Okay, I'm sure some of you are wondering where Dean got the booze to make Molotov cocktails when he went through that maze. Here's the scene that had Gabriel laughing his ass off:
Dean walks into a liquor store.
"Can I help you sir?"
"What's the cheapest booze you have?"
"And the best one?"
Dean proceeds to get several bottles of the cheap, barely-qualifies-as-booze and only a few of the really good stuff. The clerk rings up his purchase, before he asks "If I may, what's all this for?"
"My favorite cousin is turning twenty-one, and has never tried drinking before. Better for him to break his drinking teeth on the cheap stuff now since he wouldn't know what the good stuff is until he's older and done a few bar crawls," came Dean's reply.
The clerk laughs in agreement, and Dean leaves.
I've had that scene in my head for a while now. Hope you all got a good laugh!
Dean was bored.
Yes, they were back at Hogwarts, but that didn't mean it was interesting. Dean and boredom were very dangerous things. So it came as a great surprise when Blaise Zabini dragged him into an unused classroom with several other Slytherins.
"You know I could kick your asses right?"
"Not why we wanted to talk to you. Rumor has it you're responsible for the recent upsurge in guys getting dates," said Blaise.
Realization hit Dean like a brick. A slow grin formed on his face.
"Let me get this straight. You want me to give the same 'speech' I gave to Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor last year?"
"Alright, I can help you guys out...but first you have to do something for me."
"What?" asked Blaise tiredly.
"I want you lot to look up the name 'Tom Marvolo Riddle'. And before you ask why, you guys are to rework the name until you get a single sentence that makes sense. When you get that, I'll tell you the same thing I told the other guys last year."
"Why?" asked Nott.
"Do you know what an anagram is?" asked Dean. They shook their heads. "It's when you make words out of the letters of other words. Your precious Dark Lord decided to make one out of his real name."
"Can we get back to you?"
"Again, once you look up Riddle and tell me the sentence that forms out of his full name, I'll help you guys get girlfriends...or boyfriends if you're so inclined," said Dean.
It was subtle, but it would warn the idiots in Slytherin that Voldemort was a damn hypocrite.
The fact Dean was taking control of the school from under Dumbledore solely through the fact he was able to get guys laid nine times out of ten was not lost on him.
Dean hated Umbitch. The fact she apparently hated him with mutual dislike was nothing to him. He could fry her ass if he wanted, but he had other plans.
Fortunately, he knew he just had to wait until she did something to piss everyone else off. With the school under her control, all he had to do was arrange a few 'detentions' with the right pure bloods and the problem would handle itself.
A month into the new school year, Blaise and three others approached him.
"'I am Lord Voldemort'," Blaise stated simply. With the rather pointed clues Dean had given, it was pretty obvious what he was trying to tell them. Considering he was a Gryffindor, the subtle way he did it only made them approve of the American even more.
"Did you look him up like I said?"
"He's the son of a squib and a muggle," said Nott in disgust.
"Head boy or not, there's no way we're going to follow a hypocrite who has a bad habit of torturing people who work for him out of boredom," said Blaise.
"How many others did you tell?"
"Out of Slytherin, the only ones who still cling to Voldemort's banner are those who get their kicks off torturing muggles and muggleborns. Even if it means following a liar," said Blaise. "So about three or four people."
"Bring those who've figured out the truth about this so called 'Heir of Slytherin' to the unused staff room on the fifth floor. The twins can keep the teachers busy while I give you and the others the same talk I gave the other houses," said Dean.
Dean's takeover of the school was complete. Even if he did end up being the one to give the 'Talk' to all the other boys at the request of Flitwick. He never liked doing it, and Snape hated children so he always pawned off his turn.
Dean became immune to all detentions from Snape and Flitwick if he took care of that. He had it extended to Harry, who was on Snape's permanent shit-list.
Now to get rid of the Toad Bitch.
Dean frowned when he saw Harry holding his hand as if he were in pain.
"Harry, let me see your hand," said Dean. His tone brooked no argument.
