Penguin Petition

Weiss – also known as Bureaucracy – leaned over her desk to peer down at her unexpected visitor. It was a penguin, a fairy penguin if she wasn't mistaken. The adorable creature hopped up onto a chair and then hopped again to stand on her desk. A quick glance at her schedule confirmed that the penguin did indeed have an appointment.

"Good morning."

The penguin replied that it was indeed a good morning and, in the way of his people, offered to regurgitate a freshly caught fish for her to enjoy.

"I think I'll pass." Weiss was a god. Regurgitated fish was not going to harm her. However, her tastes were somewhat different to those of a penguin. "So… I understand you have a petition that you'd like to file."

The penguin nodded. Despite his diminutive size, he was one of the democratically elected representatives of the penguins. Indeed, it was something they prided themselves on. The mantle of leadership might be mostly hereditary amongst dogs, and nobody really knew how the cats decided who was in charge, but the penguins held elections every few years to determine who their representatives would be. It was a wonderful system, and penguins would forever maintain that they'd stumbled across it before humans had.

His petition was very simple. Despite their admirable swimming abilities, penguins were sorely lacking in one area that most other birds excelled in. That was to say, despite being birds, penguins couldn't fly. After speaking to his constituents at some length, he and the other representatives had agreed to file the petition.

Penguins should be able to fly.

Being a responsible penguin, he had also put together a two-hundred-page essay arguing his point of view. It was, he felt, some of the very best prose ever put onto paper by a penguin, featuring wonderful use of metaphor combined with extensive employment of excellent and effective alliteration.

Bureaucracy read through the essay in an instant. It was wonderfully written, and the penguins did have a point. They could swim, but they couldn't swim well enough or swiftly enough to evade some of their most deadly predators. Being able to fly would give them an edge, and it might not even be obnoxious if the right balance could be found.

There was just one problem.

Penguins didn't have wings suitable for swimming. Indeed, relative to their body size, they just weren't large enough. Then again… Bureaucracy was perfectly aware of the laws of aerodynamics – she'd helped write them – so there might be a way to let penguins fly despite their small wings.


Death – also known as Ruby – had seen many things in her aeons of existence. She had not, however, seen a penguin fly until right this moment. The normally land-bound bird was soaring through the air at a speed that would have done an eagle proud.


Well, it was actually fairly simple. The penguin was propelling itself using a powerful jet of water fired from a newly acquired organ similar to a swim bladder. Rather than flapping its wings to fly, it was using them to steer.

It was a truly majestic sight, Death thought, albeit one with a problem that was rapidly becoming obvious as the flock of penguins reached the zenith of their flight… and ran out of water to propel themselves. This left them in a rather unfortunate position. Hundreds of feet off the ground with wings too small to glide, they were about to learn a fatal lesson.

Gravity doesn't care how cool you look.

Roughly seven seconds later, Death was escorting a flock of penguins to the afterlife.


Bureaucracy cringed as the latest fatality report crossed her desk. Penguin deaths were up 10000% in the past two days due to flight-related deaths. Oops. Quietly, she filed the paperwork necessary to revert the changes she'd made before rubber-stamping it.

Once she'd done that, she took out the petitions from ostriches, cassowaries, and emus asking to be allowed to fly and reached for her 'DENIED' stamp.


Author's Notes

As always, I do not own RWBY. I'm not making any money off of this either.

Oops. This is why Weiss is Bureaucracy and not Life or one of the other gods in charge of changing animals. Unfortunately (for the penguins), Weiss is one of the most senior gods, occupying a tier similar to Death. As a result, she actually does have the power to effect changes outside of her normal duties. On the upside, you don't have to worry about the penguins. To make up for the mistake, Weiss files a petition to have penguin deaths reduced until their populations have recovered. You can bet the penguin elections will be interesting next time they have them.

Also, if you've enjoyed my fan fiction, you should check out my original fiction. You can find me on Amazon and Audible as L. G. Estrella.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.