Title: Answers

Author: The Zeppo Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr. Joss Whedon and Twentieth Century Fox Rating: PG 13 (possible adult situations) - I'm not really going to tell you if it's angsty or not, I don't wanna give away the story Summary: When Angel finds out about Spike and his newly restored soul, he heads to Sunnydale for some explanations. Totally B/A...or is it? Hehe. I'll also have different characters pov's expressed, so, keep that in mind. Spoilers: BtVS season 7, AtS season 4. This story takes place after Cordelia gets her memory back, yada, yada, yada. But don't worry, she's not really in any of the story. Feedback: Always wanted and welcome. For any of the previous chapters, just email me: slayage@hotmail.com Author's Note: All lyrics are by Avril Lavigne, off her album 'Let Go'



"Tell me about Cordelia."

I look at Buffy warily, not really understanding why she would ask such a question. She stares back levelly, and I know she won't quit until she knows what's going on. "What do you want to know?" I ask innocently, even though I'm fully aware of what she's really asking.

"You're in love with her." It's not a question, Buffy just simply states it, and I am surprised at how calm and collected she seems to be. Maybe finding out didn't hurt her as much as I thought it did.

Maybe that fact bothers me more than I'd like to admit.

"I don't know," I say honestly, not sure how my feelings add up anymore. "I mean, I thought that there might be something there between the two of us, but then...I come back here, and everything changes." I look down at my folded hands on my lap, trying to come up with the best way to explain it to her. "I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. I just...I haven't seen you in over a year, haven't even talked to you. Maybe it was kind of like out of sight out of mind."

"Well, that's nice to know," she says, offended by my statement.

"No, Buffy, that's not what I meant. You know how I feel about you. Maybe I just...forgot, for a little while. I just figured that you had your own life, you were okay, and I had to get on with mine."

"You're wrong, Angel." I look at her questioningly. "I don't know how you feel about me anymore. I mean, first you tell me you're in love with Cordelia, then you say that you're not sure how you feel about either of us. What's going on with you?" Buffy looks so confused, and it tears me to know that I've instilled such doubt in her.

Doubt about my for love her.

I decide instead to turn the tables, not wanting to completely bare my heart without knowing how she feels first. "How do you feel about me?" She gazes up at me, an incredulous expression on her face.

"How can you ask me that?" I remain quiet, just look into her eyes. She reaches for my hand and grasps it tightly, bringing her other hand up to caress my cheek, covered with a day's stubble. The look on her face is as if she desperately needs me to understand, once and for all. "You are the only man that I've ever been completely in love with. You're the only one that's ever been apart of me, mind, body and soul. And...when you left, a part of me died, Angel. I don't want to hurt you by saying this, but it's time you know the whole truth." Tears appear in the green depths of her eyes, and I long to reach up and wipe them away forever. "Riley was denial, plain and simple. I somehow convinced myself that I could make it work with a nice, normal guy. That I could spend my entire life by his side, and give him everything I had to offer.

"But I knew, deep down, that it was all a lie. I knew that it was impossible for me to do all those things because I closed off my heart to anyone but you. I made damn sure that no one else could look into my eyes and just...see my soul. When I came back from heaven, I felt like I wasn't even capable of love anymore, because that was the last straw. I mean, in my life, I lost my soulmate, my mother, my life, and my salvation. And that was all within a span of about 3 years." Tears now begin to roll down her cheeks, and I carefully wipe each one away with tender fingers. I cry with her.

"Angel, I don't love Spike. I never did, and I never will. Yes, he has a soul, and yes, I do care about him. But it wasn't real. How could it be?" As she finishes her affirmation of her love for me, she lets out a sigh and, despite herself, smiles slightly. "Boy, I just keep talking, don't I?" Right then I pull her face close and kiss her fiercely, with abandon. She moans into my mouth, and immediately responds. Her hands reach up to tangle in the thickness of my hair, and she pulls me as close to her as she possibly can. As we rediscover the contours of each other's mouths, I gently push her back on the couch, covering her form with mine.

I don't know if I'll be able to stop.



As he pushes me back on the couch and presses the length of his body against mine, I tenderly reach out and cover his chest with feather-light touches. He sighs as he kisses my neck, and I know that this is the first time I've felt heaven since I've actually been there. As we continue our explorations, I know that we have to stop before we cross that line that can never be crossed again. I place a small kiss on his neck as well, but then begin to tense.

"Angel," I whisper into his ear. "We have to stop now, please." He tenses as well, lifts his body partially off mine, propping himself up on his elbows and placing a strand of hair behind my ear. He has an expression of both anguish and happiness, and I know my face reflects the same emotions. Angel kisses my forehead softly, then gets up, and I involuntarily whimper at the loss of contact. He reaches out his hand and I take it as he helps me to my feet as well.

As we face each other, Angel places his hands on either side of my face, and intently looks into my eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose control like that." I place a finger to his lips, and stare at their soft, pink colour as I do so.

"Don't ever be sorry for touching me," I reply, reassuring him. We stand there for a long moment, both of us unsure of what to do next.

"What do we do?" Angel asks me, saying the words we are both thinking aloud. There is such confusion in his eyes, and I know what I have to do.

"You have some things that you need to figure out. I think there's a lot of stuff you're still unsure about, and I'm not going to get in the way of you finding out." He looks like he wants to disagree, but doesn't voice his opinion. I reach a hand out to outline the features of his face, and my heart breaks at the words I am about to say. "You have to figure out what you feel, for me, for Cordy."


"No," I cut him off softly. "No more secrets." I stand up a bit straighter, grasp his hand tightly, and, with confidence say, "You'll come back to me. And I'll be waiting. I'll wait for you forever."

Angel smiles slightly, then leans in and chastely kisses my cheek. Then, in my ear, he whispers, "I love you Buffy Summers."

At nightfall, Angel heads back to L.A., to try and fully understand his purpose, his path, and, more importantly, his heart. When he leaves this time though, I don't shed any tears.

Because I know that I'll see him again.

//Rains of sand slip through your hands

Never ceasing time

Fold your hands in silent prayer

Eternal peace you'll find

Like two rivers flow

to the open sea

Someday we'll reunite

for all eternity

Let the rain falling on your face

Run in to your eyes

Can you see the rainbow now

Through the stormy skies

Like two rivers flow

to the open sea

Someday we'll reunite

for all eternity

Standing in the rising tide

Heaven's light shines on you

On you, on you

Test the sea rising at your feet

How far can you go

'Til you need God's helping hand

To ride the under-toe

Like two rivers flow

to the open sea

Someday we'll reunite

for all eternity

Someday we'll reunite

for all eternity//