Author Note: Be afraid, very afraid. Yes, the ever-so-sexy Dark is in this story and yes, the sexual tension in this story is roughly equivalent to all the sexual frustration of every living teenager of the world combined with the loathing of librarians for people who muss up those neat little cards they keep filing. Basically, Dark and Daisuke are on one of their usual trips when things get a little… interesting…
And for my own amusement I fiddled with the characters a little so don't say I didn't warn you about the OOC-ness.
* cackles evilly *
Disclaimer: I'm not worthy enough to own D N Angel, but I can dream…
::blah, blah, blah:: Daisuke "mind-speaking"
:blah, blah, blah: Dark "mind-speaking"
=blah, blah, blah= Satoshi "mind-speaking"
-blah, die Daisuke, blah- Krad "mind-speaking"
* * * * *
One of Those Days
Dark Mousy, ever-so-sexy-and-wonderful kaitou extraordinare was busy looting a museum –thank you very much– to realize that today, or rather tonight, was going to be the most interesting night in the last 100 years (not, of course, counting the "With-running-through-a-carrot-farm" experience). Dark didn't even pause to shudder at that particular nightmare and made a mental note to himself to never take the so-mentioned white rabbit-like creature anywhere near a farm, or any place serving vegetables and the like, ever, again.
Dark had been spending the last couple of minutes browsing through the museum non-chalently. It wasn't like that creepy blue-haired bastard wouldn't eventually meet him on his way out. Some cheesy plot line or another always allowed the so mentioned bastard to through him off a roof, jump him from the shadows, or reenact a very Spiderman-like move with the help of ropes, chains and a cupcake (not necessarily in that order).
So, Dark had decided that he would just walk through the front door (instead of climbing through a dusty vent), walk around the museum for a bit (instead of running an impressive 700-meter dash), and calmly look at all that "modern-art" crap that the papers were always talking about (instead of stealing the art-piece he was supposed to be in the building for). So far, he'd only had to knock out a few very confused guards and had avoided the hunting parties of women that lurked in the shadows ready to grope him if he passed by.
Needless to say, almost everyone in the museum was happy; the guards got to catch up on extra sleep, the ravenous and horny women got to stare at the sexy kaitou, the kaitou himself got to explore a bit and so on and so forth. Well, almost everyone was happy; only one, very miserable teenage boy was not in, shall we say, the best of spirits.
:: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrkkkkk,:: the horrified figure in the back of the kaitou's mind sobbed, ::You idiot! We're supposed to be stealing not power-walking. Daaaaark! Pleeaaaaase, let's just get the thing and go! I don't want to be slammed into the ground again. Why are you walking up these stairs? You just passed the artifact! Daaaaarrrrkk!!!!!::
:Wow, these walls are a really soothing color of yellow… I wonder if Emiko-chan will let us paint your room this color…:
There was a long and audibly scrutinizing pause on the small Niwa's part while he wondered when Dark had started to use such a friendly term for his own mother. Then he thoughtfully considered Dark's sudden interest in interior decorating and decided then and there with a rather firm and staunch nod that his counterpart was, indeed, insane and very much so.
:Oh will you just relax Daisuke? It's not like anything bad will happen to us.:
Daisuke decided not to make the obvious comment about "knocking on wood" and decided instead to hold out on breaking into tears at the thought of Hiwatari-kun sneaking up behind the bemused thief and dragging him away to prison. He also tried very hard not to sniff or cower or burst into tears again.
Dark never seemed to understand why going to prison was so bad and even though Daisuke had tried to drill the idea of having his family sent away for life into Dark's skull it never seemed to penetrate his counterpart's thick skull, or, love for chocolate. Daisuke, after that incident, decidedly given up on trying to make Dark realize his point of view since it was one of the universes complete impossibilities. It fit in quite nicely with convincing Hiwatari-san to get a PC instead of using that old ratty typewriter or a rather vain attempt at fixing his hair. Instead, Daisuke decided with a weary nod that maybe he should be more like Dark and go take a nap in the deeper recesses of their mind where thoughts of jail, Satoshi, and being cuffed using the former with the latter couldn't invade his private thoughts.
