Title: The B-Team
Word Count (Chapter): 3,308
Genre: Action/Drama/Romance/Humor
Rating: M - for violence, language, male/male sexual situations
Pairing: Renji/Ichigo is the main pairing here. Could potentially be others, depending on what I feel like :)
Summary: There's a group of terrorists with a bent on the Kurosaki family, and Ichigo can't do much about it. Enter the B-Team, your average group of knuckleheads wielding guns to save the day - and potentially take your virginity. AU, eventual Renji/Ichigo.
Spoilers: I assume everyone is pretty caught up on the manga, but even though this is an AU, it draws from later events. So... you have been warned.

Hey guys! I couldn't get this idea out of my head until I wrote it (even now it's preventing me from eating my dinner), so I had to get it out here! Hope it's enjoyable!

Chapter One

Kurosaki Ichigo was a relatively normal guy.

He had his own little group of friends that he hung out with on a regular basis, most of whom he'd met in high school. He had a nice job working as a highly sought after personal trainer at the local gym. It allowed him to rent out a fairly nice apartment, even though he was only twenty-three. And he had a nice family, though he wouldn't have minded if his batshit crazy father could lay off the pranks every now and then.

All in all, he was a very normal guy, who didn't get into abnormal situations.

And so his current situation left him in a curious predicament.

One of his best friends, Kuchiki Rukia, was standing in front of him, her hands on her hips. She had that expression on her face that told him if he didn't agree to her request, she would probably hit him. Hard. Potentially between the legs.

But it was just so odd.

He'd known Rukia since college, when they'd been stuck together in the same freshmen orientation group. They'd easily befriended each other, mutually mocking the other losers in their group. Then they'd had several general education classes together, and everything had just gone from there.

But since when had she had a brother? You'd think it would've come up in the many conversations they'd had, but no! She suddenly dropped the bomb that she had a brother – and a filthy, fucking rich brother at that – and that he wanted to meet Ichigo.

Um, what?

"Why the hell does your brother want to meet me?" Ichigo demanded, staring down at his short friend.

"I told you already!" Rukia snapped. "He has a business proposition for you!"

"And what does he do?" Ichigo asked.

"I… I can't tell you that!" Rukia said. "You just have to agree to come with me and talk to him!"

"What the hell am I gonna do for him?" Ichigo persisted. "Act as his personal trainer or something? Just tell him to come to my gym!"

Rukia snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. "As if," she said derisively. "My brother does not need your help in exercising. He's in great physical condition."

"Then I really don't get why he needs to see me," Ichigo said. He crossed his own arms over his chest. "No. I'm not going."


He turned around from where he had started to walk away. "What?!" he snapped. "I do have things to do today, you know!"

"Please," she said shortly. "My brother really needs to talk to you."

He snorted. "You didn't even feel like telling you had a fucking brother until just a few minutes ago," he pointed out. "And now you want me to just waltz into his house and strike up a meaningful conversation with him?"

"Of course not!" Rukia snapped. She paused. "You'll go to his office. There's no need for you to go to his house, the security's too high."

"He has security?!"

"Of course!"

"Geez, Rukia, couldn't you have mentioned this at, oh, I don't know, ANY point in our friendship?!"

"Are you seriously upset about the fact that I didn't tell you?" she demanded. "Well, news flash, Ichigo, there's LOTS of stuff I don't tell you!"

"Well, there's not a whole lot I don't tell you! I just expected you to return the favor!"

"It's different," she said, sighing. "You don't have any secrets!"

"I know, that's my whole fucking point!"

"Okay, okay, okay, this is getting us nowhere!" Rukia snapped. She paused and took a deep breath to calm herself. "I'm going to ask you one more time. Will you go with me to meet my brother? He has something important that he wants to talk to you about."

"And I'm going to tell you one more time," Ichigo retorted. "I don't appreciate you keeping secrets from me – and don't you dare fucking say you keep lots of stuff from me! There's a difference between little shit and big shit, and this is really big fucking shit!"

He shook his head angrily and walked away before he could say something really stupid to his friend.

To be honest, he wasn't truly angry with Rukia. That wasn't the right word for it. But he had been so… hurt, he guessed, that she had kept something so monumental from him. He'd told her all about his mother's death, his little sisters, his weird father… and she'd given him some sob story about how she was an orphan and had lived in orphanages her whole life. Bull fucking shit!

