An X-Men one short by Andrew Joshua Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. X-Men is the property of Marvel Comics, Disney, and Sony Pictures. Please support the official release.
What would the government response be to mutants before they jumped right to the giant robots? Well...
Storm lowered her sunglasses, the Weather Goddess a vision of perfection in her red bikini as she sunned herself by the Xavier Mansion's pool. She looked up at Kitty Pryde, one of the younger members of the X-Men.
"I'm a bit concerned about the ground staff," she admitted. "The guys the Professor hired?"
"Temporary staff? What about them?" Ororo asked. Kitty coughed.
"Well... Isn't it a bit odd that they're all... In trenchcoats?"
And indeed, they were. All of the temporary groudskeepers were done up in fedoras, trenchcoats, and striped slacks. All were working at the shrubs and at the pool with various tools and implements.
"A bit, yes," Ororo allowed.
"And that they don't seem to actually eat... Or sleep?" Asked Kitty.
"Admittedly, that is strange."
"And that whenever someone seems to be paying a lot of attention to them... Like this," Kitty demonstrated as she looked suspiciously at one of the workmen. He stood up, mechanical gears audibly whirring as he stared back with glowing red eyes.
"... It is a beautiful day to work on the shrubs for minimum wage," he said in a dull, monotone voice. The gardener next to him was watering a plant.
"Yes. That woman over there has large breasts and is scantily attired."
"She is extremely attractive. We should keep such comments to ourselves or else she may sue us," his companion said.
"Without water, these plants would die," another gardener opined.
"This pool must be cleansed if anyone is to swim in it," the workman at the pool added.
Kitty slowly looked back at Storm. Ororo sighed.
"I believe I'll let the Professor handle explaining this."
Hello Kitty. I hope you don't mind me using telepathy-
I don't Professor, but I'd think you'd be more suspicious of these gardening weirdos, Kitty thought back. What are they and who sent them?
They are called 'Sentinels', autonomous robot infiltrators designed to observe superhuman beings, mutants in particular, the Professor replied. They are armed with a variety of weapons that allow them to deal with lower level threats.
Kitty's eyes widened in fear. You mean that these things are from the Government?! Mutant hunting robots?!
Yes, but there is nothing to fear, Professor X replied. I allowed them on the premises... And Beast promptly reprogrammed them just enough that the government will get no useful data.
Kitty frowned. So, you're making it look like we're cooperating with the government's invasion of our home?
That, and I'm getting free labor for the entire manor's upkeep until the program runs out of money after finding nothing and will have to be shut down, in at least two months, Professor X replied cheerfully. Kitty raised an eyebrow.
Exactly why couldn't you just hire one of us or have the students do the upkeep rather than getting government Terminator hunter killer robots to do it?!
Well... It was a bargain, Professor X said. Besides, they can be quite... Flattering.
"That woman walking nearby is very attractive. It is a shame I must go home to an overweight wife," one of the Sentinels said as Rogue walked by. Rogue smirked and rolled her eyes.
"Damn straight it is, sugah."
"Thank goodness, it is Friday."
"Besides," Ororo said, "should any of them try anything... Well..." the weather goddess smirked. "I don't think lightning is going to do them much good, do you?"
"Good point," Kitty allowed.
Yes, inspired by the G-Men of Psychonauts. You have to admit, this would be a lot more entertaining.