Daisuke avoided the loud hoot of laughter followed by Dark's thoughts on the topic and decided that he had enough verbal, or rather mental, abuse for the day. He also decided he'd have to learn where Dark got all those sexual references from and whether he should question the book on Karma Sutra about the ceaseless "suggestions" Dark had for him.
Dark blanched a bit when he heard Daisuke mention "Karma Sutra". It was not something that he ever expected to come from his counter-part's lips. He then reflected that with the ceaseless sexual education tapes that Emiko-chan forced Daisuke to watch probably influenced the younger boy's mind a little too much. But still, that didn't stop him from his badgering.
:Well, well, Daisuke! I didn't even know you liked that creepy bastard in that way! I do admit though, he has very nice eyes, and chest, and legs and I'm sure he'd be a rather interesting experience with his whole handcuff fetish...:
::Oh, shut up you horny bastard.:: Daisuke replied in a very un-Daisuke-like fashion before storming off muttering dark –pardon the expression- threats under his breath vehemently.
Dark decided that it was time to do the ultimate "annoy Daisuke" thing, not that he didn't like Daisuke (far, far from that) it was just fun to see Daisuke become peeved and extremely angry (mainly because he looked so cute with his face all red and mind ready to snap) as opposed to all droopy and tearful (like the dwarves from Snow White which Emiko-chan had so thoughtfully made them watch during last Christmas). Dark, in all consideration, just wanted Daisuke to have a bit more self-esteem and he had a very "brilliant" plan in motion to ensure that Daisuke get that extra boost of self-esteem. If you know what we're talking about here…
Dark carefully removed his black leather boots and laid them down parallel to the door. With the agile grace of an Olympic gymnast he took three barreling steps and slid across the freshly waxed floor like a monkey in a puddle of grease.
::Dark! You idiiiiooooooooottttt! What are you trying to do? Fracture our spines? Break our NECKS?!:: The horrified teenager screamed some more as Dark proceeded to slide alone the floor giggling like a schoolgirl.
::Oh, the horror,:: Daisuke thought as he watched Dark grab his boots and head for the stairs, ::the horror of all horrors.::
There was a pregnant pause as Dark got ready for the jump.
There was a squeal of 'No! Dark don't jump!' from the kaitou's head.
There was a small and visibly frightened mouse slinking down the hall.
Dark didn't care very much and decided, while running towards the stair banister, that this was going to be just like it was in Mary Poppins.
* * * * *
Satoshi Hiwatari was in a fit of rage for perhaps the second time in all fifteen years of his existence. There was probably a very good reason for this fit, he just couldn't think of one at the moment; either that or he thought his current reason wasn't good enough, and trust Krad to know that it wasn't.
-You'd think that Dark would have more tact.- Krad replied to Satoshi's string of oaths.
"You'd think," Satoshi said out loud (all the while ignoring Krad) in a much more calm and cold voice than before, "That if someone says that they're going to steal an art piece at a certain allotted time, they'd show up at that time."
Krad only gave a ghostly smile in Satoshi's mind and whispered a million and seven ways to roast a Niwa, and Satoshi decided that for the first time in his life he actually agreed with the homicidal blonde. It wasn't like there weren't better things to do instead of waiting in the incredibly stuffy museum for a sluttish thief to show up. He could've been finishing his paper-clip pyramid! Or shining his handcuffs! Or stalking Niwa! (The last though was rebuked mainly because he spent his spare time stalking Dark who was also, technically, Niwa.)