But he wasn't good at dealing with emotional betrayal. He'd always known that, and it didn't help when his friend Keigo – who'd become a psychology major in order to attempt to woo women by claiming to "understand" their problems – spouted off theories about why Ichigo was the way he was. Apparently, he exhibited lots of "defense mechanisms" and refused to make himself vulnerable, denying his "need for affiliation".

Whatever. It was just habit. No need to put some fancy psychological label on it.

"Did you tell him that it was very important that I speak to him as soon as possible?"

Rukia cringed, hearing the disappointment in her brother's voice. "Of course!" she said. "I tried everything I could think of! But he's too mad at me for not telling him that I even had a brother."


She paused, waiting for her brother to reply. When he didn't, she bit her lower lip nervously and plowed ahead. "Brother? What are we going to do? He's going back to his house for dinner tonight. He's walking right into a trap!"

"Rukia," Kuchiki Byakuya said calmly. "Do you think that I have not made all of the necessary preparations for that scenario?"

She flushed at the reprimand. "Of course not," she said quietly. "You always think of everything."

"Indeed. You will go to Kurosaki's apartment and wait. I took the liberty of getting a spare key and hiding it under his doormat. You should find it easily enough. Meanwhile, I have sent a group to Kurosaki's house to manage the situation there."

"Great!" Rukia breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that her friend and his family wouldn't be harmed. "What should I do while I'm waiting?"

"Think of ways to convince him to come back to the facility with you," Byakuya continued. "You may need to use some… persuasion."

Rukia blinked, and then burst out laughing. "Um, no offense, Brother, but Ichigo really doesn't swing that way," she replied. "So I don't know how persuasive I can be."

"… is that so?"

"Well, he's never come right out and told me, but he definitely puts out a vibe," she said, still giggling at the thought of her trying to use her feminine charms on Ichigo. What a waste.

"I see. Then appeal to his emotions. I believe that has worked in the past?"

"You could say that." You sure as hell couldn't try logic with Ichigo. The guy was definitely intelligent, but logical? Hell no.

"Whatever it takes, you must get him here. There is not an option here."

"I understand."

"Good." With that, he hung up.

Rukia pocketed her phone and dashed for her car. She had plenty of time to get to Ichigo's apartment – it wasn't far from here – but she needed the extra minutes to come up with a plan to convince Ichigo to come with her. He was already mad at her, and he was stubborn as a mule.

This was not going to be an easy conversation.

Ichigo still had his hands angrily shoved into the pockets of his jeans as he came up to his house, several miles away from where he'd fought with Rukia. He had a car, but he preferred to walk within a certain radius. It gave him more time to think. And cool off from arguments from stupid secret keepers.

He huffed as he unlocked the door and made his way inside, leaving his sneakers by the door. It wasn't really a huge deal – he'd get over it soon enough, and sure, he'd go meet Rukia's brother. But really – who the fuck kept a secret like that?


He looked up to see one of his younger sisters, Yuzu, standing in the entryway to the kitchen, a huge smile on her face. She had a spoon in one hand and a cooking mitt in the other, little bits of flour on her face. "Hey, Yuzu," he said easily, all traces of his anger gone at the radiant expression on her face.

"You're early!" she exclaimed. "I wasn't expecting you for another half an hour or so." Turning around, she ran back to the kitchen to keep an eye on dinner.

These family dinners once a week had been her stipulation when he'd moved out. He'd easily agreed; for one thing, he hated seeing Yuzu cry, even over something as stupid as him moving out, which was inevitable. For another, she made really fucking good food. He was an average cook, but she'd spent practically her entire memorable life cooking for the family. She way outclassed him.

"Yeah," he said noncommittally.

She gave him a curious stare. "Did you get into a fight with Rukia?" she guessed.

He snorted. "Can't hide anything from you, can I," he said, not really intoning it as a question. "Yeah, something like that."

"You should apologize to her." Ichigo looked up to see Yuzu's twin, Karin, standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. She was frowning at him.

"Aren't you even gonna ask what it was about before you decide it's me who needs to apologize?" Ichigo demanded.

"No," Karin said flatly. "It's Rukia. You're wrong, she's right." She walked into the kitchen and peered into the pot of whatever Yuzu was making. "That's how it works."

"Gee, thanks for the support," he said darkly.

