Fifty Shades of Filth
Battles are lost and won. For centuries, great warriors have battled each other for the glory of the challenge. Some warriors have fought epic battles over the pretty face of a maiden or the riches that may come from victory. Some battles though, are not worth fighting. There is a dark, ancient tradition from centuries past that has been unearthed by a queer culture. In this battle there is no use for swords or bullets. This battle is fought using the warrior's wit and reflexes through a game called 'rock paper scissors.' The battle is called the 'Batsu Game.' Those willing to risk their self respect battle it out with other degenerates like themselves and are humiliated beyond repair. The consequences, on some occasions, are most unsettling.
The day was as filthy as frank wanted it to be, but every day was filthy in the home of frank. Through the packages of half-eaten ramen and soiled sheets lived strange characters not usually welcome in society but accepted in this cum dumpster. Frank's home consisted of squatters whom foraged like rats but did not pay rent. They appeared whenever it amused themselves and to the indignation of frank. It is not known whether they actually exist or whether they are part of the degraded mind of Frank, characters concocted from some psychosis as he lies covered in his own filth masturbating with the corpse of some rodent, but they made an impact on his life and the lives of thousands who gawk at his misadventures.
There were three of them: Pink Guy, Salamander Man, and Safari Guy. Pink Guy was an artist. He didn't say many coherent words but his message was heard through the emotions of his lyrics. He rapped about the killing of animals, anal beads, and the act of suicide. His lyrics were regarded highly throughout his fans and anyone of them would die for him. Salamander Man was a mischievous creature who only said a single word: "Nyess." He stalked young schoolgirls and rubbed his nipples whenever the environment was most pleasurable. One time he was taken by Chin Chin because Frank did not give Chin Chin his sacrifice. Through the combined efforts of his loyal fans, Frank, and the beautiful sounds that emanated from Salamander's Assflute, they were able to make Chin Chin free Salamander Man. Then there was Safari Man. Safari Man didn't do much for the company except make surprise appearances to say something miscellaneously in Japanese. His origin is shrouded in mystery and his actions are unknown.
All of these characters, and Frank too, wriggled through the garbage dump that was Frank's apartment making an 'honest' living. Every once in a while some adventure would arise, they would have to fight the over-used memes or keep Chin Chin at bay; but sometimes, there was an adventure that was pleasurable. Most of the company didn't participate in this adventure, but those who did were subject to great humiliation. They call this game, the "Batsu Game."
Frank was the only one from the circle jerk who participated in every affair, and he never did it alone. He was always with many of his friends including Red Dick, Prometheus, Negi the root, and any other various friends that happened to want to play. The game consisted of the players creating a circle and playing 'Rock, Paper scissors.' The last one to lose would be punished.
They had played three games already. The first two consisted of the punished consuming various foods that they deemed usually inconsumable. The last game consisted of fireworks being shot at the punished. Usually one person in each game was punished more than the rest, but usually everyone would eventually be punished. Frank luckily wasn't punished as much as the rest, but in the last game he was not so lucky.
It was a couple of weeks ago that Frank had last played the Batsu Game and he and his friends knew that more games were to occur. They awaited the day it would happen, but also dreaded it due to the fear of being punished. It was a hell where both pleasure and pain were equal. What was unknown to them was that the next Batsu Game was to occur quicker than they imagined, and it was a game that would stick in history like pus on lips. It started this day.
Frank was finishing another viral video. It was a "Japanese 101" where he was explaining how to say 'Fuck You' in Japanese. When the video ended he pressed the button to end filming and a yellow-toothed grin stretched across his pube-covered face. He was pleased with another video that he would soon shit into YouTube for his followers to enjoy. His pleasure was interrupted by a darkening out his window. He hobbled over to his window and gazed in awe as the sky was covered in darkness. Like a penis penetrating a virgin cunt, the moon entered the sky a overtook the source of light. Like so, the skies dripped with blood, a freshly ripped hymen sky showering the earth.
