls out of bed, quickly stripping out of his sleep clothes and dressing in something more presentable. You know, if you consider an oversized t-shirt with a bottle of maple syrup on it and pancake-patterned shorts presentable. Kuroko merely smirks at his boyfriend's attire. At some point, he must've changed, because now Kuroko is wearing that blue and red striped shirt Kise loves on him and those skinny jeans that show off his cute butt (a comment Kise kept to himself after being elbowed for the shirt compliment). "If you insist."
They stroll through their loft apartment- which cost about triple Kuroko's salary and only became theirs after a lot of cuddling and sweet talk on Kise's part- and Kuroko deftly harnesses Nigou, patting the bouncing puppy on his head. AWWWWW~ So cute~ Kise barely suppresses the urge to throw his arms around his boyfriend and rub their cheeks together. Kurokocchi is really the cutest.
The door to their apartment is blue. Dark blue with a square peep hole that they never really use- who needs to? It's a safe neighborhood, a safe apartment building. Most people don't even lock their apartment doors. Kuroko turns to leave without locking theirs, but something makes Kise stop from following. We should really start locking the door... It may be safe around here, but you never know. I don't think I could live with myself if someone got in and hurt Kurokocchi because we don't lock the door. "Kurokocchi?" His boyfriend looks over his shoulder back at him, cuddling Nigou to his chest. "Um... Let's lock the door today, right?"
"Hm. Alright, Kise-kun."
Kuroko pulls the keys out of his pocket and tosses them to Kise, who fumbles and almost drops them. How weird... Kise's eyes drift to his hands, which are trembling. Why? Why is he trembling? What does he have to be afraid of?
So much. I have so much to be afraid of.
"Ryouta? Are you going to lock the door or not?" Kise snaps out of whatever momentary freak out that was and sends his boyfriend a reassuring smile. "Of course. Sorry. I just... zoned out for a bit." He doesn't even respond to Kuroko calling him by his first name- a sure sign that something's wrong.
Kuroko hums in response, not looking quite convinced, but he doesn't say anything as Kise locks the door and hurries over to him.
"Ooh, Kurokocchi, let's eat there!"
Kise points to a small cafe on the street corner. Nigou's little chest is heaving after their long walk around the neighborhood, and Kuroko looks pretty winded himself. He looks especially cute with his red cheeks and messed up bangs; it reminds Kise of how his boyfriend always looked after a game- exhausted and content. "Come on, they even have vanilla milkshakes~" Kise singsongs when he notices the unsure look on Kuroko's face. Of course, the mention of his favorite drink washes away any indecision about splurging and having breakfast at the upscale cafe. It's only a few blocks from their apartment and it's rumored to have the best chocolate pastries in the entire country.
Kise heads in to grab them some sweets- a chocolate danish and a cup of cafe au lait for him, and an extra large vanilla shake and a vanilla kolache. He's not one hundred percent positive what a kolache is, but it looks yummy, and Kuroko shouldn't be subsisting solely on vanilla shakes. It's unhealthy.
"Thank you, Kise-kun." Kuroko says when he exits the cafe and finds Kuroko sitting at one of the fancy bistro tables. Nigou sits at his feet, head propped on his front paws. "No problem, Kurokocchi! I'm just happy we finally have time to spend with each other..." Kise's voice trails off and he frowns into his coffee. Ever since he got a regular position on a popular drama, he's had almost no time to spend with Kuroko. He only ever has mornings off- and that's when Kuroko is at his job at the kindergarten. That leaves him stuck playing one-on-ones with Kagami or Aomine respectively- depending on whether the fireman and police officer aren't working themselves. It gets kind of lonely lounging around the house with no one but Nigou to keep him company. Honestly, Kise's life would be dull and depressing without Kurokocchi.
It would be the worst, wouldn't it?
It would make me want to just die.
Kise's frown deepens at the depressing thoughts; he seems to be having a lot of those recently. What's wrong with him? Everything's going great- sure, he doesn't get to spend as much time with his boyfriend as he wants, but he still gets to cuddle with him every weekend. His life is good.
So why does his chest feel all tight? Why does he feel like he should be crying?
"Kise-kun, is there something wrong? You look upset?" Kuroko's eyes are wide and confused. It's like he doesn't know how scared Kise is of losing him, of how even the thought of it is making his heart throb in this painful way... "-se-kun? Kise-kun?" Kise jolts. "Oh, I'm sorry, Kurokocchi! I don't know what's gotten into me today! I just keep worrying myself over nothing." Kuroko nods and watches Kise with searching eyes. "Alright. If you want to talk about it, I'm here for you." A small, pale hand lays itself over Kise's larger one, and Kise feels an odd flutter in his chest at how cold Kuroko's hand is. "Are you cold? But it's so hot outside... Don't worry! I'll warm you up!" Kise drags his chair closer to Kuroko's and drapes himself over the smaller boy.
