Couldn't resist a second chapter.
Remus was on a fifth date with Benjy Fenwick.
Not that he really wanted this man, his thoughts never strayed far from long black hair and high aristocratic cheekbones, but there was no point wishing for something that could never be. He tried to move on from that sinful wizard that took over his dreams and his day dreams.
And demanded his attention throughout the day too.
This was him trying to have something with someone else. They were sort of seeing each other, not serious yet, but it had been a few times where they'd hang out and have coffee, and then they started going on dates.
Not that there was anything wrong with Benjy - not really. It wasn't the other wizards fault that Remus didn't have that much of an urge to run his fingers through his brown (wrong colour) short (too short) hair, or over his thinner lips.
Nope, he had to stop comparing those lips to Sirius'.
He shouldn't want what he can't have.
That's what led him to bringing Benjy back to the flat that evening. He had constantly thought about a recent dream he had, involving one Sirius Black and one shower. It was a glorious dream, the drops of water spilling over his body, and trailing over his skin. His head thrown back in pleasure, as his soaked hair stuck to his back and his cheeks.
That was a dream that he was definitely going to revisit in the darkness of his bedroom, or under the shower himself. Bringing Benjy back would hopefully make him think of someone who wasn't Sirius.
He closed the door behind him and Benjy, and found the wizards lips meeting his. It was pleasant enough, and that was all that was needed really. He tried to shut off thoughts of another wizard, wanting to think of Benjy, wanting Benjy to excite him in the same way. If he could convince himself that Benjy did, maybe he could move past his long-suffering feelings for his best friend.
They sat down on the sofa, and there was small talk. Unfunny jokes, that Remus felt he had to laugh at, nothing like the jokes Sirius would tell him.
Finally the boring talking was done, and lips were on his. This was the part he preferred, he didn't have to think at this point, he could just go with it. Benjy's fingers slipped under his own top, and he raised his eyebrows.
"Yes, Just take it off."
Sirius was probably more confident, Sirius would strip and then wink and utter something devilish, and finally ask if Remus liked what he saw.
But this wasn't Sirius, this was Benjy, and at least he'd get a half decent shag out of it so he would be less inclined to jump Sirius next time he saw him.
His own t-shirt was taken off and thrown goodness knows where. Couldn't Benjy have thrown it in the direction of the armchair at least? It would make tidying easier later.
The trousers were next to go, but Remus hesitated on the boxers. Did he really want to do this? Did he really want to fuck someone just to calm the wolf that was desperate to be released?
"Fuck, Remus, just take my boxers off, I can't wait."
This was what he hated. The whole strip, fuck, pretend to care more than he did, whilst he repeated steps 1-3 a few times, before a step four made itself known. Dump or be dumped.
With Sirius he'd only carry on with step one. It would be Strip, explore, make love, mark, fuck, fuck, fuck some more, cuddle, explore, make love again, fall asleep in each others arms.
Why was he thinking about Sirius so much? Why more than usual?
"Benjy, don't be so impatient, they'll come off."
He looked around the room as Benjy's mouth travelled down his chest, and his gaze fell on a couple of wine-glasses on the table. Did Benjy put them there, because he didn't remember doing it. He breathed again. Sirius' scent was so strong it was overwhelming. Had he been here?
Remus looked around, his gaze falling on the armchair, and he saw a leather jacket and a bag next to it.
Before he could even think, lips were on his again, but he was too far gone in this thoughts of Sirius to pay attention.
"Remus," Benjy sighed.
Wait. Sirius' jacket was here, which meant Sirius was here. Where though? All the doors were open, but he wouldn't leave his leather jacket just lying around.
"What? Did you just call me..." Benjy had quickly moved from him.
"No, I..." Remus trailed off. How could he explain that his best friend was possibly hiding in his apartment and he wanted Benjy to leave so he could spend time with Sirius?
"I think I should go. I mean, it's getting late," Benjy said, and Remus didn't say anything to make him stay. He wanted him gone, he was tired of pretending for that night, and the thought of seeing Sirius...
The door closed behind Benjy and Remus took a breath. His gaze fell on his bedroom, and then on the bathroom. Both empty.
"Sirius? Are you in here?" he asked, hoping that Sirius would answer. Clearly not, as he didn't hear a thing. But Sirius was definitely there. He could taste his scent in the air.
He took a minute to enjoy the scent, before looking around for a hiding place. The strength of the scent meant Sirius was in the room.
Only one hiding place in here. Behind the sofa. He walked around, to find Sirius with his legs pulled into his chest, his head resting on them, and looking miserable.
