hi again, refer to my profile for a brief run-down of major plot points since it's been a long... long time... :')

Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie

Chapter 45 — Tempting Fate

"No! I won't let you go!"

The shadow cried, her voice filled with grief and outrage. She grabbed the other shadow's hand. The man pushed her away in exasperation. He didn't understand why he made this so much harder than it had to be.

He began to retreat again, pace quickening by the second. He knew she would have difficulty accepting what he had to do, but he didn't think she'd put up such a fight. "You know I can't—we can't do this anymore—"

His pace was matched by his significant other. "Do you realize how selfish you're being right now? Do I really have no say in this matter?! You can't join the rebellion! You know what you're forcing your family—and me to do!"

He stopped and gazed at her broken countenance.

She held back the tears that were ready to pour from her eyes. "Please, don't do this… if you love me—"

"Now that I know everything I can't sit back and watch my father do this to my house any longer." He gripped her shoulders. "If you love me, you'll let me make things right."

She shook her head. "I can't."

"If you won't let me go. Then you must kill me now."

He cupped her face, desperate to get her to understand. "My father knows I am an awakened Starke, Jo. Do you understand? There's nowhere else for me to go. Joining the rebel houses is the only way for me to live and correct things again."

"That's not true—"

"It's nothing but the truth. There's no other way. I am a wanted man, hunted by both the royal family and my own family, and you… you shouldn't follow me."

He pulled her into an embrace, breaking the silence they were getting ready to drown in. "But I swear to you, my feelings for you are true. I loved you as much as I can in this lifetime, Jo. And I'm sorry… that it has to end like this."

A choking sob escaped her lips. She knew that. Every word he said was the truth. She knew that he did love her. And she loved him so much too.

"We have tempted fate enough," he whispered with agonized tenor before stepping away. "Please… forget me and be happy."

"Don't do this," she pleaded. "Please, Jaylen Starke is a reasonable man, we could beg for mercy from him—"

"You don't know my father."

"If you do this, you're giving me no choice! Why can't you see that?!"

He kissed her on the crown of her black hair. "I'm sorry."

She stared at her beloved—red hair, green eyes, how very beautiful he was. Desperate, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him fervently. As her tears cascaded down her face, she kissed him passionately, hoping it would be enough.

She hoped that their love would be enough.

But when her lips left him and she knew that he had made his choice, she could no longer deny what she had to do. The next time they meet, it'd be on the battlefield on opposing sides.

"I love you," her lips parted slowly as a low sob escaped her mouth. She buried her face in his neck as the dagger she kept hidden in her sleeve eased into her hand. She felt the thickness of his spine and its inseparable vertebrate. "I love you too, Idrius…"

The knife easily slid in.

As she choked out another sob, her fingers clamped down on the pressure and kept the blade linearly embedded in his neck. Externally, the hot sensation cooled as a thick band of blood coiled around her fingers.

Idrius gasped as he tore away. Shock consumed his face. Soon, the energy, life, and vigour slipped from him and he staggered. "Jo…sephine…?"

"I'm sorry…" She stepped away. It was too late for him now. Weeping, the broken words tumbled out of her as though they were shards of her shattered heart, "I'm so, so sorry…"

The shock and condemnation in his eyes broke her. Even in his dying moments, he could hardly believe what she had done—he never thought she'd betray him like this.

Her hands shook. His blood appeared like ribbons on her hand. She sobbed as she watched him suffer.

"You knew it would come to this… You knew I could never betray the King and allow an awakened Starke to join the uprising… Idrius, you knew how much I wanted this civil war to end…" Her blood-stained fingers clawed on her chest to mitigate the pain unravelling deep within her, "You knew that as an Ackerman, I'd eventually be dispatched to kill you if chose this path… so why…?"

Josephine smiled at her dying lover with heavy tear-stained eyes and laughed at the irony of their life.

"Tell me Idrius, why did we even tempt fate… when we know there's no happy ending for us?"

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Ida jerked awake from her desk.

The mahogany wood of her desk focused before her. She glanced around, blinking, expecting to find herself back with the two ill-fated lovers but she was only met with the familiar room of her office.

Apart from Heichou who was sleeping by the fireplace, she was all alone.

How long has she been asleep?

Another vision?

She rubbed her temples, mind swimming. Impossible. She hadn't had any visions lately. It has been months since she made physical contact with a Starke Titan. Her connections with the paths should've waned by now, so why?

Her head was pounding as she tried to recall the memory. It was all so fuzzy, no longer distinct like months back. For sure her connection with the paths was fading.

Hold on.

Ida's eyes widened in realization at the memory she witnessed.

A familiar voice jarred her out of her reverie.

"Ida?"

Seth was standing by the door with a silver tray laden with tea and biscuits. "You busy? I knocked but you weren't answering—oh."

Ida reckoned that at that moment her green eyes were probably adorned with yellow streaks. Part of her was glad that she didn't have to explain anything.

"What did you see?" Seth carefully placed the tray on her desk. "Who was it this time?"

The question hit an uneasy nerve. She always hated talking about what she saw, and this was no exception. "Idrius Starke and Josephine… Ackerman."

Seth had been keeping count and documenting her visions. "It's a new Starke then."

"Yes. Idrius was the son of Jaylen Starke."

"Jaylen?"

"Laena's son," she reminded.

He snorted. "Ah, you mean the 'prodigal' son who that psychotic woman instructed to kill anyone from your family should they attempt to awaken?"

Ida grimaced at the choice of Seth's words. That was one way to put it. Reluctantly, she divulged what she had learned, "Idrius… was an awakened Starke."

Seth's thin brow shot up. "Didn't Laena set the precedent that any awakened Starkes after her would be killed?"

"She did."

"So his own father killed him then." His voice was filled with mockery, he was aware of the ceaseless infighting in her family history.

"Jaylen didn't kill him," Ida corrected. "But yes, Idirus silently opposed his father's alliance with the royal family. He did what Laena wanted. Eventually, when they found out about Idrius's awakening and his intention to side with the rebel house, he was…"

She sighed. One more fucked up thing to add to her family's crazy history.

Seth knew by now how memories like this usually ended. "Killed by the Ackerman?"

Ida smirked. Oh, the ironies of life. "Yes. Killed by his own lover, Josephine Ackerman."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Wait, wait, hold on. You're telling me… there's someone crazy enough to fall in with an enemy house?"

Seth's reaction was expected. Unlike Levi and her who were unaware of their families' bloody intertwined history, it was blasphemous to even think of such a thing occurring in the past.

Over her time in the paths, Ida was a witness to the many deaths of her ancestors, and each time they died, she felt their pain and shared in their agony. It was a cycle… an endless cycle that nearly drove her half insane. It's obvious why Jaron became a madman hell-bent on prosecuting every single Ackerman in the name of justice. Briefly, Ida wondered if Jaron was right. Then, she wondered if she has gone fucking crazy too.

She set down her cup. "Forget it, I got nothing useful out of the memory anyway."

This talk about the Ackermans was resurfacing unwanted memories. Afraid that she'd get sucked into another crestfallen state, Ida pushed back the thoughts of the vision aside. Instead, she diverted the conversation to more important matters.

"I'm sure you didn't come here to serve me tea. What's wrong?"

Seth's expression was one of feigned hurt. "Hey, you think too little of me. What if I just said I missed you?"

Ida wasn't in the mood for one of his jests. "Have you been drinking?"

"You and I both know that you don't pay me enough to have a drinking problem." Seth pushed a plate of biscuits towards her. "First, eat and then I'll tell you."

"I don't have an appetite."

"You have to try for the baby."

Ida cringed at the sweet smell wafting from the plate. Pregnancy is unkind to many mothers in different ways. Sadly for Ida, her ailment involved hardly being able to stomach anything.

She begrudgingly took the smallest piece, "Update."

"After you finish this. Pete's orders. With the way you're working, you look like you want to kill yourself."

Ida exhaled wearily, "If I wanted to kill myself, Seth, I'll climb up your ego and down to your intelligence level."

"Ouch. You know, you are ten times worse pregnant—"

"Fischer."

He knew she was serious then.

"Failure," he finally admitted. "It's nothing but a miserable, miserable circus down there. Not two seconds after the damn machine works, it breaks down."

"What did Adam say?"

"Nothing he hadn't said before, same old crap like he's trying to fix it and whatnot. Useless buggery. Protege of Angel Aaltonen or not, trust me, that guy is more of a blacksmith than anything."

She placed her half-eaten biscuit down. That was enough to ruin what was left of her appetite. Since the last she saw Adam, the blacksmith had moved to Starke estate where he took residence in the east wing of the manor. The basement was then transformed into a makeshift lab with the finest equipment.

Yet even with the amenities, a month had passed with no results. They are getting nowhere. What then? The Survey Corps would risk their lives to capture a live Titan but it'd be all for nothing if she couldn't get this to work. Ida had banked her hopes on replicating the machinery Jaron used to extract Titan Serums for Rod Reiss. Perhaps it was a long shot. The Walls were still too far behind technologically.

"We expected this. Jaron only ordered the parts from him; the assembly was done elsewhere."

"Or Adam could be lying and is leading us in a bloody circle."

"I'd beg to differ."

"Can't believe I'm saying this but you're being gullible. We can't trust him. "

"I don't trust him, the only thing I believe is human nature," said Ida diplomatically. "Adam knows it'd be more beneficial to work with me. The last thing he wants is to be branded as a traitor by the government for his involvement with Jaron and be kept as one of Zackly's playthings."

Thankfully, Seth didn't have any more things to add. Ida weighed her options, "Did Adam say anything else of note?"

Seth wasn't all too happy with the lack of progress either. "He did suggest that there might be missing parts—something else that Jaron outsourced from someone other than him."

Well fuck, that wouldn't be so far off from the truth, would it? A crafty man like Jaron wouldn't put all his dirty eggs in the same basket. There was a reason why the machinery to extract a Titan's spinal fluid and to create Titan serums was assembled elsewhere. Back then, Paradis didn't know about the truth of the world. Everything was done under hush money.

"What do you want to do now, Ida?"

She kept silent, not knowing the answer to his question either.

What was her next step? Less than five months to go before the birth. The clock was ticking and she was running out of time. No, Paradis was running out of time.

"We'll go through Jaron's documents again, maybe we can find another lead."

"Again?" Seth groaned. "Look, never thought I'd say this but maybe it's time we asked Hanji about this."

"No, my mistake at Ragako Village was enough. I don't want to involve the Survey Corps in this any further."

"As if they weren't already involved," Seth grumbled under his breath.

She ignored him and went to the window. Her body was heavier now, bigger, still easy enough to hide her small bump with strategic clothing choices. Nevertheless, Ida made it a point to avoid everyone if she could.

Ida was reminded of something else when she spotted the MPs lingering outside her gate. "Enough about Adam, what news on Zackly's side?"

"As agreed, he'll replace all the MPs stationed here with his own men before he delivers the prisoners. The date is set after the banquet." Seth held no love for the MP either. "Soon, this damn place will be crawling with them."

"All the more not to let the Corps know about it. They would never agree to this method."

"The Corps isn't the main problem, Ida. It's Zackly. If he knows about your pregnancy, it's all over." Seth plopped himself on the couch. "I know we discussed this before but I still think it's risky dealing with him. It'd be a bloody miracle if we can keep this under wraps between us."

"I can deal with Zackly," Ida argued. "He doesn't want word of what we are doing to leak out to the military ranks or worse, the civilians lest it impacts his reputation. He will try to keep this a secret."

"Hm. Yeah, maybe."

Ida watched his deliberate fingers tap on the wooden frame of the couch. "Anything else?"

"It's nothing I just…" Seth retracted, "well, do you really think we can pull this wool over the Corps eyes too?"

"You seem much more enthusiastic about this plan a few months back."

"That was before I realized something,"

"Realize what?"

"You know your lack of self-knowledge is sometimes breathtaking."

Ida raised a brow. Seth was gazing at her with that peculiar look in his eyes that she just couldn't quite fathom.

He snorted when he saw she was genuinely confused. "Really? You really don't know how much they care and look out for you, do you? Maybe the whole 'risking our lives to get a Titan for you' fiasco isn't enough for you to understand but maybe this would be."

Reaching for the inner pocket of his jacket, he extracted and dumped a stack of letters onto the coffee table. "Read it."

Ida inclined her head. From the look of the broken seals, they came from different people.

"What's this?"

"Letters from different noble houses and merchants expressing their desire to escort you to the upcoming banquet for the Queen's birthday."

Ida rubbed her belly absently, noting the crests on the wax seals. The one on top was from the House of Callista, a minor noble house that survived the military purge. Ida couldn't recall doing anything to foster a friendship with them recently.

Seth generously provided the hint. "Seems like not even your family's crazy history would stop them in their climb for power."

She was appalled at what he was insinuating. "Marriage?"

"What else?" Seth said sourly. "Next to the Queen, you're the most eligible bachelorette within the Walls. Titled, rich, young, own lands, influential in government matters—yeah, you know how those bloody dogs work." He pointed to the stack of letters. "One sniff of opportunity to rise in rank and they all come running and a political marriage is the best way to do it for you folks."

"Don't be ridiculous. Nobles don't marry into the Subject of Ymir's tainted bloodline."

"They don't, but times are changing, Ida," Seth countered seriously. He wanted her to understand how dire her situation was. "Everyone knows the government wants you to propagate your bloodline."

Ida swallowed tightly. Seth does have a point.

"You probably must thank the Premier for this too," Seth added bluntly. "This has the old bastard work written all over it."

There was no mistaking the sheer anger in Seth's voice. Outward appearances aside, he was extremely pissed off that Zackly was still trying to meddle with her personal life.

Ida hummed. Perhaps their next best move was to strap Zackly to his own torture chair and have a go at it as well.

She waited for Seth to carry on explaining but then realized that he was going to make her lead this.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

"What does the Corps have to do with this?"

