"You can't be serious!?"
"I said it was a rough estimate."
"And there's also those years the Time Agency stole from me. Who knows what I got up to then." Rose shook her head, grinning at how ridiculous Jack could be. "And you, Miss Tyler."
"Umm, three and a half."
"Who's the half? It's not Micky, is it?" Jack said, holding his thumb and first finger about an inch apart.
Rose hit him across the shoulder, "No!"
"Then how do you get a half?" He challenged, eyebrows raised.
"You know when they just sort of go in, but don't really... move around..."
"Ah yes, the 'poke of regret' I like to call it. All it takes to make you realize you're making a mistake. That the gentleman isn't nearly good enough for you," Jack winked at Rose and the two collapsed into a fit of giggles.
Rose found it hard to believe that she had been attracted to Jack when they first met. He was gorgeous to be sure and about as charming as was humanly possible (and a good deal more charming than most of the aliens Rose had met), but in the month he had been traveling with her and the Doctor they had very easily slipped into the realm of friends. Girlfriends, really. They could talk about boys and sex and all the other frivolous stuff Rose would never dare bring up with the Doctor. It was nice to have someone she could tell everything to. Well, almost everything.
"Is the Doctor one?"
"One what?" Rose asked, a little too quickly.
"One of your three and a half?"
"No!" she replied, trying to sound scandalized, and hating the fact that she could feel the blood burning in her cheeks.
Jack looked smug, "How many do you think the Doctor has?" he asked with a smirk.
"I don't know. Maybe none."
"None?! Nah. 900 years is a long time. Can you imagine what I'd get up to with a lifetime like that?"
"But the Doctor's not you."
"He's not a eunuch either. He's a man. Do you really think he's never had sex?"
"I don't think it matters. He won't tell you anyway."
"Care to make a wager on that?
"On what, whether the Doctor will tell us about his sexual exploits?"
"You don't think he's had any, anyway. Tell you what, if he hasn't, or he refuses to tell us, you win. If he's willing to talk about it, or says he's been with someone (or, you know, something). I win." Jack was nothing but big smiles now.
"Okay. But what's the wager? What do we win?" Rose asked, intrigued.
Jack thought about it for a moment, "A dare."
"A dare?" Rose sounded dismissive.
"A good old fashioned dare. Come now, Rose Tyler, there must be something you'd like to make me do," Jack winked at her and she laughed.
Sometimes Rose wondered if his brain was just permanently wired to flirt (and given his stories, particularly the one about ending up in bed with both of his executioners, seemed to validate her suspicion). Rose wasn't looking for anything of that nature, but there were plenty of amusing things she could make Jack do, and knowing him he wouldn't refuse anything.
"Alright. I'm in. But how do you plan to settle the bet?"
"I thought we could ask him." Rose nearly rolled her eyes at the absurdity of that idea. "Or look for his little black book."
Rose burst out laughing, "Right, all of his snogging through time and space."
"Who knows, maybe that's why he stole the TARDIS to begin with, for a historical shag-a-thon."
Rose had mistakenly taken a sip of tea and at the mention of 'shag-a-thon' it was coming out of her nose with laughter. Which of course set Jack into a fit himself.
"What are you two cackling about?" the Doctor asked, with an almost haughty tone. "I thought you were going to bed."
"On our way," Rose replied, indicating to Jack's pyjamas and her night gown. "We're just having a cuppa first. Want one?"
"No. Must be off. Get to bed, would you? You apes sleep for ages as it is. No sense in delaying the morning further."
The Doctor was about to leave the galley, but turned back at Rose's voice, "Doctor, where are you going?"
"The dominion of Rackeve. Just got to pick up some supplies. They're not exactly human friendly, so I thought I'd get it done while you two were catching up on your beauty sleep." Rose look concerned. "It's not dangerous," the Doctor reassured her, "they don't hate humans and they're not violent to them, they just don't find them very aesthetically pleasing."
"Well they've never met us," Jack said with confidence.
"But Doctor, you look human."
"Maybe, but I'm very pretty." He had on his trademark shit-disturber grin. "Now go to bed," he commanded, in the same tone he used when telling Rose 'run for your life' such a very long time back. He was almost out the door when Jack called to him. The Doctor poked just his head in, trying to look unamused.
"Doctor, settle a debate for us. Are you a virgin?"
"No," he shook his head with a bit of a chuckle and walked out of the galley. Moments later they could hear the outer door of the TARDIS open and shut.
Rose was gobsmacked. She sat there completely dumbfounded and as a result it took her a moment to catch the smug look on Jack's face, "What?"
"Looks like you lost."
"No way. That doesn't count."
"You bet that he'd never slept with anyone or that he'd never tell us about it. He did."
"He said one word."
"But it was the right word," Jack was practically beaming in an I-told-you-so sort of way.
"Fine," Rose conceded with a sigh, "What's the dare?"
Jack didn't even have to think about it, "Rose Tyler, I dare you to tell the Doctor how you feel."
"I don't have feelings for the Doctor," Rose spluttered, feeling the blush, that had finally started to dissipate, return to her cheeks. Jack simply watched her, that same annoying grin on his face. "I don't," Rose asserted even less convincingly.
They stared at each other for a long moment, waiting to see who would give in first. Finally Jack broke the silence, "That was the easy one. Trust me, you don't want me to resort to my challenging dares. Just tell him."
Rose crossed her arms, a stubborn look plastered on her face, "All I would have to say to him is the he's my friend, and I think he may have figure that out by now."
"Alright," Jack shook his head in mock regret, "but remember, this could have been much easier."
