The Skipping Bitches Fight Back

"All right, I've called you all here today to talk about a very delicate subject in the Skipping Bitches clique," Wendy said, pulling out a pointer. She pulled down a sheet of paper from her Crayola Easel and slammed her pointer against a very crudely drawn picture.

"Lillian Catherine Marsh, known by the ones that like her as Lily, the bright eyed girl who moved to South Park after she found out that she was related to Stan, who is her twin brother. The blonde haired beauty has taken everything we hold sacred, which includes the admiration from the boys in the class, and the almost sure-fire win she will have at the Little Miss Third Grader Pageant next week."

The other girls gasped in shock, not wanting to believe it. Wendy or Bebe had won the Little Miss Third Grader (or whatever grade they had been in at the time) Pageant for the past...well, all their school careers! And now this stupid, dumbass upstart from Vermont was going to come and ruin everything...

"Something must be done about this," Wendy continued, a tight smile playing on her lips. "I talked with the leader of the North Park sect of the Skipping Bitches and-"

"Wait a minute, there are other Skipping Bitches?" Kelly asked, her finger in her nose. Wendy whipped out her pointer and slapped her hand away form her face, and then answered her question.

Of course there are other Skipping Bitches, did you think we were the only ditzy, dumb blonde teenyboppers? Of course not!" Wendy yelled, exasperated. She slammed her pointer down on her knee and snapped it in half.

"This isn't some jack off session where we all eat each other's fucking pussy!" she cried. "This is our time to take a stand! This is our time to prove that when enough stupid girls get together, they can kick any smart girl's ass!" Wendy got up on the table and held her broken pointer over her head.

"Give us liberty, or give us green bean casserole!" she shouted. "Viva La Resistance! Orange tasty bubble yums!"

The other girls stood up and started screaming rowdily, running about Wendy's home like a pack of tribal Indians.

"Shizapennelli!" Kelly screamed, smashing her head into Wendy's coffee table. Bebe tripped over her while screaming "Buckets of banana flavored Juju bees!" and landed on her head.

"Owies!" she cried. Kelly tried to shove Bebe off her but to no avail.

"Aiiieeee, get off me!" Kelly screeched.

"Huh?" Bebe shouted. "What do I need to get off?"

"ME!" Kelly yelled, suffocating. "MEEEEEE!" Wendy came running over, along with the ever-famous red haired girl, Amanda.

"What seems to be the fuss here?" Amanda asked.

"Girls, now is not the time to play your little sexual games, all right?" Wendy said, exasperated. "The leader of the North Park sect of the Skipping bitches is coming over with her dumbass clique, so we all can plan! So get up girls and make yourself presentable!"

Bebe got up and the three of them worked on reviving Kelly, who had stopped breathing due to asphyxiation. After they finally brought her back (some emergency chest pounding and make CPR had to be done) they sat down and started to watch some TV. Wendy flipped through the channels until she came to a channel called "Choke Opera Network: Love Stories that make Normal People Gag." They all squealed as their favorite show came on...the Young and the Sexless!

"But Jacqueline, you know I must have you..."

"Harry, what is the title of the show! You're too ugly to get any from me!"

"You're right Jackie, that's why I was getting some from your mother instead."

"What? You bitch!"

"YAY!" the four girls squealed.

"I think that Jackie is like, so killer," Amanda said.

"Jackie? Ha!" Kelly replied smugly. "I like Ophelia better!"

"Ophelia? Ewww..." Wendy said. "I like Alexandria!"

"Well you know what? I like-"

The doorbell suddenly rang and the four girls stopped and looked at each other.

"They're here!" Wendy cried. "Girls, quick, hide behind the sofa! It has to be a surprise, remember?"

"But isn't that only for surprise parties?" Amanda asked. Wendy nodded her head.

"This is a surprise, girls! Now get behind that couch!" she ordered. The other three girls scurried behind the couch, giggling. Wendy skipped over to the door and opened it. There were four girls standing before her. The girl who had rang the doorbell was a blonde about her age, dressed in a purple shirt with an orange stripe in the middle of it.