His friends Pink Guy, Salamander Man, and Safari Guy rushed in to tell Frank of the strange occurrence in the sky when they were all overtaken by a sensation of pure agony. Dripping from their eye came semen mixed with bloody vaginal juices. It cascaded from their eyes and drained into their drain-like mouths. Pink Guy and Frank started to vomit this up but the juices did not stop flowing. Then they all felt their eyes start to revolve upwards into their heads. Their shrieks of agony and pleasure filled the apartment complex so that all those who could hear shivered in terror. Red Dick, Prometheus, and Negi generation four rushed into the room to aid their suffering friends but they themselves were overtaken by the same fate as their friends. A flash of black soon consumed them and they were teleported to an endless room of black.
It was a room, a very large room, but its walls seemed to span endlessly. Some light source seemed to brighten the room but there were no lamps or ceiling lights, just an endless black chasm that sucked space into it like a whore who sucks a dick and swallows the life from it. It was an endless darkness that was not interrupted by stars or vitiligo with no hope of Xscape.
The group awoke in this lighted blackness fully recovered. They remembered the agony they were in but were surprised, and relieved, to find that they experienced no ill effect. They felt no physiological complications, but their minds were raped by the current events, more raped than usual.
They sat in complete silence, no moans of pleasure from Salamander Man was heard which meant they were definitely in dire straits. The silence was soon broken by a shriek of cheesy sound effects. The sound of light sabers waving in the air and hitting each other shattered the silence and created chaos between the group members. From the center of this room came the sound of farting. Birthed into this void was the creature Chin Chin. His sown eyes scanned the members of the group and he screamed his chant, " Ore wa, Chin Chin ga daisuki." He grinned at them and they all shrieked in terror. They knew something terrible was to happen to them, and they were not prepared. Their shrieks were interrupted by a voice that was smooth as foreskin and as harsh as a period.
"Hush you retarded shit stains, I am not here to hurt you for you will hurt each other in due time. I am here to give you a proposition."
Their fear subsided and they overtaken by a sensation of perplexity. They suspected the voice came from Chin Chin so they were worried, but the voice did not have a tone of spite, but of opportunity. They awaited Chin Chin's next words.
"Thank you," said Chin Chin, "I shall now begin. I have a great opportunity for you all. I have sensed in all of you a yearning for this. This lust has enveloped your souls and I have tasted it. Yes, I know you are aching to play the Batsu Game again. I propose a Batsu Game to end all Batsu Games. It shall play through Rock Paper Scissors and the winner shall have an ultimate prize. The loser of each round... he he he... he will suffer the consequences."
Enraged at this plot, Safari Man spoke out. "This is complete bullshit! I will not be one of your pawns in some elaborate plot. You cannot..." Safari Man was cut short when he noticed that Chin Chin was nowhere to be found. Suddenly, he felt the flesh between his legs tearing. It did not hurt but he could feel tearing and morphing. He dropped his pants to discover that his dick had been replaced with a vagina. He was horrified, but his misery was interrupted by the surprise that that his stomach started to grow larger and larger. He fell onto his back in pain and started to huff and puff, he was going into labor. He started clenching his eyes and teeth and he moaned with each push. He pushed hard and fluids including blood and feces started pouring from his many orifices. Soon a hand was visible protruding from the vagina. Soon the whole arm was seen. Then the head. Safari Guy screamed out in pain as Chin Chin exiting his lower orifice was causing him to split in half. With one movement, Chin Chin exited Safari Guy and Safari Guy Burst in two, causing his organs and shit to spray in an area of twenty feet. Then all his body parts and fluids dissolved into liquid and were absorbed into the floor, it was as if Safari Man never existed.
The party was utterly shocked. Pink Guy cried for his fallen friend and Salamander Man rubbed his nipples in sorrow.
"If you don't play, though," Chin Chin warned, "your fate will be as grisly as his. Now, let us begin. To complete your party I will introduce another player. He wished for some adventure and with this I shall grant it to him. Let me introduce Shrek."
From the darkness stepped forth a hulking mass of green flesh. The smell of onions and feces swept through the room as a massive ogre stomped in. He had a huge scowl on his face but it soon changed in to a smile to see people as strange as he was. He stepped forward to the group and introduced himself.