"Anytime," Karin said. She stuck a finger in the sauce to taste test it.

"Karin!" Yuzu said, slapping her twin's finger away. "It isn't done yet!"

"So?" Karin asked. "I'm hungry!"

"Oh, it's almost ready," Yuzu said. "Where's Dad?"

"Dunno," Karin said. "Don't care."

Ichigo had to agree with that. As much as he loved his father, the guy was a few cards shy of a full set. His whole family was like that, honestly; his aunt Kukaku had a habit of punching people who disagreed with her, and his uncle Ganju was an absolute fucking dumbass, especially when he bragged about his hog wrestling business.

Thankfully, it seemed the crazy genes had skipped a generation.

"What is this?!"

Well. There he was.

"Karin! You don't care where Daddy is?!" Kurosaki Isshin burst into the room with a howl, tearing at his sideburns. "I am so mistreated by my dearest daughter!"

"You never go anywhere exciting, so why would I care where you are?" Karin asked, not even turning to look at him.

"You wound me!" He turned then, and saw Ichigo sitting at the kitchen table. "Ichigo! My darling son – you have returned to me!" He rushed forward to glomp onto Ichigo.

Fat chance of that happening.

Ichigo elbowed his father out of the way at the same time that he jumped out of his chair. He stepped back as his father somehow managed to fall onto the seat of the chair, face first.

"Oomph!" Isshin was momentarily silenced as the wind was knocked out of his lungs.

"Nice to see you too, Pops," Ichigo said, going around to sit on the other side of the table.

Isshin pushed himself up and into the chair. "My children are all so heartless," he said sadly. He looked at the clock on the wall, and then back at Ichigo. "You're here early, son! Couldn't stay away from Daddy, could you?"

"Yeah," Ichigo rolled his eyes. "That's why I'm here."

"Not that I am not overjoyed by your presence, my son, but… why are you early?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Ichigo replied.

"He got into a fight with Rukia," Karin supplied easily, coming to sit beside her brother, who shot a glare at her. She pointedly ignored it.

"Ichigo!" Isshin said, clearly disapproving. "You call her right now and apologize!"

"Why do I have to apologize?" Ichigo demanded, his earlier anger quickly coming back. Why was he suddenly the bad guy here?! "Why does everyone assume it's me who effed up?!"

"Ichigo, Ichigo, Ichigo," Isshin said, shaking his head. "You have much to learn, my young son." His eyes flashed. "The woman is always right, Ichigo! It doesn't matter what the situation or the question is. That's just the way it goes!" He snorted. "Your mother taught me that on our second date."

"Yeah, right," Ichigo scoffed. "Besides, I'm not dating her. I don't have to let her win everything."

"She wins anyways," Karin said.

"Can we just fucking let it go?" Ichigo demanded. "Yes, I had a fight with Rukia! No, it's not a big fucking deal!" He glared at his father. "And I am not apologizing because I did nothing wrong!"


Without thinking, Ichigo hit the floor. "What the hell?!" he cried, looking around. A cloud of smoke was billowing out from the front door. Had someone tried to bomb it?!

Their father had acted immediately, gathering Karin and Yuzu to him. Ichigo copied him, turning the dinner table on its side as a shield.

He heard several pairs of feet move into the kitchen; it sounded like they were wearing heavy boots. Without thinking of the consequences, he jumped up and slammed his fist into the nearest one. He caught the guy by surprise, and he flew backwards into the wall.

Not waiting for the guy to respond, Ichigo slammed into the other guy, wrestling a gun out of his hand. He grunted as the guy punched him hard in the stomach, but he held tight. The guy from before came at him from behind, jabbing him hard in the ribs. He gasped involuntarily as he felt one crack.

With a snarl, he jammed his elbow back into the guy's face. A sickening crunch told him he'd hit gold – or at least, a nose. Meanwhile, the guy in front of him jammed his boot down onto Ichigo's toes.

He yelled in pain, and unconsciously pushed the two of them forwards, knocking the guy into the wall. The plaster cracked, but the guy didn't seem dazed. Instead, he slipped his foot forward around Ichigo's ankle and yanked, hard.

The two of them fell to the floor in a heap, the breath knocked from Ichigo's lungs. He hit his head hard too; his vision was dizzy.

He tried to get his bearings as the guy on top of him latched his hands around Ichigo's neck. Shit! He thought. Gotta get him off me!

