She couldn't say when it began. It was hard to pinpoint it to a certain time or moment, because all of it, her whole situation, was nothing more than the result of her mistakes, of her personality. This was how fate decided to make her pay and it was ironic, really, considering the fact that what nearly killed her was what- to some extent at least- made her leave her back then in Paris.
And now, here she was, weak, aching and done. She was done with her life, done with her family, done with the guilt and done with her self-loathing. It was obvious to her that her next stop would be prison. Possession and abuse of a controlled substance did tend to do that.
She wondered how she looked. Probably pale, with dark shadows under her eyes. Weak. Karma really did a number of her. A few years ago she frowned upon people in her situation. Now others would frown upon her; a drug addict.
A shadow moved at the corner of her eye and she turned towards it. Polly was there, her best friend. She looked tired, her red hair in a messy bun, her eyes red rimmed and tear streaks stained her cheeks.
"Pipes, why didn't you ever tell me?" She whispered at the blonde, taking one of her cool hands in her own warm ones.
"What was I supposed to say, Pol?" Her voice was still shaky and tired. "Were my parents here?"
The redhead looked down, frowning. "Yeah…"
"They didn't want to talk to me, right?" She expected as much. Her mother was this perfect blonde white upper middle-class American lady. The perfect WASP. And now, her daughter turned out to be a drug addict, who OD'd on heroin and nearly died, so the thing to do to save your status among your other WASPy friends was of course to ignore the fact that all of that actually happened. Her father probably just couldn't see her like this.
Polly didn't say anything to her question but that was answer enough. She sighed. "What about Cal?"
"He said he's going to come by later today. He was there when you were still out."
Piper smiled at that. She loved her brother dearly.
Polly leaned over and brushed a strand of her from her face. "Pipes…are you going to tell me why?"
The blonde shrugged. "To feel something good for a change."
The redhead eyed her best friend curiously for a few moments before she squinted her eyes at her, suddenly suspicious. "All this…mess isn't about supercunt, is it?"
After a few moments of silence, Piper mumbled. "Don't call her that. Just because she was mean to you doesn't mean that she is a bad person."
"You didn't answer my question."
"You know the answer, Pol."
Polly shook her head, not sure what to say or do. But she hated that woman all the more now, with her being the reason her best friend poisoned her body and nearly killed herself.
In hindsight she was also really angry with herself. She should have seen Piper's struggle. She should have seen that Piper didn't really have anyone to get over the breakup. But how could she have known what happened to cause the breakup? What could have been so bad about it that it drove Piper to drugs?
And then there was also the fact that she didn't really recognize the way Piper changed. If she thought back, it was obvious. She got more withdrawn, she snapped more often at people and she also didn't wear short sleeved anythings anymore. But the redhead was too caught up in her own world, too caught up in Pete and his proposal and her engagement.
All in all, she wasn't there for Piper the way she should have been and she felt horrible about it. The blonde didn't really have anybody. She rarely visited her brother and he didn't come close to anywhere that was civilization since he had his camper. He lived in the woods.
Piper was alone with her emotional struggle and Piper was never good with emotional struggle. The most recent evidence was lying right in front of her in a hospital bed after basically coming back from the dead.
"I know what you are wondering." Piper glanced at her from the corner of her eye. The redhead's heart clenched at the sight of the blonde. Her usually vibrant blonde hair looked dull and lifeless, her eyes were expressionless and the dark circles under her eyes showed a tiredness that made her seem far older than her 27 years.
"Then tell me. How could a simple breakup make you do drugs? I just can't wrap my head around it."
"I understand. You know…what I had with Alex…it was so intense." She smiled at the memory, despite how teary her eyes felt at the memory of the tall brunette. "There was so much passion, so much love…it felt like straight out of the movies…it was one of those larger than life things, you know?" She sniffled and struggled to raise her hand and wipe her tears away but Polly beat her to it, reaching out with a handkerchief. She mouthed a 'thank you' at the redhead before she continued. "All of that…I threw away. Because I was scared. Because I was selfish. But the worst part…was when I left her. Her mom just died Pol. She just found out that her mom had an aneurysm and that she died! She actually wanted to call her and ask her for advice to save our relationship but her aunt picked up and told her that her mom just died and I still left after she told me! I couldn't just be a decent human being and help her through it…I hate myself so much for it…" The blonde sobbed openly now, her voice still weak and rough.