Seth leaned forward, smirking and ready to divulge his secrets. "Glad you asked. Thankfully, I found a solution. I wrote to Hanji and she offered the Corps as your escort."

Ida didn't like the sound of that. "Why? There's no need for that. You can be my escort."

"Taking an unknown scum like me as an escort would be a slight to all the pompous upper-class faces," Seth pointed out.

"And why the fuck should I care?" Ida argued. It was ridiculous. "I can take whoever I want. Or I can go alone."

"You say that but you don't mean it." Seth absently picked the thread on the couch. "Say what you like but you are the head of the Starkes now. You govern a vast part of Sina and many people's livelihoods rest on you. Rejecting those invitations for the likes of me will offend the nobility."

Ida looked at her hands, clasped tightly in prayer. This conversation was starting to make her stomach squirm uncomfortably. As much as it pained her to admit it, Zackly got her in checkmate. He probably foresaw that she'd be placed in a dilemma with no choice but to accept one of the noble house's invitations.

The title she currently held not only enslaved her to a predetermined destiny but it came with the responsibility of ensuring the livelihood of the people who lived on her land as well.

Except, Ida wasn't going to roll over. She refused to allow anyone to manipulate her, even if it was coming from the most powerful man within the Walls.

"Actually, I don't give a damn about who I offend," she spat. "I am governing this land adequately well. That's enough."

"Well I could agree with you but then we'll both be wrong," Seth contended seriously. "Even the great Jaron himself had to consider his relationship with influential people. With the way things are, I doubt the government will allow anything to happen to you," he pointed to the letters, "however I'll say for sure that offending those bunch of dogs won't make our lives any easier either. We don't need more piss to accompany the shit storm that—"

"Stop, I understand." Her voice was suddenly low and dangerous. "Hanji provided us with an opportunity to get out of this situation by using the Survey Corps. No one would be offended if the Corps escorted me. You said enough. I get it."

It was a logical, rational answer. But was it really okay? To jump into another pit of fire just to avoid being burned by another? Her thoughts went to the child within her. Being around the Corps was risky. Equally as risky as maneuvering around Zackly.

Especially since…

"Hey." Seth was suddenly by her side brown hair turning ashen in the sunlight. "I know what you're worried about but it's just one night. You have to make an appearance anyway for the plan and…" His gaze dropped to her belly. "Before you get any bigger and we can't hide it."

Ida didn't answer immediately. Her nails dug into the back of her hands, making parallel crescents.

"I'll think about it," she relented. "You can go now. I have a scheduled meeting with that merchant tomorrow and I need to prepare the trade documents."

"The one who insists on meeting you?"

She nodded once, expression ice cold. "Yes. So, leave me."

He raised his hand and tucked a strand behind her ears. Scornfully, Ida edged away from his touch.

"Okay, call me when you need me. Don't think so much about it. It's still all under our control."

Seth knows she doesn't believe it, but Ida was too tired to convince him otherwise. He bid her goodbye, his footsteps trudging into the distance.

Ida dragged in a pained breath. She should know better than this. She doesn't have the luxury to be angry, especially at Seth, who has been trying to be considerate of her. But she was so tired. Of the plotting, of the lies, of living on thin ice. The most strategic choice right now was to throw herself back into work but against all her rationality, she went for the drawer she had forbidden herself to touch.

Gently, she took the velvet box which housed her most precious item.

The image of Idrius and Josephine bubbled up from her memory bank.

Tempting fate.

Ida cradled the box close to her heart.

And here she had thought that their hearts were already too broken to break.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Levi's taught fist connected with the leather of the heavy punch bag with a snap.

He blew the air out sharply between his teeth as he finished his sequence with a kick. The bag swung away from him loudly. He snatched the towel from the bench to wipe the sweat from his neck and shoulders.

With all expeditions held on hold until they cleared out more Titans from Wall Maria, this had been his daily routine for the past month. And it irked him. Sitting around, doing the occasional paperwork, eating, cleaning, shitting… it made him restless.

What an absolute waste of time. All while Erwin and the other corpses were rotting away in the sun in Shiganshina, uncollected. None of the new recruits had even gotten proper field experience either.

Just as Levi was contemplating the current miserable state of the Corps, the door clattered open. He paused, assessing who else was joining for an early morning workout. Everyone was focused on the upcoming Queen's banquet and the Corps was not spared from the excitement either.

"Historia would obviously be there, that would be a perfect time to ask her."

It was Floch and not surprisingly, Eren too. They were conversing with each other, oblivious to his presence. Levi grimaced at the Shifter's increasingly shaggy unkempt hair. For fuck sake, had he not heard of a haircut? At the rate Eren was going, Levi wouldn't be surprised that he started looking like those underground scums.

"Mhm," Eren's eyes still cast ahead on the floor, preoccupied with whatever was going on in that unkempt head of his.

Regardless of the lacklustre reply, Floch continued to follow him. Nowadays, Floch had taken it upon himself to stick to Eren. Following him around with adoring eyes and shit.

"Do you think that we are going to war anytime soon?"

"Don't know," Eren murmured, disinterested. But then, his voice was suddenly severe. "Probably."

Levi frowned at this observation. Now that he gave it further thought, Eren's appearance wasn't the only thing that was changing about him.

The Shifter was more reclusive now, less loud—which should've been a bloody good thing. Why was he spending more time with Forster though? It was obvious to an outsider that a chasm had grown between the once inseparable trio of Mikasa, Armin, and him. He was curious, except it was none of Levi's business.

Damn it. That fucking hair was really starting to infuriate him though.

"You know, you could do with a bloody haircut Eren. You look like shit."

They stopped dead in their tracks.

"Captain, I didn't see you there."

Floch was more formal in his greeting with a salute, "Captain Levi."

Levi ignored Floch. "If you plan to turn up at the banquet looking like that, you best know you would be shitting on the Corps's reputation—more so than everyone has their eyes on you now."

Eren regarded him quietly. Which was damn well strange for him. What was going on with this kid?

Right, another phase was it?

Levi gestured to the punching bag behind them, "Working out so early?"

Floch cast a furtive glance towards Eren, although the Shifter kept his eyes trained on Levi. "Yes, sir, in preparation for the banquet."

"Good, I need you two to be focused during the banquet. We'll be on guard duty around the perimeter. Security's tight."

The nervousness within Floch's eyes became more apparent the longer he stared at Levi. But as soon as Floch noticed that Levi was staring back at him, he straightened up like a pole and looked away.

Interesting.

Levi flicked the towel across his shoulder. He didn't really feel like sharing the space with the younger boys. He was better off in his own private quarters.

"I'm done here," Levi made his way to the exit. "Enjoy your morning."

After an efficient shower, Levi found himself seated on the leather chair in what has been once his old room in Survey Corps HQ at the Capitol. Tea untouched before him, he glared at the stone slabs of the ceilings.

Along with a throng of government officials, nobility, and other important pissing people, the legion had also moved back to the Capitol for the upcoming celebration. Levi was not happy about this but seeing as they'd only be here until the banquet was over, he might as well bear with it.

The Walls, though. Another bloody banquet, as if they weren't on the brink of another war.

He sighed and leaned back in his leather chair. Levi hated being in the Capitol, regardless of the reasons. Except, that wasn't the sole reason that he was so restless.

Being back at this place was bringing back unwarranted memories.

It was that day too, wasn't it?

They were attending another banquet as well. And there she was, beautiful in her gown with him, with him as her escort. She really was bloody pretty. He recalled Ida was equally upset at having to attend a banquet. They were alike that way.

A sense of serenity cascaded over him from the memory but as soon as that peace came, it left when Levi remembered what else occurred that night.

"It'll be worth it… every stubborn inch of it."

And now with a fucking twist of fate, here he was here again.

The same reasons. The same room. The same headquarters.

Only that every time he turned around, she wasn't there. Like at the Trost headquarters, Ida's former quarters here were empty here too. Levi couldn't help but wonder if she had arrived at the Capitol by now.

Maybe she was somewhere nearby?

Levi cursed. Shit, he had fucked up again. It was a pathetic moment of weakness, and now the fucking floodgates were opened.

He propelled from his seat abruptly and before he could even stop himself, he let his feet travel to the Commander's private quarters. If anyone had any updates on her, it'd be the Hanji.

He knocked briskly on the door.

"Hanji."

No answer. Bloody Titans, she couldn't be still asleep? It was already late into the morning.

He banged on the door again, "Hanji! Answer the damn door or I swear I'd knock—"

"Right, right! Coming! I'm coming!"

The door creaked open. Hanji yawned and stretched her shoulders. From her dishevelled appearance, she had been working late to the night again. He cringed at the dried drool on the side of her lips when she rubbed her single good eye.

Levi stepped past the threshold to her room and zeroed in on her table. He glared at her, incredulous. "You're still reading that damn thing?"

"Good to see you too, Levi…" Hanji followed his gaze. "Mhm? Oh yeah, wanted to make sure everything was in order."

Levi picked up the sheets of documents. Event planning. Security planning. Final arrangements for the banquet. What the fuck were the MPs good for? Shitting around and drinking themselves to their early graves? Why was the Commander of the Survey Corps planning the banquet instead of them?

Hanji grabbed the documents back. "I offered to help out. I've just been finishing off our security proposals to support the MPs for my meeting tomorrow."

"Of course, you did."

"Which reminds me I have something to discuss with you. Do you have time?"

He cringed when he saw the number of dirty cups stacked on the coffee table.

She ignored his blatant disgust and took her seat. "Did you read the security plans I sent you yesterday?"

"Have I fuck," Levi spat out, "I've gone through it already."

"That was quick," Hanji was vaguely impressed. "Anyways, as for what I want to discuss with you…"

Unable to control himself, Levi took out his handkerchief and gave the arm of the chair a quick wipe down. He very nearly cursed when he realized just how dirty it was.

"Am I the only one who bothers cleaning in here—"

"It's about Ida."

Levi stiffened. That name was enough to arrest his interest and take his attention off the dirty chair. He glanced at her, lips parted open, but no words left him.

Fuck.

Hanji gestured to the chair. "Seat?"

Levi reluctantly perched himself on the opposite seat. Even though he came here to find out about Ida, now Levi regretted it because he had realized that it'd probably ruin any hope of him ever getting over her. But because he was curious, he kept quiet.

Hanji appeared to frame her words for a moment. Instead of speaking, she slid a letter across the table between them.

Levi glanced at it, "Shit's this? Are you trying to piss me off right now—"

"Shut up and read the damn thing."

Levi picked it up and scanned through it. No seal of the Starkes. But the paper was thick, expensive. He didn't recognize the handwriting. At least it wasn't some bloody over-the-top flower inscription like those noble idiots are fond of—

The name at the end of the letter made his eyebrow raise.

"Fischer?"

Hanji nodded. "Don't give me that look. Continue reading."

Levi squared his jaw and obeyed. By the time he was halfway done reading, he was back on his feet.

"That fucking bastard!"

She regarded his warranted anger with a level of calm. "I had expected Zackly wouldn't leave Ida alone for long… but I must say, sending her a delegation of potential suitors that way is something I'd never foreseen coming from him. It'd be hard for Ida to reject everyone too."

"Hard?" Levi growled. "The solution seems simple to me. She should send every single fucking one of them scurrying back to Zackly. You expect her to be okay with this bullshit?"

"Of course not," Hanji made a face. "But the majority of the Starke's fortune rests on trade deals. She needs to establish relationships if she is to govern. You've taken care of her assets before, you know how it works, don't you?"

Levi hated that she was right. He clenched his fingers. It was all he could do to stop himself from punching a hole through Hanji's wall. "And how long has this been going on?"

"Just recently. My guess is the banquet must have given Zackly the golden opportunity—"

"And Ida is still going?"

"Levi listen," Hanji did not shrink back from his glare. "What matters is, the Survey Corps would be escorting her now—for security purposes to the outsiders, of course. It'd give Ida a reason to reject the nobility and whoever else Zackly sent her way. Not even the Premier can reject that without good reason."

Levi frowned. Was this the reason why Hanji was taking over the security and banquet planning?

"I've already gotten the approval," she added. "I don't intend to let the government or anyone use her."

Levi's hand was on his head before he could stop it. He gave a tsk of annoyance as his fingers massaged his temple.

Madness.

This was fucking madness.

Why the hell did Ida have to come to the fucking banquet anyway? She was better off holed up in Sina where she could live a happy, peaceful life, far away from politics and Zackly's grimy paws. Isn't that what she wanted?

"What's the problem now?" He asked eventually, unsure that he even wanted to fully comprehend how much of a complicated mess this was. "You have one, or you probably wouldn't have told me this."

"I'm still waiting on an agreement from Ida herself," she admitted. "But… I was thinking of assigning you to escort her as her guard."

His hand left his temples. Levi stared, incredulous. Him? Fucking him out of all people? Had she finally lost it?

"You want me to escort her…?"

Hanji nodded cautiously.

He surged forward and planted his hands on both sides of the arms of her chair. "That's fucked up even coming from you, four eyes, no, I…" Levi gritted his teeth and looked down, trying to find the words. "…Ida wouldn't want that. It should be someone else, Jean or Mikasa—fucks know they are equally as capable… just not…"

Anyone but fucking him.

He had hurt her enough. They were done. Over. There was no way around it. It was all in the past.

"I'm not suggesting this to make things harder on both of you," Hanji said patiently. "I'm doing this to protect her. Zackly knows about the rumours of a relationship between the two of you, if he sees that you two are still close, maybe he'd drop whatever ideas he has on finding Ida a suitor."

"You and I both know that's a shitty way of thinking."

"Even if it was only for a short while. That'll still buy Ida some time."

Levi inhaled slowly through his nose. He didn't speak. His head was beginning to throb uncomfortably.

Hanji sighed. "Levi, listen."

Despite his growing desire to fuck out of that room and as far away from anything pertaining to this, Levi forced himself to listen to what she had to say.

