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Author's note: These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).


Whoever conceived this was completely out of their mind.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I really liked the not-having-to-fight-bad-guys-every-two-steps bit. It was the "jump this way and you have a platform", "jump this way and you don't" part that I was having trouble with.

If that were the only issue, it might not have been noteworthy. It probably wouldn't have caused me even a moment's pause. Despite my hatred for all things high, I've been jumping around for decades chasing Bowser – and that makes me sound a bit old.

Needless to say, I was starting to feel my age, dodging spikes while doing sideways backflips. I suppose that might have been part of the issue – I was downright tired. Absolutely exhausted from the adventure to that point, I was ready for a good old-fashioned nap, but didn't have the time to take one.

So on I went, jumping and flipping, hoping that one of the sensors tracking my movements didn't malfunction and not fire off whatever mechanism made the walls and floors move. Or, worse, make it fire off the wrong way.

Stopping for a breather, I actually found myself doubling over. I hadn't realized I was quite that out of shape. Having that thought made me look down at my belly and grimace. I stood up, bending backwards and stretching the kinks from my spine before leaning against the wall next to me. At least, I had thought there was a wall there, but when I went to rest my arm on it, it had vanished.

I paced for a moment, not entirely sure what I could have done to make the wall move since I hadn't done any jumping. Feeling another kink in my back, I stretched backwards once more... And the wall re-appeared. I could have slapped my forehead with my palm for as stupid as I felt. Though it was nice to know that the sensors were responsive to my movements, I worried that they might be a tad too sensitive. Reading a stretch as a jump could be detrimental to my health if it were the floor that were to vanish because of it.

Shrugging as I limbered up a bit, I pressed onward, more aerial acrobats getting me to the next place I could rest. I stumbled back a bit when I realized there were spikes on the ground where I had intended to land. Thankfully my rotund midsection didn't cause me to tumble in the wrong direction, and I was able to keep my footing.

Unfortunately, those sensors read my balancing act as a back bend. I closed my eyes when I heard the mechanisms fire that moved the walls out toward me. Raising a hand to pinch the bridge of my nose, I didn't even bother to move out of the way as the walls extended, pushing me from the narrow platform.

For a brief moment I considered the mechanics of a cartoon pinwheel, of flailing my arms and running in place in a desperate attempt to defy gravity. Feeling the wind rush past me as I fell and the force of the gravity well as I was pulled toward the black hole, I simply crossed my arms in resignation.

My last thought as I neared the void was that motion sensors are evil.