Polly was shocked at her best friend's confession. She didn't realize how bad she actually felt, didn't realize how deep the guilt of the breakup actually was. The redhead sat at the corner of the bed and cradled the blonde's head against her side, stroking her hair.
When she calmed down a little, she continued. "I wasn't happy anymore, Pol. How often did you actually see me laugh? Like a real, open, carefree laugh? Everything I did and read and watched…felt hollow without Alex. With Larry…it wasn't right. Whatever it was he did do or didn't do or liked or didn't like…I compared it to Alex. And I just needed to escape from all of that. To numb everything; my life, my guilt, my loneliness. Even if it was just for an hour or two. And if I am honest Pol, after I got used to it I started to look forward for every shot."
"Pipes…I had no idea…"
The blonde just shrugged. She sighed, closed her eyes and drifted back off to sleep.
It was an hour later when she woke up to the sound of harsh whispers. Blinking a few times against the light, she shifted and caught sight of her brother with Polly. They both turned around to her and Cal immediately walked up to her, pressing a kiss against her temple.
"You fucking idiot."
"Yeah…I hear that a lot actually."
He chuckled and pulled a chair next to her. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired and…I don't know. At least I'm not craving, right?"
"Yeah…that's a good thing." He still seemed to try to grasp the fact, that his sister was in fact a drug addict. She could understand that; it would be a hard thing to understand for her too if the tables were turned. "You have to do your withdrawal treatment in prison, you know?"
"But don't worry. I talked with the officer who was there about the options and he said that in jail there's only really two options; either cold turkey or actual, medications." He looked her in the eyes, his silent pleading obvious. "We'll pay for the medical, Pipes. Just get well again."
Not trusting her voice, she nodded. She'd do her best, for him. For Polly. She didn't care much for her own wellbeing anymore, she was way past that. But she didn't want to make Cal and Polly sad.
"When…when do I have to go to prison?"
"It's not really clear yet. Your lawyer will come by tomorrow and talk it out with you. There's not going to be a full blown criminal case on you. Things will be talked out with the officials and they'll come to an agreement and run it by you I guess." Cal grinned at her. "If you find yourself a prison wife, please tell me how you managed that."
Piper chuckled at that and slapped his arm weakly. "Idiot…" She looked at the two single most important people of her life- the two only ones who she had left. "You guys will visit me, right? And write me?"
Polly sat on the corner of the bed, taking one of Piper's hands in her own. "Of course, Pipes. You don't even need to ask."
Cal lightly punched her shoulder. "Wouldn't miss my sis becoming all brawny."
Snorting she punched him back. "Yeah, right."
They kept talking and bantering for a few more minutes before Piper started feeling tired again, her eyes drooping. Polly and Cal both said their goodbyes and promised to come and visit her tomorrow again.
The moment they left and closed the door she started to sob into her pillow again.
She hadn't slept like in what felt like weeks. Her withdrawal symptoms had started in the night after Cal and Polly left; muscles ached all over and sweat stained the hospital gown she was wearing in a matter of a couple minutes. A nurse came in and gave her a shot of Clonidine, which helped easing the aches and sweating but sleep was still something out of fairytales for her.
There wasn't a big case over her drug abuse. She told her lawyer she'd accept whatever would be decided and that he didn't need to bust his ass over her case. So, she was charged for possession and abuse of controlled substances and would be in prison for 30 months.
The news neither made her upset nor angry. She took it stoically with a shrug and a nod. There was nothing she could do nor did she want to do something about it. Polly looked sad and Cal hugged her for a very long time, but that was about it. There were 7 billion people in the world but only two of them were somehow close to her: her best friend since college and her younger brother.
She was grateful that she had them but it still hit her at the oddest times that she, in fact, had no other friends. Not even real acquaintances.
And now, here she was; alone, sitting in the back of a minibus, orange scrubs, a bag with a pillow and a blanket and her files.
The woman driving the bus, Morello, was rather nice. She made some idle chitchat, nothing too exciting but talked about how prison wasn't half bad if you knew the right people. It was sweet.
Two more girls entered and, when a guard stepped inside the bus with them, Morello started driving. It wasn't too long until they arrived at the gates of the main unit of the prison.
They stepped out and the guard let them inside, were the pictures for their IDs would be taken by a tall guard with a mustache who looked really creepy and a younger one who walked with a limp.