"It has to be you," Hanji was stern on this. "Zackly agreed only because you'll be her guard. I can't trust anyone else to protect her either. The MPs are giving their best soldiers to the Queen but we also must secure the last Starke. Don't let your feelings cloud you, Levi. This is about your duty."

Damn her. She just had to bring up duty. He slowly retracted his hand back and straightened. "And if Ida doesn't want this?"

Hanji shrugged. "She doesn't really have a choice at the moment."

Levi closed his eyes for a brief reprieve. "Fucking… fine. You're right, I know. But… it's just that…"

Shit, his words were all over the bloody place.

"So, you will do it?"

"Tch." Levi looked away. "Let me think about it. My mind is fucked right now."

"Alright." Hanji appeared dementedly pleased with herself. She understood she shouldn't push the matter any further for now. "Just so you know, I need an answer soon. I'm expecting Ida's reply in a few days as well."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Nursing a cup of warm tea, Ida's eyes wandered across the wide array of pastries that embellished the rectangular coffee table. She wondered just how long she'd have to keep up with this façade. Her face was starting to go stiff from smiling too much.

This was hell.

Everything was hell, in fact.

The blue dress she was wearing, the annoying white shawl that she had to keep draped across her arms, the corset, the stiff posture, the clipped manner of speaking… everything was hell. Ida felt as if she was going to war, except this was a war of roundabout speaking and pretentious smiles.

I want to die.

"This… Hm. Now isn't this an excessively unfair deal here?"

Her gaze followed the voice of the owner. Thin and graceful with reading glasses perched across his tall nose bridge, Hank Trevor's attire superseded his reputation of being an excessively rich and high-profile trader that even the government patronizes.

Hank smiled charmingly yet his words were indifferent, "For just ten minutes of teatime, you're asking for my trading house tariff to be reduced by fifteen percent. I must say, you strike a ruthless deal despite having recently inherited your title."

He slid the proposal back to her, "Isn't the fee too much for a simple meeting to foster a newfound friendship, my lady?"

Ida forced herself to mirror his smile, "You insisted on meeting me in person lest you call off the trade negotiations—negotiations which I believe were nearly concluded. Isn't it obvious that you should pay at least that much now?"

Yeah, that's how it's gonna be, punk. Screw you for making things hard for me.

Hank's laugh was gentle, "I believed I asked for dinner."

"Unfortunately, my schedule is full. I'm afraid tea is all I can spare you."

"It appears that I've offended you, I apologize," Hank laughed. "I hope you understand you're an extremely hard woman to meet. I had to resort to this method."

Then why insist on meeting me in person? Ida grimaced into her teacup. Bloody pillock.

If it wasn't for Seth emphasizing how important this deal was, Ida would've never given two shits about him. Unfortunately, despite her misgivings, she had to grin and bear with it. She needed money. Lots of it if she were to go against her fate. And she would be damned if she allowed the businesses she inherited go to waste. The livelihood of the people living on her hands weighed heavy on her shoulder.

Why does he want to meet me in person?

The looming question circled in her mind again. No matter how Ida thought about it, she couldn't find the answer.

Prior business deals were already set for discussion before Hank suddenly declared the deal was off unless he was granted an audience with her. It left Ida bewildered and annoyed. Seth and Kelson had acted as her deputy and they didn't have any problems so far. What changed?

"I heard that I'm the first one you invited to your estate?"

"Yes. I hardly grant invitations. I don't think anyone would enjoy it here," Ida wished he would leave soon. "Unlike the Capitol, it's awfully cold in the mountains of Sina."

Get the message asshole. You should fuck back to the Capitol too.

Hank seemed to consider something for a moment as he scoured the room of her office. "Nevertheless, the sights are a feast for the eyes. Your family home is a well-known architecture wonder, I had hoped my son and men would've enjoyed it."

"Is that why you brought them?" Ida had expected he would have come alone. She was surprised when Hank arrived with a full retinue, son in toll.

"I hardly travel alone. Can't be too careful."

Ida hummed, "I hope the weather favoured your journey then."

"Hardly, I'm afraid," Hank shrugged. "Terrible Sina weather, indeed."

"Indeed."

"Why not go to the Capitol?"

"I favour peace," Ida said blandly. "Less likely I'll get an uninvited nosy guest up in the desolate mountains, I'd say."

Hank sensed her displeasure right away, "You'd have to forgive my impudence and curiosity again, my lady. I am unable to help it."

Settling down her teacup, she smiled daintily, "My, are you really that interested in my life?"

"Why wouldn't I be? You're an interesting person. An illegitimate child, a hero of Shiganshina, and now the head of your house and the last of the Starkes who wields the power to remove the curse of Titans. Quite an accomplishment, I'd say."

"I'm flattered you know so much about me," Ida said coyly. "But the last I've been briefed, I was told that the agenda of this meeting was to negotiate a partnership of trade between us, not to get to know one another, sir."

"Business transactions also have a reasoning behind them," Hank countered suavely with effortless charm, "perhaps you have spent too long on the battlefield to understand the complex manners of trade, my lady."

Ida fought to keep her expression cordial.

The bloody galls of this asshole. How much of this peacocking must she endure?

"Perhaps. However, you've lived only tasting riches, sir. At least I do know that if the Titans ever come for us again, I won't shit myself." She regarded him with the sweetest smile she could muster, "Which is more than what I can hope for you."

They broke off into a harmony of shared laughter behind a backdrop of cold tension. Ida knew their smiles didn't match the underlying hostility but she really couldn't care now.

"It seems there's no use beating around the bush with you," Hank switched gears after the laughter died down. "I appreciate a strong woman who knows what she wants. I'll be frank then. I'm interested in you."

Ida tensed up at his admission. Interested?

The sly grin on Hank's lips curved further when he casually rested his face on his hand. She didn't miss the hint of mischief in his eyes.

He gladly clarified himself. "What I mean is, I believe it's beneficial for both of us to come to another arrangement as well."

That was when Ida's fake smile dissipated off her face. That was when she decided she was done with the fake pleasantries. That was when she realized the bastard was here for a different type of arrangement.

"And who sent you on this fool's errand?" her voice was steely now.

"Hmm, the Premier did mention the benefits of getting married to you."

Of fucken course. Who else but that miserable, miserable man?

"And did he also mention that I have no interest in getting married or having any children too?" Ida propelled herself up to her feet, expression cold with warning. It was no longer necessary to hide her hostility. "Take your business elsewhere, sir. I believe this deal is done."

Fuming, Ida made a disgruntled noise and went for the door.

"You're making a mistake."

Anger intact, Ida's caustic glare involuntarily strayed back when she heard him. Hank was approaching.

"As you reminded me earlier, this is a business transaction, not just a marriage proposal," Hank contended, eager to sway her. "You are a smart woman. That is why you agreed to meet with me, no? We can make this work for both of us."

"Last I remember, you have a child already. Did he not accompany you here with your retinue?" Ida reminded him sharply. Though angry, she made sure to keep what was left of her cool while addressing him. "I'm not a stepmother material and you don't need this marriage."

"That's where you're wrong, my dear," Hank said. "What is desire is something far more than an heir—just as you sought the uses of my many trading houses, I desire the title I'll receive when I marry you."

A tense silence loomed between them. Rationally, it was a favourable deal. She knew how arrangements like these worked. Despite this bitter comprehension, she couldn't afford to care about business transactions now. She couldn't give a fuck about how much this deal would benefit her because her control over her fate was flipping out of her grasp and she had to rectify this situation.

Gradually, Hank's eyes thinned, "Unless… it's as they say? It's because of that Captain of yours, isn't it?"

She didn't reply but her eyes burned. How dare he? Ida wanted to punch him. But fuck no, she should refrain. So instead, she snatched the doorknob and the door nearly flew off its hinges.

"Kelson!"

The butler that was waiting outside scurried over at her behest.

"Please see our guest out and get Fischer over here," Ida told him loudly. "This discussion is fucking over."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Defeated by the simple fact that she had just fucked up a massive trade deal and offended one of the most influential people in the Walls, Ida expelled an exasperated sigh. After swapping out her blue dress for a looser and more comfortable one, she went to the window of her office. The guards that Hank had brought along with him were assembling in the courtyard, ready to leave. Among them was a young boy of eight. As instructed, Kelson was escorting them out.

Shit, this is bad.

Seth and Kelson had repeatedly advised her on the importance of this business deal.

Except against all her rationality, Ida decided it didn't matter what they thought. There was nothing they could say or do. Whatever path she chooses, it was hers to choose alone. Ida had sworn to herself that no one could ever dictate her fate again.

Her hand grazed absentmindedly on her belly, soothing her residual anger.

Looks like I must handle the Premier sooner than expected. Zackly was getting too out of hand for Ida's tastes. She was thinking through her next step when she heard someone knock on her door behind her.

"You took your damn time, Fischer," Ida whirled around, "We need to discuss how to—"

Her body froze. Standing a couple of feet away from her, by the threshold of her office, was not Seth as she had expected.

It was Hank Trevor.

Now donned in a sharp coat, the merchant appeared equally as perplexed as she was. Speechless, his widened brown eyes slowly trailed down from her face…

And to her stomach.

Ida stiffened, holding her breath. So unprepared and shocked she was that couldn't bring herself to remove her hand away from her belly.

The gradual, terrible realization slowly became evident on her face.

"Well, well," Hank was the first one to break the silence that threatened to cascade over them. He stepped into her office, donning a knowing smirk on his face. Slowly, the door shut behind him. "I was hoping to apologize for I think I have offended you but who would've thought I would stumble into something far more peculiar instead."

The way Hank was looking at her now made her feel like there was acid on her skin. It was the gaze of someone who had power over another—a terrible gaze of someone who had something to use against her. Ida felt the dread surge through her like ice in her veins.

He knows.

The mere idea of it all terrified her.

"By chance, would you be more inclined to continue our discussion now?"

Ida hadn't realized she had been holding her breath the entire time until Hank stood directly in front of her, the only thing separating them a desk.

"I think I understand now why you keep to this wretched fortress."

Finally, Ida found the strength in her to move her hands away from her bump. She straightened and tilted her chin in a defiant manner. "What is it that you want? State your condition."

Hank chuckled. He was enjoying the situation and it made Ida fumed. His voice pulsed with guiltless mockery. "What do I want? Now, you're speaking my language. I prefer it when women are this compliant."

He circled around the desk until he was right by her side. During this, Ida looked defiantly straight ahead. She refused to show him he had the upper hand. From her peripheral view, she noted Hank had rested a confident hand on her desk.

"I want to continue our discussion earlier," Hank crooned to her ear. "As I say, this marriage can benefit us both, Ida." He brushed back her red hair that fell on her shoulders, running a hand down her neck and to her shoulders. "I'm a reasonable man, my proposition remains the same. Marry me and be my foothold in the world of the nobility and in politics and in return, my trading houses are yours to use at your discretion."

His eyes dropped to her stomach. "I'll even acknowledge your child as mine if you like. We can have many more later."

Ida regulated the fury that had set a fire in her blood. The temptation to lunge at him tingled in her clenched fist. "And if I don't agree?"

The gravity was set heavily in her voice. It was a warning of an imminent explosion. Yet, it did not seem to faze Hank.

"That'd be unfortunate," Hank sighed wistfully. "But…"

Ida's face was still stoic, deadly. All at once, her heart thrashed in her ribcage and she felt the blood shoot up to her head.

Don't say it.

She scanned the desk before her like a hawk and spotted a letter opener.

Don't fucking—

"I'm sure my old friend Zackly would be delighted to hear about your—ARGHHH!"

Hank didn't even have time to react when Ida plunged her makeshift weapon straight into his hand that was resting on her desk, causing a hole to form as the sharp edge buried into his flesh.

What followed was nothing but Hank's scream of agony.

Ida's eyes became vicious. She was still reeling from how fucked up her life was and she wasn't going to allow this asshole to make it worse. A monster awakened inside of her and she no longer felt fear.

All she felt was the thirst for blood.

"You seem to have forgotten whose house you are in, Hank."

Ida was far from done.

With that letter knife still embedded in Hank's hand, Ida who had nothing but hatred in her face, twisted it, screwing the blade deeper into his hand. The meat of his skin began to rip. Screaming, Hank tried to pry his hand away but his strength proved unyielding against the pain that tormented him. He wasn't so pompous anymore.

She smiled when his blood doused her desk and leaned in close to his shaking ear. "You should be ashamed of yourself for using such a threat."

Ida knew he wasn't, and she wouldn't give him any mercy either.

She twisted the knife again, tearing into the finalities of the meat of his hand. It tore like fabric… slowly, easily, and painfully…

"GURGH—AHH!"

Satisfied with how he was screaming, Ida finally pulled the knife out. This caused another blood-curdling shout to emit from Hank as blood spurted out from the gaping wound.

Clutching onto his hand, Hank stumbled backwards in disbelief. His horrified scream sounded animalistic and Ida revelled in it.

"Fuck—what the fuck did you do, you mad bitch?! Do you know who I am?!"

Dropping the bloody knife, Ida slowly fixed her attention on him. She paid him no mind and continued to advance towards the retreating Hank.

Her green eyes glinted, deadly. "I think it is you who forgot who I am."

Hank's expanded to the size of golf balls. Funny, only now he remembered who she was before she retired?

"A—Ah, no…" Hank stuttered, gaping at her in horror. Tears started to stream down his face as he hyperventilated, "P—Please… I won't tell… I won't…"

Ida wasn't listening. She reached the fireplace and went for the iron fire pit poker beside it.

Hard. Unconventional for her. But it'd do.

"You should've run the moment you saw me…" Ida dragged the makeshift weapon across the carpet, now slick with a trail of dripping blood from the retreating man, "…because I decided long ago that I wouldn't leave anyone alive if they knew."

"No, no, you can't…! You won't! The MPs will find out about this! T—This is murder! I have friends in high places!"

The curve of a small smirk appeared on her lips. It was like a part of her had just been woken up; it was a part of her that surged with life.

"A dead man tells no tales."

