Forgotten Conscience Chapter 80

Dealing

Buffy's POV

Everyone's been looking at me since Faith ducked out. They haven't said anything, probably in shock. Who wouldn't be after what I've done, what I've said. I told them I was in love with Faith, and I am. That's not the way I wanted them to find out but they did and now they have to deal. I love Faith and that's not gonna change. We'll talk and then we'll deal. But not right now, right now I have to go after Faith before she gets too far away.

"Look you guys h-heard what Faith said, she isn't going anywhere. So, so just go back to your Council and tell them we're handling it."

They move past me and go to gather their things.

Wow, I expected them to put up more of a fight.

"What no arguing?"

"The Council has ordered us not to interfere should you wish to come to blows over this issue."

"Well then that makes things easier."

Okay the guys.

I turn to them.

"Okay so... I know this is gonna come as quite a shock to you guys, me being in love with Faith and all. Especially with the whole trust issue thing we've had going and I'd really like to stay and talk about this but right now I have to go after Faith before she does something we'll both regret."

I head for the door.

"Buffy..."

"We'll talk about it later."

I'm out the door faster then I've ever been. I almost fly down the stairs and I look up and down the street to see if I can see her. I notice her rounding the corner.

"Faith, stop..."

She looks at me with a cold stare and I almost can't take it.

"What the hell do you want now?"

"Faith we can talk about this. We can get through this."

"You think so do you? I had the same thought that we might be able to work through anything..."

I take a step forward and she takes one back.

"Right up until you tied me up and put a knife to my throat."

"Faith please what we have is too important to give up."

"Why? Because you say so? You'll forgive me if I don't see things your way."

"I know I messed up but I can't change what I did all I can do is hope I can make up for it."

"And how are you gonna do that? By snapping people's necks?"

"I said I'd do anything for you..."

"Oh don't even TRY and pretend that you did that for me. You did that for you."

"Faith I was ready to kill for you, doesn't that means something?"

"Yeah it means you're a horrible selfish bitch whose only goal is to satisfy your own selfish needs."

"Look whose talking."

"Yeah well we weren't in love then."

She thinks we're in love?

"And we're in love now?"

"Don't change the subject."

"You brought up the subject."

"The point is when it came right down to it, you couldn't trust me. For all your fancy talk about love and trusting me with your heart and soul you couldn't do it. You would rather believe I killed someone then trust that I might actually try and save army boy's life."

"But I still love you. Even when I thought you killed Riley I still loved you."

"Well it's too bad I couldn't feel it because I sure as hell didn't see it in your eyes."

"I know and I'm sorry. God, how many times do I have to apologize?"

"How about none, cause you don't really mean it? I saw the hatred in your eyes. Things would've been so much easier for you if I had done it wouldn't it? Then you could've made me the villain like you always do."

She starts to walk away but I stop her.

"What the hell was I supposed to think? I found you over the body, hands covered in blood. What am I supposed to think?"

She looks at me and after a second it's like something dawns on her.

"I get it... I see what this is. NOW we're getting to the truth."

What?

"No Faith I..."

"Hell you're expecting it. Why else would the thought of me saving someone never enter your twisted little head?"

"I trust you Faith, I really do."

Why is she saying these things?

"No, you don't... How could you? Everyone you've ever been with has betrayed you. You gave it up to Angel and he went psycho, Scott Hope dumped you, Riley betrayed you when he wanted to lock me up and throw away the key which now I'm thinking wasn't the worst idea in the world."

"So?"

"So maybe I'm not the only one who has trouble trusting people."

"Maybe I do. Maybe we both have things we have to work on but we can work on it together that's what people in relationships do. They work together through their problems..."

"Yeah, right before the yelling and the fighting and the name calling and oh yeah the breaking up. Course now that I think about it we've already done the whole yelling and fighting thing, why don't we just skip step 3 and go straight to breaking up?"

I can't let her do this.

"No, I won't let you break up with me."

She backs off a bit and my feet feel like they have lead in them.

"Who said you had a choice?"

"Faith I get why you're angry I really do, if I were in your place I'd probably feel the same way. But breaking up with me isn't gonna make our feelings go away, and it's certainly not gonna change the fact that we're going to have to deal with these issues sooner or later."

"Maybe not but it might make me feel better."

She starts to walk away and I start to cry.

"Go ahead then, break up with me."

"Okay then we're broken up."

"Just don't expect me to stop loving you, because that will never happen."

My vision gets blurry as I start to cry but I manage to make out her stopping a few seconds to look back at me before leaving.

What do I do? How do I make this right? Tara... she helped me before, maybe she can help me get Faith back. I'll, I'll go see her. Willow said she stayed home, I'll go see her and she'll make everything better.

End of Chapter 80