I recently finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist (both the 2003 series and Brotherhood, the manga comes next) and I did what I always do after finishing something awesome: I looked up crossovers with Harry Potter. It is basically the only way to make it more awesome. After reading so many (SO many) fanfics in this particular crossover section, I decided I wanted to try to write one myself.

I cannot guarantee frequent updates. I still have another story that haven't been updated in ages, mostly because I want to rewrite it, but can't get myself to start.

I will try to finish this.

Disclaimer: I don't own neither the awesomeness that is Fullmetal Alchemist nor the greatness that is Harry Potter.

Chapter 1

Edward Elric was not happy.

He was sitting at a large table, with an angry-looking man dressed entirely in black on one side and a shabby-looking guy who looked like he hadn't slept in weeks on the other. He already hated this mission. Damn Mustang for making him do this.

When Mustang had first called Edward into his office to tell him he would have to go abroad, Edward hadn't believed his own ears. His little brother had just gotten his body back, and was slowly gaining weight and muscle-control, and Mustang had the balls to tell Edward to leave him!

On top of that, the mission was to teach alchemy! To kids! In a SCHOOL! Edward hadn't been to school since he was little, he would be a terrible teacher! He had told (yelled) this to the Colonel, but to no avail. He had given his patented you-will-do-as-your-superior-officer-tells-you-Fullmetal-look. And Ed didn't give a damn that Al kept saying the Colonel looked like that all the time, it just proved that the man had it in for him.

But that wasn't all. Oh no. The school was a….magic school.

At this point, Edward had admittedly lost his temper and protested quite loudly against the existence of magic. Until the older woman wearing an odd-looking robe or something, had come out of nowhere (really, one moment she wasn't there, and then POP, she was, and Ed nearly made the floor swallow her, and the Colonel had his hand out ready to snap his fingers) and spent the next two hours proving and explaining that magic existed.

Ed sighed again. He looked out at the room that was slowly filling up with kids. Kids that wore robes and pointy hats. They moved to sit on one of the four long tables in front of him. The teachers' table was on a platform, so it was looking out on the students. Ed felt exposed up there.

He had only been here for a few hours, and so he didn't know anything about the place or the people. He had met McGonagall (the woman who could appear out of nowhere) and Headmaster Dumbledore (who was possibly the oldest human Ed had met, except for his own father), but no one else. McGonagall had shown him his quarters, which were much nicer than the military barracks, for sure. He wasn't too keen on the talking portrait that was the door to his living room though.

He was sick and tired of this magic already.

The impressive ceiling was grey and cloudy. Ed knew that it was foggy out, and that it had started to rain. He rubbed his right shoulder absentmindedly and decided that if this were the usual weather, he would be very miserable. It was also lucky that he had his winter automail available when he was going on this mission, so he didn't have to make a phone call to Winry about bringing him some. He had remembered to tell her he was leaving Amestris for a colder country. He had a feeling the winters here were colder than Central.

The students were seated by now, and the smallest man Edward had ever seen had walked in followed by a row of younger students. The slightly filthy guy that had been lurking at by the walls sat down a three-legged stool with a hat on it.

And then the hat started to sing!

Edward was horrified. Had they attached a soul to that ratty thing? No way. He refused to believe that someone would do that.

His mind started to drift off into the world of calculations and variables that he often went to when presented with a problem.

By the time the hat had stopped singing and the tiny man had started calling out names, Ed still hadn't come up with a solution. He twitched when the hat suddenly yelled "GRYFFINDOR!" and the table beneath the rather awesome-looking red banner with the lion burst into cheers and applause.

He decided to pay a bit more attention to his surroundings and forced himself to stop thinking about the hat. Just then, the doors opened and the McGonagall-woman walked in followed by two students who looked slightly dismayed.

After all the students had gotten a place to sit (it seemed like an important thing, this seating arrangement, and Ed thought maybe the students were supposed to sit by that table for the entire seven years they studied here) Dumbledore stood up with a welcoming gesture.

"Welcome!" the old man said joyously. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts!" Edward held in a snort of laughter. The school name was ridiculous and he felt it was great accomplishment not bursting into laughter every time it was mentioned. "I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast." He cleared his throat.

"As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the Dementors of Azkaban, who are here on ministry business."

Ed took a moment to wonder what the hell that even meant, before Dumbledore continued.

"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds, and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave the school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises – or even Invisibility Cloaks." Was that an actual thing? The hell? How would one even begin to make a piece of clothing that would make one invisible?

"It is not in the nature of a Dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the Prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs foul with of the Dementors."

