A/N: Yay another new one.
Not really yay, the plot bunny keeps attacking me and I don't know why. This is a SiriSev JamSev thing but neither one will be ending up with Severus. Just some fair warning. There will be some Lureissa (Lucius x Remus x Narcissa) later on so there's another heads up.
It's inspired by a song by Kelly Price called 'Tired'. Give it a listen its kinda sad.
Its set a couple years after the first war, the dark lord was defeated cause I don't want to have to deal with Voldie and Lily and James didn't die.
Apologies spelling grammar and OOCness.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. Those rights belong to J.K Rowling.
Twelve long years had passed and Severus was just short of miserable.
"What must Kreacher do with him Master Severus?"
The potions master glanced over at the elf that was bonded to him almost eight years ago, before returning his gaze to the unconscious wizard lying on the floor in front of the floo in Grimmauld place.
God how he used to love this man, he used to love him more than he could possibly stand. But now...
Now he feels nothing.
Severus slowly let his eyes run over the person he once saw as his beloved husband. He'd aged somewhat over the years but he was still young and still incredibly handsome. Wavy chocolate brown hair going down to his shoulders which were strong and broad, his frame was lean but still had the clear definition of muscle under his tanned skin.
But what Severus loved most was Sirius' eyes. Stormy grey that used to make his knee's weak without hesitation all those years ago, now Severus didn't care.
Severus stopped caring three years after they got married, when he decided to stop playing stupid because stupidity has never suited him. He stopped caring when Sirius' late night appearances with smeared in makeup and cheap perfume from whichever desperate slut he managed to bed became a regular occurrence. He stopped caring when the lies about being late because he had auror business to take care of got stale. He stopped caring when the shock of Remus appearing at his doorstep looking for Sirius, who was supposed to be spending the night with him, lost it's edge.
He stopped caring because it didn't matter.
The love he felt for Sirius was gone and nothing could bring it back. The only reason he hasn't left the moronic selfish bastard that is his husband yet was simply because he couldn't.
They were bonded, forever joined by an ancient spell from the Black family magic's. After the honeymoon phase of their so called marriage ended and Severus realised exactly what kind of man his husband was, the slytherin spent hours in the Black family archives looking for a way to end his torment and found that there was only one way to end their union.
Apparently the late mrs. Black had seen this coming and in an effort to get at least one heir from her children before they managed to drive their wife away, was that part of the charm that binded them, told that the only way to end their union would be for Severus to give birth.
Needless to say Severus gave up hope.
No matter how much he hated being married to Sirius, he'd never dream of bringing an innocent child into the sham he's forced to refer to as a family even if he'd get to leave afterwards. No doubt Sirius would try to keep him or her and Severus wouldn't let a child of his live a life not knowing him.
Severus raked a hand through his hair, making a note to wash and untangle it later. He'd changed a bit since they were younger as well.
He was still considered to be skinny, but he had filled out a bit so his skin wasn't hanging off of his bones like before. Severus had also let his hair grow out down to his back, even if it was so much more of a hassle when it was long. In his first year as the new mrs. Black, Severus cut his hair shorter than his normal shoulder length and Sirius used to tell him how much he liked his hair that way. So when Severus snapped out of his marital bliss, he let it grow as long as possible.
Severus almost sighed as he stared down at Sirius.
He was a mess, like he was every night that Kreacher or one of the other elves found him passed out in front of the floo or on the door step.
The brunettes hair was in a set of disarray, all the buttons of his white shirt were undone exposing a scarred and toned chest littered with red bite marks and what Severus guessed were fingernail streaks spreading around to his back. The auror reeked of alcohol and whichever whore he screwed this time.
It was absolutely despicable and yet, Severus couldn't bring himself to care. He's become completely numb, Sirius' escapades no longer made much of an in impact on him.
"Must Kreacher leave him outside with the dogs like last time?" The elf seemed to grin at the memory, but kept his head bowed down low in respect of his new master. "Master shouldn't have to share a bed with Sirius Black, Sirius Black must spend his night with outside like the other dogs."
Unfortunately Severus cringed at the thought, the last time he let Kreacher do as he pleased, Severus was forced to share a bed with a dog piss smelling mutt. Since sharing a bed was a mandatory clause in their marriage.
"No, just leave him here. He'll deal with himself in the morning."
"As Master Severus wishes." The elderly elf almost growled in frustration, but kept his gaze to the floor as his master slowly left the room and climbed up the stairs. "Would master like anything to drink before bed?"
Severus stopped mid step and gave a sigh, before he continued up to his study. "Tea."
Kreacher disappeared with a pop and Severus continued on his way.
The potions master had an odd relationship with the slightly deranged elf. At first Kreacher couldn't stand him and made it a point of making his life in Grimmauld place as uncomfortable as possible. However as the years passed Severus and Kreacher somehow seemed to bond over their respective relationships with Sirius Black. Sirius treated Kreacher terribly although it wasn't entirely without reason and Severus suffered years worth of heartbreak at the animagus' hands. So Severus sometimes found himself going into heated rage's whenever Sirius did something to break the little bit of his heart that was left, while Kreacher edged him on.
