Seventh Horcrux Omakes! (a fun mix of snippets and my rambles)

First Year: A Dream Come True

I shuffled my feet. "Erm, as long as we're down here, I wanted to ask about my summer living arrangements. I can't go back to the Dursleys. I-I might kill them."

"Surely you're exaggerating," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling.

"No," I insisted, glancing at Quirrel's smoking corpse. "You misunderstand. I might actually murder them."

He stared at me gravely. "You aren't allowed to use magic over the summers, Harry."

I looked him dead in the eye and pushed some absolutely fascinating images to the front of my mind. "You think I need magic to kill? Muggles kill each other all the time. They've practically made an art form out of it. Besides, I live in the same house as the Dursleys. Eventually, they'll sleep. Oh, they'll sleep…"

"…and that's why I'm staying in the castle this summer," I finished smugly.

Hermione blinked, "Harry, sometimes you really scare me."

I smirked. "Aw, you're just jealous that I get to spend two extra months in the library."

Hermione denied it, but I knew the truth.

Anytime: Cognitive Dissonance

"Hermione, are you trying to imply that I can't believe two things at once? I find that offensive."

Hermione frowned. "Harry, no one can. That's a sign of insanity."

Author's Musings:


The treatment of Severus Snape in canon is…weird. He spends an inordinate amount of time tormenting children and generally being nasty to everyone he meets. But then he turns out to be on the right side of the war so INSTANT REDEMPTION.

The fan fiction community is split between wanting to punish him for being such a bastard and making him earn that redemption by becoming a somewhat likable person.

In Seventh Horcrux, Severus is actually fairly likeable. He's still a jerk, but he's mainly shown being a jerk to Harry who is equally jerkish back and, depending on your view, may be twice Snape's age. When Harry asserts that Snape is his rival, Hermione doesn't argue with him.

Additionally, Severus gets to spend the rest of his life in his own personal hell, surrounded by people he despises: Harry, Harry's girlfriend, Sirius Black, Dumbledore's portrait, and Volde-Hat. Of course, as Dumbledore constantly asserts, it's possible he secretly likes them…

Author's Musings:

Sirius Business

It just occurred to me that I accidentally parodied myself.

Once upon a time, I planned to make a fic in which everyone's misconceptions about Sirius in Third Year were spot on. He was the spy, tricking everyone, betraying the Potters, and now out for revenge against Harry Potter (making him the perfect candidate for the DADA position, come to think of it). This Sirius, despite being a vicious Death Eater, would have the exact same personality as in canon. After all, being a villain doesn't mean being a drag, right?

In this fic, everyone assumes that silly Sirius Black is an evil Death Eater, and he totally rolls with it while pranking evildoers along the way.

Third Year: The Infamous Sirius Black

Black had stolen my wand. The Great Lord Voldemort had been felled by an Expelliarmus and, soon, he would be vanquished by his own deranged follower. Perhaps the Horcrux would push me into another body, but, right now, the only available options were my only competent minion, a fugitive, and the Weasley.

I had invested far too much into this life to become a Weasley.

I had to reveal my true identity. My voice shook. "Wait! Before you kill me, there's something I need to tell you – "

Black interrupted, "I'm not going to kill you. I could never kill you, Harry."

I blinked in surprise. I probably shouldn't have pressed my luck, but I always was curious. "Wait. You are Sirius Black, right? The vengeful, unhinged Death Eater who betrayed my parents and exploded some Muggles?"

"I was framed."

"Oh. That's nice. Never mind about what I was going to say before, then."

Third Year: Bloody Gryffindors…

"You should have realized," Lupin said quietly, "if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Good-bye, Peter."

"I'll kill him!"

Everyone turned to me in shock. "What? You can't do that," Lupin argued.

"He killed my parents. I get dibs," I said.

"You're only thirteen, Harry. Leave this to us" - Sirius flashed a feral smile - "We'll handle this."

I snorted. "Like there's an age limit on murder. Really, you're a Black. I thought you'd know better than that. Now, move aside, I've just discovered this absolutely delightful cutting curse and I'd like to put it to good use."

Lupin said, "This is wrong. We should turn him in."

"Fine," Black reluctantly agreed. "I guess I'd rather not do this in front of Harry, anyway. We'll take the rat to Dumbledore, and he will be Kissed."