"Like, hello?" the blonde girl said. "Is this like, the residence of like, Wendy Testaburger?" Wendy nodded.

"That's me!" she said. "You must be Crissy Meyers, leader of the North Park Skipping Bitches." She nodded her head and started twirling a lock of hair around her finger.

"So like, can we come in, or like, something," she asked. Wendy smiled and held the door open for them and the four walked inside. Right then, Kelly, Bebe, and Amanda popped up from behind the couch.

"Happy birthday!" they cried. One girl with red haired blushed furiously.

"Oh, thank you," she said softly. "I didn't know that you all knew today was my birthday-"

"Shove it, Artemis," Crissy said tacitly. Artemis lowered her head and sighed.

"Oh, all right then," she whispered. Crissy looked around the room and then nodded.

"This should work fine for our meeting," she said. "Come on, bitches, let's all introduce ourselves, okay?" One girl dressed in a light blue Nsync tank top stood forward.

"Hello, hehe, I'm like, heh...Caitlin," she said. She tittered some more and sat down on the couch. A fat, brown haired girl stood forward next.

"Oh my God, I'm like, Kara," she said. "As if you losers think I'm fat...whatever! I am like, the skinniest person on the planet!" She sat her massive ass down next to Caitlin, who was still giggling incessantly. The red haired girl named Artemis stood forward next.

"Hi..." she whispered, barely audible. "I'm-"

"Shut up Artemis," Crissy said. "Get over on the couch and don't say anything. You're better seen, not heard." She lowered her head and walked dejectedly over to the couch and sat down next to Kara.

"And I'm Crissy," she said. "The leader of the North Park Bitches and just the girl you need for your little problem here." She looked at the other girls, an evil smile playing on her lips.

"Now, like, tell me everything you like, know about this girl," Crissy said, tossing her blonde hair back. Wendy smiled at her and started.

"Well, you see, about a month ago..."

Artemis Star Dupery lowered her head, trying to block out the noise from the other girls. There was nothing she hated more then being here, nothing! She would have rather played her little sister Athena then do...this. This was just retarded. She looked over at the other girls she was sitting on the couch with Caitlin Spain and Kara Jameson. Caitlin was still giggling incessantly, and she wanted to reach her hand over and bitch slap her across the face. There was nothing she hated more then that tittering slut, except maybe Crissy. She tuned back into the conversation then, slightly curious on what they were saying.

"And then, she decides that she wants to fight me," Wendy was saying? "Can you even imagine? So of course I said I would, right? I mean, what room does she have to talk? I'm the most popular girl in the school! So, I went there to fight her, right as planned, and you know what she did?"

"Like, she...played dead?" Crissy asked. Wendy tittered a little, and so did Caitlin. Artemis wanted to throw her head back and scream.

"No," Wendy said, lowering her voice. "She had all of her little slut fest friends there. And her..." She looked like she was having trouble getting the word out. "Boyfriend... Cartman," she spat out finally. "UGH! That kid is so gross! And they all were ganging up on me, but I fought them all off! I kicked the fat fuck in the guts, and then I grabbed her stupid little friend Colleen by the gay little pigtails and swung her around over my head. I threw her and she knocked over Rebecca, and she started to cry too. I fought like an animal, kicking and punching left and right! I was going to win too, until Lily sent in...her brother!"

The others girls gasped. Artemis just looked at them, and, when she was sure they weren't watching her, just rolled her eyes.

"Oh my God, she like, sent in Stan? Whatever! She is such a total loser! As if!" Kara cried, making the little W and L with her fingers. "You should have been like, 'Talk to the hand, because the face doesn't wanna hear it anymore', or something." Wendy shrugged.

"I would of if I had thought of it," she said. "But I was too busy trying to defend myself! But now...she sent in Stan! And she knows I care too much about Stan to hurt I swore for there to be a rematch! And then you know what she did?"