"Bring it on, Captain," Rose taunted.
Jack looked thoughtful for a moment and then a wicked grin spread over his face, "I dare you to masterbate in the console room."
"What?" Rose asked, certain she heard him wrong.
"I dare you to masterbate in the console room while the Doctor is out."
"He could come back!"
"Better make it fast then. Or," Jack did his best to put on his 'nice guy' expression, "you could just tell him how you feel."
"Like I said, nothing to tell," Rose stood up and made her way towards the console room. "But you better keep your fifty first century arse a long way off."
"I wouldn't dream of interrupting." Jack stood and headed for the other door. "And since you'll be in there thinking about the Doctor anyway, maybe consider if you have anything that needs saying."
Rose stood awkwardly in the doorway of the console room, which in itself felt strange. She wasn't used to being uncomfortable in the TARDIS, it was her home, and despite the very 'alien' nature of it, Rose couldn't help but find it comforting. Maybe that was because it was alive. Rose walked over to the console and ran her hand gently over the controls. "Sorry about this," she said to the ship. "You know how Jack can be." Rose nearly request the TARDIS not "peak", but being the ship, she would be no stranger to Rose's... nighttime routine.
Rose positioned herself in the pilot seat facing the door, figuring that from there she could at least see the Doctor coming—that is to say arriving home—and could... stop or... try to act normal or... run? Run sounded like the best option. She paused for a moment and listened. The ship was still. She had heard Jack's footsteps retreating to his room and had not heard anything from him since he closed his door. She knew he would keep his word. This dare was never about catching her in the act. At least not about him catching her. She really needed to get this over fast before the Doctor came back.
Rose hiked up her night gown. She stared at the TARDIS's front door and imagined the Doctor running through it, immediately followed by herself, having been chased by some creature or other. Once they were both safely in the TARDIS Rose imagined the Doctor pushing her, rather roughly, into the door, his mouth instantly on hers. She began to touch herself and imagined it was the feel of this body against hers. She closed her eyes and pictured his face next to hers, pulling himself off her mouth momentarily to bite into her neck while his hands tore at her shirt. Rose moved her fingers in quick circles, her eyes shut, and her body held tight. All of a sudden she heard something near the console. Rose's eyes flew open, only to land on the Doctor. Rose froze, too surprised and horrified to even change her position.
"Don't stop on my account," the Doctor said, almost amused. He leaned casually against the console, his eyes locked on hers.
Rose paused for a moment, unsure of what to do, and in all that time the Doctor held her gaze, a bemused smile on his face. Fine, if he was going to pretend to be comfortable with this, she could too. "Wouldn't dream of it." Rose began moving her fingers in slow circles over her clit. She was too preoccupied and embarrassed to gain much pleasure from it, but she figured she only had to outlast the Doctor, soon enough he would flee from embarrassment and she could go to bed (and begin planning out just how to kill Jack).
To Rose's horror and utter confusion the Doctor didn't leave. He continued to stand against the console, surveying her. "What do you think about when you do that?" He asked, nonchalantly.
"I don't know. Sex."
"Any one… just… your basic shag…" He nodded, shrugged, and remained in place.
Rose shut her eyes; tried to think back to the fantasy of them against the door, but it was no use. She opened her eyes to find the Doctor still staring. "Enjoying the view?"
"Yes, quite a bit."
For the first time Rose realized he wasn't just looking her in the eye, he was watching her and, if the look on his face was any indication, he really was enjoying it. Rose trembled at the thought of it. "Are you just going to stand there and watch?" she taunted, curious to see how far she could push him.
"Would you like me to lend a hand?"
"Yeah," Rose tried to affect an air of confidence, when really her insides were screaming. She desperately wanted him to touch her, but she was afraid she would scare him off, what if she ruined everything?
If the Doctor was having similar doubts they didn't show. He slowly walked up to her, almost teasing her with his lack of urgency. As he got closer Rose expected him to reach out and touch her face, maybe kiss her on the forehead, start with something simple, something familiar, but at the last moment he dropped to his knees and positioned himself between her legs. His mouth was moist and warm, and Rose's head lolled back in ecstasy as he moved his tongue between her folds and around her clit. As he lavished her with attention with his mouth he ran his hands up her legs. Rose was panting with pleasure, small moans and mews escaping her. She was so caught up in the sensation his finger came as a surprised as he slipped it inside her. She let out a cry and ran her fingers through his hair.
"So what do you think about?" he asked again, before resuming his work.
"You," Rose exhaled, feeling the pressure building inside of her.
"No. Loads of other stuff." Sweating, panting, with her legs spread, Rose was past the point of shyness. "I imagine you fucking me against the TARDIS door, or up against the console, or right here on the pilot seat."
The Doctor was watching her, his fingers (he had added a second) still moving in and out of her. "Would you like me too?"
In an instant the Doctor was on his feet, both his hands and Rose's making short work of his belt and trousers. As he pulled down his boxers his penis sprang back, hard and ready. Rose took him in hand and guided him inside of her. The Doctor wasted no time, he pounded into her hard and fast. Rose wrapped her legs around him and met each thrust. It wasn't long before she peaked. Her body rocked with waves of pleasure, her head hanging forward to rest on the Doctor's chest. As she began to regain equilibrium, she was surprised to realize the Doctor had stopped. She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. The Doctor smirked. He pulled out of her, pulled up his trousers, and left; his erection still visible through his unfastened fly. Rose sat on the pilot seat, still occasionally twitching with pleasure and utterly confused.
A/N There will be one more part. More mindless fluff and of course an ending. Not sure when I'll have time to finish it though. It will be out… one day.