Luna's Animal

Ministry of Magic, Mid-2004

'A ring ding ding ding d-ding baa aramba baa baa barooumba...'

Harry cringed and excused himself, rushing out of the Wizengamot chamber. He fumbled through his robes for the infernal device that was making the noise, finally finding it in a pocket he didn't even know he had. Picking it between two fingers, he fished the Nokia 3210 out.

He hated the things, but Hermione had insisted they all got one. Most electrical devices refused to work in a magic environment, but for some reason the by now already outdated Nokia kept working even inside the highly overcharged area that was the Department of Mysteries.

Harry could have gone for a different ring tone though. George Weasley of all people was the one who set the thing up. Apparently he did a lot of business on the Muggle side and, with George being George, he had chosen the most annoying ring tone possible. When Harry had complained about that, Hermione made fun of him for not understanding how the phone worked so Harry was stuck with it for now.

"How do you work this bloody thing again? And stop making that infernal noise!" he yelled at the thing, finally hitting the answer button by accident.

"Mr Potter?" a voice came from the other end.

Harry quickly brought it against his ear. "Yes, that's right. Who are you, and how did you get this number?"

"Mr Potter, I'm officer Howard, of the Metropolitan Police Service," the woman on the other end said. "We found your number on a Miss Lovegood's possessions, and –"

"Is Luna all right?" Harry blurted out.

"Yes, she is fine, as far as we can tell," she sounding exasperated. "Mr Potter, I'm not sure how to explain this... is Miss Lovegood... quite all there?"

"How do you mean? I mean, I can understand Luna can seem a little odd at times, but..." Harry developed a frown.

"Look, Mister Potter, Miss Lovegood somehow got into the Komodo Dragon enclosure, and is refusing to allow zoo keepers to remove her. On top of that, she is, well, naked. We found her clothes just outside the enclosure door, and your number is the first entry in her cell phone. You'll understand this is quite the problem for the Zoo, and we'd like to find a way to get Miss Lovegood out that does not require violence. Can you help us?"

Harry grimaced. "I'll be at the zoo in half an hour, max."

"Thank you," the officer sounded relieved. "One of my colleagues will be waiting for you at the Zoo entrance."

Harry put away the phone and went back inside the Wizengamot chamber. Kingsley Shacklebolt looked at him quizzically.

"I apologize, Minister," said Harry. "An urgent family issue has come up. May my assistant deliver the report instead?"

"Very well Chief Auror Potter," Kingsley nodded. "Clerk, please note that Chief Potter has left the court room."

Harry waved as thanks and rushed to his office, to drop off his formal robes. At least he didn't need to worry about getting an obliviator, as a fully trained Auror he was licensed.


Twenty minutes later Harry apparated inside an empty stair well, walked down it, and joined the people on the street. He rushed to the Zoo entrance and made a bee line for the uniformed officer.

"Harry Potter, I was told you were waiting for me?" he said as he came close.

The officer looked relieved, "Please, come with me, sir."

Together, they rushed through the zoo to the 'Dragon's Lair'. The doors were closed with a guard in front – Harry was let through, and found two female police officers inside, as well as two female zoo keepers. And of course Luna. Loveable, Silly, Luna.

Luna sat on the inside of the glass enclosure, both dragons sitting against her, and she seemed to be singing. The glass wall kept out all the sound so he wasn't sure. For a moment Harry smiled as he saw her, naked as the day she was born and sitting in lush vegetation, that was his girl.

Luna had her back to the glass wall, and hadn't spotted him yet.

Then one of the officers spotted him, and began talking: "Mr Potter? The zoo keepers told us that the animals can be dangerous, they have razor sharp teeth and toxic saliva. Miss Lovegood is very lucky they haven't attacked her, however we fear that any further encroachment on their territory may alarm them and Miss Lovegood can be hurt. Is there any chance you could try to coax her out?"

"Luna has a special charm with animals," said Harry. "Yeah, I'll talk to her. Erm, do I need to go in?"

"Just through the service door please, if you'll follow me?" one of the zoo keepers instructed. Harry followed her to an area closed off for visitors. "I have no idea how your friend got through, the door was still locked when we spotted her," she said as she opened the door.

"My Luna's like that," Harry agreed. "Shall I, then?" The zoo keeper nodded, and Harry stepped in the doorway. He was about ten metres away from where Luna sat now. He heard she was indeed singing, some Irish folk song he didn't know but one she sometimes sang at home.

