I finally got off my ass and did some work XD
*whispers* (this chapter is slightly longer than usual, keyword slightly
Had to rewrite a few times and im still not happy TnT
But anyway Merry Christmas to you all! \
I just want to thank you guys SO MUCH for sticking around
I'm so lucky to get readers who can put up with a stupid writer like me TTuTT
So thanks guys XDDD
And for those who also read my other fanfic Temptations
I have edcided to make a double release!
So the next chapter of that is out too :3
For what its worth
Enjoy chapter 13~~~
Kageyama's eyes flickered open to reveal blurry shapes of colour moving about over him and muffled noises and sounds lined with worry and relief. He blinked wearily, slowly clearing up his vision.
"W-where am I…?" Kageyama barely managed to choke out. His throat felt unbelievably dry, each breath, each swallow, each movement created painful friction as though his throat had been rubbed raw with sandpaper.
A bright yellow ray of light flowed through the polished glass window beside him, soaking him in a comfortable warmth. It reminded him a little of someone. He let his thoughts wonder elsewhere, until they were rudely interrupted by a large shadow casting over him.
Kageyama came face to face with an unknown man and he scrunched up his face in disdain. Who was this man? Then a familiar face popped into view. Sugawara-san? What was he doing here? Rather where was he exactly? No one appeared to have answered his earlier query.
"Kageyama! Are you ok? Do you feel sick anywhere?" Sugawara sputtered.
"Where am I?" Kageyama questioned again.
Surprisingly, it was not Sugawara who had answered, but rather the unknown man wearing what looked like a lab coat.
"Kageyama-san, you are currently at a hospital," Dr. Saito answered. "I am the doctor who has been put in charge of you for your stay here."
Kageyama raised an eyebrow, come to think of it he did recall collapsing and pandemonium in the gym before his mind blanked out.
"H-how long have I been asleep for?" Kageyama asked cautiously.
"Roughly three days."
Three days!? Was he trying to say that he had missed out on volleyball practice for three days straight? This was pathetic. He needed to go back and immediately begin practicing. There was a tournament coming up what was he doing for goodness sake.
Kageyama slowly pushed himself up and off the bed, his arms struggling under the weight, before a strong wave of nausea swept over him, forcing him to collapse back onto the mattress.
"You shouldn't move around too much," Dr. Saito said gently, "we'll keep you in the hospital for another two to three days to allow you to rest. Then you will be free to go. However, we recommend that you do not partake in any physically or mentally straining activities for an additional week."
What was he saying! He had a tournament to prepare for! He needed to practice!
Kageyama pushed himself up again with even more difficulty than earlier. However this time he was pushed back down by Sugawara.
"You heard him," Sugawara warned in his motherly tone. "No volleyball. You're to stay here until you are discharged.
Kageyama fought against Sugawara's grip but in his weakened state, his strength was no match and so he eventually gave up.
"Good," Sugawara smiled. He picked up Hinata's envelope from off the floor where it had fallen in Kageyama's previous struggles.
"Here," Sugawara said grinning, holding out the crumpled letter to Kageyama. "It's a letter from Hinata. You should read it."
Kageyama stared at the plain envelope in his team mate's hand in confusion. He glanced back up and Sugawara and wondered if it was really Hinata who had written it.
Sugawara laughed. "Don't worry, Hinata wrote this of his own accord, I haven't even seen it yet!"
Kageyama warily reached out and took the envelope. Hinata? Letter? That idiot was terrible with words. He had a feeling this was not going to pan out well.
Kageyama tore open the seal and pulled out a rather crumpled sheet of notebook paper. He made a quick scan over its contents and instantly recognized Hinata's messy scrawl of a handwriting. Guess Sugawara wasn't lying after all.
If you're reading this, that's great! Means you've woken up and maybe you're out of the hospital already! You'll be able to play volleyball again right?
Dumbass. Kageyama thought. Of course he was going to keep playing volleyball. That goes without saying.
Listen, I know that recently things weren't exactly going well between us though it never has been, and I just wanted to apologize for shouting at you.
You know, you're actually a really nice person Kageyama and I'm really surprised that I haven't said anything about it before. You've given me so much. Even though I hated your guts so much when we first met and I still hate them now, I hate admitting this but you gave me my confidence back.
You gave me a new way to fight, you opened up the sky for me with that one toss. I always loved the GWAH and PAH feeling that your tosses gave me and I really don't know why I've never thanked you before for it.