" 'Ello laddies, my name is Shrek! I come from a land far, far away. As you can see I am an ogre, but you all are just as strange as I am so we'll get along just fine."
The rest of the group smiled in acknowledgement, but underneath these masks they secretly judged him. They all heard the story of Shrek, the violent, sexual monster. The beast who came to those who prayed to him and destroyed their enemies, then vigorously raped them. Leaving them with only a stretched anus filled to the brim with onion cum. They despised him and did not want him enter their group like he entered the assholes of children.
"I see we are all together now," exclaimed Chin Chin, "now let the games BEGIN!"
In the light darkness the group plus Shrek formed a circle and put their hand in. Each player's eyes darted at each other and each's lips were covered in thin layer of saliva. Strategies were concocted within each mind, each one hoping to best the other, each one hoping not to be punished. The game begun with the chant.
Everyone chanted, "Saisho wa guu, jankenpon!" The fists of each player jacked off their own palms, and in the end of the chant, each player was left with a weapon to defeat the other players. When the haze of adrenaline cleared, the weapons were in this order: Pink Guy had rock, Salamander Man had rock, Prometheus had rock, Frank had scissors, Red Dick had scissors, Negi had rock, and Shrek had scissors.
The ones who didn't lose that round left the circle and what was left was Frank, Red Dick, and Shrek. Each person' brow started to drool sweat in anticipation for the next round. The eyes darted faster, hearts beat as hard as domestic abuse, each cock was fully erect. The next round began.
"Saisho wa guu, jankenpon!" With that, the weapons were drawn. Each player shivered with excitement and fear. The order was Shrek had paper, Frank had scissors, and Red Dick... Red Dick had Rock. They all roared in anger and started again. "Saisho wa guu, jankenpon!" With a movement like warriors on a battlefield each player rocketed out their fists. What was left was heartbreaking. Frank had scissors, Red Dick had scissors, and Shrek had paper.
Frank and RD left a stone-faced Shrek alone. He was grieved to have lost but he did not cry, for he was ready for whatever punishment awaited him. The group was happy that he lost for they wanted to be ogre... over with him as quickly as they could. With a flash of light, the punishment started.
A spotlight shined on the ground in front of Shrek and he gazed forward to see his beloved Fiona Sitting on a wooden chair. He ran over embrace her and was met with a warm bosom. He buried his head into her meaty shoulders and felt a warmth envelope his chest. He lifted his head to greet Fiona but she put her sausage index finger on his lips and shushed him. She slowly caressed his lips making soft shushing noises. With her finger she then opened his mouth. With the speed of a viper she pulled back her hand and then sent it forward, penetrating his mouth and exiting the back of his head. Shrek didn't even scream, he was in so much pain that he couldn't even say a word. Fiona got up and put Shrek into the chair and pulled off his pants. She grasped his cock and lodged it in her mouth, quickly forcing it back and forward until his cock was very eshreked. Then she dug her teeth into it, if Shrek could say anything he would roar a mighty ogre roar of pain and pleasure. Fiona then forced the eshreked cock back and forced between her teeth, shredding the layers of flesh until there was only a whole left between his legs. She then ripped off her layers to reveal an eshreked the length and width of an elm tree. She penetrated his urethra, blood exploding from the penetration site. The group watched in horror as a visible lump could be see sliding up Shrek's body until the tip of the penis, if that's what you can call it, erupted from out of Shrek's mouth. The tip of the penis spouted onion cum like a volcano and the cum lava mixed with Shrek's green ogre blood to make something that resembled green pudding.
Shrek was impaled on a gigantic penis, an ironic way to die for such a brutal character. Fiona retracted her penis from the now dead Ogre and it became limp. She then put her hand on the side of her face and ripped everything off. Under the green skin was Chin Chin, and he was chaotically amused.
"Shrek died playing this game, and for those who lose the same fate shall befall onto you. Do not attempt to try and escape or fight me, you will lose."