"Luna love? What are you doing?" he called out in a soft voice.

Luna looked up, and found Harry in the door. "Oh Harry! Look, I found them!" she indicated the animals, which seemed to be sleeping.

"Zoo animals, yes." Harry waited patiently for an explanation.

"Atlantean Micro-dragons, Harry! Look, aren't they precious?" Luna smiled widely.

Harry let out a sigh. "Luna, we've had this discussion before. These are Komodo dragons, dangerous animals," his voice dropped to a whisper, "Muggle animals, love."

Luna stopped stroking the dragon that she had in her lap. "So they're not from Atlantis?" she sounded disappointed.

"Not as far as the Muggles know," Harry said softly. Then, a little louder as he noticed the zoo keepers were looking his way, "Luna love, where are your clothes?"

Luna looked down. "I am wearing clothes, Harry. See?" she pointed out her socks and boots.

Harry let out another sigh. "Luna, and the rest?"

The lithe blonde carefully prompted the drowsy dragon to get off her lap, and stood up. She stretched, and for a moment Harry's attention was definitely elsewhere as he had a perfect view.

"Sorry, can you repeat that, love?" he asked, blushing a bit.

"I don't mind it if you ogle me Harry, you can do that all the time," Luna beamed a wide smile at him. "As I said, my jacket is with those nice people, and I think my other clothes are in the wash. I thought about taking a robe, but you told me never to wear that in the Mug – in London."

"Perfect, Luna, perfect. Okay, please say goodbye to the dragons and come to me, okay?" Harry was beginning to get a little frustrated.

Luna did just that, bowing down to speak to the closest dragon – which really distracted Harry as her perky bum was raised high as she bent over – and then she was melded in his arms, which automatically opened to receive her in a hug.

"Are you going to ravage me now, Harry? I don't mind, and I think the dragons won't, either," Luna breathed in his ear.

Harry pulled on his collar, taking a step back so they both could leave the enclosure. "Not... not just yet," he told her.

"Finally!" One of the zoo keepers walked up to them and closed the door. "You've got a lot to explain, missy," she said, glaring at Luna.

"About that... Here, Luna, cover yourself up with this okay?" Harry handed her his jacket. Pouting a little, Luna closed it around her, hiding her bits from view.
"Officer, can you ask your male colleague to come inside please? I have something important to show you all," Harry asked one of the female police officers that were watching them both.

Fortunately she did so without questioning, and a moment later all three cops and both zoo keepers were watching Harry, and Luna standing behind him and leaning on his left arm.

"I'm looking forward to that explanation," one of the zoo keepers said. "Is she quite right in the head?"

"Here, look at this, it'll explain everything," Harry started, as he fished out his wand. "See this wooden stick?"

"What is that, a prop?" the male officer asked.

"In a way... Obliviate."


"Are you angry with me, Harry?" Luna pouted a bit when they re-appeared in the entrance hall of Grimauld Place. With the Muggles temporarily insensate as their memories were being rewritten, Harry had taken her jacket and cellphone, and then apparated them both away.

"I'm not angry," Harry said in a curt tone. "But really Luna, what were you thinking? This isn't the first time you do something like this."

"I was bored," the blonde admitted. "Harry, you're so busy being a good Auror and I'm all alone in this big old house and I can't find any Nargles and my cunny was so lonely, so I thought I'd look for some new animals instead."

"Well that's... wait, what?" Harry blinked as her words registered.

"We haven't had sex in over a week, Harry. You promised me you'd be home in time last night and I bathed with the sweetest perfumes and made myself ready for you, but you came home after eleven, kissed me briefly, and went to sleep. I have needs too, you know?" Luna pouted again.

"Oh... oh Luna, I'm sorry," Harry said softly. "I didn't realise I was forgetting about, well, us. Can you forgive me?"

Luna got a slight mischievous look as she asked, "That depends. Do we have any whipped cream left?"

"I think we do," Harry said. Luna leant in and kissed his nose, then brushed off the jacket and ran towards the stairwell.

'Merlin, I love that crazy girl,' Harry thought to himself as he started to run after his naked girlfriend, trying to beat her down to the kitchen.

A/N: Started out as an attempt at a Luna lemon, but the airy blonde took the story in a very different direction.