DISCLAIMER: Anything Hercules/Xena in no way whatsoever belongs to me...

Ode to Salmoneus

Whose taste in togas surpasses all?

Who is generous....to a flaw?

Who is the greatest entrepreneur this, and any side, of Greece?

Who shows up when he's needed the least?

Who can frequently be caught in a dress?

Who is a magnet for danger and often the cause of the mess?

Who hums to get in touch with his feminine flower?

Who, when faced with a beast, will stand back and cower?

Who attracts curses like honey does flies?

Who's able to lose all his dinars with one roll of the dice?

Who strives to help the 'little people'......for a modest price?

Who always ends up the bait or the sacrifice?

Who offers to split with you 60-40 the profits?

Who needs your backing for inventions such as 'Herculean Togas with Pockets'?

Whose idea of a good time always involves food and women?

Who is the epitome of paranoia and indecision?

Who's always willing to help out a friend (especially if it's the 50 randy daughters of King Thespius) in a pinch?

Who, despite all this, has a heart of gold?

Who is a friend in need?

Salmoneus is a friend indeed!

Who is Salmoneus?

He's the man of the hour.

Another like him could never be found,

if even the entire land you did scour.

So raise your hands my friends,

And give him a yell,

Salmoneus the brave!

Salmoneus the swell!