She stepped forward when she was called and waited for her ID to be taken. It was fastened on her top by the younger one and she was glad for that. It may be just a gut feeling but she was sure the mustached one would have copped a feel.
She then was led inside with the other inmates and her and the Hispanic looking one were led to a transfer cell, where they would stay until they were assigned bunkmates and a counselor.
She looked at the guard, a sweaty looking, round guy with blonde hair.
"It says that you have to stay here until you have undergone full withdrawal therapy and then you'll get assigned your bunkmate."
She nodded at that and then left he with the other women, leaving her and the Hispanic alone in the cell with two elder women, who were looking at them.
"What are your names?" The one with hair asked them. The other was bald but she had really no hair at all on her face, leaving Piper one conclusion and that would be cancer treatment; chemotherapy to be exact.
"Piper Chapman." The blonde answered.
"Daya Diaz." The other girl mumbled.
"I am De Marco and this is Miss Rosa. Your last names will suffice in here." She turned to Piper. "You, blondie. Chapman. O'Neill said something about your withdrawal treatment?"
"You a junkie?"
Piper winced inwards at that but what could she say? It was true. She was a junkie, a drug addict. There was nothing she could change about it. "Yeah…"
"If you get cramps and the likes, be quit about it."
"I get my medicine every 6 hours, so you should be okay. I just move around a lot because I can't really sleep so I'll try to reduce that as much as possible."
De Marco nodded approvingly. "Fair enough."
Piper nodded and then turned to set up her bed when Morello came in. "Chapman. I got you a little something to make settling in easier."
The blonde raised a brow but gave a small smile when the petite woman handed her a toothbrush and a soap bar, both still unopened inside their package. "Thank you. That's kind."
"Well, we gotta look out for our own." She winked at Piper before throwing a glare at Diaz's direction.
Piper shook her head at that and then placed both items to the far side of her bed.
She climbed up and laid down, facing the wall. Tiredness claimed her fast and she closed her eyes, hoping for a few moments of sleep at least.
Someone shook her and she opened her eyes, blinking and trying to find her orientation. "Wha…?"
"Wake up, blondie. Time for lunch, you need your strength if you are trying to get clean."
She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "How long did I sleep?"
"Half an hour. Sorry for waking you, but food is important."
Piper nodded at her. "No, that's alright. Thanks for waking me."
Climbing down from bed, she followed the two older women, Diaz behind her. They entered the cafeteria and joined the row for their food. Piper was handed her full tray but realized that she had no idea where to sit when she saw a hand waving at her. She looked at De Marco and Miss Rosa who just both scoffed at her.
"Don't ask us for permission. Go."
Piper blushed a little at that but moved over to the petite woman.
"Hey Chapman, saved you a seat." Morello smiled warmly at her.
"Thanks." Piper placed her tray next to Morello and sat down.
She then smiled at the other women in greeting who were sitting with them.
Morello introduced them all to her; Yoga Jones, Sister Ingalls, Big Boo, Chang and Nicky Nichols.
"So, what are you in for, Chapman?"
"Drug abuse." She mumbled around a mouthful of bland whatever it was she was eating.
Suddenly Nichols became serious. "That's alright, man. I am an addict too."
Piper perked up at that, looking at Nichols. "Look, we are having NA meetings in here every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Why don't you join us?"
The blonde nodded, a small smile playing around her lips. "I'd like that. I'm still in the middle of my withdrawal though."
Nodding, the crazy haired woman smirked at her encouragingly. "Not a problem, we'll get you through this. If I made it and Vause made you can too."
At 'Vause' Piper's eyes got huge and choked on the food she was about to swallow. Morello slapped on her back helping her until she painfully swallowed it. Her eyes still teary and voice rough she looked at Nichols.
"Did you just say Vause? As in Alex Vause?"
Nichols looked curious now, a shit eating grin on her face. "Don't tell me that you know her."
Piper didn't answer but the look on her face said it all.
AN: I seriously will regret for doing this but this idea was just stuck in my head and I couldn't concentrate on anything else until I got this out and written and I already have two ongoing stories. I really am bad at keeping up with more than one story but oh well.
I will write this on occasion and I will write my crossover YBH on occasion. My main focus will still be on PIC.
So, tell me what you think about this. Should I continue this? Do you like the idea? Thanks for reading and remember to review!