Disclaimer—I do not own the Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor, sadly, do I make any money from the posting of this fanfiction.

WARNING! VIOLENCE! Contains literal Leonard bashing! If you are a Leonard fan and/or if you abhor violence of any kind, THIS STORY IS NOT FOR YOU! If you don't like it, don't read it. You've been warned. If you're totally into Leonard, you only have yourself to blame if you pass this point. I mean it.

That being said, please read and review!


Leonard had surprised Penny by inviting everyone over to announce that they had chosen a date for the wedding. Trouble was that they hadn't and Penny she wasn't all that thrilled that he just threw this at her in order to get his own way.

"Mid-June would be perfect! I can see it all now, can't you?"

"At this point, I'm having trouble seeing it at all," she muttered.

"What?" he asked, looking all hurt as he said as much.

"No!" she snapped. "Knock it off right now. You're not a kid anymore and frankly puppy dog looks only work for kindergarteners and, well, puppies!"

Leonard crossed his arms over his chest and was about to say something when she shook her head and said, "No pouting, no whining, and no mournful music either. If we're going to make this work, you need to learn how to man up and not resort to being a kid every time you want your own way."

He squinted and muttered, "So in other words, I'm the one being immature?"

"When you fight and try to get your own way, you are," she told him. "I never signed up to be marrying a child, Leonard. I'm trying to better myself and, yeah, I'm not the most mature of people. But shit, you have miles to go before you can say as much when it comes to asking for anything. If you want it, you manipulate and whine!"

"I do not try to manipulate you!" he snapped.

"Really? What did you call that time when you were doing everything in your power to have sex everywhere when you found out that I had read your mother's book?"

His face turned a bit red.

"Uh, how about we call it what it was—a pity party? Because that was what you were using that time to get exactly what you wanted," she told him. "Just like how you invited people over now to announce that we're getting married in June. We haven't decided this, Leonard. You did." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I told you I didn't want to get married in June. It's too cliché to get married then. Not to mention everything will cost three times the price, if we're lucky, as it is wedding season! I'm not going to be filling other people's bank accounts with my hard earned money! We need that to live on."

Leonard's eyes went narrow as he said belligerently, "Maybe if you weren't acting the stupid cunt all the time, I wouldn't have to lower myself to your level."

The only warning he got that she was furious was a flare of her nose. And before he knew it, his head was snapping back with the force of the blow as she punched him straight in the nose. He stood there stunned for a full minute. He grabbed his face to find that yes, she had just broken his nose!

"Don't you ever call me that again, Leonard," she hissed. "Ever." It was then that she looked at her nails of the hand she just used to punch him. "Dammit! I broke a nail!" She glared at him all the harder. "I'm going to get my nail fixed. While I'm out, you see to it that you explain to all of our friends how you were premature in asking them over to make that announcement. And if you're really lucky, I'll only be half as pissed off as I am right now when I get back."

"I need to go to the hospital!" he cried.

"And I want this new season's line of Jimmy Choo shoes, but we can't all get what we want. Or in your case, need. Maybe one of our friends that you invited over will take you to the hospital. Because if I try to do so, you'll end up in a body cast after I toss you down all the stairs."

Grabbing her purse, she put on her flip-flops, and went slamming out the door.

Howard and Bernadette came over and were shocked to see what a mess Leonard was.

"My god! Leonard, what happened?" Bernadette asked him, rushing to his side to look at his face.

"Penny broke my nose," he said, sounding truly awful as he did so.

"Why?" she asked. "That doesn't make sense." She paused. "It does, but it doesn't. Penny usually has a reason is all I'm saying."

"Well, I did call her a name," he muttered.

"What could have been so bad that she would have punched you like that and leave you here with a broken nose?" Howard inquired.

"I may have called her a…well, a stupid cunt…UGH!"

Bernadette's foot swung swiftly up and kicked Leonard straight in the crotch. Grabbing his goods, Leonard's eyes crossed as he hit the floor on his knees.

"I'm so sorry!" Bernadette cried. "It was an automatic thing!" She looked over to Howard, who looked just as thunderstruck as she did. "You just can't go around calling women that! It's-It's a game changer! You just can't do that!"

"I don't know whether to apologize to Leonard or thank him for helping me learn that lesson the easy way," Howard commented.

"Oh Howie!" Bernadette sighed. "We better go home. Obviously there's no party now." She glared at Leonard. "That ass can get himself to the hospital."

"But…" Leonard groaned.

"Not if you want to make it there in one piece, mister!" she hissed. "Let's go, Howard!"

They left. Soon enough, Leonard was back on his feet again and going over to the kitchen. It was as he was attempting to get himself an ice pack that Sheldon arrived back from going to the comic bookstore. He had wanted nothing to do with his friend's little party and was hoping that by the time he got back it would be over. Or at least to the point where he could convince the others to play Halo as it was Wednesday. No one had respect for schedules anymore, he thought as he walked over to his room. He stopped on the way over to his room when he realized what he had just seen.

