Author Note: Thanks for the great response to the first part of the EPOV!
Thanks again to moosals and edwardisaputz for pre-reading! Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.
EPOV: Part 2
We're in San Francisco a week after the Grad Night show when I see her, a woman with long dark hair who vaguely reminds me of Bella. I don't know what she did to get her backstage pass, but I don't care. I fuck her against the bathroom door.
Only she doesn't feel like Bella.
For the next month, I only accept attention from dark-haired groupies, but still, none of them are Bella, and it's really starting to piss me off.
Giving up on brunettes, I fuck a redhead in Houston. I let a blonde in New Orleans go down on me. They aren't Bella, either.
By August, the other guys are ready to kick my ass for being what they call "a whiny little bitch." Bella's gone, they remind me, and since I was too much of a dumbass to get her phone number, I'm not going to find her.
I try to remember where she said she was from — somewhere on the Olympic Peninsula. I just remember that it was a town I'd never heard of. Maybe looking at a map would jog my memory, but without a last name, I'm screwed.
Before I met Bella, I was starting to get tired of girls just throwing themselves at me because I'm in a band. I want to find a girl who wants me for me. I'd thought that Bella was like that, but then she took off so quickly after we had sex. I understand she had to get back to her classmates, but why couldn't I walk with her? Was she embarrassed about what we'd done? Did she not want anyone to know? Or was she satisfied that she'd gotten all she wanted from me?
Toward the end of August, we're back in our hometown of Chicago during a one-week break from our marathon of a tour. We're filming a music video for our upcoming single, Summertime, using the Ferris wheel on Navy Pier as a backdrop.
I'd almost figured out how to keep Bella from my mind, but then I see that fucking Ferris wheel, and it all comes back. I need some kind of distraction.
Roadies set up Emmett's drum kit and the rest of our equipment in front of the damn Ferris wheel. When the director calls for us, we get into place, then pretend to play while cameras shoot the action from all angles. We scatter when he calls a half-hour break while the roadies move some equipment.
I missed lunch for styling, hair and make-up, so I'm fucking starving. I know a shop on the Pier that sells fudge, so I cross the barricade that's been set up to keep the fans away and visit the shop, sweet-talking my way into a few pieces since my wallet is in my car.
I'm about to cross back over when I hear two giggling girls. "Hi, Edward," they giggle, and I roll my eyes.
"What's up?" I nod politely at them, stepping over the barricade.
The two girls follow me over, nearly falling in their sky-high heels, and I raise an eyebrow. If our security catches them, they're toast. I like their guts though.
"So… any chance you need extras in the video?" the blonde asks, giggling again. I'm almost too sidetracked by the size of her tits to hear the question.
"You'll have to talk to the director," I smirk. "As far as I know, it's just a performance video."
The girl with light brown hair pouts, and her lips look like they've been enhanced. "We're really talented. We both dance."
"We're performing tonight, if you want to come see us," the blonde suggests, trailing her red fingernails up and down my arm. "At a club near Wrigley."
I try to keep my smirk to myself this time. I know that place — it's a strip club. Maybe a night out is just what I need, a perfect distraction.
I wrap my left arm around the blonde, then motion for the other one to snuggle under my other arm. "Thank you for the invite, ladies." I smile down at them. "Maybe you can get me a—"
"Edward," I suddenly hear Jasper calling me.
"Hang on a minute." Ms. Pouty licks her lips and I lean down to peck them, already thinking of how good they'll feel wrapped around my cock.
I turn toward Jasper. "What do you want?" I call.
"Someone needs to talk to you," he replies, motioning toward a girl who appears to be trying to hide behind him.
"Duty calls. I'll see you two tonight," I wink, pulling away from the girls. They both start giggling again as I walk away. At least if they're sucking my dick, they can't fucking giggle.
As I get closer to Jasper, I gasp when I realize the girl hiding behind him is… Bella! What the fuck is she doing here in Chicago? Or have I finally lost it and am just seeing things?
"Bella," I greet her once I've reached them. She looks kind of tired, but just as pretty as ever. "What are you doing here?"