"Uh...hehehe...she...hehe, kicked your...hehehe ass?" Caitlin giggled. Wendy sighed.

"No she didn't kick my ass you moron!" she cried. "She pussied out! She ran off behind Stan, crying, screaming that she didn't want a rematch. I have to find another way to get her back for everything that she has done!" All the girls stared at each other for a moment, and silence reigned across the room. Then, a slow smile lit up on Crissy's face.

"Well..." She said slowly, using all twelve brain cells that she had. "Then like, there's only one thing we can do." All the girls turned their very limited attention spans over to her, watching.

"Well?" Kelly asked, her finger up her nose. Her head was cocked to the side, and she reminded Artemis of a dog. Wendy pulled out her broken pointer and smacked Kelly with it again.

"Will you stop doing that, Kelly? Jeez!" Wendy said, smacking her again with the busted pointer for good measure. She pouted, turning the corners of her mouth down in a frown.

"But they taste good!" she whined! "I have to pick my nose, I can't get enough of it!" Everyone was staring at her.

"Uh...hehe...right..." Caitlin said, still giggling. Artemis once again considered leaning over and slapping her across the face. She sounded like a squirrel in heat.

"For the love of God will you stop laughing like that?" Bebe cried out, tilting her head to the side. "ARGH! That is so annoying!" Caitlin shot her a glare, but continued giggling.

"I'll, hehe, like do what, hehehe, I want," she muttered. Bebe leapt up, standing over her suddenly.

"Is that like, a challenge?" she growled, trying to sound tough. Cait stood up then too.

"Bring it, hehe, on you-"

"Like, SHUT UP!" Crissy yelled. "You're like, breaking my concentration!" All the other girls shut up. Artemis placed her head in her hands, sighing. She wanted nothing more then to go home...

"All right, this is like, the plan," Crissy said. "You, what would be better then like, getting rid of this bitch for good?" Wendy smiled a little.

"Nothing," she said, a dreamy smile passing over her face. "Nothing would be better then seeing that fucking bitch gone..." Crissy returned the smile and spread her hands wide.

"Now, like, what would be the best way to, like, get rid of her?" she asked, looking at the girls. They all looked at each other and shrugged. Then, Kara timidly raised her hand.

"Like, what Kara?" Crissy said.

"Like, the best way to get rid of this total...loser," she said, putting extra emphasis on the loser. "Would be to like, kill her, right?" Crissy leapt up in the air and then came back down hard on the already crushed pointer of Wendy's, further smashing it into oblivion.

"EXACTLY!" she cried out. "We like, have to kill her! Then she'll like, never take over anything again!"

Artemis gasped in shock, horrified. Kill her? They couldn't do that! They wouldn't! She looked over at the other girls, horrified at the happy grins that covered all of their faces. They were serious! She couldn't believe it. All this time, she had been lead on, that this was just a group...that wasn't anything big...that was nothing serious...and they were going to kill someone! That was when she had enough. She was going to stay, but not to help the others, no. She was going to find out what they were going to do to this poor Lily girl and warn her...before it was too late. She leaned in and listened to the conversation.

"All right, who is like, the one person that is closest to this Lily chick?" Crissy asked.

"Stan," the four South Park girls immediately replied. Crissy lowered her head, seemingly deep in thought.

"Stan?" she said. "Isn't that like, her twin brother, or something?" Wendy nodded.

"Yeah," she replied. "No one is closer to her then him, I know it!" Crissy sighed and lowered her head again, still thinking. Artemis leaned in a little closer, and Kara slapped her in the face.

"Whatever, you loser," Kara whispered to her. "Like, talk to the hand and stay back!"

"Fine," Artemis whispered meekly and leaned back in the couch. Why couldn't she be more forceful? In her head she was the strongest person alive, but as soon as it came to proving herself...she was nothing.