The players grieved. They knew they were all going to die some gruesome death. There was no hope for any of them until Frank Spoke up.
"Guys, guys, we are in a terrible situation. Let's face it, Chin Chin has us by the scruffs of our balls. There is no escape of this, the only thing we can hope is that one of us escapes this void of darkness and carries on our memories. One of us will be victorious and claim a magnificent prize, but we have to keep ourselves together, we are strong as long as Chin Chin does not break our spirit. This may be the last time I see any of you, so I want to let you all know that you all are disgusting, but I love you all and you guys are my best friends, no homo."
With tears running down their cheeks, their hearts and faces smiled and the darkness of the room seemed to brighten up. There was hope now, and Chin Chin in all his power could not break it. They Continued on with the game.
The next to die was Negi. After a couple of ties, he was left with a rock against a bunch of papers. His death was just as gruesome as Shrek's. Two giant hands came from the ceiling and picked Negi up, being a root he didn't resist, he knew his fate was sealed. The two hands placed Negi on a giant cutting board and with a leek, the hands cut up Negi. With each slice more and more blood poured from Negi, for Negi was a guy in a morph suit pretending to be a root. His guts were splattered all over the board and his blood spray into the air with each hack. Soon he was cut up into tiny pieces and sprinkled onto pasta. That pasta was then eaten by Chin Chin. Negi was still alive even though he was chopped up into little pieces. He could feel every bite Chin Chin made and he screamed in agony until he was swallowed up by the pitiless god.
Soon after Prometheus was taken. His scissors tied with Red Dick's but was beaten by the rest. Then he lost to RD's rock, making him the next victim. With a Bowie knife, Chin Chin gutted Prometheus and chained him to a rock. Soon large eagle swooped down and ate Prometheus's liver. Prometheus was alive through it all and soon after the eagle left, Prometheus regenerated. It was like he was never gutted, but that was short lived because soon another eagle swooped down and tore open Prometheus, tearing out his liver and eating it. Chin Chin said this would go on until the end of time.
Then RD was taken, defeated with a rock. RD was given a roll of toilet paper and was told to consume the paper till there was no more. Thinking he was getting off lightly, Red Dick said his trade mark 'gourmet paper!' and started eating. After a few minutes of eating, RD noticed that the roll wasn't getting any smaller, but he still continued to eat. After an hour the roll did not dissipate and RD tried to stop, but his body wouldn't let him. His stomach got larger and larger from the amount of toilet paper filling his gut. Soon his guts were filled to the brim and ruptured, sending stomach acid hurdling all over himself. He was melted on contact, Pink Guy wept the most.
Pink Guy wept for Red Dick, but he was the one who lost next with a scissor. The thing about Pink Guy's punishment was that it could not be fulfilled by Chin Chin. Pink Guy couldn't be killed, you cannot kill an artist. You cannot kill an artist because his (or her) art will never die. Even though humanity will change, artists will die, and pieces of art will be destroyed, art itself and the artist shall live on through his (or her) art. With this reality, Chin Chin decided to send Pink Guy to Jacksonville, Florida forever; a fate worse than death.
It was now down to Salamander Man and Frank. Sweat poured off of both of them, for this next move could determine either of their fates. They glanced at each other and there was a mutual smile. They had been together through thick and thin and they have always been there for each other. Even when Chin Chin took Salamander Man, Frank did not back down and he got Salamander Man back. They were friends to the end.
The game was set now, Salamander man and Frank said their goodbyes to each other and started the game. Their fists, which lay on their palms, were clenched tighter than a nun's asshole. Eyes darted from each other's eyes to their fists. After a brief silence, they made their move. "
"Saisho wa guu, jankenpon!" Like bullets the hands rocketed towards the palms. When the uncertainty cleared, who the winner and loser was was clear. Frank had won with a rock, Salamander Man had lost with scissors. Frank fell down onto his knees in shock. He raised his hands to the level of his face and stared at them. There was a disgust in his heart for these hands, these hands that betrayed his friend. Drops started to accumulate in his palms. Tears streaked down Frank's face and he started to bawl. His friend was lost and it was his fault, and now he was alone. Frank cried, he cried as much as a boy who astronomically loved a girl though she suffered.