Turning around he went back over to the kitchen. "Good grief, Leonard! You're bleeding all over the place! That is unacceptable!"

"Yeah, I'm fine," the short bespectacled physicist said sarcastically. "Thanks for asking."

"Okay, if you say so, but I expect you to clean up this mess you're making!" he lectured him, turned and went into his bedroom.

Taking off his glasses, Leonard reminded himself yet again that sarcasm and Sheldon didn't mix. With any luck Raj or even Amy would get there soon, as he didn't think he could get himself to the hospital.

The next person through the door was none other than Amy Farrah Fowler. She walked in casually, looking over to Leonard as he was pressing the ice pack to his face.

"Greetings, Leonard," she said, as she walked over to where he was in the kitchen. "I see that you have upset Penny. Was it your announcement that you had chosen the date of your wedding arbitrarily or was it something else that had her acting out violently?"

He glared at her, muttering, "It might have been something I said."

"It must have been a very bad something for you to be bleeding so freely." She looked around. "You are going to clean this up, aren't you?"

"Yes!" he snapped. "I will. But right now I need to go to the hospital. Can you take me?"

She tilted her head, saying, "That would be a conundrum."


"Well, you upset my bestie. If she didn't see fit to take you to the hospital, there must have been a reason. What did you call her? It must have been very bad given the nose break you have and the amount of blood now speckling the floor." She thought it over. "I can't think of what could be so…"

"I called her a stupid cunt…AAHH!"

It had been an automatic response. She had grabbed the knife that had been sitting on the kitchen island and plunged it into Leonard's hand that had been holding him up.

"Good Lord, Leonard, what now!" Sheldon exclaimed as he came into the room. "Hello, Amy."

"Hello, husband-to-be," she greeted.

"That has yet to be negotiated," he replied, looking back over to Leonard. "Why does Leonard have a steak knife protruding out of the back of his right hand?"

"It was an automatic visceral response to a foul insult that he told me he called my bestie," she responded. "Dare I say, even you would have retaliated with violence at the name he called her."

He went over to Leonard, pulling the knife out and handed him a towel, as he said, "Somehow I doubt…"

"He called her a stupid cunt."

Sheldon's reaction was swift and harsh. He grabbed him around his neck and proceeded to gut punch him three times in quick secession. When he released him, Leonard let out a groan and toppled to the floor.

"It would appear you were correct, Amy," Sheldon told her. "We must find Penny to assess if she is in need of a hot beverage."

"True," Amy murmured. "Hmm, she punched him. Chances are she broke a nail while doing so."

"And do you know where she gets her nails fixed?" Sheldon asked her.

"Of course," she said. "Let's go."

They left Leonard lying on the floor bleeding. Fifteen minutes later Raj came into the apartment with Cinnamon. He put her on the floor to let her run about now that he had taken her up all those stairs.

"Help!" came from behind the kitchen island.

Raj rushed over and cried out, "Leonard! What happened to you?!"

"It's a long story," he grumbled. "I need more towels for my hand and nose."

The other man rushed around, getting them and came back over. "What could have happened to get you so messed up, dude?"

"First Penny punched me in the nose," he muttered, as he sat up on the floor. "Later Bernadette kicked me in the balls, Amy stabbed me in the hand, and Sheldon punched me three times in the gut." He rubbed his stomach. "He doesn't look it, but damn he's strong."

"Why would they do that?" Raj asked him. "What could you have done that would have them be so violent towards you?"

"I called Penny a name I don't want to repeat," he muttered.

"So you had a fight and you called her a name?" he inquired. "What was the fight about?"

"I told her that I invited everyone over to announce that we had chosen a wedding date," he told his friend. "Problem was that we didn't."

"Wait, you chose the wedding day without consulting your bride?" Raj kicked him hard in the thigh, making him scream in pain. "Why would you do that?! A woman's wedding day is something she dreams of most of her life! They plan this day to the smallest detail! You had no right to do what you did. It's her day, Leonard, not yours!"

This was only made worse when insult was added to injury when Cinnamon came over and proceeded to piss on Leonard's leg. Raj picked her up, cooing to her that she was a bad girl even as he was glaring at Leonard.

"Get yourself to the hospital, Leonard. I don't want you near me right now!"

The last Leonard heard of him was the door to the apartment slamming shut. He picked up the ice pack again, pressing it to his face. Yeah, he thought, that didn't go as planned at all.

The end

And that, my friends, is violence. Yes, it's empty, meaningless, and thoroughly barbaric. It shows that the author of this piece pays far too much attention to her animal brain and must learn to ignore her id. But damn! That felt great! Please review! Be sure to have a nice day everyone!