"I'm sure you have a great explanation as to why you were hiding behind my couch, when I was about to shag someone on it?"
He watched Sirius nod. "How did you know I was here?"
Remus wanted to laugh. He always knew when Sirius was nearby, the almost shag had distracted him that evening, but he knew even if he hadn't seen the glasses or jacket, the smell would have hit him.
Imagine if Sirius heard Remus shagging some bloke. That would have been embarrassing.
"Your leather jacket is over the back of the armchair, and there are a couple of wineglasses on the table that I didn't leave there, then I took a deep breath and could almost taste your scent in the air, which meant you had to still be here."
He watched Sirius stand up.
"Yeah, hey Remus, what's up?" Sirius asked, trying to act as though it hadn't bothered him, when they both knew it had.
"You should tell me. Clearly something on your mind, or you would have waited on the couch. Were you going to listen to me shag him?"
Remus was more than curious. Why didn't Sirius just wait on the couch?
"I had my fingers in my ears," Sirius mumbled.
Remus shook his head. That wouldn't have made any difference at all. Sirius still would have heard, and he had no intention of moving to the bedroom with Benjy. Sirius would have felt the sofa moving too.
"You might have hard me and found out I was down here."
"And that's worse than hearing me have sex?"
"I don't think anything could be worse than hearing that."
Right, because in the real world Sirius didn't feel anything for him, and didn't want to hear blokes shagging. Was it really that bad the thought of him having sex?
"Oh, okay, well make sure to take your bag and jacket on your way out," he snapped. Sirius didn't have to be there, if he didn't want to hear Remus almost shag someone then Sirius was the one in the wrong, hiding behind the sofa, not him. He snatched up the glasses to bring them into the kitchen. He wanted Sirius to leave so he could tidy up and go to bed, and make sense of this evening.
Sirius' fingers wrapped around his bare arm, his skin warm, stopping Remus from going anywhere.
"I didn't mean it like that," Sirius said, as Remus turned around and made the mistake of meeting those amazing grey eyes that he could get lost in.
"Then how did you mean it? You're here for some reason, and you won't tell me why, and you were behind my couch when I was about to shag someone. You need to start explaining or I'll have to take my key from you."
And Remus would follow through with that threat, although he preferred Sirius to be here, he couldn't let Sirius come and do this. Not if there wasn't a proper reason for Sirius to be here.
Oh who was he kidding, there was no way he'd take his key back from Sirius.
"I didn't realise you were seeing someone, I panicked."
Remus was baffled.
"Why would you panic? If we came in, saw you on the couch, I'd explain that you're one of my best mates. If you had a crisis, I'd have sent him away, my friends always come first."
"We do? Yeah, I know we do, It's just..." Sirius trailed off, and Remus knew he had been about to start telling him the truth of what was wrong.
There was a pause. "Lets start this again. Just sit down how you were, and let's pretend that I've just walked in alone. Talk to me, act like you weren't about to hear me shag someone."
"Stop mentioning shagging Benjy," Sirius snapped, and Remus found that this beautiful man was starting to piss him off.
"What? I shouldn't tell you that I was minutes away from seeing him naked? Remus replied. "It's the truth. Does it bother you?"
He watched the hurt expression on Sirius' face as the love of his life turned away, and sank onto the couch.
"Sirius? Please tell me whats wrong, I want to help," he said, in a calmer voice. He tried to sound as concerned as possible. He didn't want this to turn into an argument, he wanted to help Sirius, it was obvious that something was wrong. Sirius wasn't himself, and Remus didn't think that it was just to do with Sirius' panic that he almost heard his best friend have sex.
He watched Sirius pour the wine, and accepted his glass, drinking it as quickly as Sirius drunk his. He noticed a tremor in Sirius' hand. His hands never shook, this was something bigger than he initially thought.
"So, you and Benjy?"
Nope, he wasn't going to let Sirius change the subject.
"This is about you. What's wrong?"
"Are you dating him?"
Remus wondered why he was being questioned. Sirius wasn't going to drop it, so maybe if he answered the questions, Sirius would get bored of asking them, and tell him what's wrong.
Remus nodded. "Well, sort of."
"I came here... to tell you something. To confess something, and I don't know if I can do it anymore."
"Why not?" Remus asked, his curiosity peaked. He needed more if he was going to help.
"Because a few minutes ago you were about to shag him."
Wait? What did that have to do with anything?