Severus looked up to find himself at the top of the stairs and stared at the portrait of mrs. Black watching him with her dark eyes.
The woman only seemed to make a fuss whenever they had guests or Sirius was around. Although Severus didn't usually have guests over it did get a bit troublesome whenever Lily visited and the portrait started yelling obscenities on mudblood's and blood traitor filth.
Severus stared back and the woman sighed, "First he marries half-blood trash and now he's doing this."
Severus couldn't even manage a shrug as he walked away when he got to his study. It used to be Regulus' old room, but Sirius had it renovated so his new "wife" could have his own space whenever he had work to do away from school or just wanted to read in peace.
It was a no go zone that Sirius never got to step in. Not even when Severus still loved him.
The room was decorated in dark shades of brown and an enlargement charm had provided more than enough space for him to make potions and keep his ingredients as sterile as possible, while the rest of the room housed his vast collection of books and a black leather couch in front of a large fireplace.
The raven crossed the room and sank down into the couch and stared into the flames burning in the fire place that was charmed so the wood would ignite the moment he stepped into the room.
Despite Sirius' obvious infidelities, it wasn't all bad.
Things had cooled down somewhat since the end of the war, Severus worked as the potions professor at Hogwarts, the dark lord was defeated and Severus no longer had to worry about Lily or her son's safety anytime in the near future.
In fact quite a bit had changed with Lilian Evans.
After six years of marriage Lily and Potter decided to call it quits. According to the red haired woman, things just weren't the same between her and James. Sure she still loved him, but she was no longer in love with him and Severus was quite shocked to find that James apparently felt the same way. So they went their separate ways, deciding to ease their son Harry into the transition at an early age rather than pretending to be happy and dropping the news on him when he was older.
The change was slow but painless and since both parents still cared for each other even if it wasn't the same way as before, the court proceedings were free of the messy drama and petty disputes that usually go with divorces.
Severus raked a hand through his hair as he wished for what surely wasn't the first time that he could find a way to end things just as painless as possible.
Kreacher suddenly appeared in the room with a pop, carrying a silver tray that held a matching kettle, tea cup and saucer. Since Severus would never dream of polluting his tea with any kind of cream or sweetener.
"Kreacher has master's tea."
"Set it down on the table."
The elf scurried over to the side table beside the couch and poured out the steaming liquid into the cup before carefully setting it back down and handing the cup over to his master.
"Thank you Kreacher."
The elf looked up and beamed, exposing crooked off-white teeth and shining blue eyes. "Master is most welcome."
It was rare for a master of any elf to thank them, after all doing as they were told was expected of them it wasn't something to be thanked for. Sirius hated it when Severus thanked him, which is why he started doing it more often. It's times like these that Kreacher would find himself thinking back to his beloved master Regulus. The owner of the very room they were in, he's the only one that ever thanked him as well and in such times the elf would sometimes think that maybe his new master had married the wrong Black.
Severus took a deep breath as he let the tea's aroma fill his senses and a warm feeling of contentment filled the slytherin while Kreacher started rushing around the room, carefully arranging the piles of books and sorting the papers on the raven's desk.
Severus had been working on his lesson plans for the new year of school that was set to start in just a few months, when Sirius had made his noisy entrance and disturbed him so there was quite a bit to be cleaned up. Although it was frowned upon for an elf to clean in their master's presence instead of simply making sure that all was in order before the master entered the room, Severus insisted on it.
He found he enjoyed the routine and Kreacher would sometimes ask if something was important before throwing it out, so it helped in more than just one way.
As Severus sipped his tea he couldn't help but glance at the bookshelf on the other side of the room. There was a thick green leather bound book standing at the very corner on the row of many others and from that book a silver chain hung out the side.
He knew that chain well.
It belonged to a pure silver pocket watch he once held dear and kept close to his heart at all times. The same watch that Sirius had given him for their first anniversary and Severus used to love that watch as much as he loved the person who gave it to him, unfortunately that watch was obliterated on the same night that Severus' heart was and he opened his eyes to Sirius countless betrayals.
Its times like these when that little part of him, that insane pathetic and idiotic part of him, that still loved Sirius would wonder.
"Do you think he'd ever change?"
The elf paused from placing a fallen book back onto the desk and looked back at Severus, his master has asked him that question many times over the past few years. And his answer was always the same.
"Foolish, foolish, foolish. Fools can't change. Sirius Black is a disgrace to the Black name and Sirius Black will always be a disgrace. Master Severus saved the Black name. Master Severus deserves better."
Severus let out a deep breath, he's asked Kreacher that same question countless times, the elf always answered the same way but it never seemed to make Severus feel any better after all...
Who's the real fool?
The man that does foolish things,
Or the man that fell in love and married the fool.
A/N: chapter end
I'm putting up two chapters today since I have no idea when I'll be able to update again.
Please review and tell me what you think.