They nodded and shook hands.

I stifled a whine. This was what I hated about Gryffindors. They always turned a perfectly good murder into some sort of moral lesson. At this rate, I'd never make that new Horcrux.

"Scabbers, er, Pettigrew's gone." the Weasley said. Apparently, while Lupin and Black had been making friends and sharing epiphanies, my ex-informant had scurried off into the night.

"This never would have happened if you'd let me murder him."

Third Year: Happy Memories

"Harry? How did you summon that Patronus?" Hermione was referring to the silvery snake I'd unleashed upon a crowd of dementors to save her, Black, and me. Mostly me.

Many people believe that someone as evil as Lord Voldemort could never use such powerful light magic. However, a Patronus is generated from a happy memory, not a nice one. My happiest memories just happen to involve a lot of blood.

"I defeated Lord Voldemort. I can do anything."

She rolled her eyes. "Right, sure, now tell me how you really did it."

Sometimes I hate having clever minions.

I shrugged. "The school was besieged by dementors. I wanted to protect myself."

"And you didn't tell me?" she whined, eyes big and tearful. It was scary how good she was getting at manipulating people. I suspect I may be a bad influence.

Oh well.

"What about that time turner of yours? You didn't tell me that you had control over the very fabric of reality. We could have done such glorious things…" I said.

"That's exactly why I didn't tell you," she said with a smirk.

Oh, she was evil…

Fifth Year: Career Success

(In the first draft of the Department of Mysteries break-in, Ron was dragged off after being mistaken for Percy, leading to…)

Hermione glanced around the Ministry, as if expecting an alarm to go off at any moment. "We're getting Ron now, right?"

I smirked. "I don't know why we would. He's got a cushy Ministry job now. He's doing better than either of us."

"Y…You're joking right?"

"I should think that would be obvious."

She shrugged. "Well, if it was anyone else, it would be. But, when we first became friends, I thought you had a really dark sense of humor. Then I got to know you and wasn't sure you knew what jokes were. So this is a nice surprise."

Fifth Year: It's Ruined Forever!

"I feel pretty good about how that went," I said, "even if I did just ruin the House Cup forever."

Hermione wrinkled her brow. "What do you mean?"

"Now, everyone knows that anyone can give or take points."

Hermione said, "Harry, no one knows that. Is that true, or are you doing that weird argument thing again?"

"No, I legitimately had no authority to do that. I don't think the Inquisitorial Squad did, either."

"Oh," she said weakly. "So it's completely run on the honor system, then?"

I shrugged. "Presumably. You shouldn't tell anyone, though, or it will ruin the House Cup forever."

"I'll keep that in mind," Hermione said, clearly scheming about how to use this information to her advantage.

Anytime: Perfectly Natural

I said, "Who do you trust more: Me or Ron?"

"Ron," Hermione said.

I nodded. "Exac…Wait, Ron? You came to that conclusion surprisingly quickly considering he is an idiot."

"Ron is not an idiot," she said. "He's simply immature, which is perfectly natural for someone his age."

"Mione, we're the same age," Ron said.

"Quiet, Ron."

I smirked. "As a Department of Mysteries employee, she's probably in her mid to late thirties –"

"Quiet, Harry."

Fifth Year: Grey!Indy!Harry or Luna Reads Fanfiction

Luna flagged me down, asking, "Harry, when you were younger, did you realize that everyone was secretly manipulating you, and that the only way you could survive to adulthood was if you forged your own, independent path? And could you only do that by becoming dangerous through illegal potions and time turner abuse?"

"No. I would have liked to do that, but Hermione is selfish," I explained. It really was a pity. We could have been great…well, greater.

Luna nodded with sympathetic understanding. "I see."

"How'd you come up with that one?" I asked.

"You publically denounce Dumbledore a lot, and you keep mentioning how you're neutral against Voldemort…which I think makes you a Grey Wizard."

I frowned. "I'm not familiar with the term."

"Now and again, one of them emerges to destroy both the Dark and Light Lords, restoring balance to the world. But, mostly, they don't do very much. We had an article about them in last month's Quibbler."

(P.S. Luna couldn't appear in the Epilogue because she had to move on to her next fanfic, where she joins a harem and acts incredibly out of character. It's a little embarrassing, but, hey, it's a living.)