But no… here he was, a fifteen year-old college graduate hunting for a thief who just so happened to be attached spiritually with a cute-red-head (his cute-red-head at that), never mind if the cute-red-head was another boy or not. Satoshi calmed at the thought of Daisuke smiling, Daisuke laughing, Daisuke pushed up against a wall visibly sweating and panicking… It was on these sort of days when his thoughts would go to this topic that Satoshi himself wanted to follow Dark's words and "remove the proverbial stick-up his ass" that was apparently preventing him from being a "normal" boy. Even if he loved the little redhead a lot he still wanted to murder him. If there was one thing he hated it was lack of punctuation. He was homicidal and ready for the kill. He would have gladly ripped off Dark's head for making him go through this hour-long wait (and then he'd have to right a report about sitting there waiting). Either that or kill Krad, whichever one took the least amount of his time away from his Niwa-kun.
Being with Krad had obviously affected the boy's head.
=It's been an hour and a half.= Satoshi said impatiently.
-I know.- Krad replied.
=I think an ass kicking is in store for that thief.=
-And what a fine ass it is.- Krad replied in an offhand way.
Satoshi decided to continue ignoring Krad. Krad decided to continue attempting, in a rather bored fashion, to seduce Satoshi.
That was the only clue Satoshi got before a messy black ball of leather clothes, pale skin, unruly long hair and purple eyes collided into his back.
He was so surprised by this act that he turned into Krad.
* * * * *
"Heeeeellllllllo sexy," Dark replied with a drunken air as he stroked Krad's hair, "I presume you got the message?"
"Are you kidding? I've been wondering when you'd send it. I've missed you." Krad replied truthfully as he slipped one arm around the thief's waist.
"Hmm, do you think creepy bastard and Daisuke'd mind if we shagged?" Dark asked before getting up and helping Krad to get up from his sprawled position on the well-waxed museum floor.
"I'm sure they wouldn't be too surprised…" Krad replied while they walked out of the museum and towards Satoshi's apartment or in particular, bedroom.
* * * * *
Satoshi Hiwatari, fifteen-year-old college graduate woke up with one hell of a headache. He was also, in the biggest understatement of the year, very surprised to find a redheaded pretty boy peering into his eyes upon his awakening.
"Dark explained the whole thing to me while we were flying down the museum stairs," Daisuke said as if that explained everything, "Apparently they've both been lonely for a while. Can't blame them."
Satoshi looked deeper into Daisuke's eyes. They looked, decidedly, very sated.
"If you move," Daisuke continued in a bored sleepy way, "I will hurt you, I'm very comfortable right now and I doubt my parents will be home today since they're on a trip. Dark's asleep."
The whole room lapsed into silence as the full intentions of this seemingly random remark sunk in.
"Yes?" Satoshi replied half-heartedly.
"Have you ever played 'Good Cop, Bad Cop'?" Daisuke's eyes were incredibly innocent as he spoke the words.
It took a little time for Satoshi to get the full implications of that comment and after thinking about it for a while all he could manage was a weak shake of his head.
"Do you want to?" Daisuke continued in a sly and very Dark fashion.
Satoshi could tell that it was going to be one of those days.
* * * * *
Satoshi rolled over panting. Who knew that Daisuke'd have so much energy?
Daisuke licked his lips like a cat that'd gotten into the cream and then blinked a few times before picking a discarded florist's card off the bed stand next to a pair of worn-out handcuffs.
Daisuke's eyes scanned the note briefly before cracking into a giant smile.
Satoshi decided that the best idea was to try to catch his breath and to forget sitting down anytime soon.
* * * * *
Haven't seen you in a long time. Perhaps you'd like to get together tonight? I think that our other selves could use some refrain from that teenage sexual frustration thing.
* * * * *
More Author Notes: That was so wrong on so many different levels of wrong-ness. Yet, I am not ashamed of the fact that I've butchered the characters, there has to be a few echi fanfics here and there. I also leave the more interesting parts to your imagination.
Krad: Wohoo…I get laid!
Dark: You bet you do you creepy bastard!
Reviews are like TV shows, you can never get sick of them.
11/22/02: Re-did some of it and fixed a few things.