Kuroko doesn't protest surprisingly enough, and they spend at least an hour like that: Kise's arms loosely wrapped around Kuroko, Kuroko's face pressed against his shoulder. Kise's body heat slowly warms up his boyfriend, driving away that odd coldness that makes Kise feel uncomfortable.
"I love you, Kurokocchi." He mumbles into his boyfriend's soft, blue hair. It smells like the cheap drugstore shampoo Kuroko insists on using; it's a mystery to Kise as to why his boyfriend refuses to share his expensive strawberry-scented shampoo. It's not as though they can't afford it, and it smells nice, and it makes Kise's hair feel as soft as Nigou's special blanket. But, Kuroko is stubborn about some things, and that's something Kise loves about him.
Although, he loves everything about him.
So, I guess that doesn't mean much.
The morning is wasted in a cuddly haze on the couch in the living room, flipping between boring soap operas and news reports. Kuroko blocked the gossip-y channels a few years ago when Kise was being ridiculed for some dumb picture that had parents calling for him to be fired from his family-friendly company. You do one underwear campaign, and suddenly you're a sexual deviant.
Kuroko's head is tucked under Kise's chin, and his back is pressed against Kise's chest, and Kise has his arms wrapped around his slim waist. Kuroko is propped up on one elbow, flipping through the channels with a slightly peeved look on his face. "Nothing good on?" Kise inquires, not even bothering to glance at the TV. He and Kuroko have very different opinions on what "good" TV is. Kise likes the sickeningly romantic, over-the-top drama shows and movies, while Kuroko prefers realistic things- like movies based on historical events or documentaries on prostitutes. The only farfetched, way-out-there entertainment Kuroko allows himself to indulge in is horror movies. He likes thrilling who-done-it mysteries and slasher flicks and movies about possessed dolls. Kise tries to keep his head buried in Kuroko's neck during such movies, and, judging from the noises coming from the TV, Kuroko has settled on a classic, slash-and-hack movie with gratuitous blood splattering and gore.
"Mm. Not really. It's mostly romantic-comedies." It amazes Kise how much disdain his boyfriend can pack into the words "romantic-comedy". He really hates unrealistic romances set in that world of fantasy where everything goes right and unrequited love only exists for those who don't deserve requited love. "You know, our relationship is probably closer to a romantic-comedy than anything else."
This earns him a scathing glare from his boyfriend. "I prefer to think of it as more realistic than that."
"But isn't a famous model falling for a kindergarten teacher great rom-com material?"
"Kise-kun, I am trying to watch a movie."
"Aw~ Kurokocchi is so cute when he's mad~"
Kise snuggles closer to his adorable boyfriend, burying his face into the crook of his neck. He hears a chainsaw rev, and shives at the thought of what's happening on screen. He hates blood- the scent of it, its appearance, the way it slowly spreads until everything is a bright crimson. He hates paper cuts and skinned knees and anything that involves blood dripping down skin onto the ground. So, yeah, he's squeamish, he admits it. Why wouldn't he be? Blood is terrible.
Being the masochist he is, his mind drifts to crimson sliding down porcelain skin, dripping into dull blue eyes, dying powder blue hair black. The images of Kuroko on the ground, bleeding, dead, are so vivid he feels like throwing up; it's horrifying and terrible and he clings even tighter to his boyfriend, trying to ignore the feeling in his gut that those images aren't imaginary.
Lunch is simple- more of a quick snack than anything. "Aominecchi wants to play basketball with us," Kise mentions as he flicks through the texts he's received- a pitiful total of 105. On an average day, he has probably 500. Today, everyone is trying to keep communication to a minimum. No one wants to be the one to ruin the day off he's been raving about for months.
"Well, we can. If you're up for it." Kuroko replies, nursing a cup of water. When, Kise doesn't know, but at some point Kuroko has changed into a pair of comfy sweatpants and one of Kise's t-shirts, which is big enough that it exposes an entire shoulder. So beautiful. Kise understands why Aomine and Kagami almost never hang out with them when they're together; Kise admits that he's in love with Kuroko in a very, very obvious way. He's aware that his eyes seek out Kuroko whenever they're together because he doesn't think he could ever get his fill of that pale skin and silky hair in this lifetime. He knows that his gentle touches linger a little longer than strictly necessary, and that he takes any chance he gets to brush a finger against Kuroko's arm or to slide his fingertips down his boyfriend's cheek. He gets that he's annoying and over affectionate- but who wouldn't be? Kuroko is the single most beautiful, amazing person he's met in his life, and no matter of teasing or elbow jabs or disappointed frowns will change that.
"I'd rather stay home. Enjoy our time together."
"You mean lie on the couch all day?"
"Hmm..." Kise comes up behind his boyfriend, bending down to nuzzle his neck. "I think I can come up with other activities..."
And so, the afternoon is wasted in bed, again. Kise marks Kuroko's pale skin with his lips and presses sloppy kisses all over him, feeling lazy and lusty and like someone poured sunlight into his soul. He could spout an entire play's worth of poetic crap, something worthy of Romeo and Juliet, but the end result is that he is happy. Kise Ryouta is happy and in love and he thinks he must've saved the country in a past life to deserve this time with Kuroko.