Kageyama scoffed. Trust Hinata to use sound effects even in his own writing. It felt really cheesy too. Where was Hinata trying to go with this?
So thank you. Thank you for everything you've done. For tossing to me, for putting up with me and for just staying with me in general.
And I'm kinda an asshole aren't I? Not repaying back anything at all. All I'm good for is mooching off you and never giving anything back.
Dumbass, it should be the other way around. Kageyama thought. There were so many things Hinata had given him. Hinata had taught him the very essence of volleyball, how could that ever be nothing? Not to mention that Hinata was probably Kageyama's only friend, not that he would ever admit it of course.
I regret it so much. Not being able to help you at all. Even the fact that you collapsed was my fault. I don't know if the doctor told you anything about it yet, but there were so many things you were dealing with all at once and I just had to come along and make everything worse.
So I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever yelling at you, sorry for ever making you angry. Sorry for everything bad I've done to you.
Kageyama wrinkled his eyebrows. Hinata apologizing? Never. Well at least not when hes in a position where Kageyama couldn't hurt him. This wasn't like him at all. Kageyama didn't like where this was heading.
Yet you've still put up with me, kept playing volleyball with me, kept making me invincible. And I don't really deserve any of it really. All I've done is chucked what you've given me back at your feet, taking everything for granted.
Kageyama, I don't deserve to play volleyball with you.
No. Hinata was not saying this. There was no way Hinata would write something like this.
When you get back to school, or maybe you're already back, you'll continue playing volleyball in the Karasuno Men's Volleyball Club. You'll keep making that amazing set for our your amazing quick.
Your? What happened to our? Kageyama's hands were beginning tremble and he struggled to continue reading.
You'll be amazing like you've always been! I just know it! You'll take the team to Nationals this year for sure! You'll kick the Grand King's ass and knock that Shiratori guy's stupid title off his stupid head! It'll be great!
You, you, you. Everything was you. It was making Kageyama sick. The sentences were becoming erratic and messy like Hinata had been really excited when he was writing the letter. But in Kageyama's retrospect, it all seemed so forced.
Kageyama noticed that the ink on the paper was a little smudged for this point on.
You'll find someone way better than me! Someone who is ten times better! Someone who you don't have to worry about their shitty receives or their weak ass serves. You'll find someone who can do all of those things and also be able to match with you! You won't need me anymore haha! Somehow that makes me feel a little lonely.
But that's ok because you'll still be fine.
Kageyama's stomach flipped and he felt like puking. No. NO. Kageyama needed Hinata to be by his side. Didn't Hinata say that they would fight on the same stage? What happened to that? What happened to their promise? He wouldn't be fine at all! He didn't care that Hinata's receives sucked and that he served into the back of his head. Kageyama knew he wouldn't be able to find someone like Hinata anywhere else in the world. And even if he could, there was no way he would look for them.
Kageyama needed Hinata. No. Hinata can't leave volleyball, can't leave him.
Thank you for everything Kageyama. Even if it didn't seem like it, I really enjoyed the time I spent with you. Thank you so much.
And sorry. Sorry for all the trouble I've caused, sorry for being useless, sorry for breaking our promise.
Sorry for everything.
I guess this is goodbye.
Kageyama stared at the letter in his hand, still processing exactly what he had just read. There was no way right? This must be just some kind of bad joke on Hinata's part right?
Hinata wouldn't leave him. He promised, promised that they would fight on the same stage.
But the truth sunk in and wedged itself deep in Kageyama's heart, chilling him to the bone. He felt his throat tighten and his fists tighten, scrunching up the flimsy paper in his hand.
"Kageyama?" Sugawara asked, failing to snap Kageyama from his train of thought.
Where was Hinata going to go after this? Was he going to leave and play another sport? Was he going to become like Asahi-san? No! Hinata had to go to nationals with him! Kageyama wasn't going to let something precious slip away from him again.
"Kageyama?" Sugawara asked again placing his hand on Kageyama's shoulder. "What's wro—"
"NO!" Kageyama growled pushing himself off the bed. "Where's Hinata that fucking dumbass! I'm going to punch some sense into that little—"
"No! Kageyama you have to rest!" Sugawara yelled back, barely keeping Kageyama's sudden outburst down.
Hearing the commotion from outside, Tanaka, Nishinoya and Daichi rushed in.