"Z—Zackly! Zackly—he knows that I'm here—if you kill me, he'd know that—"

"Oh, don't worry, I can assure you…" Ida lifted her weapon, the iron reflecting Hank's terrified face, "...the Premier will follow you soon."

CLUNK!

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Seth would like to think of himself as a man of composure.

When you live the majority of your childhood around someone like Jaron Starke and Kenny Ackerman, you learn from an early age that nothing is too unscrupulous in this world. His meter of shock was blunted from an early age.

However, in this matter, he reckoned it'd be hard for anyone to maintain any semblance of composure. Especially when there's a corpse of an influential man under your roof. One look at the battered lifeless body of Hank Trevor in Ida's office was enough for Seth to summarise what happened.

This was bad… really bad. Fuck.

Unfortunately and fortunately, it was easy to discern where Ida retreated when she had him a left a trail of blood to follow. Seth found her standing in her bedroom wiping herself down with a cloth. It left red streak marks over her arms. The blood on her white dress was still slick with wetness.

"You're here," she noted his presence calmly, quietly. "You let Hank Trevor slip past your guards."

This was a mistake on his part. Dread strangled his windpipe. There was something unsettling in the way she looked at him, a glint in her eyes that reminds Seth of the time she'd stabbed a man in the heart at the Underground City.

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

"What happened?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to know.

"He found out," Ida said simply as if commenting on the weather.

She was behaving too calmly for such a grave matter. It irked him more than he'd liked. "And you think this is the best way to handle it? Fuck, Ida, do you know what you've done?"

"I didn't have a choice. Zackly sent him here, I couldn't hide him." Ida always so blase, sounded like she was teetering on the verge of madness and tears. "It's unfortunate, I agree, but we have to carry on."

"It's not that simple! Why are you so calm about this? Do you know who is lying dead in your room?! His guards are all waiting for him in our courtyard! We can't fucking cover this! The moment they know someone like Hank Trevor died in this place, the military will have all rights to send their men down here to investigate! Murder, Ida! A capital crime! It'd give them the reason they need to blackmail and control you! Can't you see that?!"

She addressed each point like she was parrying a blow, "I know that, but as I said I didn't have a choice. He intended to tell Zackly about the baby and that'd be worse. But don't worry, I don't intend to give them the right to enter the estate either." She threw the bloody cloth to the floor. "On the dresser, there. Take it."

Seth turned. There's a map on the dresser. The bloody handprints on the crumpled parchment and the way the circle was shakingly drawn over a section indicated distress at that point in time.

He looked back and found Ida staring at him expectedly. The chips fell into place quickly. She already had a plan.

"It's another route to the Capitol. I remember you saying that this place is known for bandits," she explained. Her dark expression suggested she found this method distasteful too. "Escort Hank's retinue there and kill them—all of them. They won't see it coming."

As bewildered as Seth was, her lack of emotion was starting to alarm him. "You want to kill them all and stage the massacre as a bandit attack?"

"A dead man tells no tales," Ida added, so quietly, so silently, as if she was afraid that when spoken aloud she would be judged immediately. "We must make it so that the MPs stationed outside see them leaving, only to be unfortunately attacked on their way back to the Capitol. That's the story we will make. We can hide Hank's corpse among them later and they would be none the wiser. Zackly can't accuse me without concrete proof."

Seth shook his head at her proposition, "This won't work. How do you propose we get them out, Ida? They won't leave without Hank."

"You'd find a way, I am sure," Ida's voice was hoarse, well suppressed. "An excuse and lie would do, and you have always been good at things like that, so can I leave it to you?"

Swiftly, she grabbed another towel and made a bee-line to the bathroom. Seth grabbed her by the arm to stop her. Ida raised a brow and Seth found that his throat had gone unbearably dry.

"Ida… it's not that easy," he stressed.

"We have to do it," she reiterated until she saw he was conflicted over something. "What's wrong? We can't afford to waste any time."

"Ida… there's…" Seth forced the rest out quietly with gritted teeth, "...there's a kid among Hank's retinue."

It became painfully apparent that Ida had not considered this because she suddenly went stiff. The horror on her face suggested she had forgotten about a crucial factor in what she had thought to be a flawless plan. But then the horror was swiftly gone, replaced by disturbing calmness.

"Do you have a better plan then?"

His lips parted but no words came out. There was no better plan. Let the kid live? He'd tell. Hide him? They'd be looking for Hank's successor. His heartbeat drummed in his ears, making him lightheaded. Seth hasn't prayed in years, but he prayed desperately now.

This is where we should draw the line.

Except there was no God to save them. The lapse of silence in between the tension was wrought with distraught. And the silence alone was enough to tell Seth everything. It was enough to tell Seth she had made a decision.

"This wouldn't be new to you." Her lips were contorted in a baleful smirk. "You know what you must do."

She swallowed once before her face hardened and she ripped her arm from him, leaving.

"Get it done, Fischer."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Water ran into the basin and her trembling fingers broke the cool surface. Ida began to splash her face. Little droplets caught the diluted light from the window, like shards of glass tossed up into the air.

She had to get rid of the evidence. She had to get rid of all the blood. It was everywhere.

On her face, her neck, her arms, her hands…

There was no other way. No chances. No slip-ups. No witnesses. Not at this point. They couldn't afford to be investigated. An unwarranted sob escaped her and she didn't know why it was so hard. Ida scrubbed herself with her nails until her skin was raw. Fuck. Why was it so hard to get it off her?

Was it her skin that was red now? Or was the blood still there?

Her vision splits with the colour spectrum as her head started pounding. The room was starting to spin. This is bad, this is bad, this is bad. Ida tried taking deep breaths but it doesn't work, her stomach felt like it was pressing up against her lungs. The ringing was back in her ears and her vision blurred, and it's never good when her vision goes dark because she'd just end up at that tiny isolated warm cabin in Sina, where the only people who existed are Levi and their child, soldiers no more, and how fucking happy their laughters were—

Ida screamed. Her fist flew to the mirror and the dreamlike sight shattered with the broken glass as it should—because even Ida knew she was clearly undeserving of that, soon she will be a mother too, and what mother would do this?—and when her vision cleared again, all she saw was a basin full of red water, the only thing she was deserving of.

Panting, she studied her reflection. Her hair and the front of her dress were dripping wet, arms full of ugly red scratch marks, knuckles bloody. Ida felt like she had just inhaled some of the water.

Her broken reflection spoke involuntarily. "If you look back you are lost."

Ida choked.

Her legs gave way and slid down to the cold tile of her bathroom floor. Her eyes were burning. But she had not cried, her eyelashes were dry. Or maybe she had successfully washed away her tears too.

Don't look back. If you do…

Smiling, Ida tasted the words and played with them on her tongue.

She cradled her swollen belly.

"But I am already lost…"

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

That morning, Hanji was seated at her usual table. Her brown hair was the only thing visible above the pages of the volume she had her nose wedged in. Like any other morning in the Corps, the mess hall buzzed with activity. Hanji was halfway down in her breakfast soup when a stack of newspapers landed angrily at her table.

Hanji looked up from her book. Levi was hovering above her, snarling, "What is this?"

What had gotten him so pissed off this early?

She closed her volume and calmly set it aside. "A very good morning to you too, Levi."

Levi stabbed the newspapers with his finger. "What the fuck is this about? Explain, four-eyes."

Hanji scanned the newspapers. She hadn't had a chance to read it yet.

"This…" She snatched it from the table, alarmed. Hanji gaped, she was at a loss for words at the front page news. "The Walls…"

Hank Trevor. Dead.

There was not a person in the Walls who didn't recognize the trader who founded the most successful trading house in Paradis. A self-made man, he regularly did business with the military. Materials, produce, metal to forge weapons, the list went on. Hank was a wealthy businessman with a keen eye for trade.

And now he was gone.

Murdered in cold blood.

Along with his guards. And his young son.

"Armin showed it to me this morning," Levi growled. "The pompous fuck, surrounded by a retinue of guards, butchered. Set to the knife—all of them."

Hanji tilted her head. "And why do you think that I have something to do with this?"

Levi glared. She could sense his silent accusation. But as soon as his eyes thinned, did they relax. His anger was now replaced by confusion. He appeared to have realized she was genuinely confused. She truly did not know why he was asking this.

"You don't…?"

"I don't what, Levi?"

"Fuck," the curse was pushed out under his breath.

Levi gestured his head to the side and walked away. At his behest, Hanji followed him until they were out of the mess hall.

The Captain turned to her once they were in an empty corridor.

"He was murdered."

She blinked. "Yes, I think that much is clear, Levi."

Why was Levi making such a big deal about that? Certainly, Hank's murder was appalling however she reasoned that with a man of Hank's stature, he'd have many enemies. She didn't want to speak ill of the dead but it was a fool-hardly decision to take such a dangerous route back.

"Not that, four eyes," Levi growled. From the way he was breathing, he was slowly losing his patience. "Hank was travelling back from Starke Estate after a meeting with Ida."

Hanji's eyebrows rose at this. "What?"

"Yeah you heard that right, dipshit," Levi crossed his arms and leaned on the wall. He studied her carefully. "You really didn't know? Aren't you keeping contact with her and shit?"

She scanned the newspaper again. "It didn't say it here, how did you know?"

"Jean was delivering some documents yesterday to the main HQs. He overheard some MPs talking about it, chattering as if it was the hottest gossip."

She blinked, unable to find the words. Hanji looked back to the newspaper in her hands and she felt her brows bunched together. Usually, newspapers wouldn't hold back on the details of such shocking headline news. They'd be more than happy to report everything. Hank Trevor's brutal murder would've drawn many people's interest after all.

It took no time at all for Hanji to catch on to what Levi was implying.

There are only two conclusions she can draw from this. Either the newspapers had intentionally not reported the full picture because they did not know or someone high up had purposefully prevented this information from trickling down to the populace.

If Hanji had to put her coins on these two scenarios, she'd go with the latter.

Comprehending everything now, she was unable to help a sigh, "You think Zackly is involved in this?"

"Wouldn't doubt that rat bastard."

"Why would he cover this up?"

"You tell me."

Indeed, it was possible that the government was protecting Ida from any unnecessary suspicion from the public. Regardless of Ida's strained relationship with the military now, being the last Starke, Ida was too much of an important figure for them to lose.

The question was… what was Hank doing at Starke Estate in the first place?

To keep her pregnancy a secret, apart from a few, Ida had barred entry to everyone. Fearful of being exposed, for months she had stubbornly refused to come out of her fortress. It had caused unfounded rumours to swirl. That Ida was dead. That she was plotting something. That she was unwilling to assist Paradis. And even that she held Marleyan's sentiments like her uncle, Jaron Starke.

All unfounded rumours really.

Ida's appearance at the summit was supposed to quell the rumours. It was supposed to protect her. The more Ida was insistent on remaining holed up, the more likely the government would eventually intervene.

But right now, Ida was willingly opening her doors for Hank?

Unless she had no choice but to.

Hanji pursed her lip thoughtfully. If memory had served her correctly, Erwin once mentioned that Zackly and Hank were friends. Good friends. Now that she'd given it some thought, it wasn't that much of a stretch to suspect Zackly's involvement in this part either.

"There's something odd about this," she agreed.

"No shit," Levi grumbled. "They are protecting her." He nodded to the newspaper. "You have no clue about this? Why she met Hank?"

She shook her head. "No, I didn't. This is the first time I've heard of this as well."

Tense silence enveloped them, contemplative and investigating. No matter how much Hanji thought about it, she couldn't understand. It was all too confusing. What was going on? Hypothetically, if it was Zackly or Ida who was behind the murders. Why would they do such a thing? Hank posed no threat.

Suddenly, Levi spoke. "Fischer."

"What?"

"That fucking bastard, Fischer," Levi glared at the slabs on the ceiling. "He killed them."

"But why—"

She cut herself short. Hanji pressed her fist to her tightly clamped mouth. Was she getting rusty? How did she not see this earlier?

It couldn't be that… Hank found out right?

But to kill his entire household? Child included? It wouldn't be that far-fetched for Seth who dedicated his entire life to protecting Ida. But she also knew Seth would never act without Ida's orders. He feared his past mistakes.

If that is so, then Ida was equally as culpable in this.

Except…

Except Ida's moral high ground would never allow her to take it this far.

The Commander didn't know what to think about it. It's horrifying but a part of her admitted that with the recent Ragako village incident fresh in her mind, it was unreasonable not to consider Ida might… just be capable of doing such a thing.

Levi didn't seem to have noticed her troubled expression and he carried on speaking. "Six guards. Trained and armed with rifles," he narrated darkly. "You think any normal shitty bandits with daggers got a chance against that?"

"But if it's as you say, I hardly think that Seth is that skilled."

Levi pushed himself off the wall and stormed to her, "They were killed using 3DMG. It was the only way that pissing bastard had a chance."

She blinked at him and suddenly recalled what was said in the newspaper report.

"The bodies were mutilated and hardly recognizable," she repeated to herself, imagining the scenario in her head.

Levi took the courtesy to voice her exact thoughts.

"A cheap shot at covering up the murder weapon," he growled, the deep tenor of his deadpan voice throbbing. "Recently, I'd sanctioned two sets for him—and it seems that runt had a fucking swell time utilizing them to their best capability."

Hanji clenched her fist together. She couldn't find the words right now.

What was making Ida so desperate? Just what exactly was she missing? Months back, Hanji had suspected Ida wasn't being so truthful with her. She had only looked the only way because she wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"The banquet."

Hanji stared, confused. Why was Levi bringing this up now?

"I'll do it."

Throwing that blunt statement at her, Levi started to leave, obvious that he wanted this conversation done with.

Left alone in the corridor, Hanji sighed wearily. She knew Levi was going to use the banquet as an opportunity to speak with her. He might not give away much but Hanji knew he was sharper than he made himself out to be.

When she glanced at the Captain's stiff form as he descended the hallway, a brew of unease swelled in her chest. "Ida… how much longer can you keep this a secret?"

