When Starbuck woke up she immediately realized she was no longer inside the cockpit of her Viper. She could hear the noise of machines and the sounds of unfamiliar voices. As she opened her eyes she saw a about a dozen or so weird looking creatures standing around or sitting on various kegs, crates and other containers.
"What kind of frakked up dream is this?" she wondered.
The creatures looked like worms standing on two long legs that had multiple joints. They each had a pair of long arms and three additional pairs of smaller arms on their chests. With their black, beady eyes and the two antennas on their heads, the creatures looked like something out of a comic book or a Sci-Fi movie. They all had the same proportions and she couldn't tell them apart. Most of the creatures were drinking coffee or smoking cigarettes; one smoked a joint, another one held a cigar which looked suspiciously like the one she kept in the pocket of her flight suit for special occasions. She immediately checked if it was still there. It was gone. And so was her pistol.
"Ahhh, sleeping beauty has awoken," one of the aliens said. The others of his kind responded with laughter.
"Where the frak am I?"
"On our ship", one of the worm creatures who was sitting on a keg answered.
"We saved you", a second one added.
Starbuck looked around and saw the floor on the other end of the room littered with parts of her Viper. She couldn't believe what she saw. The fighter had been completely dismantled and it seemed like some parts were missing completely.
"What the frak have you guys done to my Viper?" she cursed.
Starbuck was angry, but she didn't want to provoke the aliens. She didn't know what they were capable of. They might be the only ones who could get her back to Galactica. If any human had messed with her like that, she would have punched him in the face. Hard. The worms looked fragile, but Starbuck knew that looks could be deceiving. Gods know what kind of technology they have.
"My brother is building an espresso machine for us, and he needed some parts", the worm said.
"You are saying your brother is using the fuel pump from my Viper for his espresso machine?"
"My brother is a very talented engineer", the worm said, lighting the cigar he had pilfered from her pocket.
"One of the best", another worm added.
"Frakkin' great. How am I supposed to get back to the Galactica now?"
"Not our problem!" a chorus of worms answered cheerfully.
Starbuck rummaged around until she found the Viper's radio in the midst of all the parts. She turned it on, glad that it was still in one piece and with a full battery, and tried to contact her ship.
"Galactica, this is Starbuck, do you copy?"
She did not get a response, only static.
"Starbuck? Coffee!" the worms shouted in unison.
"You will make coffee for us!" said the worm that was holding her cigar.
"I will do no such thing. Hey, give that back, you frakkin' worm thing", Starbuck shouted and tried to take the cigar away from the worm.
"Your name is Starbuck. Cousin Neeble says Starbuck's coffee is the best." the worm said and stuck the cigar in his mouth.
Starbuck was furious, but she couldn't let her temper get the best of her. Over the years it had gotten her into more than enough trouble. This was the first contact with a non-human civilization. These worms were not outright hostile, just...annoying. They were obviously playing with her, but they might have technology or information that could help the fleet in the fight against the Cylons.
"By the way, where are you guys from?"
"A small planet orbiting a binary star about 30 light years away", the worm explained.
"I'm from Caprica, but it is gone now..."
"You are not from Earth?" a worm asked confused.
"Caprica? Never heard of." another said.
"A human who is not from Earth?" a third one said perplexed.
"You guys know about Earth?"
"Yes. Earth, the home world of the humans, a place where everyone can drink coffee!"
"And smoke cigarettes!"
"And drink booze!"
"Has anyone of you ever been to Earth?" Starbuck asked.
Several of the worms raised their primary hands.
"Some of us have relatives who live there permanently", one said.
"And they live on Earth together with humans in peace?"
"Most humans don't know they are there. Only the ones in the black suits. And they make sure that the others don't find out."
"So why can't you drink coffee on your home world?"
"Because the Emperor Worm only allows the nobles to drink coffee."
"The Emperor Worm is large..."
"...and in charge."