Because he never went to Umbitch's class (and by extension most of their grade) and spent his time in the library looking up spells and practicing them, she never had a chance to give him detention. However Harry, as Dean's unofficial right-hand-man, was a prime target for her 'detentions', which Dean knew were little more than torture sessions.
Harry winced, but didn't argue. He handed over his hand, and Dean's growl actually made him feel safe. Bear immediately walked over to where they were and let Harry scratch his ears while Dean examined his hand.
"That's going to be a nasty scar, and normally you wouldn't be able to get rid of it. Fortunately, we have options."
"You're not going to tell anyone are you?"
"Why bother telling the teachers? It's not like they give a damn about their students. If they did, they would have gotten rid of Snape or at least corrected his bad teaching years ago. Not like they paid any real attention to what's going on around here outside of keeping the students out of each other's pants," said Dean.
Harry looked confused and scared.
"I'm calling Loki in. He's good at healing, and so is Cas. You can hold on to Bear if it makes you feel any better."
"I'd rather hold Stitch...he's cuddlier."
"Can do," said Dean. He called Loki in and gave him the password, then promptly turned into Stitch for him.
Five minutes later Loki came in. He took one look at Harry's hand and he grew pissed.
"The Toad do this to you?" he asked. Harry nodded.
"Right. Time for the Trickster to teach that bitch a lesson," said Gabriel, once he healed Harry's hand.
He also added a sleep spell, and once the kid slumped on top of Bear, Dean switched back.
"Right, I'm going to have Suzaku insure he gets a good night's sleep while Bear acts like his namesake. Meanwhile you come up with a plan against the Toad and I'll make sure help is suspiciously absent when you make your move," said Dean.
"How many other kids?"
"According to the records, nearly fifteen. Four of them first years who happened to be 'mud bloods' or 'blood traitors'. From what I understand she's a staunch supporter of one Lucius Malfoy."
"He's next on my shit list," said Gabriel flatly.
It was all over the school grapevine. The Weasley twins had set off a major prank far, far from where Umbitch was so that Loki could go after her. Since he restored the room there was no hard evidence, but the students knew it was him.
Dean was finally taking action against the Toad. The students collectively felt a lot safer, since he knew how to skirt the rules without being caught.
For the first time in centuries, the students were presenting a united front against the teachers. They saw nothing, they heard nothing, and they said nothing. Even the portraits were silent on the matter.
It was quite perplexing to Dumbledore, and to McGonagall who was usually a good source of information considering how easily the students forgot she was a cat animagus.
No one paid attention to the random pets in the common room. Except perhaps Bear, but that was because the dog was so easy to love and didn't mind having his belly rubbed by the younger students.
Dean merely left a list of no-no's for what they couldn't give to Bear, and let them spoil the dog rotten.
If it wasn't for the fact he took Bear on long runs around the castle, the half St. Bernard would be fat as hell.
Even the Slytherins loved that dog.
He could only imagine how they would react to Sam's former pugs, which had been transferred to Henry.
As it was, Umbridge still didn't get the message that they weren't going to tolerate her brand of 'detentions' anymore.
"Hagrid, could you repeat that slowly please? I thought I just heard crazy," said Dean.
"Fluffy is pregnant. Don't know how, seeing as there ain't no other Cerberus near the school," said Hagrid.
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. He had a sneaking suspicious who knocked up Hagrid's pet Cerberus, and the first two didn't count.
"Bear, get in here!"
"You think Bear..." started Sam, before he shook his head. "Sometimes it's easy to forget what makes up a third of his blood..."
The massive St. Bernard came in, and Dean looked him in the eye and used the familiar bond to get the answers. He stood up with a pained look on his face.
"Hagrid, I hate to say this but Bear knocked your dog up," he said with an exasperated tone.
Hagrid looked at Bear, then towards the clearing where Fluffy was.
"How do yer figure?"
"Bear's one-third Hellhound, and those things can change their size and breed. His is locked to St. Bernard because two of his grandparents were St. Bernards and the other was a magical breed of Foo dog, but he must've changed his size so he could mount Fluffy. To be fair, that Cerberus is the only female of roughly the same breed as Bear is," said Dean with a pained expression.
