Zina: Welcome to It's Just Magic! With Zina Mayk, the most humorous talkshow on Enchanted Radio! Today we have a panel of fascinating and magical guests. Please welcome…Shiara, firewitch and Second Princess to the Dragon Kazul; Brandel, firewitch (he would like to add that his home is up for sale, if anyone is interested); Morwen, witch of the Enchanted Forest; Daystar, Prince of the Enchanted Forest; Zemenar, Head Wizard of the Society of Wizards, and last but not least, King Kazul of the Mountains of Morning. (Takes a breath) Welcome, guests and listeners!
Kazul: (dryly) Zemenar, you must like this show. You appear so frequently.
Zemenar: (stiffly) It is a particular favor to Enchanted Radio.
Kazul: I see.
Zina: …We especially welcome our special guests today, Brandel and Shiara. Both are firewitches, one of the most fascinating races in all of the Enchanted Forest.
Shiara: I'm getting really bored here, can we move on with this? I mean, can we move on with this please?
Zina: Of course.
Brandel: What about me? Don't I get to introduce myself?
Zina: If you want to.
Brandel: Well then. (Pause) I'm Brandel, and I'm a firewitch, and if I don't like you then you'd better run pretty quickly. If anyone calls out for me to 'let down the chair' I promise I will roast them. Also, my house is for sale. It's got a beautiful path lined with Invisible Dusk-Blooming Chokevines, and –
Zina: Excuse me, Brandel, but we really better get back to topic. Which, by the way, I haven't had a chance to introduce yet. Our topic today is –
Zemenar: Can we speed this up a bit? I have a pressing engagement afterward.
Zina: – Different Magicks and How To Use Them. First of all, I'd like everyone to introduce themselves and specify what kind of magic they possess and how it is best used. Shiara, would you like to begin?
Shiara: I'm a firewitch. Enough said. So go away.
Shiara: I mean, I am a firewitch. I – uh – have a gift with fire, and…
Zina: You, Shiara, have an interesting trait connected with your magic. Mind telling us about it?
Shiara: Um…well, it only works when I – uh – am polite.
Daystar: And she's doing much better at it, too, Zina.
Zina: Good for you, Shiara. Next up – Zemenar.
Zemenar: Do I really have to explain this?
Zina: Actually, yes.
Zemenar: (long-suffering sigh) I. Am. A. Wizard. I harvest magic from my environment and channel it through a wooden staff. At least, most of them are wooden, though I have known one or two oddballs who preferred steel or aluminum –
Zina: Daystar, go ahead.
Daystar: I'm Daystar, and I'm the Prince of the Enchanted Forest, and I'm not really sure about this magic thing yet. It's got something to do with my sword – my father's sword – and some web of magic thread that goes through the Forest. I just kind of grab some magic when I want something.
Zina: Thank you, and you win the Vagueness Prize of the Year. Next – Morwen.
Morwen: I am a witch. A normal, fireless witch. My magic is inborn, and can be used for evil or good.
Kazul: I'm a dragon. That's obvious. I just have magic. That's also obvious. Enough said.
Zina: (sigh) Alright, Brandel.
Brandel: Shiara summed it up. Except I don't have to be polite. And hey, about that house –
Zina: Okay, it's time for a commercial break…
Brandel: For the last time, people, I've got this great house I'm selling. It's cheap – heck, I'll give it to you free! – and located in a terrific boggy messy smelly swamp in the midst of gooey mud and dusk-blooming chokevines that you can't see until they're around your neck. Just call 1-800-I-AM-DESPERATE to book a showing…
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Zina: And we're back to the endless See-How-Long-It-Takes-Us-To-Get-Off-Topic haul. Next question for our guests: how important is magic in your lives? Daystar, you're up.
Daystar: Well, at first, when I was living in a cottage with my mother at the edge of the Forest, it wasn't important. In fact, I didn't know I had magic in me at all. Not even when the wizard came to visit. It wasn't until after I'd gotten the sword that I began to feel like there was something strange going on…since then, magic has really been an integral part of my daily life. How can it not be, living in the middle – or close to it – of the Enchanted Forest?
Zina: Well said. Kazul?
Kazul: I'm a dragon. Dragons use magic in small ways, or in big ways if they feel like it. I don't like being forced to explain magic to mortals.
Zina: Good enough, I guess.
Zemenar: I am a wizard, therefore magic is my occupation and a sole focus of my life. Magical advancement is my lifelong goal.
Brandel: Magic is just in me. I couldn't stop it even if I tried. It's as natural as breathing.
Zina: And Shiara and then Morwen, please. Have you noticed this is actually staying on topic? I think it's a record.
Morwen: Now you're the one going off topic, Zina. Talking about it being on topic.
Zina: Well, it is – or was – on topic, and I couldn't resist a comment on such.
Zemenar: This does seem to stray from the discussion rather often. A prime example is Household Pests, which turned into a wizard-slandering debate, if I recall correctly –
Morwen: You don't. It wasn't anything of the sort.
Zemenar: (frostily) If we may return to the question at hand?
Shiara: Magic is frustrating. As I said, I have to be polite in order for my magic to work and I don't like it. Who has ever heard of a polite firewitch?
Morwen: Good point, although I did once meet a –
Morwen: Ahem. A story for another day.
Zina: What about your magic?
Morwen: (stiffly) I'm a witch. I use magic with everything. It is as difficult to explain as would be the process of breathing. I'm sorry, Zina, but I simply cannot.
Zina: (sigh) Let's take a few calls before we're completely out of time and into off-topicness. Cimorene, you're on the air.
Cimorene: Daystar, sweetie, did you take your vitamin this morning?
Cimorene: Well, did you?
Cimorene: (sharply) You forgot again, didn't you! Honestly, Daystar, I expect better of you. And come to think of it, I'm tired of picking up your crown when it's left lying around all the time. If you want to throw it across the room, it's fine by me, but please retrieve it when you're done. And, by the way, I want you to pick up a few things from Kazul on your way home from the Enchanted Radio station. And –
Zina: Cimorene, we understand your concerns, but I'm afraid we're out of town for the night. Goodbye everyone, and thank you for enduring another episode of It's Just Magic! with Zina Mayk.
Author's note: I know this one is shorter than average, but I am going out of town in…five hours and desperately want to get some sleep. Waking up at 4 a.m. is not one of my favorite things.