"On a happier note," Dumbledore said with a sudden cheerfulness. "I am pleased to welcome three new teachers to our ranks this year.

"Firstly, Professor Lupin, has kindly consented to fill the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher." The applause from the students were rather unenthusiastic, thought Edward, but the man did really look like a particularly strong wind would tip him over, so Ed could understand that the students were less than eager to learn self-defence from him.

"As to our second new appointment, well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to spend some time with his remaining limbs." (Edward barely succeeded in turning his laugh into a cough. Lupin gave him a curious look, but Ed ignored it.) "However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."

Ed noticed the huge bearded man (He must be bigger than even Armstrong!) looking very pleased and red in the middle of the loud applause.

"And lastly," Dumbledore continued when the noise had died down. "This year we have a new elective for third year and up. Due to the complexity of the subject it requires more than one year of tutoring, and will therefore, I am sorry to say, not be available to our seventh years. Teaching Alchemy is Professor Elric, travelling all the way from Amestris!" Edward barely acknowledged the students by lifting a hand in a half-wave, not really noticing that the applause was quite generous.

"Well, I think that's everything of importance. Let the feast begin!"

Edward barely managed not to jump away from the table when food suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He twitched. Ed poked the steak in front of him suspiciously with a knife. It looked and smelled real. The teachers around him was already eating, and the students certainly weren't holding back. Ed decided that it was probably safe.

The food was great, and Ed ate his fill.

"So, Professor Elric, was it?" asked the black-haired man on Edward's left. Edward nodded and swallowed his mouthful of food.

"Yeah," he said. "Edward, just call me Ed though."

"I am Severus Snape, I teach Potions," the man stated shortly. Ed had a feeling the man would not be calling him Ed anytime soon. "How old are you, Elric?" He certainly didn't beat around the bush.

"Sixteen," Ed answered shortly and glared at the man, daring him to call him out on his age.

"Really?" a friendlier voice said from the other side. "It's quite impressive to be a teacher at that age." Lupin looked at Ed with an honest expression, so he didn't think he was being mocked.

"I learned alchemy when I was little, so I know what I'm doing," he answered with a shrug. He decided not to mention that he would rather spend a day removing his arm and leg than spend a day teaching. And that Dumbledore had given a rather adamant no to Edward's suggestions on how to conduct the classes. Apparently, Teacher's methods were frowned upon in actual schools. Who knew.

"Remus Lupin, by the way," the man said with a smile. "Call me Remus."

"Ed," Edward grunted back. He was tired from the three days he spent on trains to get here, he was angry that he had to be here in the first place and he missed Al already.

He sighed gustily and decided he didn't want any of the dessert that appeared. There was apple pie. Al still hadn't gotten to taste Winry's apple pie before Ed had left. Alphonse hadn't even been fit for travel, so he was stuck in Central. Luckily, Gracia had decided that Alphonse needed to stay with her so she could feed him. He was still on liquids when Ed left though. It had only been two weeks, after all.

Edward could have quit the military after Al had gotten his body back (that had been his reason for joining the military in the first place), but found that he was quite used to being a State Alchemist. Also, while he didn't like Mustang on most days, he did respect his commanding officer and he felt quite grateful for all the help he had gotten through the years. He wanted to repay him, and the best way to do that was to stay in the military and help the man become Fuhrer.

Edward spent the rest of the meal in silence, his new colleagues apparently sensing his less-than enthusiastic mood.

When the dessert disappeared, students got up and rushed about with a lot of noise. Three students ran from the Gryffindor table and up to the giant man, Hagrid, smiling and yelling all the way. Hagrid started crying violently into a handkerchief that Edward could probably have used as a duvet, had he wanted to.

"Do you remember the way to your rooms, Edward?" Minerva asked, from where she was suddenly standing right next to him. Edward decided that, no, he didn't remember his way through this labyrinth just yet and shook his head.

"I will show you, then," she said, and Edward was starting to understand that her no-nonsense, strict voice was her default mode.

"Thanks," he said, and held back a yawn.

They walked right behind the noisy Gryffindor students for most of the walk. Minerva was apparently not one for small talk, so they walked mostly in silence, which suited Ed fine. He just wanted his bed. He had already been to his rooms, just enough time to shower and change out of travel clothes, but he had managed to test the surprisingly comfy bed.

He didn't notice that several of the students in front of them was turning around to look at him.

When they finally reached his rooms, Edward waved a half-hearted goodnight and closed the portrait behind himself. He fell into the bed fully clothed and immediately fell asleep.

And there is the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed!