I awake from a sound coming from my door.

It is a soft knock, but nothing more.

My head felt heavy, my limbs worse.

Every step took effort.

I walked towards the door and see my glasses on the table from last night.

Shattered they are now, broken like my soul.

I am empty, no longer a whole person.

I hear the knock again, and it is late at the moment once again.

I am near the door, wondering who could it be.

I hear the soft, but familiar deep voice.


My heart hammers against my chest and I press the button to let it open.

It is him.

Spock, well like he was on the bridge.

Before...before he...

"Jim, do not grieve."

I try to answer him but my voice is silent. Why can't I speak?

He enters my quarters, his face serious like I have always known him.

Again I try to say something but I mutter not a sound.

He comes near me, his eyes seem vacant. His voice now monotone.

"I have been, and always shall be your friend."

Hearing those words again made my throat tighten forming a lump, my tears well up. Will I ever get past this. Is this for real?"

He opens his arms to me when we couldn't when the glass separated us.

I hold him tight, and never wish to let go.

"I love you Jim."

My tears fall shamelessly down my cheeks as my heart fills with joy.

Spock loves me.

I try to respond back but I am mute.

The man I hold in my arms feels so soft, but strong.

Than slowly, I begin to feel less of that strong body next to me.

Moments later, all I have in my arms is my pillow drenched in tears.

My knuckles white as I grip the pillow case.

He was never here.

But it was so real.