Hanji read the newspaper again, frowning.

No, the question is—how much longer can I hold onto this secret?

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

He had been out of it.

He had been out of it ever since he arrived back in a daze. He was so tired. He couldn't sleep. He wanted so badly to. Each time Seth closed his eyes he found himself trapped in a suffocating nightmare.

"Will it hurt?"

Marcel's voice haunted him. Again, he could see the two boys' small backs as they prepared for the inevitable. They were so willing to die by his hands. He wanted to scream.

"Thank you, Seth."

A dagger gleamed in his hands.

That was always when Seth would jolt awake, covered in cold sweat.

The nightmares continued to plague his days. Seth was certain he had done a good job at concealing it—he had always done a good job, Kenny said—until Kelson came to his room three days after the massacre with wine in his hands, and then Seth realized that no, he was doing a shit job, he was really fucked up.

The night was one of those perfect spring nights. There was little wind, the air was fresh, and the moon was full and blooming. For a long while, they sat on the balcony as they drank together. Kelson was silent yet his unsaid concerns were conveyed. They'd grown closer since Seth started living here after he was ousted from the Survey Corps.

"I… have always known that I was a horrible person."

At his unwarranted confession, he felt Kelson's fatherly gaze on him, gently urging him on. As Seth travelled down memory lane, he stared into the distance. He was finally ready to talk.

"How much do you know about me, old man?"

"Not much," Kelson's smile was gentle. "But everyone has their stories."

Seth laughed bitterly. Something had lodged in his throat. He fought past it.

"Ever since I could remember, I had to fight for my survival. My parents were drunks, can't recall much about them. What I did remember was that one day they decided they didn't want another mouth to feed and decided to sell me to a passing Lord."

Seth no longer cared about putting on pretences. The events of his pathetic past spilled out easily.

"Jaron bought me and three other boys on a whim, I think it was something about Kenny telling him it'd be easier to instil loyalty if indoctrinated from a young age. The four of us were trained to be part of Jaron's personal guards and you… can imagine what it was like… Every second of every minute of every hour—each day was the exact same routine repeated. We were objects, expendable ones at that, indoctrinated to obey and kill whenever ordered. And when we broke… Jaron would just get a new one to replace us."

The memory washed over him like a tsunami. Briefly, it almost felt like Kenny was there again, beating him to a pulp as he ordered a younger him to stand and fight—to prove he was worth the fifty gold coins Jaron spent on him. The ease of profound regret bloomed like a sprout and its veins started tightening around his heart.

"Kenny said I was the most talented one, and well shit, I guessed it was true because I was the only one who survived among us. The proud lone survivor." Seth laughed humourlessly. "Eventually, I did well enough that as a reward Jaron decided I was trustworthy enough to grant me an important mission."

Kelson was listening intently, "What mission was it?"

Seth took another swig from the wine bottle. "He sent me… his most prized pawn as a spy to watch over his estranged niece who not even the government knew was alive. That was when everything started…"

He trailed off, unable to find the words. The burn from the alcohol did little to mitigate the pain unravelling in his chest. Beside him, Kelson listened with care, never once interrupting.

"Jaron was a shitty bastard alright, no doubt about that. Cruel, heartless and never afraid to use unscrupulous means to get what he wants. In a way, I admired and respected that about him. I could understand him. Fuck, maybe I even modelled myself after him. But she… why… I was shocked… they looked alike, but she was so very, very different from him..."

Kelson knew who he was talking about. "What was she like then?"

Seth closed his eyes for a momentary reprieve. And he saw her again. Under the dim lights of the Underground City, a woman clad in full black with eyes like a warrior.

His target and charge. The woman he had to protect and watch over. Another Starke.

She was supposed to be just another Starke.

"She was everything that Jaron briefed me on… and everything else he didn't think of her as. Kenny said a good spy learns about his target, so I watched her for weeks before I approached her… and I watched her as she apologized to every person she killed… I watched her feed an orphan who no one gave a shit about… I watched her defend a woman from a brothel from being beaten… and sometimes, I watched her smile when a neighbour gave her a small piece of leftover stale bread as thanks for protecting her…"

He swallowed past the lump in his throat, unable to categorize this foreign emotion that was taking root deep within him. "Gods, she was really so different from her uncle. She… she was good, Kelson, and before I knew it… I—I was drawn… I wanted to protect her. Even if I had to kill everyone… even if I had sacrifice—"

His voice tripped on its own. Marcel and Lucas appeared, summoned by his words—the boys he had come to love too. Crippled with heartache, Seth forged on. He needed to get this off his chest. He wanted someone to listen.

"…I thought it was okay if it was me who did the dirty work because unlike her, I… I was already beyond salvation."

"Are you?"

Seth laughed grimly. "Old man, you don't know the things I have done."

"I might not. But would you care to listen to an old man's advice?" Kelson's contemplative eyes set on the view ahead of them. "Someone who is beyond salvation wouldn't feel remorse for what he had done."

He smirked bitterly at that heartfelt remark. But before he could even feel marginally better, Ida's cold voice rang in his ears.

"This wouldn't be new to you. You know what you must do."

His eyes filled with poignancy when he gradually realized what was the true source of his nightmares. He finally realized what was bothering him so much.

"Kelson… she's changed."

After a long minute of silence, Kelson glanced at him with uncertainty, "And is this change in her such a bad thing?"

"I don't know." The more he spoke, the more he became aware of his own feelings. "In theory, it is good. Our plans are proceeding well. But I can't help but feel responsible—that maybe… in my quest of protecting her, I had unknowingly pushed her into an abyss along with me and now I fear that she would never be the same again."

"Ida is her own person. She has her reasons for everything she does. She's done her best, I can't fault her for doing some things because the circumstances she was born into are cruel. But with every curse, there is a blessing. We must believe that. She is someone to be admired, a true-born Starke—strong, has a good sense of duty, and fiercely protective. I want to believe that someone like her could change the world for the better."

The phrase struck a chord within him.

Jaron used to say that he'd change the world too.

Then he died, unable to fulfil his dreams.

What was the point of changing the world? It was fucked up regardless. Was being a God worth it? Why couldn't these Starkes leave complicated things like that to others and just be normal human beings, blissfully ignorant of the plight of everyone else?

"Is changing the world so important that it was okay to kill what was left of herself?"

Kelson had no words of consolation to offer him after that. He was just as aware of Ida's fractured mental state. Oftentimes when she wasn't buried in her work or research, she would remain in a daze, watching the window, as if waiting for someone to appear. She was indifferent, cold, and prone to anger outbursts that had only gotten worse since Ragako Village. It wasn't a rare occurrence to hear glass breaking in her office or room, thrown in a fit of anger.

Ida was a far cry from the cynical yet empathetic mercenary in the Underground City, hopelessly finding her purpose in life.

And she was an even further cry from the proud, duty-bound soldier in the Survey Corps, determined on fulfilling a senseless dream of freedom either.

Then who is the Ida Starke of today?

"This... is the first time I've seen her like that," Seth admitted shakily. "She was a different person, Kelson. She was so…"

Heartless.

Seth couldn't say it out loud.

"I'm torn. I... I don't think I can simply accept this. Not being influenced by emotions and sacrificing for something greater—for someone precious. I understand it intellectually. I swear I fucking do."

He sighed and dipped his head in guilt. He couldn't bring himself to look at Kelson any longer. His eyes bore into him like knives.

Deep, bitter regret morphed into a pained expression and transferred to his voice.

"I had always known that deep down, Ida was like me. I always knew that when push came to shove, for the people we love, we would pay whatever price. It was her biggest strength and her biggest weakness. Kelson, I always knew that—and sometimes, I even urged her to take that step… and I exploited that about her… I capitalized on that endless loyalty and love to those she held dear… hoping that she'll be happy one day because God knows she deserves it… I just wanted her to live, I wanted to protect her, but now…"

Seth stared at his hands, never more agonized when a heart-wrenching realization set within him. He couldn't deny it anymore. Despaired and fearful for the future, he curled his finger shut and brought his enclosed fist to his forehead. He was shaking. Fuck, he was really shaking.

The previous head of the Starke's vile grin embedded deep in his mind, a trauma unable to be dislodged.

"Sometimes when I look at her now… I—I think of Jaron…"

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The Capitol's mood was jovial and lively, a far cry from the desolate, cold northern land of Sina. With the Queen's birthday banquet fast approaching, Ida arrived with Seth a week prior to the big day. They were swiftly directed to the royal palace where Historia happily provided accommodation. Apparently, it was much easier to guard them when they were in the same place.

Unable to argue, Ida figured she could hide in her room. Until Historia, who probably thought she might be bored, invited her to accompany her on her engagements. Even more unfortunate was that Ida couldn't find it within herself to reject the Queen's kindness.

Thus, Ida drudged herself from engagement to engagement. They were endless and insignificant. Dressmakers, chefs, event planners—all who sought the esteemed opinion of the Queen. Oftentimes Ida wondered how Historia was able to keep the smile on her face when she was made to choose between two different shades of ivory napkins. Ida couldn't even tell what the bloody difference was.

Pregnancy was not kind to Ida either. Ida felt bloated, tired, and queasy. Watching Historia sampling a large variety of desserts meant to be served at the banquet was enough to get her stomach churning. Between the two of them, Seth was the better actor. With him steering the conversation, Historia naturally did not suspect anything about her condition.

Ida was grateful for Seth.

On the third day, Historia admitted she understood it was all for show. Everything had already been prearranged. However, to preserve and keep the Royal prestige they had to involve her in her own banquet somehow and this was the result. Ida shared Historia's woeful sentiments, it was rather sad.

This was the role they both served now. Appearances. All fuss and show with no real significance; coddled under guard because of their special blood ties to the Titan's power. It was all so trivial and calculated. Despite the whole pomp, both of them understood the real main purpose was to give the people something to celebrate to boost morale. A chance to celebrate what they had achieved with the reclamation of Shiganshina.

It was just papering over the cracks, frankly.

However not even tedious insignificant engagements were enough to distract Ida. She dreaded the banquet approaching after she learned who her escort would be. Try as she might, she couldn't think of any strategic movements to avoid it. Bailing out of the banquet was not an option either. She needed to be there as it was a pivotal part of her plan.

She wondered what had gotten Levi to agree. It was still within her predictions that Hanji would've sent him as her escort but she expected him to put up more of a fight. The more Ida thought about it, the more frustrated she became.

She hadn't seen the Captain yet as he wasn't residing in the palace but with the headquarters being so close, they were bound to see each other soon.

Maybe it wouldn't be too late to request someone else. Jean would be a good choice. Armin? Eren?

Maybe even…

Ida sighed when she recalled her last encounter with Connie. The guilt and regret devoured what remains of her appetite. She pushed the doughnut she bought to Seth.

"You don't want it anymore?" Seth frowned. "You have to try, Ida."

"No," she said quietly. "Let's just… walk."

Seth stared at her worriedly but said nothing about her depleting appetite. Earlier, he had suggested that instead of accompanying Historia, they should spend a day in town since he needed to make a trip to the tailor anyway. Ida agreed reluctantly only to placate his growing concerns about her condition.

It did work to an extent. The bustling streets of Mitras were illuminated with binding sunlight and it invigorated Ida to see such a sight. She hadn't been out of her manor for a long time. Being out on the streets with real people would do her some good. The Capitol was a hive of activity and Ida felt enthralled by how normal everything seemed.

It reminded Ida that in light of the bigger picture, this matter with Levi as her escort was insignificant.

"Spring really hits differently in the Capitol," Seth was finishing up her doughnut. "It's so different back at home."

"Can't wait for summer to roll around," she hummed back.

They strolled down the cobbled streets, making small talk. It was Seth's way of shaking off his concerns about the upcoming banquet too. During their conversation, Ida learned Seth was much more familiar with Capitol life compared to her. He was familiar with almost every street, quaint little cafés, famous restaurants, and book shops in-betweens.

"Didn't you come to Mitras often as a kid?" Seth was surprised when Ida admitted that she didn't know of the places that he mentioned.

"Hardly. Jaron preferred to keep my public appearance to a minimum and my mother rarely went out."

"What about as a scout?"

"Sometimes. The meetings were hosted in government buildings on occasion. Most of the time, it's back to Trost as soon as possible. The few times that I—"

She cut herself short when she realized she was venturing too easily down memory lane. It'd be a lie to say that she didn't have good memories here with her ex-comrades. Maybe even some of the best memories. Erwin. Hanji. Levi. Eren. Sasha… and even Connie…

Looking back, Ida mused over how carefree those days were.

She realized how crazy that sounded too. Carefree was the last word she'd use to describe her life as a scout, but in comparison to the present, it was.

Why was she trying when things only got worse with time?

"Maybe we could visit a cafe later," Seth suggested quietly.

She hummed. "Maybe."

They passed through the throng of crowds who flocked to the Capitol to participate in the celebrations until Seth announced the tailor shop was just by the corner.

Ida was about to make a beeline straight towards it until something else caught her attention. Across her intended destination was a boutique selling clothes meant for children. There were pretty dresses, tiny suits, and little hats, all displayed for the festivities. It was a pretty sight. Drawn, she etched closer to the window, watching the families inside.

The sight appeared so foreign to her. It was a world that Ida wanted so desperately to be in. She wouldn't get a chance to see her child grow up, would she? According to her plans, by the time they were this big, they'd be gone from her life… disappeared into the clemency of the world.

"Ida, why did you stop? It's the one across the street."

Ida turned. Seth was staring at her with expectation. Then he looked into the boutique and recognition dawned on his face. She felt terribly ashamed for some reason.

"Do you want to go in?"

"I…"

"Ida? Seth? Is that you?"

Ida nearly jumped at the familiar voice.

"Commander Hanji," Seth was back to acting. "It's been—"

Hanji came into view, clad in the attire of the Survey Corps; a green trench coat with the Wings of Freedom stamped proudly on her chest. She looked at Ida from top to bottom, grinning broadly. A shorter figure appeared too and Ida quickly realized why Seth cut himself off.

