Author's note: So, I binged watched the whole series of The 100 over the course of 2 days mainly because I saw Kane and Abby on the screen for about 30 seconds and become immediately intrigued/ obsessed. As a result, I decided to write things, and thus this was created. It's a bit rough around the edges and it's not *that* smutty but I tried and so here it is.

Title from Tom Odell's song 'Can't Pretend' (as heard on the show)

Any and all feedback is welcome; I'm still trying to get a handle on the characters! I hope you enjoy :)

It's not common knowledge, their relationship. In fact the only people who know are the two of them and possibly Jaha, judging by his sideways glances whenever she and Marcus are in public together.

Abby knows it's a good thing that no one else is aware that she's sleeping with Marcus Kane and has been for months, because if someone had asked her why she wouldn't have been able to supply an answer.

It starts off as nothing but a release for the two of them, a way to relieve the constant tension that everyone who lives upon the Ark feels. Nothing but pity fucks and angry sex for the first 9 months of their encounters, and a cold avoidance in the time between.

But after the Culling, after his mother's death, after the Exodus disaster, everything changes. The spark that flies whenever they are close springs to life as if trying to tell them that amongst the arguments and the rivalry and the bickering something else is simmering just below the surface, demanding to be set free, to be confronted and faced head on.

Abby likes to think that the two of them noticed the change at the same time - that when he roused her into consciousness in the service bay and allowed her to recover using his shoulder as a pillow their relationship shifted subtly from whatever the hell they were to whatever the hell they are. In Abby's mind he's firmly moved from Kane to Marcus (because Kane is the man she fucks and Marcus is the man she…) There is an undercurrent of tension every time he's within three feet of her and she knows he needs to make the first move, he needs to be the one to change the rules of their relationship.

Still, he hasn't approached her privately since everything started to go wrong, but his touch in public has become more familiar in the few short days following her rescue (though it's hardly noticeable to any but the most careful observers) and, when she thinks about it, he is never too far away. It's as if he worries that she might disappear on him again and this time he won't be able to save her.

So, when Marcus shows up at her door after his last security sweep of the evening before they leave, Abby doesn't refuse him entry, doesn't question why he's there. He has no official business being in this sector after curfew, but he has always found ways to bend the rules to suit his needs. It's been the same routine since 3 months after Jake's death, when they argued and fought in her tiny office and ended up screwing against the door. Abby had never been more thankful that Jackson had a girlfriend he spent every other afternoon with.

The air between them is different now. Since Jaha's declaration that they would be leaving for Earth in less than 2 days it seems that everyone is pairing off, trying to find some last happy memories before they risk everything for what could be a suicide mission for them all. Abby finds, as Marcus immediately pushes her back against her door, his lips on her neck, that she doesn't want, doesn't need a quick release with this man anymore. She just needs him, needs to feel his whole focus on her, to know that she isn't just a convenient warm body on this steadily cooling ship. He isn't convenient for her; he never has been.

"Marcus," she mutters as his teeth drag down her throat. She doesn't know how to tell him everything that she's feeling – she just wants him to understand. "Please, I need…"

"Anything Abby," he sighs desperately against her neck, his breath hot against her already burning skin as Marcus' hands linger on her hips, his thumbs rubbing above the waist of her jeans, "ask me anything. I'll give it to you, I promise, just ask…"

She shouldn't feel anything but contempt and hatred for this man, the same man who sentenced her husband and daughter to death for wanting to spread the truth. But then, she'd essentially acted as judge, jury and executioner when she'd told Jaha of Jake's plan so maybe she and Kane aren't that different after all. Maybe that's why this comes so easily to them, this secrecy, this twisted relationship that they have.

"I just want you Marcus," she utters against his mouth. "Please."

"You have me," he says simply as he lifts her top over her head, breaking their embrace momentarily before returning his lips to hers as her jumper lands somewhere near the table. His sentiments may seem romantic but Abby knows they aren't. Not really. When Marcus Kane tells you something like that it isn't for romance, or to make you feel pity or desire – it's because it's true. She's pretty sure he has her too and her head isn't quite sure what to make of her heart's decision.

Abby's hands rest on his chest as she struggles to undo the zip of his familiar black jacket. It's the same one he's worn for years, the black material and leather suiting him somehow. It's a part of who he is - the outer shell of his stoic persona in public. It's usually the first thing to come off between them because he is anything but stoic in private. She gives up trying to take it off him, her fingers trembling, although Abby doesn't know why. He chuckles and takes her hands in his and drops them to her side. Abby is about to protest but Marcus merely cups her face with his hands and kisses her deeply. Abby's eyes close as she moans and pushes her body closer to his. She can feel his arousal against her thigh and she smirks as he groans when she rubs against him.