Author's Musings:


Seventh Horcrux stuck to canon pairings primarily because this is not a shipping fanfic, so a strong romance would have seemed fairly derailing.

However, there are other reasons that certain ships didn't occur.

Hermione is a tertiary main character, behind only Harry and Voldemort in terms of narrative weight. This leads to extra character development and the screen time necessary to bond with a character - always good in a love interest.

However, Harry and Hermione take turns being each other's mentor/parental figure. They're constantly in teacher mode, explaining why this is so or why that is irrevocably evil (and why would you do that?!). While their friendship is bloody heartwarming, in my humble opinion, Harry sees Hermione as his young, evil apprentice and Hermione sees Harry as worryingly immature. As she puts it, "Harry doesn't even understand what being a girl means."

Hermione deserves a mature, adult relationship, and Harry could never, ever give her one of those.

There was also noticeable support on Spacebattles for the Harry/Luna ship (…Larrymort? Insanity Shipping?). I understand where this comes from: Harry shows legitimate concern about Luna's feelings and Luna is both curious about Harry and comes closest to recognizing his particular mess of issues.

However, it is worth noting that both characters are insane. Due to Harry's propensity for accepting the views of whoever he is speaking to at any given moment, he would soon adopt many of Luna's beliefs. Eventually, they would begin to orbit around each other's madness, spiraling deeper and deeper into outer space while the baffled citizens of Earth could only watch in confusion.

…Besides, can you imagine either of them having the interest or attention span required to start dating?

Sixth Year: Summer Vacation in Antarctica

It was a perfectly reasonable plan:

I'd been going in circles for weeks, and none of those circles were taking me anywhere near England. So I decided to go in one direction, south, until I hit the southernmost part of the world. From there, the only place I could go would be north.

Mind you, that just landed me in Canada. But at least that was the correct hemisphere.

Sixth Year: Negotiations

I surveyed the dementor floating in front of me. "Two victims for every minion you return with a soul."

It stared at me.

"You drive a hard bargain," I acknowledged. "Three."

Lucius frowned. "My lord, I don't think it speaks English."

I snorted. "I won't debase myself by using French. You deal with it."

I stalked off, leaving a rapidly-paling Lucius with the advancing dementor.

Author's Musings:


Harry believes himself to be a seventy-year-old man. So pursuing teenage girls is creepy.

Harry is Voldemort, a mass-murdering snake-dude and villain of the series. So pursuing teenage girls is creepy.

Harry is mildly insane, narcissistic, self-centered, expects to be pursued and wooed (not the pursuer and wooer) because he is clearly the desirable one, and is vaguely suspicious of all love-shaped feelings. So pursuing teenage girls is…incredibly out of character.

Suffice it to say, I realized fairly early on that the only way Harry would end up in a relationship was if he had zero involvement in the process.

Under the circumstances? It was either immortal bachelorhood or a…relationship is certainly the wrong word…with the ever-energetic and obsessively devoted Ginevra Weasley.

It's cute, in a creepy sort of way, and isn't that what Seventh Horcrux is all about?

I would also like to take a moment to contemplate our beta couple: Hermione and Ron.

While I didn't mind this ship in canon, the whole "opposites attract" thing always gives me a bad feeling. In this fic, however, they have a bit more in common. First and foremost, they've spent the past seven years bonding over their bizarre friend and how to keep him from dying in a trunk.

Additionally, they grew as characters. Hermione learned to loosen up, that authority figures are shockingly bad at everything in Magical Britain, and that genocide is not okay.

Ron, meanwhile, benefitted very much from Harrymort's existence. In canon, Ron's jealousy sprung from his belief that Harry had everything Ron wanted (money and fame) even though Harry was just an ordinary bloke, and then the guy had the gall to be ungrateful for it.

Harrymort, in contrast, is a genius who knows all these crazy spells and he clearly adores both attention and his (long-lost, Dumbledore-stolen) riches. Ron's jealousy is further lightened by the fact that Harry includes him in adventures that he really shouldn't be involved with. After all, Ron had his dozen chances with the Goblet of Fire, too.