It was Levi, dressed in the same trench coat as Hanji. He hadn't seemed to have noticed her, or more likely, he had taken it himself to promptly ignore her. Ida felt queasy when he glanced at the boutique they were standing in front of.

"What a coincidence to see you here, what are you two doing here?"

"We came to get my attire fitted," Seth replied while Ida was still transfixed on the sight of Levi appearing before her. It was the closest she had seen him since the summit. He was so close, but the chasm between them had grown so wide.

Her trance was only broken when Levi suddenly flickered his gaze from the store, and then to her, and finally at Seth. Ida felt her heart drop to her stomach. She recognized the misunderstanding right away.

Suddenly, Levi quickened his pace.

"I'll go ahead of you," he practically threw the words at Hanji and continued straight towards the tailor shop that they were supposed to go to.

Ida was stupefied that he didn't even acknowledge her existence.

"Ah, we came to get our formal attires fitted too."

Hanji's gentle explanation made Ida's dazed eyes migrate back to her.

"Maybe you should follow him," Seth suggested. Perhaps the dismay on Ida's face had given her away because he slowly positioned herself in front of her. "See you at the banquet?"

"Right." Hanji laughed nervously. "Then… I'll see you both."

The Commander departed the scene in a hurry, likely out of consideration.

She kept quiet as they walked the other way, unable to bring herself to utter a word. If things were different, she would be there with Hanji and Levi now. Likely, she would don a stuffy jacket with the proud Wings of Freedom emblem on her chest and Levi and her would scowl in matching jackets, complaining, and Hanji would placate them saying that they look good when actually, they fucking don't—

"He's avoiding you."

Seth's morose statement jolted her out of her daydream.

"I know that. You don't have to remind me."

Even if Ida had welcomed Seth back into her life and valued his loyalty to her. Nonetheless, she never appreciated his propensity to be an instigator when it came to trying to pull her away from Levi. But despite her caustic reply, Seth continue relentlessly,

"Knowing him, he only agreed to be your escort because of duty as well."

"And your point is?"

Seth pulled her to a corner where they could speak privately. His gaze noted that there was annoyance on her face. "He's done with you, Ida. You ended it yourself—it's fine for him to misunderstand. Let him misunderstand, it's better that way."

"You and I both know that it's far from the truth. We made an agreement."

"I know." Almost hesitantly, he ran his hand down her cheek. "But… it's clear I've changed my mind since."

Ida rose a brow, undaunted by how he was suddenly acting. No longer able to combat the temptation, Seth lowered himself, his lips seeking hers. He was quick but he wasn't quick enough.

"We won't work out," Ida said sternly, tilting her head away just as their lips were about to touch. "Not now. Not ever."

"He doesn't even acknowledge that you're alive and you're still hung up on him? You know why you can't be with him."

There was no hiding the venom and jealousy in his voice. It rippled with rage.

"This isn't about Levi," Ida retorted, even though deep down, she knew it was. "I have made it clear to you that I can never return an ounce of your feelings for me, that still stands. And against all my rationale, yes, I might still care about you but not in the way you want me to, and I doubt I ever can again."

"God dammit, Ida," Seth released her and stepped back as far as the alley allowed.

"I don't know what changed your mind but we were done that day you betrayed me. Circumstances have changed. You have changed. I have changed. Everything changed."

Hurt engulfed his eyes. He realized which betrayal she was talking about.

Ida immediately regretted being cruel. "Sorry."

Seth was visibly irritated when he turned away. It was obvious something snapped in him. She let the silence simmer until it overflowed.

"I know you've changed," Seth said eventually. "Even so, I also know this is not who you are either."

Her silence persisted under his expectant and scrutinizing stare. Ida felt no need to respond to his troubling words because there was no point, she decided it was not worth defending any longer.

Seth's eyes were sterner than she had ever seen them. He had no more patience to beat around the bush. "No matter how much one says they'd changed, you cannot change your soul. And I know you, Ida, you would've never allowed that."

Unable to help herself, Ida retreated to flight mode the second she realized Seth was talking about the recent massacre she ordered.

"Stop, I don't want to discuss this—"

"Ida," Seth stated inflexibly, causing her to cease her words. He was sick of this charade. "You say it doesn't matter, but it does." He paused. "You gave up everything, done everything—for him, for this child, and I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore."

"It doesn't matter, we had no choice, Seth," she repeated like a broken record. "You're the one who told me that I had to do whatever it took."

"And I regret it," he confessed, his eyes filled with poignancy. "I regret everything. Last week made me realize this, and given the chance Ida, I would've never ventured down this path again. I may have said that we had to do whatever it took but don't insult me by saying that it doesn't matter. That it's okay because we had no choice. You may delude yourself into saying this is who you are but I can see in your eyes that you know that isn't true. I can see it in your eyes that you regret what we've done too. I know you are haunted by it."

Stunned by this admission, Ida could only stare at him. She hadn't anticipated any of this to happen. It was unlike Seth to say this. To kill or be killed. That was the world Seth grew up in. That was the world Seth knew they lived in and he had done well to embrace it wholeheartedly. That was the rationale of the assailant. Only ruin awaits those who do not fight.

Between the two of them, she was the one who had the weakness of human heart.

"Do you know how I got Hank's kid and the guards them out of the estate…?" Seth laughed mirthlessly, looking a tad deranged. It scared her in ways Ida never thought it could. "I told them that Hank assigned me a tour guide for the Sina mountains for his son… and fuck Ida, you should've seen how excited the boy was—"

Ida felt as if Seth had just bludgeoned her with this admission. "Stop, just stop—"

"I know I have done things," Seth would not stop. "But every night I lay awake, thinking of… what I've done—what we've done now. And I know you think I'm lying but I still… remember them. I remember Lucas and Marcel. It took me years after their deaths to stop dreaming of them… and what I just did again, honestly, it fucked me up, Ida. It really fucked me up."

She wanted to scream that he could've just disobeyed her orders, that she didn't want this either, but she stopped herself, realizing she was rising to an accusation not worth defending.

"I…I…" she doesn't know what to say, "...I never thought you would say this."

The hurt in his eyes told Ida the disappointment he felt by her words. "What conscience could stand this, Ida? What person can stand this? I… I am only human too."

"Why didn't you say anything then…?"

Listening to Seth now, Ida understood the part she had to play in this and decided she couldn't run from the truth any longer. It was the least she can do for him.

It was the least she can do for herself.

"Because as fucked up as I know it was, as you kindly pointed out, I am also aware we had no choice, Ida… just as I didn't have a choice years back. Keeping you safe mattered more to me than anything," he answered. "If you were me, what would you have done? Would you kill for Levi?" He sighed, the pain imminent in his voice. "Your mercy… your innocence is your greatest power but I fear that now you are too blinded by power to see it. And I love you too much to watch you do this to yourself."

Ida was speechless by his disclosure. Seth framed his hands over her cheeks.

"I have destroyed myself for you. Don't you see it? For years, it has only been you. And as far as my heart is concerned, it will only be you." The pain magnified in his voice. "I know sometimes we have to do things we don't want to, but… after thinking about it, maybe we can prevent it from happening. We can stop this, Ida. I know you felt for them. But you still did it. And I… simply can't watch you do this to yourself any longer."

He searched her eyes. "You don't have to be a Starke. You don't have to save the world. You don't have to fight. You want everything, can't you see that? Saving the world, protecting your friends, keeping this baby safe… has it ever occurred to you that it's nothing more than an idealistic dream?"

His voice was so aggrieved that it agonized her. Deep down, Ida knew he was right. It was all idiotic naivete. Saving everything, protecting everything; it was a lofty rhetoric. Her desire was merely an extension of her own selfish feelings. It simply wasn't possible in their world.

Ida was practical enough to understand it but she wasn't prepared for how Seth's words nevertheless shook her resolve.

Seth smiled faintly. It overflowed with sadness as if his heart had been pierced. She could feel the quiet determination in his voice, eager to convince her. "You are not responsible for everything, Ida… Just say the word. We can run away—go into hiding. We can…" his eyes darted to her belly, "…we can raise this child together."

Child.

The word had a profound weight to it. Desperation hit her like a ton of bricks.

"No," she propelled away from him. "No, I won't run. And not with you."

"Why not? Is it because of him? But Ida… I was with you first." He furiously pointed at himself. "I met you first. I loved you first. I gave up everything for you first!"

She squeezed her eyes shut to calm herself. She had to put a stop to this now.

"Stop. I know you have my best interests at heart. But even if you're dying to say anymore, don't. How can I believe your words?" Ida breathed past the emotions emitting from her. She looked at him now, smile bitter, "Even though we have spent years together, it was you who has never been honest with me for one moment."

The words were cruel, earning silence from him. Ida persevered with a knife.

"Yes, Seth. That heart of yours that loved me, the heart that kept silent about being a spy for my Uncle, the heart that killed the kids who I thought of my own so that I could be freed from the mess you got me in… I know it very well."

Seth chuckled mirthlessly, shaking his head. "So that's it huh… you can never forgive me."

"No, I can't and before you say anything, I know I am no saint either, I get it. I'm just as fucked up as you and I don't deserve your forgiveness as well. But let's be real here, everything you did wasn't because of just me. You regret it? But you had a choice then, Seth... and you made it, and just a week ago, you also had another choice too. You could've walked out."

"Can't you see that I'm saying this because I understand that? What we are doing… what we are about to do… it isn't right Ida. Can't you see… that I'm telling you to stop because I don't want you to venture down the same path as me?"

Something stirred inside her when he mentioned this. Ida felt terrible. She had been too caught up in herself that she had failed to realize that Seth had been in a spiral of self-loathing, regret, and guilt. Rationally, she understood that Seth made sense and this was all that awaited her down her path. Despite this, Ida kept her composure.

Yes, her ideals of saving everything were nothing but a pipe dream.

But if she couldn't back it up with actions, then they're meaningless. A nice fairy tale with no real impact. If she averted her eyes when action was needed, then she was just running away from everything.

If she wanted to protect everything, then she needed the courage to bear the sin.

Elsie used to say that power corrupts the best of us.

And to her mother, Ida would now say that she had never asked for any of this. She had never asked for the power to change the world. But she had also come to realize power is only given to those who had willingly lowered themselves to take it.

She had come to understand that in that power, that danger, is everything. It lives in the armies that protect Paradis. It lives in the untold history of the past that would save the present. It lives in the blood of the Starkes and the Subjects of Ymir.

It lives… in the bodies she must trample over to reach her goals.

With resolution, she turned to him. Seth had told her that it's good to be truthful sometimes and Ida was trying, "What happened in the Underground City isn't important to me anymore. I admit I was curious for a long time—about your reasons. Because you… and the kids were the people who saved me after Wall Maria fell. I can't say I can't understand why you did it anymore, however… I cannot stop, Seth."

Seth's arm spasmed as if he would reach out to comfort her, but doesn't. Ida's smile was bittersweet. "It doesn't mean anything now but I want to say I am sorry. I'm sorry it had to be this way, I'm sorry for all that happened and I'm sorry that I can never repay you the way you want me to. I want to say that I'm sorry and I want to thank you."

"Ida," Seth's face twisted, "I don't want your apologies or thanks. I don't need it."

"But you deserve them. I understand now that it all begins with me," Ida looked up at the sky, bracing herself for what she must do. "However, if you're trying to scare me with something like this, you're a fool, Seth. Do not even think about swaying me from my path. Don't do it. If there ever comes a time for the reckoning of my sins, then I'll face it. I'm prepared to."

Seth smiled defeatedly. "You can be done with Levi, you can be done with me, but can you really be done with who you once were? Can you really be done with your conscience?"

Ida didn't answer because she knew the truth.

"If you don't have the strength to continue, you're free to leave. That is your right. You don't have to follow me anymore, Seth. I don't want to take advantage of your feelings for me. If it's too hard… just go and be free from me."

"Ida—"

"You should make the choice now, Fischer."

Instead of waiting for an answer, Ida chose this moment to leave Seth in the alley because she knew another breakdown was coming. A war was coming but this particular war wasn't between Paradis and the world; it was between her current self and the past. And for the sake of everything she loved in the world, Ida prayed she'd win this war.

She prayed she'd be able to bury the Ida Starke of the scouts, and not allow her to bury her.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Fuck, he really was no good at this.

Levi pressed his perfectly clean towel across his freshly shaven face to get rid of the excess water. Then took a step back to glare at the reflection in the mirror. No matter how many times he saw himself, he couldn't help but grimace at how he was dressed up.

Bloody Hanji. He respected that Commander to the core, truth to fucking God, but what was the point in wearing this attire? He was there as an escort and guard. He could leave the networking to her. She represented the Corps.

But no, that was not how he looked now, was it?

The material of his newly tailored uniform was surprisingly soft to the touch, a far cry from his usual uniform jacket. He had to iron it thrice till he was satisfied. Levi fixed his jaw and glared at his reflection. He had thought he would've looked odd in it, but if he had to admit, it could've been fucking worse.

He grumbled to himself and racked his wet fingers through his hair to fix it.

Shit. What was it that Erwin did to his hair again—whenever he needed to attend those fancy meetings or functions? Despite his best efforts, his bangs fell back across his eyes. Fuck. Guess it'd just have to do.

He wrestled with the little internal voice which was telling him that this was most certainly overkill for a fucking job.

A scowl crept across his countenance when he unconsciously fixed his cravat again, just to ensure that it was perfectly straight. Levi couldn't for the life of him understand why he was bothering him so much. He never ever had cause to hole himself up in his bathroom so long. It wasn't like he had anyone to impress anyway.

Or did he?

The unwarranted image of Ida and Seth outside the children's clothing boutique had once again returned to haunt him. He wanted it to bounce off like an arrow against armour but it pierced deep. No matter what he did, he couldn't get the image out of his head.

"For fuck's sake," he cursed under his breath.