She can tell he wants to hurry but she slows him, pulls him tighter to her body, and smoothly moves to take his left hand with her right, noting the roughness of the bandage that is wrapped around his palm. It itches but she maintains the contact, smiling as he looks down questioningly at her. Abby decides to just take the time to kiss him properly, to try and convey all the new feelings that she's experiencing. She knows, deep down, that he's feeling them too but both of them are too scared to voice anything aloud. Marcus seems to understand though and he exhales slowly, his breath blowing softly across her cheek and it sends a tingle down her spine. She's never felt like this with him before; never let herself be open to the idea that it could be like this.

He takes a step back and Abby watches as he undoes his jacket and just drops it on the floor, his hand already reaching out for her by the time the fabric hits the tiles beneath their feet. Abby draws him towards her, kissing him and ghosting her hands across his chest as they work slowly to remove their clothes. There is no rush this time, no hasty removal of the pieces of clothing that will simply allow the easiest access.

The tension shifts between them again as she embraces him, pulling him closer as his hands rest once more on her hips. This is new for them, this slow undressing, the uncovering of the layers. His bandage scratches against her skin as he bares her to him but Abby doesn't care; his injury is one sign that that he has changed; that he has become a better man. Abby thinks she should feel self-conscious but Marcus simply mutters 'you're beautiful' against her stomach as he lays her, finally naked, on the bed and she forgets to feel anything but him.

They take their time, revelling in the fact that while the act between them is old, the feelings are new and exciting and possibly the last happy thing either of them will have as a memory. There is no guarantee they will live through tomorrow and she's glad that she has him now, like this, even if it's only once. Abby smiles when Marcus squirms as she sweeps her fingers lightly across his ribs; she hadn't known he was ticklish, and the knowledge that there is so much to discover about him makes her smile even more.

Marcus suddenly reaches down between them and she knows she is wet and ready for him even before his fingers brush against her. He turns his most charming smile towards her and Abby tries not to laugh at how surreal this whole situation is. He leans forwards and kisses her lips as his touch lingers; rubbing and pressing against her gently. Abby feels her body react to his fingers and her back arches slightly off the bed as she lets a low moan escape from her throat and her fingers dig into his shoulders. Why did they wait so long to do this properly?

And then, at last, he is above her completely, and she knows now is the time, now is when she will discover what it is like to be loved by Marcus Kane. He leans down to kiss her gently, lovingly, and Abby sighs. His body surrounds her as if protecting her and Abby wishes she could always feel this safe. Marcus presses a quick kiss to her mouth and looks down at her.

"Ready?" he murmurs quietly, taking her hand in his again, letting their entwined fingers fall gently next to her head.

She can't find the perfect words to say, doesn't want to spoil the moment so she nods, squeezing his hand, and smiles. He returns the gesture and leans forward.

He maintains eye contact as he pushes into her, his forehead resting on her own. They both close their eyes as he slowly fills her, taking more time than he ever has before. This is what she's been missing for all these months, the intimacy of this with him. Abby instantly regrets that the two of them have wasted so much time.

"Marcus…" she groans as he moves, his stokes confident as he holds himself above her.

"I'm here Abby," he sighs. "I'm here. Always." He places kiss after kiss on her body; her neck, her hair, her eyelids, before he finally settles for her mouth, his tongue mimicking the movement of his body within hers.

They don't take long to find their releases, as if the tension between them had been too strong and their joining had simply been a catalyst. Abby is sure she moans his name as she comes, and she pulls Marcus closer as he reaches his own climax and breathlessly whispers "Abby" against her skin as he does so.

Afterwards, as they huddle together under her blanket, Marcus entwines their fingers again; his right hand capturing her left as she rests her head on his shoulder. They are quiet and still and Abby relishes the peace. Soon, the morning will come and chaos will surely follow.

"I didn't want to risk dying tomorrow…" he starts, his voice rumbling through his chest. He pauses, as if wondering how to finish the statement. He pulls their joined hands to his lips and kisses her knuckles gently before he tries again. "I didn't want to risk dying tomorrow not knowing what it was like to love you."

His voice trails off as he speaks, his usual confidence gone as he opens himself up to her. Abby turns her head towards him and looks into his eyes, sensing the uncertainty in his features.

"I know," she says quietly, squeezing his fingers, watching as he flexes the tips to tighten the embrace. She leans over to brush her lips over his heart before settling back against him. "Me either. I didn't want to have any regrets about this, with you, in case…"

She lets the comment and its implication drift into the quiet of the room, afraid that if she voices it their world will literally crash down around them. Marcus simply nods, seemingly content with her reply, and she feels his smile as he kisses the top of her head. She squeezes his hand gently in response and settles to sleep, hoping that maybe, just maybe, everything will be ok come the morning.