She thought about her house; thinking about her home could clear her mind most of the time. She lived in a blue house right on the South Park/North Park border, so she had the choice of going to either school when she had moved here last year. She saw in her mind her little sister Athena, who was four, playing on her swingset. She waved to her and walked inside her house where her mother, Aphrodite, was cooking dinner. She said hi and then gave a kiss to her father, Apollo, and then ran upstairs to her room. Her family was obsessed with Greek mythology and had been for generations, which accounted for the all the weird names her family had. She snapped out of her daze and looked around. It looked like Crissy was about to speak again.

"All right, like, I have this all planned out," she said. "Like, since Stan is like, the closest person to Lily, then we have, convince him to kill her!" Wendy shook her head.

"There's no fucking way Stan would ever kill his sister," she said. "He likes her too-"

"Not if we like, use this..." Crissy said, and held up a juicer. There was silence in the room for a second and then an evil grin spread across Wendy's face.

"Bebe and I will talk to him at recess," she said.


"Damn, there has been nothing going on today," Lily muttered, trying to do some math problems. Stan looked up at her and nodded.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," he replied. "Today has just been the most boring day-"

"Lunch time, kiddos," Ms. Ellen said. "Now before you-"

She found that she was talking to herself.

"Aw, fuck it," she sighed, tossing the papers across the room. "Damn kids never listen anyway."


"What are we going to do during recess today, Stan?" Kyle asked as they all sat down at their table.

"Hopefully we're not going to play another one of Lily's twisted games again," Cartman said, rubbing his head from Lily had slammed him to the ground. She grinned.

"What, you didn't like playing 'Beat the shit out of Cartman?'" she asked sweetly. "Aww...and it took me so long to think up the rules for that game too!" He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever," he replied. She chuckled as she bit into her pizza.

"You're an idiot, Cartman," she said. Stan sighed and then got up.

"Fuck this, I don't wanna eat lunch," he replied. "I wanna go outside! We can play baseball!"

"Yeah!" said Lily, leaping out of her chair. "Come on you guys, let's go!" She ran off outside, laughing. Stan ran off after her. Kenny watched, a bored look on his face.

"Well, it seems to me that Lily and Stan are happy today," he said absently. "I think I'll go join them. Who's gonna take up the trays?"

"I will," said Cartman. "After I'm done eating all the food on them, of course." Kenny shook his head as he and Kyle followed the twins outside.

"Moron," he said as they walked out the door. Lily and Stan were waiting for them on the baseball field with a bunch of other guys.

"There you are!" Lily cried. She looked around. "Where the hell is Cartman?" Kyle giggled.

"He's refueling back inside," he replied. "He should be done eating all of our lunches in about..." He looked down at his watch. "Three seconds."

"1...2...3-" Lily said, and sure enough, Cartman walked out the door, wiping his mouth.

"Mmm, that was a good meal, by cracky!" he said, talking like the Crocodile Hunter again. Kenny leaned over and smacked him on the head.

"Shut up with the damn Crocodile Hunter thing," he said. "It annoys the hell out of me."

"You annoy the hell out of me," Cartman retorted. Kenny looked like he was going to say something when Lily interfered.

"You guys, shut up! We have to pick teams!" she said. "Who should be the captains?"

"How about S-Stan and K-Kyle are the c-captains," Butters stammered. "That would be p-pretty s-spiffy, I say!"

"All right," she said. "Kyle, your team picks first, Stan, your team bats first."

"Cartman," Kyle immediately picked. If there was one thing in the world that Cartman was good for, it was wailing a baseball, even if he couldn't run fast enough to the base.

"Lily," Stan immediately said. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Jesus, didn't see that one coming from a mile away...Kenny," he said.

"Fuck you, Kyle...Tweek!" Stan retorted.

"Make me, assmaster...Token," Kyle shot back.

"Fine then, dildo...Butters," Stan said. This went on for a while until the teams were picked, and by then, Stan and Kyle were pretty pissed at each other.

