Title: Hidden Away
Summary: Reid has secrets that not even the team of the best profilers can figure out. This is a list of those secrets.
A/N: Hello! This is my first fanfic I have ever written, so take what you are about to read with a grain of salt. I do like constructive criticism, but I do not tolerate just plain meanness. So, I ask that you point out any mistakes I have or anything you think I should work on with kindness and respect. I don't have a beta, so there will be, mistakes sprinkled within the story. Other than that I hope you guys like it, and if you do let me know. I might take some stuff out of this and make a multi-chapter story out of it. Thanks a ton and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds in any capacity. If I did, I would give Reid more screen time. I DO own the character of Adelaide Lancaster and anyone that stems from her life which are all fictional characters, if anyone has the same name as them it is mere coincidence.
There are things that not even the best profilers in the world could deduce about a person, even if that person is someone they have known for a long time…even if those profilers think they have that person pegged.
See, in a building in Quantico, there is a BAU team of the best minds in the country. There not allowed to profile each other but do anyway. Each member holds their secrets that slowly come to light over the years. Each person crumbles under the weight of that secret and the rest of the team finally profiles something and it all transforms into a blinding truth that no longer lives in the shadows. Each member of that team experiences this and after the last secret almost ended with death, they agreed on no more lies.
But that cannot be for at least one person.
Dr. Spencer Reid, the resident genius of that particular BAU team, may seem typical and easily profiled at first glance but that is not the case at all. Hidden away from the lives of his team members that became his family are secrets he keeps close. Hidden away in a metaphorical box in the corner of his closet, there are pieces of his biography that he does not dare share with those he loves the most. Parts of himself he keeps unbelievable private that not many people would have guessed, especially not the team of behavior experts that are so sure they know him so completely.
Things the team does not know…
He used to pray to God to make his mom better. When she got worse with every passing day, he came to the conclusion that there was no higher being out there that answer such nonsense.
When his dad left, he actually tried looking for him for the next three years with no results. When he later found out where he was, he was angrier at the fact that he failed to locate him when he was younger than anything else, especially when William was still in Las Vegas.
He went to Caltech, not because of the program or its prestigious nature, but because he was close enough to his mother that he could check up on her whenever he had free time. Despite missing out on going to MIT and Harvard, he still thinks it's the best decision he has ever made.
Since his mom was so delusional by that time, she never really realized that Reid was gone while he attend college. Every time he thinks about that he breaks a little inside for what kind of mother does not notice the absence of her only child.
When he was 17, his mother called him William and started yelling at him about the way he treated his son. At that moment, he decided to commit his mother the second he legally could.
When he was 7, he was positive he wanted to study the classic literature and be a professor like his mother. When she got sick, he changed his mind.
If he hadn't met Gideon when he did, he would be working for the private sector doing scientific research for cancer.
He also was offered a job to work with NASA. He turned it down the day right before he left for the FBI academy. Sometimes he finds himself regretful of not working with NASA.
Right after he had defended his second dissertation for his PhD in Engineering, he bumped into a girl. She was the most beautiful thing Reid had ever seen who happened to be genius. She was there visiting her older brother who happened to be his faculty adviser. Her name was Adelaide Lancaster and she was deciding what she should do her doctorate on Anthropology or Linguistics. They talked for so long that she ended up blowing off her brother. He helped her choose Linguistics, though she ended up doing both eventually.
He still blushes if anyone mentions the names Adelaide, Lancaster, or Addie.
Adelaide and he had a romantic relationship for the next three years. Within that time frame, Reid ended up with three PhDs and two bachelors and she had two PhDs and was finishing up a Masters. They broke up because Reid was joining the FBI and she was going to be travelling with some of her Anthropology professors to war-torn countries to identify remains. He was 20 and she was 19.
They stayed in touch and are great friends.
He actually lost his virginity when he was 16 to a girl he was tutoring in math. They got drunk. He still doesn't remember all of that night. The girl was 19.
Despite his long work hours at the BAU and what the rest of the team think, he has held two relative successful romantic relationships that lasted more than six months.
Morgan might argue against this but Reid does get laid. Maybe not as frequently as him or maybe the rest of the team but enough to keep him sexually satisfied.
One of his sexually conquest was Elle Greenaway before she shot William Lee.
He actually has a healthy bank account. He may not be a millionaire like Rossi, but he has more money than most people think he does.
When Emily died, he didn't just become one of the best shots in the FBI because off the time spent at the shooting range. He became one of the best shots because he decided to consult with other agencies about two years before that. The shooting range was just an excuse, because he didn't want to hide that particular skill especially since the possibility of one them dying became more real.
When he first killed someone, it shook him to the core. Now, he doesn't even bat an eye. That transition frightens him more than anything.
Adelaide Lancaster was the one that asked him to consult with other agencies. She holds a high position with the Department of Defense. He remembers being intimated by her office at the Pentagon.
The moment JJ returned with a different, harder persona, he knew that her job at the Pentagon was just a cover for something she didn't want to relive. He had seen the signs somewhere else, but he never said anything out of respect.
When Emily came back, he really did consider leaving the BAU. Adelaide was the one that convinced him to stay at the FBI.