There is no way that Ron can compete with Harry and Hermione, but, because they're his best friends, Ron at least attempts to keep up with them (though he gets no respect for this, on Harry's end). Even unintentional cruelty on Harry's part, such as the stunner thing and declaring Ron a Weasley werewolf, caused the redhead to improve himself and find new interests. He even becomes a Werewolf Rights Activist, a sure plus in Hermione's books.

Also, Hermione did get Ron eaten by a werewolf that one time, so she kind of owes him.

Sixth Year: Inside Luna's Head

Ginny just apologized for Harry. They're dating; she's been saying so for years. Only when he's out of the room, though, because he fears commitment. Clearly, boyfriends and girlfriends can apologize for each other's rudeness.

Hermione is being rude to me, so either she has to apologize or Ron does. After all, everyone knows they're together. Ginny's been saying so for years

Seventh Year: Poor Planning

Hermione gingerly stepped into the waterlogged house, the floorboards groaning underneath her. Shattered and water-stained pictures of a fat, blond boy littered the floor and glass had been banished to the corners. Several members of the Order of the Phoenix milled about the abandoned home, whispering in anxious clusters. A pink-haired woman walked towards Hermione, apparently tripping on thin air shortly before reaching her.

"Wotcher, Hermione."

Hermione smiled. "Good morning, Tonks. Do you know why we're here instead of the Burrow?"

The older girl shrugged. "Some sort of rescue mission."

Moody stomped over to Hermione, his peg leg sending worrisome shudders through the house. He glared at the space next to her. "Potter, why is your house destroyed?"

I said, "I haven't lived here in years."

"Your family moved?" he asked.

I shrugged. "They left after a flashflood. I've been living in a trunk."

Tonks gaped. "That Skeeter article was true?!"

The Weasley twins grinned, slinging their arms around my shoulders. "Harry, we came to rescue you –"

"–but it turns out that you weren't here to be rescued –" the second twin said.

"So why are you here now?" the first finished.

"Hermione mentioned an Order meeting. I was bored," I said.

Fleur Delacour flounced over. "Eet is fine. We came to rescue ze little boy, and he eez here. So we shall do zat."

Moody snorted. "Right. I've got the polyjuice here. We all turn into Potter and –"

"Wait, why would we all turn into someone they want to kill?" I asked. "That seems like a terrible idea."

"You've got a better suggestion, do ya?" Moody growled.

I said, "I leave under the cloak, and the rest of you wander off looking vaguely confused."

I smiled at their dumbfounded faces. They took direction easily, a clear sign that Dumbledore had trained his minions well.

Anytime: Various Reasons, Really

The problem with Wizarding Britain is that the people are afraid of change. That's why I, a man supporting many sensible yet liberal policies, faced so much resistance from the public:

Fear of change.

Also the murder…

A Fun Fact

Up until the final scene of Fourth Year, I hadn't decided if Voldemort would be identical to canon, meaning that Harry was a shoddy copy job, or if they would be exactly the same person. I'm immensely pleased with my decision.

Clap Your Hands if You Believe!

Voldemort, from a very young age, had an affinity to magic. This was because he never even considered the possibility that reality would refuse to bend to his will. That it cheerfully went on to obey his every command was…unfortunate for his development.

In contrast, Neville assumed that the world would actively sabotage everything he did. It was happy to oblige.

Childhood Habits

Picture this: A young boy enters the wizarding world. He is cunning, ambitious, and unreasonably fond of snakes. One day, that boy will grow up to be a snake. He is, you see, a shoo-in for Slytherin.

He also appears to be a mudblood.

He is never going to fit in, so he has to be better, smarter. Scarier.

He certainly can't be asking questions. That makes him look like an idiot and showcase his shameful, Muggle past. So the boy figures things out on his own.

But he can't get things right all the time. Despite his arrogance, he knows this. When someone says something that seems untrue, he assumes they know what they're talking about and rolls with it, going to insane lengths to prove that he knew it all along.

…this is how Harrymort ends up engaged to Ginevra Weasley.

Seventh Year: Confrontations

Mr. Granger exclaimed, "Erasing people's memories?! Is that the sort of thing you've been learning in that school of yours?"

"Um, no," Hermione murmured. "Hogwarts doesn't teach that, and I'm not even going there anymore. I left last summer."