He cried until he heard a voice as soft as an angel say, "Don't cry." He looked up and found the words to come from Salamander Man. It was Salamander's first real words since they first met so long ago.
"I may die today, but I shall always be there." Salamander pointed to Frank's brain. "As long as you live, you may bring me forth from my eternal slumber, for you are our creator. You have the power to test life and death, light and dark, love and hate. Goodbye, father."
In that instant, Salamander Man's body started to glow. Light poured from every orifice and filled the dark chamber with light. Then, like the dawn of a new day, music appeared from Salamander Man's ass and filled the room with a sound that had no equal in beauty. It was the most beautiful piece ever written and as soon as it appeared it disappeared. As soon as the music stopped playing, Salamander Man exploded into fireworks. These fireworks shot up into the air and exploded into one word that would be ingrained into Frank for all eternity: "Nyess."
Frank stood up, he had survived and it was time to end this. All his friends were dead or suffering, and he was all that was left. He called out into the darkness, "Chin Chin you faggot get out here. I win!" There was a deep laughter from the darkness which was followed by clapping. Into the light stepped Chin Chin, and he was quite amused.
"Yes, you won many battles, but you haven't won completely yet. You see, you have to defeat me now. Ha ha ha, yes, the final challenge, but I won't be as easy as your pathetic friends. They were fuck puppets compared to me, I am a god! I will be able to beat every move you make, so you better give up now."
Frank was not phased. All his friends died in this game, and now it was his turn to avenge them. He didn't know how, the odds were impossible, except for the fact that Frank was just as powerful as Chin Chin. Frank new that Chin Chin was just trying to break his will, but Frank knew he could not give up. With a smirk Frank clenched his right fist and put it on his palm. "Let's go." Chin Chin stopped smiling and started acting serious. He did the same as Frank and the game begun.
Each player's concentration was rock solid. They were either ready to succeed or fail, but neither expected to fail. It was like watching the Titans fight the Greek Gods. Teeth was clenched, muscles at ready, hair on end, heart beat steady, skin sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there was vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
The battle begun. Each player went into their stances of power and called forth the forces of the universe. It was Light vs. Dark, Good vs. evil, Right vs. Wrong, Filthy Vs. Ghastly. With one strong movement, each player brought down their hand. There was a blast and a supernova was sent out from each player, creating new universes.
When the dust settled, the players stared at each other's hands. At first, their hands were not comprehendible. In all the calamity, the hands just looked like blobs. Soon though, the hands came into focus. Each finger came into view and the result shook the core of the cosmos. Frank had won with scissors and Chin Chin had lost with paper.
Slowly Frank curled his index finger inwards to his palm. He stuck his hand up, knuckles facing Chin Chin and said, "Welcome to the Rice FIELDS MOTHER FUCKER!" Chin Chin screamed in agony as he was pulled into the darkness and Frank was pulled into the light. Chin Chin called to Frank, 'Excellent work Frank, you have bested me and claimed your victory. You shall receive your prize when you return. But Frank, this is NOT the last time you shall hear from me!" With a plop, the victor went home and the loser went to be punished. What is Chin Chin's punishment? That is left up to interpretation.
Frank returned home relieved that the whole ordeal was over. He had survived and had beaten a god, but he came back to an empty, quite home. All his friends, those that had rummaged through the garbage dump of an apartment, were dead. No more Batsu Games, No more Nyess, No more rap. Recently Frank saw the movie 'Labyrinth' with David Bowie and at the end the girl's friend's were in the mirror, ready to come to her when she needed them. Frank needed his friends and went to the closest mirror to see if it would be the same for him, it wasn't. All he saw was a filthy man staring back at him, eyes so dark that all happiness was sucked into them. He would never get his friends back, or would he?
As he stared into the mirror, he caught a glimpse of something behind him. He examined it and realized it was his prize. Delighted, Frank turned around and received his prize.