"I, um, go to college in Chicago, at UIC," she replies nervously. Fuck, really? She lives in Chicago now? My heart starts pounding and my mind starts racing with the possibilities.
"Well," Jasper begins, patting her on the shoulder, "I've done my duty. I think we start shooting again in about 10 minutes, Ed."
"Yeah, okay," I dismiss him with a wave of my hand, my attention focused on Bella. Looks like I won't need that distraction after all.
Bella watches Jasper walk away before turning to me. "I, um…" She stares down at her feet, seeming to struggle with her words. "I… I can't do this…"
She turns to go but I can't let her leave me — not again. Reaching out, I grab her wrist to keep her from taking off. "You tracked me down, might as well spit it out."
"I'm pregnant," she blurts out, and time freezes.
"What the hell did you say?" I couldn't possibly have heard her correctly.
"I said I'm pregnant," she repeats meekly. "With your baby."
That's what I thought she'd said, but it's the last thing I would have ever expected her to say. "Get the fuck out of here!"
"It-it's true." Tears start to roll down her face.
I just stare at her for a moment before running my hand through my hair roughly. This can't be happening! I know Aro is always warning us to wrap it up, because girls will claim they're pregnant to try to get our money, but I never expected that from Bella.
"Look, I don't know if you're really pregnant or not, but I know it's not my kid. You're not getting a dime from me," I tell her angrily.
"I didn't tell you in order to get any money!" she whisper-yells back. "I just… I just thought you should know. I've already scheduled an abortion for Friday afternoon. I'm going through with it, unless… unless…" She trails off, shaking her head.
"Do whatever the fuck you want with it. It's not mine," I insist. It can't be mine.
"It is yours, Edward. Don't you remember having sex with me without a condom?" she asks.
I stare at her in horror. It's true that we didn't use a condom, but… surely she was on some type of birth control if she didn't ask me to use one! Why would she have taken a chance like that? She wouldn't, not unless she wanted to get pregnant. But if she wanted this, then why is she talking about getting an abortion?
Bella suddenly shakes her head, turning away. She stops, pulling something out of her pocket and stuffing it into my hand. "So you know where to find me if — if you want to talk," she says quietly.
While I continue to stare at her, she turns and walks away from me once again. When she's out of sight, I look at the piece of paper she gave me. Isabella Swan — that's apparently her full name. And she's given me her phone number. About three months too late.
"Yo, Ed!" Emmett calls. "It's time."
I stuff the paper into a pocket in my jeans, then make my way back to our makeshift set. I go through the motions of playing my keyboard, pretty much in a daze, until the director finally pronounces us finished at long last.
I reluctantly join the guys for a bite to eat afterward, but I'm sure I'm not good company. More than once they ask me why I'm staring off into space. All I can do is think about is Bella — is she really pregnant with my baby? If she's not, then she's not at all the girl I thought she was. But if she is… then I was a total ass to her.
"So that was the Bella?" Jasper asks, leaning in to make our conversation as private as possible. "She told me she got our autographs at the Grad Night show in Washington."
"Yeah," I reply, swallowing thickly. "It was her."
"So what the heck are you doing here with us?" he asks, punching my arm. "Why aren't you with your girl?"
"I'm not sure she wants me anywhere near her."
"What did you do?" he asks sternly. "She told me she really needed to talk to you."
"She just wanted to let me know she was in town," I lie. Jasper looks at me skeptically, but at least he stops asking questions. I slam the rest of my beer, then pull my wallet out and toss some bills onto the table.
Heading out, I get into my Porsche, flip the radio in the car to a rock station, then turn up the volume, trying to keep from thinking about Bella for 20 minutes. I still live at home with my mom and stepdad in Evanston, since we're on the road so much. I park next to their cars in the three-car garage, then head straight for the fridge, grabbing another beer.
"Is that you, Edward?" my mom calls from the stairs. Who the fuck else would it be? Emmett lives in Oak Park with his fiancée and wouldn't drop by this late unannounced.
"Yeah, it's me. We're finally done shooting." I try to control my tone. The last thing I need right now is for Mom to sense that something is wrong. This is my problem to deal with.
I head up to my room then strip out of my clothes, leaving the note with Bella's phone number on the nightstand. Lying back on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling. I need to think about this rationally.