How was he going to get through the night when it was already this hard?

He shook his head. He'd have to grit his teeth and bear with it. No matter how much he dreaded this day, he couldn't get out of this. If his intuition was correct, he couldn't afford the impending confrontation, shitty mood or not.

Tonight.

Tonight, they'll meet again.

Begrudgingly satisfied with his appearance, Levi fastened the medal on his chest and left the bathroom only to find Hanji already in his bedroom.

"Were you having a really hard dump? You took forever."

He glared at her. "Ever heard of knocking?"

Hanji cocked her head to the side. "I did knock."

"What do you want?"

"Nothing," Hanji didn't look like she wanted nothing. "You look good."

"I look like a clown," Levi snapped.

"A very unhappy clown then," Hanji nodded sagely. "You sure you okay with this? I don't want any problems tonight."

"It's my job, four-eyes. What the fuck do you think I am going to do? Beat the shit out of someone?"

Hanji levelled him with a look as if to remind him that yes, he did beat someone to a pulp before, that said person being Seth, who just so happens to be at the banquet today. Levi grimaced. Not one of his proudest moments for sure however he'd be lying if said it didn't feel good then.

He remembered the boutique.

He kinda wanted to do it again honestly.

Hanji hummed, satisfied at his submission. "Just making sure, you know."

Oh, piss off bloody four eyes.

Levi's mouth settled into a hard line. "I've arranged for my gear to be held by the holding room beside the grand hall. Sasha and Connie are taking the first shifts. My squad will rotate throughout the night."

With all the important government officials and officers jammed packed into one room, they had to consider an attack from Marley, no matter how improbable it was. Even if the Garrison was stationed among Wall Rose, a spy could have already infiltrated.

She nodded. "Floch requested to be paired with Eren again."

"Tch. I see."

They had discussed this before. Something was obviously going on between the two. There was something odd about the Titan Shifter lately but they couldn't exactly put a finger on it. The thought of the suspicious behaviour between them made Levi recall another topic.

"What did Fischer want today?"

"What do you mean?"

Levi scowled. Why was it that whenever Ida or that lanky bastard was involved, Hanji seemed stupidly unaware of everything? It was starting to become a trend. One that Levi found ridiculously annoying. Out of all the people of the Corps, especially since Ida said fuck it all with what she did to Connie, Hanji was the closest one to the pair. She shouldn't be this unaware.

"I saw him this afternoon. He came to our headquarters. I asked around and he told the others he had an appointment with you."

"What—oh, shit!" Hanji had perched herself on the edge of his table and in the process knocked over some carefully arranged stationary. They rolled across his desk. Levi's jaw ticked as she scrambled to right it all.

"Sorry, sorry," Hanji attempted to rearrange it back the way he liked it. She failed. "That's weird, I don't recall setting an appointment with him. Did Ida send him?"

"Don't know. He was pissing off back to the royal palace by the time I saw him."

"Huh," Hanji quipped. "He would usually send a letter prior."

Levi was not expecting that reaction. Ex-comrade or not, no civilian was permitted to enter the headquarters without authorization for security reasons. Why the fuck was Hanji lenient with Seth and Ida? Because Ida was an asset, an important figure to the Corps? But while the trust built on comradery with Ida was warranted, it shouldn't extend to Seth.

Why did it seem that Hanji was keeping in contact with Seth for other reasons?

Damn her. Was she doing this to piss him off intentionally?

Levi chose not to pursue it. He shouldn't be doubting her. She's four-eyes for fuck sake. "Whatever it is, he shouldn't be roaming our headquarters like it's the damn market."

"Yeah…" Hanji chewed on her thumb. "Yeah… you're right…"

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

If anyone needed evidence that the Queen's birthday banquet was nothing more than a disguised political gathering among high officials, they'd only have to look at the venue and the guestlists to know. Traditionally, a monarch's birthday banquet was held at the palace while festivities like night markets and parades would line the streets of Mitras well into the night. This year, however, while the military kept the festivities and distributed food and wine to the public, they decided that the private banquet would be held at the military headquarters' grand hall instead.

Eren stood at the grand hall teeming with activity, watching the throng of soldiers, government officials and noblemen and women strolling in, dressed in their best attire. Drapes covered the columns and the large chandelier illuminated the carpeted floor.

Soon.

His hands flexed by his side.

If what he had seen was true, then those of Marley would arrive in Paradis soon. As Eren took in the genial atmosphere of the room, never was he more desperate to be proven wrong. Because if one thing was proven right, like a domino effect, the rest would follow eventually.

Floch strolled up to him with a glass in his hand. Eren didn't acknowledge his fellow comrade and kept his eyes on the guests. His voice dipped into a low whisper, "Why do you keep following me, Floch?"

It was an irrelevant question. He already knew the answer. He had seen it.

"Huh, what do you mean? Aren't we friends?"

Eren narrowed his eyes. Friends. Maybe… he was wrong? Was the future not set in stone? Or perhaps, his hatred for the government hadn't developed in him yet? Or maybe, it was all his foolish hope.

"Yeah… I guess it's pretty weird huh? Me following you around lately. I think… I just want you to know that I'd always have your back," Floch added shortly after. "You're Paradis' last hope, I can see that now. I can't help but want to follow you."

Not even fazed by this exhibition of respect, Eren kept silent. His heart wrenched at Floch's admission of loyalty. In lieu of succumbing to another one of his downward spirals, he forged on with his chain of thoughts.

Was there no other way?

No, the devil of his hell answered. There isn't.

He grabbed Floch's shoulder. "I'd hold you on that."

Floch appeared surprised. The way his mouth opened suggested he wanted to say something but they were interrupted by a third voice.

"Hey, what are you two doing there, looking so miserable?"

It was Jean. He had the usual smirk on his face as he made his way over to them, followed by Mikasa and the others.

Floch threw him a backward glance before he slunk across the hall. "I'll get another drink, join you guys later."

They gathered around him with plates of food. It didn't take long for Sasha to pull him to a waiting table, where more plates were piled high with meat. The rest settled around the round table, their cheerful chatters blocking out the amiable chatter among the rest of the attendees.

Eren sighed tirelessly. The bittersweet company of his friends made his heart constrict unbearably. It was insufferable. A part of him wanted to just blurt out everything then and there, God knows it would be easier to.

"Are we supposed to even start eating when Historia hasn't even arrived?" Armin said nervously. "Seems kinda rude."

"Nah, my shift is starting soon," Sasha was midway biting onto a piece of meat. "Gotta eat before we start working or we won't have any time later."

Connie groaned. "Man, why do we have to work while everyone else gets to enjoy the entire night?"

"We just have to suck it up," Jean threw across the table sourly. "Floch says the MPs are guarding the entire Mitras tonight, they're short-staffed and Hanji-san doesn't want to take any chances."

While they chatted, Mikasa had come over next to him. "Hey, you didn't come to the briefing earlier. Where did you go?"

"I forget about it."

"All okay? Honestly, you don't look so good, Eren."

He isn't but he had to be. He straightened up and took in Mikasa's face carefully, dismayed when all he found was worry. She waited for him to explain, but he redirected the conversation, "Did Captain arrive already?"

Jean answered for Mikasa. "Nope, he went to fetch Ida."

"…"

The mention of that name caused a cold tension to drop on the table, like a pin drop in a silent room. Everyone's eyes went to Connie. He looked—or more so acted, unperturbed and was still poking around his meal.

Sasha snatched a piece of meat off Connie's plate, "Thanks!"

That singular act alone eased the atmosphere immediately.

"Hey! I haven't even taken a bite yet!"

"Too late!"

Jean mouthed an apology to the rest as the two bickered. Eren felt nauseous, overwhelmed by something terrible and empty that erupted inside him, a gnawing ache and sorrow he had never experienced before. It's as if something had found the edges of his soul and ripped it in two, and his body cannot stand trying to stitch together the halves when there's no salve to mend the wound.

How quickly things had changed.

Briefly, Eren wondered what they'd think of him in a few years' time too. It was a stupid question. The answer was obvious. If what Ida did was enough to warrant this reaction from them… then they would never forgive him too.

Who was he fooling? They would never understand him. Eren decided he didn't need them to.

As his thoughts drifted, he felt himself forgo all the emotional bondage that came when being with his friends. It surprised him how easy it was to do it. The hollowness receded, or perhaps it evolved into something more familiar, a heavy stone that sat at the base of his belly, a ceaseless weight that could be ignored but never forgotten.

"I believe in you."

That was what Ida said even though she remained ignorant. And in a sense, when Eren heard of what Ida did at Ragako Village, in a strange way, he believed in her too.

He believed in the goodness of her soul that shattered every time she held the corpse of someone close to her, Petra and the others, Elsie, Erwin—the people she wanted to prioritise but could not. He believed in her unshed tears when she comforted Armin for taking her father's place and he believed wholeheartedly in her hardened heart that only wanted the best for everyone.

This was not a matter that can be easily judged by a single moral standard (when had it ever been?), the others did not see it, but Eren did. His insides churned like a cauldron of bubbling spices when he thought of Connie when he said the superior they knew was gone—that she had changed, for the worse, had become callous and colder and crueller—who is he to say that, when all Ida had ever done was to try and preserve a semblance of a sustainable moral code in a world so incredibly cruel to her?

What did they know?

She was not like them. They did not have her burdens. Ida Starke was the keeper of the past, the history book of the world. To traverse the paths alone was a difficult cruel fate, Eren knew. Look at what it did to him.

He hadn't spoken to her since that day. Though he admitted he had doubts at first, Ida had kept her promise to never speak of what happened to anyone. Eren belatedly realized this banquet would merit an opportunity for him to speak with her again.

Would she approach him?

Would she ask him again?

But really, why would it matter?

For now, all they can offer each other are sympathies. Like Historia, she too was bound to her bloodline. Just as he was bound to his fate. It made Eren's blood boil just thinking of it again. It was insufferable. A slave to their names, unable to escape their chains. Celebrations for the recapture of Wall Maria? Hah, what had changed?

Everyone in this room…

Behind his long fringe, green eyes hardened. Eren looked around the bustling grand hall now, and sees it alive with laughter and life and smiles and all he saw was red, red, red.

Their blood on his hands.

Fight.

And soon, Eren had no doubt their fates would change again.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Three days had passed since Ida walked away from him on the street of Mitras and he did not follow. When Seth arrived back at the royal palace on the day of the banquet, he was surprised to find that not only was he granted passage but Historia was unaware of their disagreement as well.

It seemed to him that obviously, Ida did not tell anyone about their spat on the streets. It was so very like her to keep everything to herself. Ida can be like fire and brimstone sometimes. She would cackle and sparkle and you will want to get closer, only to undoubtedly get burned. One needs to know how to wield fire, how to stay safe from it, and how to feed it so it may stay stronger—

"You came back."

From the door, Seth gazed at Ida's back. Her skin stood in contrast to the off-shoulder dark blue gown; ivory drizzled on azure blue. She was facing the mirror and he saw too, that her usual vacant green eyes had taken up their lustre. She looked like a raging fireplace in a winter landscape.

He smiled wryly at her casual greeting. Three days without him. Yet nothing had changed for her. It was business as usual. She wouldn't even miss a beat.

"Historia was wondering where you went," she said diplomatically. "I told her you were meeting some friends. Didn't want her asking questions."

"I see you're all prepared for your date."

She scoffed while she struggled to clasp her necklace around her neck. "Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you're seriously abusing that privilege. If you can't say something nice, at least say something funny."

Seth reached out. His fingers brushed against hers momentarily. Ida's face remained cold but she allowed him to help her with the necklace.

"For all it's worth," he murmured. "You look beautiful today, even I can't keep my eyes off you."

"Then get your eyes checked. I look terrible."

He smirked at her frosty voice. Was it so wrong that he missed their barbs however insignificant as it was? Was it wrong that even if he knew she was the damnation of his soul, he could never abandon her? Was it so wrong that no matter who her heart belonged to… he would always stand by her side?

She heaved a prolonged sigh that was a tell-tale sign of her strained patience. "Why did you come back?"

"Because out of my own volition, I made another choice."

Ida's face crumpled at the change in his phrasing. She swirled around, eyes scrutinizing. The way her eyebrows bunched together suggested she wanted to say something about his return, but instead, she asked, "Where have you been?"

"Finding a token of apology," Seth took the document out from his jacket and ushered it to her. "Here. Is this enough to make things up between us? Maybe to even take me back under your wing?"

She bestowed his entertained face with a glare. "What's this—"

Seth grinned when her shock saturated her face. "The security plans for the upcoming funeral for the heroes of Shiganshina. It's scheduled for early summer. I copied it down. This would be the perfect opportunity we're looking for, no?"

"How?" she demanded.

"Wasn't without much effort but your name does bear weight," Seth tapped on his temple. "All I had to do was find out when Hanji would be away from her office in Mitras, go to the Corp's headquarters and tell the scouts that I had a meeting with their Commander. Once they realized I was with you, they let me in easily. Let's just say Hanji's office wasn't that hard to find."

A wide smirk took over the curve of Ida's lips. She shook her head in disbelief. "Leave it to Hanji to start plans for an event this early. That four eyes is really pushing herself too hard to fill the shoes that were left behind."

Seth agreed quietly. Hanji wouldn't spare any expense for Erwin. This funeral—one with the bodies this time—was meant to honour him and the scouts who fell in battle. As suspected, the event would be a grand affair. It made a suitable venue for their plans.

He could see the contemplation on her face before she handed the document back to him. "You did a good job."

"Wow, did the sun just come up, or did you just compliment me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't push it."

Seth smiled wryly before adding, "I put everything back, made up an excuse and rushed off. I doubt anyone noticed."

"Hm. Good."

"So we even now?"

"Hardly." Ida was intent on not making this easy for him. She smiled though. "But it's a start."

Relieved, they made their exit from her bedroom. "Zackly will see his end then, I promise."