The Grangers shared a concerned look. Mrs. Granger took a deep breath. "Sweetie, you know that we love you even though you dropped out of school, right? You didn't need to make us forget that we ever had a daughter. We're still proud of you."

Mr. Granger cleared his throat.

His wife said, "Maybe a little less proud, after this memory-erasing thing."

I could see Hermione's hand trembling, longing to grab her wand and obliviate them again. She would then repeat this conversation, again and again, until she found a scenario in which her parents accepted being murdered. This would presumably occur due to Oblivation-induced brain damage.

To resist her horrible impulse, Hermione jumped into my trunk and locked herself inside.

Romcom Trailer

*Funky music plays*

*The camera sweeps over the Great Hall*

She was a girl still longing for the boy who possessed her body

*Ginny Weasley walks through the halls, chatting with friends and casting longing looks in Harry's direction*


*Young Ginny stands in the Chamber of Secrets*

*The camera zooms in on the diary in her hands*

He was an Imperioed boy dodging love potions

*Harry pushes away his plate*

"Ginevra, did you put love potion in my eggs?"

And love

*Pan over the Gryffindor common room where Harry is gesticulating wildly*

"Eventually, you become nauseous the second you feel the effects of a love potion."

*Hermione frowns*

"So…anytime you feel love, then?"

Could one great journey

*Ginny dodges spells, throwing her own back at the enemy*

*Harry is invisible*

Bring them together?

"I would do anything for you."

*Ginny leans in to kiss Harry*

*Harry is invisible*

This Christmas

Will they be able to overcome their many…

"I command the Basilisk."

*A giant snake looms over Ginny*

many, many…

*Hermione groans*

*Harry is invisible*

"Harry, please take off the cloak."

MANY issues?

"Look, Ginny, we have enough Weasleys. I don't need the two of you stalemating."

*A single tear falls down Ginny's cheek*

"But I'm different from my brothers!"

A Very Harry Romance

Directed by: Rita Skeeter

*Ginevra is enjoying a picnic on the war torn Hogwarts grounds*

*Harry is invisible*

Author's Musings:

More Than Just Parseltongue…

In Third Year, Harry accuses Ginevra of being a Legilimens after she comments on his loud conversation about time travel. A few chapters later, I realized that I wrote her as one: She knows everyone's secrets and blithely responds to Harry's internal monologue.

Could Diary have left more behind than a few words of Parseltongue and a twisted worldview?

Dumbledore's Office, after the final battle:

"…so we were hoping that you could explain your master plan," I finished.

Dumbledore's portrait peered down at our expectant faces and exclaimed, "I'm even more baffled than you are!"

(It's all after the epilogue from here on out)

If I were to make a sequel to Seventh Horcrux, I would call it:

The Adventures of Rose Weasley

The Last Slytherin

The First Slytherin

The Only Slytherin

…I'm so Lonely

Yet Another Trailer

She was chosen

*The Sorting Hat's eyes widen*

"You are like me. You are…a SLYTHERIN!"

She faced her greatest fears

*Rose stares desperately into Harry Potter's eyes, a teacup clenched in her hands*

"Uncle Harry, what if I'm the only Slytherin because I'm the only student who's evil?"

She faced adversity

"Look, kid, we're the real Slytherins around here."

*An older Hufflepuff shoves Rose*

She faced isolation

*Rose Weasley stands up from her seat at the empty Slytherin table*

"SCREW THIS! I'm sitting with the Hufflepuffs."

But can Rose face…

*In the depths of the Lake, a merman's eye snaps open*

Her greatest challenge yet?

*Harry Potter paces his classroom*

"A merman drags you underwater…"

"Why?" a student asks.

"They want…"

*The camera pans over the Lake as creatures begin to surface*


*Music grows dramatic*

This summer

*Rose clutches her wand, eyes wide*

"Uncle Harry, why are we doing this?"

*Harry laughs*

"Because Neville is still in Albania!"

Join the adventure

*Rose gasps, taking a tentative step towards something we cannot see*

"Aunt Luna?"

The Adventures of Rose Weasley:

In Atlantis

*Hedwig's Theme Plays*

*The camera comes to rest atop the placid lake, Hogwarts towering above it*


An Unfortunately Typical History Class

"Um, Aunt Gi…I mean Professor Weasley?" Rose said softly.