First, is Bella telling the truth about being pregnant? I remember her tears when she insisted that she was telling the truth. She's a damn good actress if she was lying.
Is it my baby though? We didn't use a condom, sure, but that doesn't mean I'm the only guy she's been with. But she was a virgin… wasn't she? She was fucking tight, and I saw a trace of blood on my dick later. The next morning, I saw the marks she'd made in my back with her fingernails. She was gripping me so tightly… like she was trying to forget about the pain.
But what if she had a boyfriend back home? She could have had sex with any number of guys after me. She sounded so sure that it's mine, though. Or maybe she just wants it to be mine, so she can get some kind of payoff.
No, that doesn't make sense. She said she's already scheduled an abortion. She doesn't want the baby. She said she's in college, and obviously a baby wouldn't be in her plans. She'll have to drop out, or at the very least, take time off. Why not just have the abortion, then? Why tell me about it?
My head is fucking spinning, trying to figure out her angle. But then the guilt starts to creep in… did I really knock up a virgin? And then treat her like shit? What kind of asshole does that?
I push off the bed, sitting down at my keyboard, then pull out my notebook. Fifteen minutes later, I've got the backbone of a song — the lyrics, anyway. It's my apology to Bella, even if she'll never hear it.
I close my eyes until a melody starts to form in my head. I begin to play it out on my keyboard, jotting down the notes one line at a time. I'm in a zone, blocking out the world.
"Edward!" my stepfather's voice comes through the door as he knocks. "It's 2:30 in the morning."
"Sorry!" I call back, grabbing my headphones and plugging them into the keyboard. Once I've got the main vocal melody, I keep going, filling in the chords, a bass line, lead guitar…
I record each part then play them all back at the same time, tweaking this or that until I'm happy with what I've done. Yawning, I pick up my phone and check the time: it's 8am.
Exhausted, I toss my headphones onto my desk and fall into bed. I'm asleep the moment my head hits the pillow.
It's after five in the afternoon when I finally wake up. I've got to piss really bad, so I jump out of bed and dash to the bathroom. Feeling much better, I step into the shower, before throwing on some clothes and making my way down the stairs.
I easily spot a note that Mom has left me on the fridge, saying she and Carlisle are going out with some friends tonight. She's left me a plate of leftovers from last night's dinner in the fridge. Bless my mom. I heat those up, scarf them down, then grab a beer and go back upstairs.
I play back my new song again, and I like it just as much as I did last night… or this morning, rather. There's no obvious title in the lyrics, but I jot down one anyway — Repent.
Setting my beer on the nightstand, I flop back onto my bed.
I have to admit that Bella is very likely pregnant… with my baby. For two more days, at least. She's made the right decision to terminate the pregnancy, hasn't she? She's a freshman in college, the last thing she needs is a baby right now.
And what kind of father would I be, on the road all the fucking time? Assuming she'd even want me to be in the baby's life at all, of course. No, this is for the best.
After sleeping in so late, I toss and turn all Wednesday night and most of Thursday morning. Unable to fall asleep, I finally give up around noon, showering and heading downstairs to scavenge for food.
Back upstairs, I turn on my phone, which pings with dozens of messages from the band, who are getting increasingly worried because I'm not answering. I hurriedly text them back that I'm fine, then flop back on my bed again.
I just feel… agitated. I feel like I might be making a big mistake, letting Bella go through with the abortion.
I was four years old the first time I asked my mom why I didn't have a daddy like all of my friends. She gave me some bullshit about how all families are different.
When I was 13 and starting to go through puberty, I confronted her again, angry because I had no father to talk to about what was happening to my body. She told me then that my father had been married to another woman, that he'd lied to her, and that he didn't want us.
And I accepted that… until the day she brought Carlisle home, when I was 16. I was irrationally angry that she was replacing my father — who wasn't even in the picture — with another man. What if he changed his mind one day and decided he wanted us after all? And that's when she told me the whole truth — that when she'd told my father that she was pregnant, he told her to get an abortion — and he never fucking followed up with her. The man didn't even know I existed, so he wasn't ever going to come back to us.
Having a child out there that you don't even know about… I couldn't imagine it then and I still can't. I'm glad Bella told me about her pregnancy, even if she's planning to get an abortion. I'm glad I know about the life we created.
But is ending that life tomorrow really the right thing? I was so sure of it last night, but now…
When Mom and Carlisle get home from work, I join them downstairs for dinner, at Mom's urging. Not that I mind too much — I do love stocking up on home-cooked meals when we're in town. As we eat, Mom senses that something's wrong, and I think about confiding in her when she asks what's going on with me… but I can't.
If I'm being honest with myself, I already know what side Mom will be on. She'll want me to stop Bella from getting the abortion. But is that what's best for Bella? Could I really be even more selfish than I've already been and ruin this girl's future?
By Friday morning, my mind is still racing, going over all of the possibilities. The New Moons have released two albums, but we aren't super successful. As the band's principle songwriter, however, I have enough money to help Bella out, if she were to choose to have the baby. I could hire her a nanny or whatever she wants, so she can stay in school.
But maybe that wouldn't be enough to make her change her mind about the abortion. Maybe she doesn't want to have a child at all. Maybe she doesn't want to have my child.
Could I… could I really ask her to reconsider and have the baby? She must hate me — for the way I treated her on Tuesday if not for taking her virginity and getting her pregnant in the first place. Even if she agrees to have the baby, I doubt she'll really want anything to do with me… beyond whatever it is that fathers do. It's not like I know.
I agonize over it for hours, wondering if I should try and stop this or not. I suppose the worst that could happen is she tells me to get the fuck out of her life and goes through with the abortion. And that outcome isn't really much different than if I stay the hell out of it.
By early afternoon, my palms are starting to sweat. Bella could be having the abortion right now, and she's all alone in a strange city. Even if she won't change her mind, I should be there to support her.
Grabbing my car keys and the note with her phone number, I get in my Porsche and drive downtown to the UIC campus. I pull over to the curb and take out my phone, dialing the number.
"Hello, Bella's phone," a strange female voice answers.
"Where's Bella?" I bark out.
"Bella can't come to the phone right now," she replies. "Who is this?"
"I need to talk to Bella."
"Is this Edward?" she asks in a hushed voice.
"Yeah, now where is she?" I repeat.
"Bella's at Planned Parenthood, the Near North Health Center on LaSalle Street. She—"
I end the call, tossing my phone onto the passenger seat, then put the car in Drive. If Bella isn't able to take my call, it might already be too late, but I have to try.
I reach the Planned Parenthood clinic in about 10 minutes, hurriedly grabbing the first parking place I come across in the garage next door. I rush down a flight of stairs and into the clinic. A little dark-haired girl is standing in the middle of the room. She freezes in place when she sees me, and I wonder if she's the one who answered Bella's phone.
"Bella?" I question, trying to catch my breath.
She points to a door. "She's back there."
I head straight for the doorway, my only goal being to reach Bella in time.
"Excuse me, sir, but I can't let you back there," a nurse jumps out, trying to block my path.
"I need to talk to one of your patients," I reply impatiently.
"It's against the rules, sir."
"I don't give a fuck about the goddamn rules!" I yell, brushing past the nurse and opening the door.
"Sir," a fucking huge security guard starts running toward me. "You can't go back there, sir."
The first door I come to is open, with the light off. The second one is closed, so I take my chances with the security dude gaining on me and throw it open.
The woman on the bed sits up abruptly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Bella!
She stares at me for a moment, her eyes red and puffy, but then the security guard rushes into the room, grabbing me by the arms. I try to fight him off, but he's really fucking strong.
"I just need to talk to her," I growl.
"Do you know this man?" the guard asks Bella, who nods slowly.
"Ms. Swan," a nurse I hadn't noticed before begins, "Do you want to talk to him? Or I can have security throw him out. It's up to you."
Bella stares at her, and I see her eyes filling with tears. She whispers something in reply, but I can't hear it over the pounding of my own heart.
"Let him go," the nurse directs, and the guy drops my arms. "We'll wait right outside," she tells Bella. "Call if you need us."
As soon as the door has closed behind them, I begin pacing across the room, tearing at my hair. Now that I'm here, I have no idea how to explain to Bella that I've changed my mind and don't want her to go through with this.
Finally I stop in front of her, grasping the hair on the back of my head with both hands and squeezing my eyes shut. I don't care if this makes me an asshole, but I have to know it's my baby before I do this. "Swear it's mine."
There's absolute silence for a moment before Bella whispers, "I swear."
"I mean it. Swear on your life."
"I swear to you, Edward," she pleads. "It can't be anyone else's. I've never been with anyone else. You know that's true… you know I was a virgin."
I finally open my eyes, staring down at her and breathing heavily. "Am I too late?" I ask quietly. It would be just my luck if I am.
"No… the nurse was just about to start…" And I let out the breath I'd been holding.
"Don't do it. Please, Bella," I beg her. "Don't go through with it."
I grab at my hair again, trying to calm myself down. Of course she must be wondering why I've suddenly changed my mind. I need to explain myself to her.
"When my mom got pregnant with me, my dad was already married," I begin. "To someone else. He rejected her and told her to get an abortion. But she refused. She had me by herself, and it was hard, we didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up, but she did it. If my mom had listened to that man, if she'd taken the easy way out, I wouldn't be here."
Bella shakes her head, tears beginning to fall from her big brown eyes. "I just started college this week, Edward. I'm here on a scholarship. The only health insurance I have is my dad's and he will freak out if I use that and he finds out I'm pregnant. I can't pay for this pregnancy on my own," she sobs. "I don't want to have to drop out of school. I—"
"Do you think I'm asking you to have the baby by yourself?" I ask incredulously.
"But Tuesday you said—"
"I know what I said," I growl, tearing at my hair again. God, I'm such an asshole. "I've never met my own father, Bella. I don't even know what he looks like, since my mom burned any photos she had of him. The thought of my child being out there somewhere in the world not knowing me…" I shake my head. "I could never do that."
"So you'd help me?" she asks quietly, brushing her tears away. I should be the one doing that.
"I'm not rich by any means, but I have enough money to take care of you."
"But I'm only a college freshman," she cries. "I want to stay in school, but I'd need daycare, and, and…"
"We don't have to figure everything out right this minute, Bella!" I yell. One thing at a time, for God's sake!
I step closer to Bella, taking hold of her hands. "I don't know what I'm doing any more than you do, okay? But we have time to figure it out. Pregnancies take nine months, right?"
"There's only six months left," she whispers.
"Plenty of time," I shrug with a half-hearted wink. "If things were different… would you want the baby?" I've got to know if it's just the timing that she's objecting to, or if she really doesn't want my kid.
"If I were out of school and established in my career… yeah," she admits. "I mean, I've always wanted kids… one day. It's just not the best timing."
"I'm sorry. For how I reacted last time. And for… getting you pregnant," I mumble, staring down at my feet. "I always use a condom, but from the beginning, you seemed so different from the girls who usually throw themselves at me. And then I pretty much deduced that you were a virgin."
"I also was a virgin who wasn't on the pill."
"Why didn't you stop me then?" I ask curiously. She's obviously a smart girl if she's got a college scholarship, so I don't understand why she didn't tell me to use a condom.
"I guess… I just got carried away," she confesses. "It didn't even occur to me until after I got home. Stupid, I know."
I give her a small smile. "I got carried away, too. Believe it or not, I didn't bring you back to our bus to have sex."
Bella looks up at me with this look of total disbelief, and I can't hold back my chuckle. "Really, I didn't." I sigh heavily. "It took two of us to get into this mess, and it'll be the two of us from here on out, ok? You don't have to do this alone."
"P-promise?" she asks, her bottom lip trembling.
"I promise." I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly, so glad to have her in my arms again — even if she probably hates me. I kiss her cheek as I reluctantly pull away. "So we're gonna have a baby?" I confirm.
"We're gonna have a baby."
A/N: Hope you enjoyed part 2! Lots of the self-loathing Edward we all know and love. I'm anxious to hear what you're thinking!
I don't have more written from his POV, but I know there are at least a few more scenes you've asked for. I'll write as time and inspiration permits!