After the incident with Hank, they had agreed that Zackly's usefulness was outweighing his insistent persistence in propagating the Starke bloodline. After he delivered the prisoners, which would be soon, the Premier would have depleted his usefulness.

No longer could they leave a dangerous man in the government. They no longer had a reason to. The obvious, practical choice was to replace him. And the banquet tonight had offered them a chance to form relations with the person they had chosen.

Seth noticed the slight hesitation in her steps but she stubbornly kept her gaze forward. "I don't want any mistakes. See to the preparations."

"Already done that." Seth offered his arm out for her when they reached the end of the long hallway. "Ready?"

She took his arm and inhaled a measured breath. When she was done, her expression was frozen in place—shoulders stiff, each feature like an unmoving statue. Ida knew as well as he did who was out there waiting for her beyond the doors. She was just as aware of the temptations that fate would lay out for her tonight.

However, Seth wanted to trust that Ida knew better than anyone about the façade she had to play today.

"Right, let's get this shit over and done with," she smoothed the creases of her dress. "Do I look okay?"

He couldn't help the tender smile on his face, realizing that she was asking if anyone would be able to discern she was with a child. Though none of it was shown in his outer appearance, Seth was fearful.

Ida had chosen a long, lonely road. And she wouldn't look back.

"Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often," he grinned, cocksure. "But no, I doubt anyone can tell."

But he would support her. If anyone or anything gets in her way…

Seth placed his hand over her arm that linked with his to assure her.

I will annihilate it.

That was the resolution that he was determined to live with. That was the choice he made by himself.

"Thank you, Seth." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "For coming back."

Seth didn't know what to say at this unexpected gesture of gratitude, so he just nodded.

The palace guards by the side pushed the doors. As soon as it opened, the icy, night breeze lashed against his skin. Just as quickly as the breeze picked up, warm, electric currents formed on his body when he locked eyes with ones of grey.

Levi Ackerman wore a midnight blue jacket with his usual cravat, ironic of the painful fact that it matched with hers. At the breast of his pocket was a gold badge with the Wings of Freedom, pinned to his lapel. Gold embellished his buttons and seams. Several guards surrounded the carriage meant to transport them to the banquet.

Seth felt the muscles of her arms tense when Ida saw him.

Gradually, they walked towards him. Each step felt like knives that pierced his heart.

He was determined to follow her to pay back all that he had wronged her. Wherever she wanted to go, even if it was to the depths of hell.

However, if a coffin awaits her at the end of the road, what should he do?

If Ida continued to tempt fate, what would he do?

Should he stop her?

They nodded at each other frigidly as a gesture of acknowledgement. Seth couldn't read the Captain's stony face—a trait he shared with Ida—when he wordlessly etched his hand out for her hand to help her into the carriage.

Ida unlinked their arms and he watched her go with a longing ache in his chest.

Or must I continue to support her from the shadows, despite knowing what lies ahead?

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The carriage creaks even though it's one of the finest. It's wide, filled with goose-feather cushion and smelt nauseatingly like musk and spices. Levi hated it. Ida probably does too, but then he backtracked because she looked like she had stepped out of a fairytale, a lonesome lady imprisoned in a castle of gold. The elegance in which Ida sat—holding herself upright; the rod-like posture of hers that elongated her limbs—all of it only added to the imagery.

Ida belonged in places like this. Levi doesn't.

"I have a proposition to make."

He hadn't expected her to speak first. Her hair falls across her shoulders like wisps of fire and he thought, once again, that Ida Starke was like a tempting flame that beckons people to come nearer, to feel the warmth of glory, but once you do you will undoubtedly get burned. It was a fight many are unwilling to take up, so they blame the flames for their burnt fingertips instead.

He had tasted the flame before, caressed it under his fingertips made of ice and held it close to his skin while he slept. Levi has never feared burning, he was addicted to the burn, so he challenged it instead,

"What proposition?"

"Whatever happens tonight, does not count."

"What do you mean by that, Ida?" His voice was a rumble, restrained, eyes the hallowed entrance to the soul. "Don't say shit like that and not explain."

"I am trying something called rationalizing my crappy options," Ida glimpsed his eyes briefly. "Act with my head, not with my heart—that was the advice you once gave me. And seeing as we are both stuck in this… unfavourable situation, it'd be—"

"Difficult."

"Yes, difficult," her voice was like a well-oiled gear, ready to get back on track, "it'd be difficult for us to act a certain way tonight, which will be the expectations of many, while putting aside our…"

He contemplated, the words still coming slow, "Past."

She frowned. It was the most emotion she'd displayed since they left the royal palace. "Yes… that. Our past. So if you're in agreement, I decided to make the most of the situation. Whatever happens tonight, any slip-ups come what may, any acting we have to do, or whatever… it does not count after tonight."

"Like a one-night rule." It sounded stupid coming out of his mouth, like a stupid business proposal or something.

She nodded, "We're adults, we know better of our circumstances. No-string attached, no misunderstanding and no hard feelings. Everything is clear. We return as we were before after this charade ends. In fact, given what happened as of late, I'd say we might as well take it up a notch and put on an act since Zackly will be there."

"You want to use the rumours about us to stop that bastard from interfering with your life."

"More precisely," Ida's expression hardened, "I want to him think that we are in love."

That's fucking cruel, even from you. Levi hadn't expected any less. Fuck her though. He fucking hated the piss-poor idea, even if it would obviously deter Zackly from sending suitors up her way, still Levi did not want to play house when he was still, for fuck sake, truly in love with her, but—

"On one condition."

She tensed up. "Name it."

"You answer three of my questions honestly."

He could tell she was seriously contemplating the deal when her fingers clenched on her dress. It was a bad fucking deal on his part, Levi understood, who's to say that she couldn't lie? He decided to take the risk anyway because Ida was a terrible liar.

"Just three? That's all you want?"

Levi stared, deadpan.

"Alright," Ida was always quick to understand him. "It's a deal."

A snort escaped him. He focused glaring out the carriage, bitterly watching the lively citizens of Mitras enjoying the festivities while he was stuck in a shitty carriage with his fucking ex-lover who had proposed something prosperous (and he was crazy enough to accept too, but fuck, Levi reasoned it was in the name of duty).

He wondered how much longer he could delude himself this way. He felt like he had just sold himself.

"If it makes you feel any better, it'd be difficult for me too."

Doesn't look that way, does it? Levi doesn't deign a reply.

"Because I think… a part of me still cares for you."

The words registered slowly as if Levi's brain was diluted with alcohol. "What?"

"We ended badly, real bad I think," she was looking out of the carriage windows too. "Nevertheless that doesn't change the fact that we've fought side-by-side for years, I think that warrants a degree of affection regardless. I had hoped it was the same for you too."

It's more than a degree of fucking affection.

He swallowed, even though his mouth was fully dry. "Why avoid me then?"

"I am here, ain't I?" she stated obviously, with the same sass Levi had come to know. "I can't be avoiding you if I accepted you as my escort, Levi."

"Not the same shit. You didn't have a choice."

She smiled thinly. "Ah, but in line with my character, even if it was the best option, Hanji would've been hard-pressed convincing me either way, you know."

He half snorted. "At least you know that."

She laughed this time and Levi felt himself relaxing too until Ida's expression suddenly shifted and she stopped herself because she realized she was behaving too familiar with him. The stark silence that followed reminded Levi of the dangers of temptations fate had for them tonight; it reminded him how easy it was to slip back into the past with her.

"I'm sorry," her apology was a whisper. "I know… how difficult it is for you to do this."

"Tch. Don't apologize if you don't fucking mean it."

It's blunt and insensitive. Even Levi knew he sounded like a jackass, but he also knew Ida responded better to truthful replies than emotional ones. She did not want to be forgiven easily, she wanted to be judged.

He was right.

"You're right, sorry I—" Ida stopped herself. Her smile was bitter. "Connie said the same thing too."

Levi remembered the incident. Seth had visited the Survey Corps days after Ragako Village for talks with Hanji about the Titan they would capture when they depart for Wall Maria. The sorry dumb bastard had bumped into Connie and Sasha and decided it was a smart idea to apologize for the shit-storm at Ragako. It wasn't, obviously. He hadn't expected Seth to tell Ida what Connie said. Levi would've kept his mouth shut.

"What happened in Ragako Village?" he brought it up as casually as he could. It didn't work, the frost crept up her expression immediately.

"Hanji should've shared with you the details."

"You know that's not what I am asking, Ida. Don't play fucking dumb with me."

That was Connie's mother for fuck sake. You know that too. Once, you even stupidly hoped she could be changed back, don't you remember?

"There were no other Titans in the wall—"

"You could've asked the Corps."

"I didn't want to risk the lives of the Survey Corps men," she snapped.

"Fuck, Ida," Levi growled, exasperated. "If you just waited a little longer, we would've ventured out to Wall Maria anyway. What's the fucking difference? Risk? Yeah fuck yes there is, but there's me."

"How would I know when the legion would leave, Levi? At that time, I didn't know the Corps were departing the wall so soon. I didn't have the luxury of time. I can't wait."

"Why not?" He presented the question with a serious tenor. "Explain why the fuck not, because you look as if you're running from something that even Hanji and I don't know. Why else would you be working with that fuck-face Zackly even when he sends a multitude of piss-poor suitors up your doorsteps?"

She does not back down. "Does this count as one of your three questions?"

It shouldn't. Levi made a frustrated noise and yielded.

"For both our sakes," Ida tactfully continued after the angry silence simmered, "It might be better if we leave the questions after the night ends."

He fixed his jaw. "We're in agreement then."

They don't talk after that.

The jacket was too stuffy, the carriage was too small. Ida's eyes were cold, the polished depths of the forest, when Levi met them again. He had forgotten how fast time passes, how Ida has gone from a surly new recruit to a surly but refined lady befitting of the shitty name Starke in a blink of an eye—or, it was not a simple blink, but rather Levi had chosen to close his eyes and look away entirely.

She has changed, said Connie, Jean, and whoever the fuck else—and when Ida sits before him, looking like that, they did not lie. She had changed. For the better, Levi argued, calmer, more rational. He saw a glimpse of Erwin in her now. The Ida today would've given any government official a run for their money.

Except.

Except, Levi didn't know if he could trust her as he could Erwin.

He doesn't tell her that it was hard to feel otherwise, not when she was acting like she was up to something behind the Corps' back.

Because as irrational as it was, Levi wanted to believe in her. And Levi does. For less than a day, for only a few hours, he believed Ida Starke until the night faded with fate's temptations and the promised three questions are brought up again.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

A loud thud echoed through the small cottage as a rucksack landed on the floor.

Lyon Meyer stared disbelievingly at the edition of Bergs newspaper splayed across his dining table. A dagger was stabbed through the front page reporting the news of the biggest national holiday within the walls. The government had spread the news far and wide, encouraging everyone to celebrate it, poor and rich alike. This year's celebrations were especially grand considering the victorious battle of Shiganshina in addition to Historia's first birthday as Queen.

News of the banquet and its attendees had just reached him just two days ago. The part of Wall Sina where they lived was rural, far off from any village or city. Aware of this, he had purposefully kept this edition hidden away… hoping she wouldn't see it until the banquet was over… so how…

A circle was drawn across the name of one of the standout attendees.

Running over everything in his mind, Lyon took a second to simply stand there. Awareness suddenly ignited his eyes. All the cards finally fell into place. He knew what she was going to do.

He stampeded to a room and snatched the drawer by their bed.

"Fuck!"

An empty drawer taunted his eyes. The book was gone. Without wasting a breath, he sprinted out of the farmhouse like a retreating bull, stumbling in his steps, screaming "Alexis!"

Impossible. She wouldn't. She had to be here. He wasn't too late—he had just taken a day trip to a nearby village for provisions. He still had time to stop her—

"Alexis?!" he screamed, praying to spot a familiar lock of raven hair in the barn.

The only reply he received was a gust of cold night air and an empty stable where her horse once stood. There was no sight of those blue eyes and the beauty mark underneath that made the coldness of her gaze so profound. Lyon felt nauseous. Fuck he was careless. She couldn't possibly be doing this, she knew that with all that transpired, it was as good as courting death.

His thunderous cries echoed through the silent night as he sprinted to the dirt part.

"ALEXIS!"

He stopped only at the split path, heaving for air. Beats of sweat dripped down his forehead. He stared brokenly at the path leading to the Capital city of Mitras.

She was gone.

He was too late to stop her.

The empty path was an agonizing reminder that even more than twenty years later, Alexis Ackerman was still trapped in her dark past. Perhaps the recent revelation about the Starkes had opened a wound deep within her. No, perhaps he was the damn fool to ever think that the gaping wound had ever healed at all.

"Why…" He breathed. "Alexis… why…"

He couldn't understand it. Could never understand it.

When you are finally free, why would you tempt fate again?

Achievement: New OCs unlocked; Alexis Ackerman, Lyon Meyer

Achievement: New 'already-dead' OCs unlocked; Josephine Ackerman & Idris Starke.

my character list is only growing... this story is too complex & massive for a fanfic tbh. I kinda hate it & don't. anyways, i tend to introduce OCs for a purpose, which are sometimes revealed only chapters later but yes even the dead ones Ida meets plays a part somehow. i kinda enjoy writing Ida now cause of her development.

generous hint: we're heading into Ackerman-lore terrority very soon (imma cry y Isayama no reveal in canon)

a/n in regards to my hiatus: i don't know if anyone is reading anymore but if you are, i've no excuses for my hiatus. I apologize and understand many of my reader's frustrations, but at the end of the day, a hiatus is a hiatus. If you really do want an explanation, tldr is I got terribly burnt out. Writing & editing a 20k chapter for monthly releases—all while holding a full-time job and juggling family and friends just really… drained me, mentally and physically.

I do want to try gradually ease back into writing but I am learning to pace myself. I hope that's okay. I'm sorry if it's not. Truly.

Thank you to those who have reached out and left reviews. I do read them, and oftentimes they make my day.

Thank you. Just thank you. To all of you.

Till we meet again.