Oh, God, don't let this turn out to be a tragedy. He pushes the thought away, focusing instead on the cute mewling noises Kuroko is making and the way his toes are curling. I love you, I love you, I love you. "I love you too, Ryouta." Kuroko whispers. And Kise doesn't wonder how his boyfriend read his thoughts or worry about the sense of finality lingering in the air. He's too busy thinking about this beautiful boy he somehow managed to trick into being his boyfriend- this angel he somehow managed to talk down to earth. Some may say that Kise is the sun, burning bright and shining, but he doesn't think that's quite right. No, Kuroko is the sun, so bright and wonderful and warm, and he is the earth, basking in the glory of the sun, taking all the heat it has to offer.
The voice is strong yet firm and Kise drowsily looks over at his boyfriend, who's sitting up in the bed beside him, smiling softly. The smile is all feathered edges and fragile glass, sad and sweet and weak. It makes him sit up quickly and grab Kuroko's hands, worry eating his heart. "Kurokocchi? What's wrong?"
"I'm so sorry, Kise-kun.
"I know... I know I promised. To be here, with you, always.
"But, you know what time it is.
"I can't- I have to leave now.
"I love you. I love you so much."
And then Kuroko is running out of the room, out of the apartment, and Kise is chasing after him, not stopping to throw on any clothes over his boxers and t-shirt. He's running, running, running, chasing his love. Yes, yes that's what Kuroko is. He's not just his boyfriend; he's his love- his heart, his soul. And it's cheesy and sickening and dumb, but it's true. Kuroko is everything to him; he crept in- that silent, ghostly, blue-haired boy- and snuck into his heart, his mind, his life. It- this love- wasn't intentional. It wasn't a decision.
"Kuroko! Wait!" Kise's lungs are burning and his feet are aching and the air is no longer warm and humid- everything is cold and frigid and metallic. Wind whips against his exposed skin and as the coldness seeps into his skin, the memories seep into his mind.
Blood, pools of blood, that terrible crimson staining his life, staining his love.
Blue lights and wailing sirens, blue and red dragging him away from that terrible, terrible blood.
Chocolate, chocolate everywhere, chocolate being shoved at him, chocolate to make it better. To stop the ache. To comfort him when people can't.
Black wisps of fabric and tear-stained faces. Meeting Kuroko's parents again in the worst way possible.
Wood, dark polished wood, and satin fabric cradling him. Cradling powder blue hair and skin the color of fresh snow and lips the color of cherries.
An empty bed. Empty, so painfully, terribly empty.
Coldness that seeps deep inside of him, never to be warmed up.
"Kuroko- I don't- I can't-" He's sobbing now as he chases. But, now there's nothing to chase. Kuroko has stopped, stopped to look back over his shoulder at him, a smile as soft as the wings of a bird- and just as fragile. "I'm sorry. I love you."
"Then don't leave!" Kise screams, his throat raw and painful. "I didn't- I didn't mean to leave the d-door unlocked. I didn't mean to take- take so long at the store. I didn't mean to, Kurokocchi, so please. Please don't leave me. You're- you're everything to me. We're supposed to- to have forever together. I don't- please, Kuroko, don't leave me alone."
"Kise-kun." Kuroko is in front of him now, cupping his face in his hands, smiling that smile that drives a knife deep in his heart. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself.
"This isn't fair... I know that. I love you too, you know? And, I want- I want forever.
"But you have to move on. You can't stay here. You have a life to live.
"This... isn't our lifetime to be together. I'm sorry. I love you. Live enough for the both of us, right?"
And all Kise can do is stare at Kuroko and watch as he steps around Kise and walks away. Don't look. Don't look back. But Kise whips around, his love's name hanging on his tongue.
And there is no one there.
He is alone.
"No-you! No, God, why, no... This isn't f-fair... I don't, I can't..." Kise covers his face and the sadness fills him up. His love, his sun, his everything- is gone. He is gone and Kise is alone. Every memory, every thought of his beloved is stained with bloody crimson and flooded with tears.
The world is cruel and cold.
And there is nothing left in it for Kise.
Do you hate me yet? I'm a bad author... bleh. Such depression, much sad. Anyways, hope you enjoyed (if you can enjoy such a chapter...)! For what really happened, I imagine this is Kise's mind when he's asleep/unconscious trying to get him to accept what happened in the real world. I guess there's a little bit of an inkling of like suicide maybe, but that's up to you whether you want to think Kise is dreaming- or "passing on". For Kuroko's part, I think Kise went out to buy him something during their glorious day off together, and there was a serial killer/thief in the neighborhood, and Kise returns home to a dead Kuroko. Aomine and Kagami are some of the first responders. Murasakibara- who owns the upscale sweetshop by their house- gives Kise free chocolate and pastries to make him feel better. Midorima is the one who helps organize the funeral- with Momoi's help- because everyone else is just kind of... not there. So! That's my take- you're free to have your own ideas~ until next time, lovelies!