Ichigo reached up for the guy's face, going for the eyes, but the other man had recovered and pinned his arms down. Ichigo looked up to see his nose gushing blood, a loathsome expression on his face.

Fuck! Ichigo could feel the blood rushing to his face even as the oxygen was kept from his lungs. He tried to move his arms, but the guys had him pinned pretty well. Come on… do something here!


Ichigo sucked in oxygen like he never had before, sputtering at the sudden loss of pressure.

"What the fuck?!"

There was another bang, and the guy holding his arms down dropped like a fly.

Ichigo felt a warm liquid seeping onto him, and he looked down. The guy who'd been choking him had had his head blown clean off. "Ah, gross," he muttered, seeing the dead man's blood seeping onto his clothes. He shoved the guy off, looking around for the second. The guy had a gaping bullet hole in the middle of his chest.

What… the literal fuck?!

"Oi, you alright, kid?"

Ichigo looked around to see a person coming out of the cloud of plaster dust. A bald guy stepped forward, a shotgun in his hands. He seemed to have been the one who'd downed the two guys. "Who are you?" he demanded, raising to his feet.

"Name's Ikkaku," the guy said, snapping open his gun and reloading it with two more shells. "And this –" he patted the gun fondly, "- is Hozukimaru. She just saved your life. Arentcha gonna thank her?"

"Uh, yeah, thanks," Ichigo said absently. Thinking of his family, he ran over to the table. Isshin had the girls within his arms, looking out warily. "Are you guys okay?" he demanded.

Isshin nodded. "We're safe," he replied. He nudged the girls to stand up with him, and the three of them rose to their feet. "But who're they?"


Ichigo turned around. There were now five people standing there with Ikkaku. Two of the guys had dark, almost black hair, though that was about where the similarities ended. One was effeminate, with a shoulder-length bob and what looked like fake eyelashes. The other had a "69" tattooeed on one cheek and three long, vertical scars on the other. Weird. Then there was a tall, busty blond chick and a smaller blonde male with an uncomfortable expression on his face.

"Who are you guys?" Ichigo asked, taking a step towards them. They were all wearing a similar uniform – dark leather, combat boots, vests made out of bulletproof material, and guns. Lots and lots of guns. "And what the fuck just happened?"

Ikkaku opened his mouth to reply – did that make him the leader then? – when a sixth figure stepped into the room.

"Yo, Ikkaku, front's clear," the guy said. "Only had two men standing guard. Fucking easy – like he wasn't even trying to…" He trailed off when he realized he had an audience. His reddish eyes focused on Ichigo. "Yo – you guys okay over there?"

The newcomer had bright red hair – like fucking crimson, not a normal shade of copper or auburn – tied back in a ponytail, the ends going just past his shoulders. Ichigo could see dark tribal tattoos on his neck and arms where they peeked out of his uniform.

For lack of a better word, Ichigo had to admit the guy looked like a badass.

"Yeah," he said. He winced as he moved, putting a hand to his ribs. "Think I gotta broken rib, but not too bad."

"Good," the redhead said. He turned to Ikkaku. "Like I said, nothing out front."

"The back was clear too," 69 said.

"Aw," the woman pouted. "This was no fun!" She sighed. "I was hoping to at least get to pull my gun out…"

"Rangiku, everyone is alive," the blonde male said, frowning. "You should be happy that this was easy, not upset."

"Yeah, yeah, Kira, we know you're a pacifist," Rangiku replied dismissively.

"Did you establish a perimeter?" Ikkaku asked the redhead.

"Course I did," the redhead replied. "Got a group on backup if something unexpected happens too."

Ichigo stared at the group of people standing in the kitchen. What the fuck was going on here? Had they… had they just been attacked?! Why would anyone want to harm the Kurosaki family? They didn't have any enemies! And who the hell were these guys?! They looked like a group straight out of a top secret government facility.


The group quieted and turned to stare at Ichigo.

"Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on here?!" he demanded. "Who are you guys?"

The redhead stepped forwards. "Name's Renji," he replied. "Your family just got attacked by a terrorist organization. Luckily, we –" he motioned to the others – "knew about it, and we got here just in time to save your asses."

"And who the fuck are you?" Ichigo demanded.

Renji grinned at him wolfishly.

"We're the B-Team."

Thanks for reading!

Reviews are much loved and appreciated :)