"Gentlemen, in precisely eight minutes I anticipate the arrival of a guest I have been expecting. I would appreciate it if you would vacate the premises for the remainder of the weekend." Sheldon stood in front of his friends, waiting impatiently for them to acquiesce to his demand and leave.
"Umm, what? I didn't know you were having a guest." Leonard gapped unattractively at his friend. This was the first he was hearing about a guest coming. And it was unlike the neurotic man to even allow guests in the first place without a lot of whining.
"I have been expecting this visit from Ms. Victoria Nerium for two months. It was in the email update I sent you all last month and the one I sent this month. Don't you people read them? I don't know why I bother." Sheldon rolled his eyes skyward, beseeching a deity he doubted the existence of for patience. Three gentle knocks on the door drew everyone's attention. "Oh dear Lord, she's early. You had all be on your best behaviour before leaving immediately." Sheldon admonished his friends before answering the door.
"Shelly, dear! It has been far too long. You friends don't need to leave. I've never minded an audience." The woman lightly embraced the physicist in greeting, a heavy Texan twang embellishing her words. She eyed the fascinated faces aimed towards herself. A woman dressed in high heels, stockings, and an overcoat was bound to draw appreciative looks, but this was ridiculous."Now, if I remember rightly, the short skinny one is Mister Howard Wolowitz. Brown suga' there is Rajesh of the unpronounceable-last-name? And the other one is your roommate. Lenny something?"
"Hmm. Close enough. Do you have the paperwork?" Sheldon held his hand out to her expectantly.
"Of course, darlin'. This isn't my first rodeo. . ." She winked suggestively at Sheldon. "As expected, completely clear. Throat swab, blood test, STD and STI screen, urinalysis, and stool culture. The package also contains the results of my last physical, information on my last papanicolaou test, and my updated birth control regimen." The jaws of every single onlooker dropped.
Sheldon flipped through the package quickly, verifying that everything was in order. "Excellent. If you are sure you don't mind an audience, then I think we can get started."
"I'm lookin' forward to it suga'." She untied the belt of her overcoat and dropped it, revealing she was dressed in naught but a corset and panties. She drew a finger slowly down Sheldon's chest, hooking it into his belt. "Now I do believe that last time you promised me a wild ride. And a vicious tongue lashing. Are you a man of your word?" She looked up at Sheldon through her lashes.
"Aw, Kitten. Y'all ain't got a clue what cha' askin fo'." Sheldon grinned cockily at her as his hand wound through her hair to drag her into a rough kiss. He knew she loved it when his own Texas twang came out. At this point he reserved it just for her. "You get that cute butt into ma' room, Kitten, 'less you be askin' for a whuppin. Gents." He nodded to his friends and chased after the giggling woman.
Howard turned to the other guys. "What just happened?"