The Half-Giant looked thoughtful. It didn't bother him that much, but he knew that he was pushing it as it was just having Fluffy so close to the school. Having puppies was liable to get them sent away.
"So what are we going to do with the puppies, if Fluffy comes to term?"
"I'm sure we could convince the school board to at least keep two of them to guard the school...but any others would have to be removed or given away to magical sanctuaries or something... unless..."
"It's a stretch, but since my dog was the reason Fluffy got pregnant I could push to keep any extra pups, provided I can get a magical trunk or something to hold them in. Kinda like a large magical dog kennel. The biggest problem will be getting the two that stay fixed so that this doesn't happen twice."
There was also the fact he could have Loki knocked Fluffy out long enough to get her fixed as well, once the pups were old enough.
"Wait, Fluffy's what?!" said Harry in shock.
"Bear knocked up Hagrid's three headed dog. I was wondering why it took him so long to come back to the common room."
"What's Hagrid going to do about it?" asked Hermione.
"I suggested we phrase this mess the way only a skilled liar could. We're claiming two of the puppies as a joint project for Care of Magical Creatures, and the rest I'll keep and hopefully be able to give to some good homes. Preferably to a sanctuary if we have to."
That calmed Hermione down.
"But we need you to help us convince Dumbledore and any school board members that this is a good idea. Preferably we need something that we can contain the pups in like a giant ass magical dog pen and ways to train a Cerberus. The last thing we need is a repeat of that mess with the Hippogriff," said Dean to Hermione.
Hermione's righteous flames were stroked just right to get her in the mood to help Dean with his crazy idea. Having a pair of trained Cerberus puppies sounded less insane than Hagrid's idea of having a baby dragon.
Dogs you could train. Dragons, not so much.
"Besides, if we do this right then we could claim the puppies are part of the castle security, to prevent repeats of Sirius Black and first year," said Harry.
Cerberus were known guard dogs. If they were trained to guard the school and leave the students alone, then they could reasonably be called 'school security'.
Besides, this was Hagrid. Being allowed to train a pair of baby Cerberus was something even he could get into, and if they were trained right would be an excellent study for those still willing to brave COMC.
Harry, courtesy of Dean and Sam, was one of those lucky students. Though because of how few there were left of COMC, he was now stuck acting as TA for Hagrid for the third and fourth year classes. Dean and Sam were doing the same in the others, though it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.
Considering it was an easy O, and the fact that acting as a go-between for Hagrid and the other students meant they were actually seeing him properly for the first time made it a lot easier for everyone to actually know Harry properly for the first time in five years. It also meant he got a much up close and personal study of magical creatures than he would have gotten.
Another plus was that Harry got to learn more about his first real friend. He always knew Hagrid was a good person...he never know how good a person he really was. He was nice to everyone, from the lowliest Hufflepuff to the most grumpy Slytherin.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled madly as the bossy Hermione (backed by Dean's common sense and knowledge of people in general) wrote up why Fluffy should be allowed to have her puppies and that Hogwarts should claim at least two of them to increase school security and provide a living specimen that was safe for the COMC students to study.
They very carefully omitted how Fluffy managed to get pregnant when there was no chance in hell Fang would have gone near her. It was fairly obvious who the father was, but as Dean had noticed long ago, Wizards often missed the obvious even if it was staring them in the face.
"I can see you put a lot of thought into this. Where will these...puppies...be housed?" asked Dumbledore.
Dean brought out a copy of the spells that he had altered. Basically it was the magical equivalent of an electric fence, with the 'shock' being delivered by a collar with runes that would react to the spells. It would allow them to safely contain the dogs, while at the same time giving them a chance to roam. And since Dean knew how to find a vet (with a few spells to hide their size and the extra heads) he could have them fixed to avoid a repeat.
Dumbledore was impressed at how much thought they put into this. It had certainly avoided a disaster, and if everything worked out it would provide an extra level of security while adding some live specimens for the students.
Now the only thing he had to do was hide this from Delores before she raised a fuss. At least until the dogs were born and everything was set into place.