"Let me see Hinata that fucking idiot! Where is he!?" Kageyama shouted in desperation.
"Help me keep him down guys!" Sugawara hissed.
Tanaka, Nishinoya and Daichi wavered a little, unsure of the situation, but followed Sugawara's command nonetheless.
Kageyama fought and struggled, flailing his arms and legs around, trying to get out from underneath his team mates.
"Let me see Hinata! That fucking dumbass! Let me see that little shit! How dare he do this to me! Let me see him!" Kageyama screamed, over and over again.
The IV drip connected to his left forearm was ripped out and the stand carrying the fluid was knocked over in the scuffle, alarming the nurses who were walking by who also came in to help.
Eventually, Kageyama tired out due to having very low stamina and they managed to pin him down. Dr. Saito asked if he should remain in the room should anything pop up again but Sugawara kindly asked him to leave and give them a little privacy.
Dr. Saito seemed hesitant on possibly risking the chances of Kageyama lashing out again, but decided to leave them to their own devices.
"Hinata… Hinata can't do this…" Kageyama whispered, his voice hoarse and scratchy from his excessive yelling.
Sugawara sighed, scratching his hair. "The letter was about that wasn't it?"
Tanaka and Nishinoya tilted their heads, puzzled, but Daichi visibly winced.
"I guess we really should have taken a look at that letter first…" Daichi muttered, shaking his head.
"What are you guys talking about?" Nishinoya questioned with Tanaka earnestly nodding his head beside him.
Sugawara and Daichi exchanged worried looks.
"I suppose they have the right to know," Daichi sighed.
"Ok, I want you guys to listen very carefully to what we're about to say," Sugawara warned. "And that means no interruptions!" he added quickly after seeing the opening mouths of the second years in front of him.
"Hinata…" Daichi began, clearly hesitating. "Hinata… has quit the volleyball club."
It hit Tanaka and Nishinoya like a tonne of bricks. Hinata quitting the club had never occurred as a possibility to them. After all, Hinata loved volleyball much more than they did, perhaps even too much.
What kind of miracle could have brought this about? As Tanaka and Nishinoya opened their mouths to ask this very question, Daichi continued speaking, forcing them to shut up.
"He refused to tell us the reason and we couldn't find the heart to keep asking. Sugawara and I, plus Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei also tried our very best to convince him to stay but in the end, it's his own choice and he still chose to leave."
"How can you say that Daichi-san!" Tanaka cried out, unable to contain his emotions any further. "How could you not care about a member of our club and just let him walk away like this?"
"Of course I would have liked it if he hadn't left!" Daichi snapped, clenching his fists. "But at the end of the day, we are not him! It's not in our place to decide whether or not he stays!"
Tanaka shrank back into his seat, unable to argue back. "But why Hinata? Why?"
Kageyama sat unmoving in the hospital bed, propped up by a few pillows. His head hung limp on his shoulders, his hands gripping the white sheets and the contents of the letter constantly replaying in his head.
The rage from earlier had long since died down and was instead replaced with a bitter sorrow and painful guilt.
Sorry for all the trouble I've caused, sorry for being useless,
Hinata just sounded so hurt. Kageyama didn't know what Hinata had felt like when he had been writing the letter, but each sentence, each word, each letter was filled with so much pain that Kageyama couldn't even begin to fathom what could have driven Hinata this far.
And there was that.
The fact that Kageyama wasn't able to figure out anything on Hinata's part. He hadn't bothered to check on him when he went missing, hadn't bothered to try and understand why Hinata had gotten so worked up when all Kageyama wanted to do was keep a secret hidden away. He hadn't bothered dealing with the whole mixture of unknown feelings swirling around in his heart.
All Kageyama could picture were Hinata's constant apologies and the tears running onto the paper, smudging the ink.
He wanted, needed Hinata to come back. Needed him to play volleyball again. Needed to make him feel better.
Needed to bring his smile back.
Because what use would a sun be if it wasn't shining?
Also I forgot to mention but
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELATED BOY TOBIO
HOPE YOU GOT LOTS OF PRESENTS
(And kisses and hugs and make out sessions with Hinata ;))
Hope you all have a great holiday and if you ever want to talk
(not that you guys would want to haha...)
You can always hit me up on my tumblr baked-mashed-potato
Thank you guys again and
See you guys next chapter~~~