The woman turned from staring dreamily at her left hand to staring dreamily at the wall behind Rose's head. Rose spent a moment convincing herself that that was a good thing. Aunt Ginny said, "Yes, Rose?"

There were a few titters from the Ravenclaws, and Rose felt a flash of indignation. Aunt Ginny had promised not to treat her differently from the other kids, yet here she was calling her by her first name. Rose stifled her frustration, however, because something was clearly very wrong. "Um, aren't you going to teach us history?"

Her smile widened to an unsettling size. "Who needs history? Last night was history. We should have a party!"

Rose looked around, but it seemed that the other students had left her alone to deal with her crazy aunt. "What happened?"

Aunt Ginny's elbows rested on the table, and she cupped her face in her hands. "Harry finally noticed me!"

"But you've been together forever," Rose said.

"I know! Nobody ever told him, though."

Rose's eye twitched. "You didn't –"

Aunt Ginny hopped from her seat and squealed, "We're engaged now!"

To the Dungeons with Ye!

I smoothed down the fabric of our couch, avoiding my mother's eyes. "Um, it's just…Sometimes, I feel like, on my first day, I was singled out and banished to the dungeons."

"And why do you feel that way?" Mum prodded.

I thought about it for a minute. "…Probably because I was sorted into an empty house and then banished to a lonely life in the dungeons. I mean, it's cool to have the space and everything, but it's kinda cold. Also, the common room gets all foggy, so I'm not really sure if it's safe to stay in there. But it's not like I can ask anyone because no one lives in the dungeons."

"The Puffs used to," Dad called from the kitchen.

I strained my neck to see him over the back of the couch. "Really? Why did they move, then?"

A voice echoed from the floo. "Because the castle wished to torment them, as is only natural."

I leapt from my seat, racing to the floo. "Uncle Harry!"

Hiring is Hard

"Rose," Uncle Harry said, "You have to remember that your professors may wish to kill you."

"W-what?" I squeaked. "Why?"

"You see, many of our current staff were hired when Voldemort conquered the school. No one was ever replaced, however, because it's very difficult to find good teaching staff."

I was pretty sure this was one of those times when I wasn't supposed to listen to my uncle. Mum always said that Uncle Harry lies a lot, but we shouldn't judge him for it because he doesn't usually know that he's lying.

Still, I didn't want to die, and Harry did know a lot about Dark wizards. "Really?"

Uncle Harry nodded. "Of course. Even I was hired by a Death Eater."

The Sorting Hat's New Song!

For those who are quite brave, or just wish to look cool,

The red and gold of Gryffindor is your place in this school.

And Ravenclaw tower, home of the birds,

Makes room for the mad and for the nerds.

For those who have no talent or simply feel divided,

If no one else will take you, then it's Hufflepuff decided.

Finally, there's Slytherin, who wanted Purebloods who were cunning and ambitious, but apparently eleven-year-olds don't usually have those qualities. So, mostly, he just got Purebloods, no matter how terrible. Fortunately, we have standards now.


The New Heiress of Slytherin

The newly-crowned Aunt Hermione Granger-Weasley, Dark Lady and Minister of Magic for the British Isles, smiled at my progeny. "She's adorable, Harry. What's her name?"

"Well, we decided that she needed a grand and terrifying title, much like Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. So I named her after all of my greatest enemies."

Ron Weasley, conman and former werewolf, gaped at my brilliance. "You WHAT?"

Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose. "What did you end up with?"

"Her name is Severus Albus Lily Luna Lord Voldemort Potter."

Ginevra smiled. "We call her Sally for short."

"That's as many syllables as she can remember," I said fondly.

Ginevra giggled, kissing me on the cheek and not minding in the least as I flinched away.

Hermione frowned and said, "How are your mother and Luna considered enemies?"

I shrugged. "They don't precisely fit the theme, but Ginevra insisted."

Although, Lily did slay me when I was a dark lord, and I'm pretty sure Luna tried to kill me once or twice.

Ron grinned. "We're real happy for you, mate."

"And we're always willing to watch her for a while," Hermione said, "since you're keeping an eye on Rose."

I nodded, pulling on my invisibility cloak. "Right, that reminds me. I should probably get back to Hogwarts and check on Rose's lair."