"Remus, I came here to see you. I came here to tell you I'm falling for someone. Not just any someone." There was a pause, and Remus could feel his heart start to break.
"You're gay," he blurted out.
"No, I still like birds, but I've never been in love with any of them, but the guy I love, he's amazing."
"Love? You're in love?" Remus asked, he could feel the little shards that were once his heart sticking into his body. It was quite painful.
"Right, so you're bisexual. You could have told me sooner, I would be happy to talk to you about gay relationships, what do you need to know?" Sirius was there for advice on how to be gay, and Remus would be a good friend. No matter that Sirius loved someone else, Remus would do what he always did.
"I need to know how to tell him I love him without him rejecting me. I think I've felt this way for a long time, and it's just getting harder and harder to pretend I don't feel like this."
"Is there a chance that he could feel the same?" There was a part of Remus that hoped this guy for whatever reason didn't feel a thing for Sirius, but another part that knew how hard it was to be in unrequited love, and hoped that Sirius wouldn't feel the pain that he suffered from.
"I thought so at one point, but I'm suddenly sure that he doesn't. I don't think he's even available now."
"Are you certain that you're bi - have you kissed a bloke before?" Suddenly Remus didn't want to know the answer to that. He didn't want to picture Sirius' lips on an unknown strangers. That was the last thing he wanted to see.
"I don't want to kiss other blokes, I just want him. He's beautiful inside and out, he's amazing, funny, smart, sweet. He's perfect. I'd do anything for him. If someone shot a curse at him, I'd gladly step in front of it, to stop him getting hurt."
Remus ignored the pangs of jealousy that shot through his body at the words, and the expression that came over Sirius' face as he thought about the mystery wizard. He'd allow himself to get hurt trying to protect someone else? That wasn't acceptable, Sirius was the one that should be protected. He himself would do the same for Sirius.
But this man sounded bloody perfect, and Sirius looked love-struck. No wonder Sirius never made a move on him, he wasn't any of those things... maybe sweet and smart, he had been told those in the past, but he would never be able to compare to Sirius' love.
He just wasn't good enough.
"So, tell him. Anyone would be glad to know that someone loved them that much Why did you pretend that you don't feel anything? Maybe he feels the same way?"
Remus would do anything to have Sirius love him like that, and he can't imagine a world where someone wouldn't feel the same for Sirius should he love them that much.
"Because I didn't want to ruin the friendship I had with this guy. It's now at a point that even the thought of him with someone else is killing me, I wanted him to know, just in case there was even the slimmest chance."
"I'm sure you're worrying over nothing, you are Sirius Black after all. Just ask this guy out." Remus tried to give him an encouraging smile.
"What if he turns me down?"
Remus wanted to respond that any man who turned Sirius Black down would either have to be both blind and deaf, to not see his gorgeous face, and not hear his soft, sensual voice, and hear what an amazing man he is... or the guy would need his head examined, and then put into St Mungo's because no-one in their right mind would turn down Sirius Black.
Especially if Sirius Black was declaring his love for them.
"What man could resist the amazing Sirius Black. Anyone would be stupid to turn you down."
Suddenly he was on his back, and Sirius was over him, and lips were on his. He desperately wanted to move his lips along with the one's he had dreamt about, but it'd hurt so much to share an amazing kiss, just for Sirius to walk out of his arms afterwards.
Kissing him back would be terrible, because he wouldn't be able to just kiss him... Remus would show Sirius how he felt in that one kiss, and that would mean the end of the friendship.
Finally Sirius pulled back.
"Shit, I knew I shouldn't have," he whispered. Remus watched him collect his jacket, and got off the chair, debating whether they should talk about it now, or forget it happened.
"Stupid stupid, I'm sorry, I hope this hasn't ruined our friendship at the very least."
"No, it's fine," he told Sirius. He wasn't quite sure why Sirius had kissed him. Was it just a spur of the moment - since Sirius had never kissed a man before, maybe he wanted to know what it was like before doing it with the man he was in love with.
!I should have just kept all this to myself, I knew you wouldn't want me." Sirius had almost shut the door behind him, before Remus yanked it open again, meeting the silver eyes.
"Wait, what?" Of course Remus would want him, he wanted Sirius more than anything, but he didn't understand what Sirius was saying.
"I need to go," Sirius mumbled, and were those tears in his eyes? Was Sirius Black actually on the verge of crying. Remus dragged him inside. He was missing something, and he wanted Sirius to feel better before he left.
"Sirius, take to me," Remus begged. "I'm really confused. I need you to be clear and tell me what's going on. Tell me the truth, please."