"We're going to kick your ass, Kyle!" Stan shouted.

"No you're not, not with a girl on your team!" Kyle shot back.

"Shut up!" Lily said. "I can play as well as any guy!" Kyle gave her a smug smile.

"Prove it," he said. "You bat first, Lily." Lily muttered and grabbed the bat and walked up to the plate. Kyle groaned.

"Goddammit, Lily, I can't fucking pitch to lefties!" he yelled. "Switch sides!"

"I can't!" she yelled back. "Just throw the fucking-aahh!" She ducked and the ball passed directly over where her head would have been. She stood up and ran after him with the bat.

"You little bastard!" she screamed. "You did that on purpose, you asshole!"

"Ahhh!" Kyle screamed. "This isn't fair...we get to bat!"

"Yes, I'm afraid Kyle's team does get to bat now, Lillian," Pip said. "Thanks to your rash actio-" She walked over and bashed him over the bed with the bat.

"Shut up, Pip," she said. Stan grabbed the ball from Kyle and was right about to pitch to Cartman when he heard Wendy yelling for him.

"Stan!" Wendy called. "Stan, can you come over here for a second?" Stan smiled and waved.
"Sure," he said. "Just let me give the ball to Lily so she can pitch it." He walked over to his twin and gave her the ball.

"Here, you pitch," he said. "I gotta go talk to Wendy." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Jesus, I can't stand her," she said.

"Come on, hoe, pitch the damn ball!" Cartman yelled from the plate. Lily gave him the finger and turned back to Stan. She saw the look he gave her and she sighed.

"I know how much she means to you, but ever since she and her little groups of friends found out that I liked Cartman, they've hated my guts. I have no respect for her," she said. Stan punched her lightly in the arm.

"Just shut the fuck up and pitch the ball!" he cried as he walked off. Lily grinned and wound up. She threw it as hard as she could and almost beaned Cartman in the head. He ducked just in time, and Stan could hear him cursing up a storm as he walked towards where Wendy was standing. He smiled and shook his head. His sister sure had a way with people. He smiled as he stood next to Wendy.

"Hey," he said. She placed her hand over his mouth and dragged him off into the bushes surrounding the playground. Bebe was waiting there.

"You don't say a word," Wendy said. "Bebe and I just heard that the Miss Third Grader pageant was going to be held in a week's time. We knew that we would be sure to win, as we have every year, but this year, we have some competition. Bebe?"

"Lily," Bebe said maliciously. "We can't have her in the pageant, because she will win! All the guys like her now instead of us." She walked over and grabbed Stan by the throat, lifting him off the ground.

"You're the closet one to her Stan, with her being your...twin and all," she said the word twin like it was a disease. "You've got to get rid of her!" Stan stared at them, shocked.

"Are you out of your fucking minds?" he cried. "I can't get rid of her! My parent's would kill me! And besides, I like Lily!" Bebe tightened her grip on his throat, and then Wendy came over holding something.

It was a juicer. She grinned evilly as she held it to where Stan's balls were.

"Okay," she said deadly. "I can make the decision really simple for you. Either you kill your twin sister..." She pushed the juicer against his nuts and he cringed.

"Or you lose your trouser trout," she said. Stan lowered his head, defeated.

"All right," he cried. "All right, I'll do it!" Wendy smiled and put the juicer away. She chuckled and Bebe put him down.

"I knew you would see it our way," she said sweetly. "Now, don't let us down..."

The girls walked off and Stan went back to the baseball field, dazed. Wendy...asked him to murder his own sister? But if he didn't...then he would lose his balls! His sacred man hood! It was going to be the toughest decision in his life...

"Stan!" Lily called to him, waving cheerily. "Hey there..." She walked over and looked at him, studying his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concerned. Stan shrugged, hoping his distress wasn't too apparent.

"Oh, nothing..." he said, and then put on a false smile. "Let's get back to the game." As they walked back to the field, he knew what he had to do.

He just didn't know how he was going to do it.