Hermione appeared concerned. "Her what?"

But it was too late. I was already gone.

Author's Musings:

A Paradigm Shift

Seventh Horcrux is the story of Harry and his similarly insane friends in the somewhat silly world of Hogwarts. They proceed to take over that world, becoming professors, explorers, and the reigning Dark Lady of…ehem, excuse me, Minister of Magic.

The majority of these characters are not responsible adults, yet they all end up incredibly influential.

Rose Weasley would be the story of a fairly sane girl in Harry's mad world.

Professor Black is so Unfair!

I don't think Professor Black likes me very much, which is weird because I've never talked to him. He only teaches Third Years and above, after all. I think it's because my parents were war heroes who killed the Dark Lord Voldemort, so being mean to me is a form of petty vengeance.

Scorpius thinks it's because I call him a Death Eater in public a lot.

I'm not sure why that would be a problem, though. Uncle Harry says that Professor Black is really proud to be a Death Eater, since he was Voldemort's right hand man.

Author's Musings:

Dealing with Draco

There's this really cool OC that pops up in a lot of HP fics. He's suave, snarky, handsome, a bit of a git, but super good-looking. For some reason, people keep calling him Draco Malfoy.

In canon, Draco is none of those things. He's whiny, spoiled, lacks willpower, rushes into dumb plans with a brashness that completely defies Slytherin claims of cunning, and fails at literally everything he tries. Sure, there's some hints of an angsty redemption arc, but he never does all that much. At the end, we get a vague impression that he's okay now for an ill-defined reason…a lot like Snape, actually.

The way I see it, there are three ways to deal with Draco in fanfics:

1) Just swap him out for cool-guy OC up there.

2) Make him a total git. This is probably closer to canon than the previous option, but it strays into bashing way too easily.

3) My preferred method: Try to keep Draco as close to canon as possible, then give him some vague redemption primarily in the background. Do not take this redemption, or Draco in general, seriously.

Scorpius Malfoy: Bringing Shame upon the Malfoy Name

"You've got to" – I tripped over a flagstone – "slow" – my shoulder smacked a wall – "down!"

Scorpius Malfoy abruptly did so, dropping the arm he'd been dragging me by as he pushed me into an abandoned classroom (a weirdly common thing at Hogwarts). He turned to the door, casting several charms to protect against nosy passersby.

"What's up with you today?" I huffed.

He hurried towards me. Wide, grey eyes stared into mine from way-too-close a distance. Finally, he whispered, "You can't tell my father about this."

"O…kay," I said.

He peered around the classroom, as if afraid of invisible eavesdroppers. This was ridiculous, of course. Uncle Harry had a class that period. "I think I'm a Hufflepuff."

I stared at him. "You're just noticing this now? It's been two months, Scorp, and I've seen your dorms. They're, like, bright yellow."

Scorpius groaned, leaning back and out of my personal space. "Not like that. I mean…I don't think that I'm one of the Slytherin Hufflepuffs. I might just be one of the Hufflepuff Hufflepuffs."

I gasped. "No."

"I mean, I'm not really ambitious or anything. Father's always talking about how I should aspire to be some great politician, but I'm cool with just coasting by on my money and good looks."

I raised an eyebrow. "What good looks?"

"I'm a Malfoy!" Scorpius tilted his head up arrogantly, but all it did was emphasize his pointy chin and too-long neck.

"…anyway, I don't think being lazy is a very Hufflepuff trait, either," I pointed out.

Scorpius's head fell so quickly that I almost expected a snap or crack to accompany the motion. "Uh, maybe I'm one of the leftovers?"

Wincing, I put a hand on his shoulder. "Scorp, don't say stuff like that."

Tea and Emotional Crises

"What if I'm the only Slytherin because I'm the only student that's evil?" I asked, wide eyes staring up at my uncle.

He chuckled. "Rose, if being evil were the only thing necessary to get into Slytherin, it would be the largest house."

I bit my lip, a frown furrowing my brow. "Huh. That makes me feel better about myself but worse about everything else."

Uncle Harry ruffled my hair. "Good, that means you're growing up."

That made me feel even worse.

A/N: It's been fun, guys.

For any Naruto fans out there: You might want to give me a follow. The future holds silly things for you...