"And say what? You said anyone would be happy to have me, and I thought maybe that meant you too, but you just made it clear that you're the exception to the rule."
Remus wanted to argue that point. Was it some stupid test to see if he could have any gay man, is that what Sirius wanted.
"It was my own fault for thinking you could feel the same."
"feel the same? You have feelings for me?" Remus was drawing a blank, this wasn't making any sense.
"Who did you think I was talking about Remus," Sirius said, and Remus could see the tears that he was trying to hold back. "I hid behind your couch, for fuck sake. I came here to tell you that I was in love with you, and instead I had to listen to you prepare to shag another man, and then you force it all out of me, and when I think maybe just maybe you could have even a small amount of attraction towards e, I make a fucking fool of myself. Are you happy now, you know everything. I just want to go home and ask James to obliviated this whole fucking disaster of a day out of my head."
"You said you were in love with someone, you were talking about me?" Remus said, in disbelief. Maybe he had misheard Sirius, because there was no way that Sirius was describing him. Sirius had hidden behind his sofa, and that's why Sirius was so upset earlier, he'd be upset should he have heard Sirius with someone else. Sirius really was in love with him?
He watched Sirius nod, and as Sirius' gaze hit the floor, he was sure there were tears on his face.
"Then I think you need to stay, we need to sort this out."
Sirius slumped against the wall, and Remus took out his phone. He knew what he had to do. He scrolled through his contacts, and let the phone call to Benjy.
"Benjy, it's Remus."
He watched the frown deepen on Sirius' face at the mention of that name.
"Hey, sorry I rushed out without giving you a chance to explain," Benjy said. "Do you want me to come back over, we can pick up where we left off?" Benjy said, but Remus didn't want Benjy. He wouldn't cheat on him with Sirius though, so it was only polite to finish with Benjy first.
"Yeah, I'm sorry but it's not working. It's over. We're through. I want to be with someone else, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, I guessed as much," Benjy snapped. "You fucking said someone elses name, and even with your... disease, I was going to give you another chance. You won't meet anyone as good as -"
Remus turned off the phone. Benjy was wrong, he had met someone better. Someone who accepted his Lycanthropy, and didn't treat him as though he was doing Remus a favour by being with him.
"I thought you were just kissing me as a spur of the moment," he explained.
"No I -"
"I get that now, I just didn't understand at the time. Sirius, I've wanted you for years, but since you had only been with girls, I never thought I'd have a chance. I've been in love with you since I was fifteen."
It was all out. The extent of his feelings for Sirius. Sirius had shared, now it was fair that he know what Remus felt.
"That's six years," came the shocked reply.
"Yeah, and it was my feelings for you that made me realise I was gay. I'd choose you over anyone."
Sirius' face lit up, and Remus couldn't take it anymore. Sirius was in love with him. Sirius returned his feelings.
"Now let's try that first kiss again," he decided, and moved his hands into that soft black hair he had fantasized about touching as their lips met.
It was better than he expected. He had never had someone make his legs give way like Sirius, but Sirius let him fall to the floor, and just fell with him, kissing him, his tongue driving Remus insane.
Finally he pulled back.
"So it seems that because of me, you've missed out on having sex?"
"Wouldn't have been that good," Remus mumbled, not being able to remove his lips from Sirius' skin for more than a few seconds.
"It will with me," Sirius said, allowing his t-shirt to come up over his head. It hit the floor.
He dragged Remus towards the bedroom. "I need you," he explained. "Need to make you forget his hands all over you."
"I love you, Sirius," Remus told him, and Sirius grinned.
"I love you too."
Benjy pushed open the front door, wondering why it wasn't shut properly and looked around. Remus had dumped him? What was that about? He had barely got home before Remus had called. He wasn't giving up without a good shag at least. Remus wouldn't do better than him. He was doing the Werewolf a favour, by being here.
He walked in and pushed the door closed, and poked his head into the kitchen. Empty.
He turned towards the bedroom, and opened the door.
His eyes fell on two naked men in the bed, and he stepped back in shock.
"You must be Benjy," the dark-haired man said, looking over. Benjy gave a slight nod, staring in shock. Who the fuck was this?
"I'm Sirius Black," the man said, smirking in his direction. "My boyfriend would greet you, but as you can see, his mouth is a bit full at the moment. I suggest you leave now, I also think you shouldn't contact him again."
Benjy nodded his head, and rushed out of the apartment.
Sorry, had to add that at the end.
Review please. :D