I don't really know why I'm writing this. I never write like this. Mama always said it helped her to keep a diary, but I don't think she's right. I just gotta tell somebody this. I can't tell Clyde, 'cause he's the problem. Well, mostly. And if I tell Mama, she'll be so angry. Clyde already told me that we are not telling Buck and Blanche. So, as of now, I don't have anyone to tell all this to. So I'm going to write it down.
He got so mad at me when I told him. I had it planned out a little more carefully, but I just sorta blurted it out. He hasn't stopped yelling at me since last night. All these awful things, and he keeps accusing me over and over again. He says it's my fault, not his. I'm the one to blame, not him. Not both of us. He didn't let me go with him today, either. He keeps talking about Ted, too. Says it's his, and all that.
So now Clyde's gone, and I'm supposed to stay here and think of a way out of this whole mess.
I'm not going to get rid of my baby, though. That's what he wants. He went so far as to tell me that it be better for the baby if I had an abortion, that way it wouldn't be in any danger. I'm not doing that. I never really thought too much about having kids, but I guess it's a little too late for that. They never fit in with my stupid dream about being a movie star. I never really thought I'd have them.
But I never really thought I'd be a criminal, either.
But I am still keeping the baby. I don't know what to do with it after it's born. I guess I got six months to think about that.
Clyde always likes to brag that nothin' scares me. But I am kinda scared. Scared for the baby, and myself, and for me and Clyde. If I insist on keeping the baby, is he gonna leave me? I've already told him that babies are living things, and humans, not something you can just get rid of. He tells me gals in West Dallas did it all the time. I wonder if he ever got any other girl pregnant.
You should have heard all the terrible things he said to me. First, he accused me of just trying to get attention. Then he said me and Ted were havin' an affair behind his back, and that the baby was Ted's, instead of his. Well, I haven't seen Ted Hinton in six months, not since we left West Dallas. And even if I had, I wouldn't ever sleep with him. He more or less asked me to more than a few times, but I never loved him enough to do it. Maybe in grade school, I had a tiny crush on him. But that's about it. Certainly not now, with him hounding me all the time.
But I love Clyde, and I know he loves me. I don't want this baby to come between us.
Okay, so, I planned to do a slightly more realistic take on a Bonnie and Clyde story about them having a baby. I've got a lot planned out already, and a bunch of completely AU ideas. So let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!