Scene: Later that evening, Leonard, Sheldon, Raj, Penny and Amy - who arrived unexpectedly - were all seated at 4A.
"It's got to be Pertwee, Troughton, Tennant, Baker, then Eccleston," Raj whined.
"Eccleston! replace it with Davison and you're getting warmer," said Leonard.
"No you're all wrong, it's Troughton, Hartnell, Davison, Baker and Smith," said Howard.
"Smith!" Sheldon huffed.
"Okay that's it guys," said Penny, standing up and arching her back into a stretch. "I'll leave you to your…"
"Who's the best Who!" Sheldon chirped.
"Yea well… whatever… I'm having a quiet night, so have fun!"
"Goodnight Penny, I'll call you tomorrow," Leonard said.
"Night Leonard," she said with a smile.
"That's it for me too," Sheldon said, gathering up the boxsets, being extra careful to keep them in chronological order.
"I thought you wanted to stay up for a New Who marathon?" Leonard asked, as he clicked the remote. The TV sparked to life.
"No, I have something urgent to attend to, just as soon as I clear up." he said flicking at something at the corner of a box and inspecting for damage. Satisfied, he rose from his spot.
"I'm going now too," Amy said, springing to her feet rather quickly. Her eyes were sparkling and there was a rather robotic half smile on her lips. "Goodnight Sheldon," she breathed.
"Goodnight Amy, please let yourself out," he said and took off to his room cradling the boxes against his chest.
Penny was tired. The only thing on her mind as she wished Amy "goodnight", was the couch. These shoes are going to be kicked right across the room, she thought as the key turned in the lock. "Pennnnny!" came a hiss directly behind her right ear, making her jump clean out of her skin. "Amy!" she gasped, her heart pounding, "I thought you'd gone."
"Shhhhh…" Amy hushed, with a nervous glance across the hall.
Penny returned a puzzled frown.
"It'sssss going to haaaappen…. tonight!" Amy mouthed.
"Sheldonnn and meeeee…." she whispered, in deep exaggerated breaths, "…. coooooitus….he wants to…. toooonightttttt!"
Penny's eyed widened. "Wow…", it was all she could think to say. Then taking in Amy's deliriously happy expression, she added, "Well, that's great Amy…" and then "…are you sure?"
"Yes, he told Leonnnnard…. in the caaaar, I pretended I wasn't lisssstening."
"Wow, that's amazing," she said, "Good luck."
"Thanksss, I have to…go…. prepare."
Penny nodded and smiled, talking normally now, "Oh yes, scented candles, music, low lighting."
"I have to get out of these big underpants, powder my athletes foot, use some anti-dandruff shampoo and prepare my musk."
Penny's face fell into a grimace, "Your…? No, don't tell me."
"Must go…" and with that, she dashed off down the stairs like a herd of zebra fleeing from the jaws of a lion.
Penny didn't kick off her shoes right away, she strolled in and sat down. "Hmmmm," she said aloud and began to flick through a magazine. The vision of Amy thud, thud, thudding, down the stairs in her orthopedics flooded in and she smiled. "Sheldon doesn't know what he's in for," she muttered, turning over a page. "No, he really doesn't" she continued, but the smile retreated and an odd tightness remained.
He'd been buzzing around his apartment earlier. Disinfecting this, dusting that, because Leonard never does it "quite well enough". Little did he know, Amy snuck in later to "scent" his room in what she told them was a "precaution" after his long absence. Leonard had frowned and asked, "Do you think we should stop her?"
Penny looked up from her magazine and a thought came over her. One day Sheldon will marry Amy and he'll wake up with someone he doesn't really know. "Those two are never going to last," she said sadly, but as soon as it came out, she felt rotten about it. It really wasn't her business, was it? And she returned to the fall fashion spread in front of her.
Knock knock knock "Penny"
Knock knock knock "Penny"
Knock knock knock "Penny"
"Sheldon, what are you doing here?" she blurted, as she opened the door.
"You did say you weren't doing anything," he announced and marched right past her and into the apartment, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"Make yourself at home!" she groaned sarcastically.
Sheldon gave her a gentle smile. "Thank you" he said and proceeded to pull out one of the kitchen chairs and delicately perch himself upon it.
She rolled her eyes and gave the door a hearty push shut, then turned to frown at the unwelcome guest. She had a pretty good idea why he was there and had to admit she was curious about what pointers Dr. Sheldon Cooper would need for his first night of passion. What would she tell him? Run! was all that came to mind. Looking into his wide aqua eyes she wondered if it was time for a few home truths. He was going to need them! She hoped it wouldn't get too weird and found herself striding to the fridge and removing a bottle of white wine.
"I don't approve of you consuming alcoholic beverages beforehand."
She poured herself a rather larger glass than usual in defiance, his disapproval burning into the back of her head. "I'll drink if I want to drink" she said.
"Evidently" he snorted.
"So…" she drew in a long breath and then released it slowly, "What do you need to know?"
"I don't need to know anything."
"Oh reallllly! well I spoke to Amy, so I know," she said, smugly.
He seemed confused by this and said, "Well, then let's proceed."
Penny sipped at her glass and approached the lanky frame sitting bolt upright on her stool. "Okay, ask away?" she said.
"Ask? I prefer that you do."
There was a rather long pause as Penny blinked in confusion, "Do?"
"I don't want any chitter chatter. Let's get on with it."
Penny felt the blood rush from her temples, "It?" she spat.
"Of course, that's what I'm here for" he said, raising his eyebrows and then nodding his chin as a prompt.
"B-but you should be… getting on with…it… with Amy!"
"Don't be ridiculous" he blurted, "Amy doesn't know how! It has to be you."
"B-b-but… I-I… you-u… oh… my….god!"
He stared at her in exasperation, "Dear Lord Penny, this level of disorientation is an extremely worrying new symptom. It may be indicative of early onset dementia ….."
"I don't have dementia!" she snapped, "It's just completely inappropriate to come over here demanding … that!"
"Is it?" he said, "…no one tells me these things." He carefully stepped off the chair, shaking his head as he continued. "I suppose I will have to rearrange, even though you clearly said you were available."
"Yes, so when can you cut it?"
Cut it! HIS HAIR! The colour returned to her face as she realised her mistake. "Err, not…. now…" she stammered.
He was standing bolt upright now, his arms crossed, "As I said earlier, this is an urgent matter I want to attend to tonight. A month cavorting like a hobo across the country has made it overdue, I really don't want to wait too long…" he sulked, making his way to the door.
She began to smirk.
"Why are you smiling? You're not taking this seriously?" he huffed, as she pushed him out the door with a quick "Good night".
Sheldon stood outside, looking at her closed door for a few moments. "I really shouldn't have gone away on that train trip," he said, "One month without me around and the woman is losing her senses."
Thank heavens he was back, he thought, returning to 4a with a renewed sense of purpose, even if he did still need that haircut.