He never forgave the team for letting him use drugs for so long. If it wasn't for Adelaide calling her sister that lives in New York to come help him get clean, he would have died of an overdose a long time ago.
He wishes Garcia would leave the FBI, because every time he sees her he can tell her magically colorful light dims with every single case. He can't live knowing that the FBI ruined someone as wonderful as Garcia.
Every time he thinks that he feels sadness creep into the pit of his stomach, because he knows Garcia is the only reason he can keep doing this job without losing his mind.
Lila Archer still calls him every once in a while to see how he is doing. Lila actually visited once and they went on that date. They had such a good time they both wished a relationship could be possible. It wasn't.
Whenever Reid is in LA, he tries to see Lila which usually ends up with them having sex. They both concur it's a great stress reliever. Something he desperately needs.
One of the two steady relationships he had ended because of a pregnancy scare. She didn't want kids, and he came to realization that he actually did. It wasn't a dramatic breakup. He still sees her occasionally and was even invited to her wedding.
He didn't go because he was on a case but sent a very nice gift with a letter apologizing for his absence and wishing her all the happiness in the world.
He has actually slept with two different men when he was younger. His experiences allowed him to make the very valid conclusion that he was undoubtedly straight.
He likes Halloween because it permits him to be someone else for a day…someone he does not hate on occasion.
He fell in love with Maeve because she was the first person since Adelaide that challenged him intellectually and did not judge him on anything.
After Maeve's funeral, He locked himself in his apartment because he was afraid if left he would do something he would regret.
When the team helped him clean up his act after Maeve's death, he kept on wishing they would leave him alone because all he wanted was to call Addie.
He loves it when Morgan calls him Pretty Boy but hates it when he or anyone else calls him anything related to his intelligence. He doesn't know why it bothers him.
He was diagnosed with a mild form of OCD. That same doctor wanted to tell him he was autistic but he ran out of the room before the doctor could finish that sentence. He didn't want someone to tell him what he already knows.
He actually is in the process of getting his fourth PhD in Psychology from Georgetown which is how he met Blake. He finished it right before she joined the team. He asked her to keep it to herself because he didn't want the team to make him feel weird about being a doctor four times over. She agreed, and at that moment Reid knew they would be good friends.
Everyone thinks that the team wasn't disbanded after the whole Doyle situation because of what Emily said in her interview. That's not entirely accurate. Reid left a message Adelaide and asked for a favor. In return, Addie left a message for him saying he had to stay in the BAU if he wanted her to pull some strings. He begrudgingly agreed to her conditions.
He called CIA and told them he couldn't take the code breaking job.
He could tell that JJ was lying about something. It just never occurred to him that it would have been about Emily's death, because that would have been cold even for someone who was secretly doing black ops missions for the government.
It doesn't matter how much time passes he will never fully trust JJ and Hotch ever again. His eidetic memory won't allow him to forget.
Other things he won't be able to fully let go of…the face of betrayal on his mother's face when he committed her, the smell of fish cooking, the high he feels when he injects himself of drugs, the way he felt when they told him Emily died, and Maeve's face covered in her own blood as life slipped away from her.
His date with JJ is top secret because they almost slept together at the end of the night. He was the one that stopped it because he didn't want it to be awkward at work. Every time he see Henry he's glad he did.
The first time he met the BAU team, no one took him seriously until he almost singlehandedly solved a high profile case. Not a soul said anything about his abilities after that. He was 23.
When JJ was kidnapped, Reid was close to calling Addie for help in finding her. His glad he didn't have to because he doubts she would have helped since she doesn't like JJ very much after the whole Emily incident.
His heart broke a little when Addie decide to get married and broke even more when she called to tell him she was pregnant.
When her husband, Mark, and her son, Rory, died in a car accident, he had never felt more helpless and angry at the same time, because he knew he couldn't make it better for her and no one like Addie should experience something as painful as losing someone you love.
He also felt extremely guilty because of how he felt at the start of her relationship with Mark.
Maeve died four months after Mark and Rory. No one but Reid noticed the brunette in the back that didn't really belong. He never felt more supported than in the instinct he realized Addie risked her job to come to this funeral just for him.
He doesn't drink often because he is worried he has a predisposition for addictive behavior.
He knew from the second he heard talk about literature that if he was ever to marry anyone it would be Addie. He even knew that while he was in love with Maeve.
He also knows that Addie won't go there with him because she's scared what would happen when you put to damaged people in a marriage.
He also knows that he won't ever tell the team about Adelaide until he absolutely has to say something. He feels possessive of her and their relationship. He doesn't want to share that part of his life even with his pseudo-family.
Part of him believes that David Rossi knows he has connections to the DOD. He's pretty sure Rossi can narrow it down and figure it out it's Addie. The other part thinks he's just paranoid.
His greatest fear is that something will push him over the edge and Adelaide won't be able to bring him back, because he knows that if he makes it the point of no return he will become the thing he hates. He will become a murderer.
He also knows that if that ever happens his team will be the only ones that would be able to catch him because they are the only ones that know him well enough to find a weakness. Anyone else would be too stupid to stop him.
As he lists the things they don't know about him, he is slowly recognizing that maybe even the famous BAU team won't be able to stop him.